Real Life Stories (all names have been changed)-
1. I met Rahul to help him battle Severe levels of Clinical Depression. He had lost all faith in marriage and was struggling to find the reasons "where he went wrong?".... What triggered all this negativity in him... 2yrs after marriage he came to know his wife was not a virgin at the time of their union. When I asked him was he one, he denied it... But his wife not being was a severe "hurt" to his man-hood.
2. Mrs.Shinde had two major "nervous breakdowns" within 6months, before her family finally decided to consult a professional allopathic doctor for a complete cure. When I met her, she was emotionally in pieces...Her stress, she came to know that her 19yr old daughter had become sexually active. Alarmed at the millions of possibilities that this would create, she couldn't stop her mind from creating a storm of thoughts that lead to a complete nervous shut-down.
3. Vandana met me to help her sort out the regret and guilt of being in an extra-marital affair. A work colleague had psychologically driven her into emotional and physical intimacy. She was "addicted to him".. The more she tried to run away, the more she re-traced her path... In an desperate attempt to escape the emotional turmoil she planned of suicide.. fortunately she backed out at last minute.
4. Nootan had no regrets about her extra-marital affairs. She had sexual intercourse with more than 5 men after marriage. She had very high sexual needs which her husband just couldn't satisfy completely. She knew it was socially wrong, but that explanation had no effect when her physical and emotional demands for the same arouse. She met me so she could find someone neutral and non-judgemental to talk it about it...She initially had spoken to her friends. Some cautioned her, other were intrigued by her sense of adventure and some just made fun by calling her names. Initially was fun but later become a stigma to fight.
5. Alka was the perfect wife, she was shocked when she found her husband cheating upon her. Though he apologized for the same, the hurt was too deep to be forgiven. Trying to teach him a lesson, and to fill the emotional void created, she got attracted to a facebook friend. This friend soon become the center of her universe. He lived in a different continent, but it was as if she was married to him. They never met, but their online relationship wasn't anything less. She fantasied about him, and was again comfortable with her life. It was only when this friend decided to marry another girl she lost her cool. It was her dangerous destructive mood swings and inability to control self that drove her to meet me.
6. Shruti was brought by her boyfriend for excessive mood swings 2-3 days before onset of her menstrual cycle. This was Shruti's 3rd boyfriend in 5years. She had become stone hearted about relationships. She was in search of the perfect love, but was very prepared to break up and move ahead in life. She already had an abortion but still wasn't well educated about contraception. At 24yr, she earned well enough to afford the best of her desires and didn't need anyone to depend upon.
These real life examples are a call to the orthodox Indian society ....Its time to accept the Modern Sexually liberated Indian Women.
A country still hounded by honour killings, virginity as criteria for marriage and people suffering from "minor heart attacks" at the public mention of the word SEX... its time to understand that the Modern Indian women has moved ahead. It's no longer the Delhi or Mumbai-girl who is labelled as "dirty" ... The sense of self is awakening in women all over the country. Episodes like these are happening right now at this very moment during the length and breadth of this great country. Be it the small towns of UP, or the streets of Kolkatta or the glamour of Mumbai, women are sexually awakening themselves.
Meaning of Sexual Awakening?
It's important to understand sexual awakening is not a bad word or a bad term. It means the knowledge of ones sexual needs. As most of you will know, Sex is not just a physical exercise. Sex is a mind and body need that every individual has. Sexual awakening is understanding the personal mind and body needs that one has towards sex.
Where is Sexual awakening coming from?
There are many reasons why women are becoming sexually liberated. The prominent ones are:
1. Pressure - Take a small rubber ball and start pressurizing it.. A point will come when it will recoil back with equal or more force then the one that has been applied onto it. Social norms have oppressed women sexual needs for long. The recoil is happening with a higher intensity than required.
2. Financial independence - Money gives you the power to desire. Desire is insatiable. The more you fuel it, the more it grows.
3. Improved Communication- improved communication mediums like cell phones and internet make it possible for people to have higher amount of interaction. This increases the emotional dependency.
4. Media - From the Glamour of Bollywood to the ultra modern daily soaps, women sexuality and women independence is being highlighted every where. More and more women read, want and desire to follow the footsteps of their favorite film actresses, T.V actresses, media women and businesswoman.
5. The world of Fast Food- The reason for fast food success is FAST.. you don't have to wait for your order to be served. Every Individual male or female, wants to own that perfect life sooner than others. This full throttle sprint towards "settled" life, discounts an individuals ability to analytically analyse a situation. Hence Relationships, jobs, Emotional satisfaction and Sexual needs all have to be satisfied instantly.
Is it good or bad?
The biggest question of contention. Is this new found social change good or bad... Well from blaming it to the West to advertising the historical depth and strengths of Indian Social system, everyone has their own view.
I don't judge it as good or bad. I don't think its about debating, blaming or praising someone for following or not following a new doctrine in life.
It's important to understand that people (males and at a faster pace females) are getting independent. Emotional, financially and sexually independent.
The more time we take in accepting this independence, the greater the struggle.
FEEL FREE to contact me on the above or any other mood swings, stress, sleep, memory, Repeated thoughts, or sexual health related issues. -
Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, PG.DPM, M.D.(Mind Mantra
Wellness Concepts - Mumbai))
Website - www.mindmantra.in
Email - eksoch@gmail.com
WELLNESS CLINIC - Next to Seawood
Station (east), Navi Mumbai, Mumbai (India)
Facebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/172863752767481/
I would like to comment on this..... its not about the sexual liberation of women or men..... I am not being orthodox bt the concept of marriage was created with the faith in mind that a man and a woman are entering into a relationship which is just not sexual but emotional too.... The bonding has to be strong..... we are no less than animals if we cannot control our sexual desires and just keep on changing partners..... that is also a kind of dependency..... its not about a woman losing her virginity...... its about the bond of belongingness that develops when two people enter into a sexual bond....
ReplyDeletewhole idea is to know what you are doing and be aware of consequences. If what you do makes you happy then go for it.
ReplyDeleteNo two people are same, people have different emotional and physical needs & desires. Then how can one rule fit all?
The key is to know your own self.