How to deal with difficult people?

How to deal with difficult people?

Difficult people roam around the world like ghost souls in search of a prey. If you don’t deal with them properly, you might end up hurting your ego and psychological self. This can create huge stress and depression.

In the last few years, I have dealt with a lot of difficult people. Everything they have thought me something. Today when I sit and analyze all of them, I can pin-point few cardinal psychological points for dealing with them:

WHAT YOU DON’T HAVE to do:

• Don't take difficult people's behavior personally. Their troublesome behavior is habitual and affects most people with whom they come in contact.

• Don't fight back or try to beat them at their own games. They have been practicing their skills for a lifetime, and you're an amateur.

• Don't try to appease them. Difficult people have an insatiable appetite for more. They will eventually grow so big, that it would become easy for them to destroy you.

• Don't try to change them. You can only change your responses to their behavior.

• Don’t try to win the “I’m right or you are wrong” game. Their mind is loaded with thousands of heart pinching and mood de-stabilizing taunts/excuses/explanation than yours.

WHAT YOU HAVE to do:

• Stand up to them, but don’t fight. The more you run the more they will chase you. Be assertive in expressing your views. Remember don’t try to prove you are right. But express your views

• Learn to wait for your chance to strike.- the boxer who waits for his opponent to tire out is usually the one that succeeds, even if means to take a few initial blows. Similarly, with difficult people, never immediately go onto the offensive, let them ventilate a little and as soon as they are losing some breath, attack with tenacity, poise and purpose.

• Mask your emotions- Difficult people are known to use sarcasm, humor, and take pot shots on looks, attitudes, clothes, personalities. If these trigger an inferiority complex inside you, never let them know about it. As they wait to feed on your misery. Mask your emotions.

• Act dumb- If you’re being placed in a very uncomfortable situation, then start acting dumb. Even thou you might understand their motives, ask them to explain each one of them in detail. This takes the fizz out of the moment and they don’t find fun in it anymore.

• Avoid Negativity- “Criticism is good till it doesn’t become pessimism.” Many people always have pessimistic and negative opinions on every single issue. Don’t listen to them. Always try to keep focus on positivity.

• Break the silence- many difficult people just avoid or remain silent. Their answers are limited to a few words. Find out their topics of interest, and ask them questions over them. Let them “educate” you on those topics. Once you can break the silence they will respect you much more.

Hope these help you tackle all the difficult persons in your life. These are general guidelines to help everyone, in case someone needs a personal application and customization of the same, you are email me at eksoch@gmail.com

Regards

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, PG.DPM)
http://www.mindmantra.in/
email- eksoch@gmail.com

Compulsive Lying in children

Compulsive lying in children

Children lie. They just learn it. Children exaggerate, twist the truth, hide the facts, manufacture stories, and deny the obvious. This behavior is easily swept away from parental conscious as it doesn’t show till it doesnt show evil effects.

A matter of grave concern is a child who lies frequently. This psychological pattern is medically termed as Compulsive Lying. Once its onset, it not only works as catalyst to destroy the bond of trust between a child and parents, but also makes him susceptible to follow a future path of unruly and dishonest living.

Once it has been assimilated into a child’s personality it becomes increasingly difficult to stop it. This further catapults a child to experiment with socially unacceptable issues like addictions, adventurous sexual behavior and psychological instability.


Why should a parent be concerned about lying?

Scientific research over the last 50yrs has carried out millions of MRI scans, EEG, and brain mapping tests to find that "lying" is produced by activity in the frontal lobe of the brain. Therefore, Compulsive lying becomes an early symptom of hyperactive frontal lobe functioning.

It’s also an early symptom that indicates an underlying medical problem. Most commonly such a behavior can be associated with following cases:

a. AD or Attention deficit disorder
b. ADHD or attention deficit hyperactive disorder
c. Conduct Disorder
d. Childhood depression
e. Anxiety/stress – this is a spectrum of conditions. The most common forms of anxiety are:
1. Overtly dominant and abusive parent
2. Overtly dominant and abusive class teacher,
3. Overtly dominant and abusive class mate/ bully
4. Living in an hostile environment
5. Adjustment disorder with environment- a child studying in a higher or lower socio-economic class school might lie to make friends.
6. Family Stress- broken homes, constant fights between parents, fight between various family members.


Behaviors patterns associated with compulsive lying?
Compulsive lying slowly succeeds in introducing socially unacceptable behavioral changes within the personality of a child. The success of compulsive lying triggers a child’s mind to use the same technique in socially inadequate behavior patterns like :

1. Stealing,
2. cheating,
3. aggression or violent temper tantrums,
4. skipping school,
5. constantly losing items,
6. inattentiveness or decreased concentration which leads to decreased marks in class.
7. discomfort with social situations
8. poor behavior among groups, social settings or with authority figures.

Children who start to show any of the above erroneous behavioral patterns, are most susceptible to fall prey of anti-social activities in their near future. Such children are known to be easily attracted to addictions, multiple sexual adventures, relationship problems, uncontrollable anger, mood instability and criminal activities (like conning, stealing and even murder).


Why does compulsive lying happen?
There are still some fundamental reasons why children lie compulsively.

1. Fear. Fear is a common motivator for lying. Such fear may be rational or irrational, but the effect of lying is similar - a temporary shelter from punishment.

2. Habit. Lying can also become a habit formed through constant practice. In such cases “lying becomes a reflex”, and when confronted with any situation, their first response is a lie. Habitual lying is often strengthened by hostile confrontation.

One of the most effective ways of dealing with habitual lying is to give the child an opportunity to retract the lie without fear of consequences.

3. Psychological Modeling. Children can learn to lie through experiencing others lie.

One potent source of modeling, is from within the home. "Moderate" lying is thought of by many parents as harmless (such as a "white" lie, or a "harmless excuse") or mistakes (such as an unkept promise), or even purposeful and calculated distortions of the truth ("I had to lie because..."). Since the mind of a child can judge a situation as black or white, he doesn’t comprehend the “Grey” area where such a harmless behavior should be used.

The second most powerful source of modeling is friends circle or classmates. Unfortunately pressurizing a child to choose only friends of parental-choice can lead to decreased development of social skills.

4. Overprediction. Children also lie because they overpredict a reaction. I had seen a case where the child lied because he predicted behavior patterns of his parents and teachers based on his knowledge of the same.


How to Deal with it?

Dealing with compulsive lying is a tricky job for most parents. It requires a step-wise control.

Step 1- Realize compulsive lying is a serious problem. – most parents and society term it as “naughty behavior”, leaving it unattended for years together. It’s important to remember that it not only can develop distorted behavioral patterns, but give rise to future conditions like relationships problems, addictions, anti-social behavior and adjustments disorders.
“prevention is the best cure”

Step 2- Identify the social, emotional and psychological causes leading to such behavior.

Step 3- Sit and talk with your child. Remember one talk won’t change things. You need to develop a communication bridge and slowly introduce the concept of honesty.

Step 4- Make certain ground rules about lying for the child to follow.

Step 5- If the child breaks the ground rules, punish him. Punishment should be firm, more directed to bring psychological change and above all humane.

If after all your efforts the child doesn’t show any improvement, and you receive complains of certain behavioral problems arising due to it, immediately consult your local psychiatrist/psychologist to identify the deeper conscious/unconscious nuances of the problem. ( remember a psychiatrist/psychologist don’t treat mad people, but treat distorted emotional, behavioral and psychological patterns).

If you know of some kid who is suffering from such a problem, do help him get on the right path.


Regards,

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, PGDPM)
http://www.mindmantra.in/
email- eksoch@gmail.com

Deja Vu - Seeing the Unseen

Déjà Vu- Seeing The Unseen

What is Déjà Vu?

Déjà vu is a French phrase meaning "already seen", and it’s used to describe the psychological experience of feeling sure that one has witnessed or experienced a new situation previously. An individual feels as though an event has already happened in the recent past although the exact circumstances of the previous encounter are uncertain.
In medical terms it is also called paramenisa or promnesia.

The experience of déjà vu is usually accompanied by a compelling sense of familiarity, and also a sense of "strangeness" or "weirdness".


Common misconceptions used by people to explain Déjà Vu?
The previous experience is most frequently attributed to:
1. a dream,
2. past life experience
3. black or white magic /spells
4. prophecy


How does the memory system in our brain work?
To understand the concept of Déjà vu we have to understand how the memory system works. It can be divided into following steps (the language used is minimally scientific to ease its understanding):

1. Experience presentation- The conscious mind comes in contact with an experience. This experience is a combination of one or more of the 5 basic senses along with emotions and feelings.

2. This experience stimulates the brain to secrete neuro-chemicals. These chemical act on different parts of the brain to instantly create a short-term memory.

3. Short term memory is part of the memory system, were a memory is stored for a very short time. This could be a few seconds to few minutes. It’s because of this volatile nature that most information stored into it is normally lost.
When a short-term memory is recalled into the conscious mind, an individual feels the sensation of present time. The notion of present time, place and person is based on this interaction.

4. Long term Memory- When a short term memory is further reinforced by some stimulus or experience, a new set of neuro-chemicals react to store it into the deeper cells of the brain. It then gets converted into what is called a long term memory. The duration of this memory ranges from a few hours to years or even a life-time.
When this memory is brought into the conscious mind, an individual describes it as recalling an experience from the past.


Why does “Déjà Vu” really happen?
1. Scientifically déjà vu is not an act of "precognition" or "prophecy," but rather that it is an anomaly of memory system in the brain.
This can be proved by the fact that the sense of "recollection" at the time is very strong in most cases, but that the circumstances of the "previous" experience (when, where, and how the earlier experience occurred) are quite uncertain.
In “Déjà vu” the new stimulus or experience of an individual is stored both in short term and long term memories simultaneously. This anomaly gives a perception of having previously experienced a newly encountered situation.

2. Neuro-chemically it’s attributed to being a hyperdopaminergic state. That means increased secretion of dopamine in certain lobes of the brain.


When does “Déjà vu” happen?
The experience of “Déjà vu” has been linked with a serious of psychological causes, namely:
a. Highly psychologically emotional states
b. High anxiety
c. Dissociative identity disorder or depersonalization disorder
d. Clinical Depression
e. Schizophrenia

It has also been linked with certain neurological disorders:
a. Temporal Lobe Epilepsy
b. Non-pathological epilepsy like Hypnagogic jerk- the sudden "jolt" that frequently, but not always, occurs just prior to falling asleep

It has also been found to commonly occur in other general medical conditions like:
a. Combined Intake of drugs amantadine and phenylpropanolamine (used in common cold medications).
b. Drugs that increase the dopamine levels of the brain.


Treatment for “Déjà vu”?
“Déjà vu” isn’t classified as a disorder by modern medicine. But in cases of a more than one episode per month, an immediate neuro-psychiatric consult is required. In many cases it’s a very important symptom to early diagnose and cure otherwise dreadfully dangerous disorders.
If you know someone who is suffering from symptoms of the same, do get him the right treatment.

Regards,

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, PGDPM)
http://www.mindmantra.in/
email- eksoch@gmail.com