How to Get a closure in a relationship

1. Remember the good and the bad times.  - You cannot lock your memories and throw them away.

If that person did mean a lot to you, there is no way that you can just suddenly lock them out of your heart. 

So what You have to do is actually to look at the memories straight in the eye. 

Yes it will be painful. But look at all the memories, the happy ones, the sad ones, the times when you feel like all hope is lost, the times when you feel like you could just marry them there and then etc. 

Assess these memories and just let the emotions flow. 

Do NOT shun the emotions, just let them flow out of you; cry, laugh or jump around if you have to but just let yourself be.

2. Write the emotions down -  take a pen and paper. (don't do it the laptop, use a pen and paper)

Divide the paper in 2. One one side write why the relationship didn't work and on the other why it worked.

3. Analyze what you have written -  Once you re-read what you have written, there will be 3 things - 

a. self blaming

b. blaming the other party

c. practical sense

A. Self Blame - its natural to blame yourself. Specially if that person meant the world to you, you'll first find fault in yourself.

Its not wrong to start by blaming yourself. Once you have decreased your ego, its time to accept you made a mistake. 

This relationship might be over, but its time you create love for yourself. 

Analyze if its worth changing. If you feel its worth it, then change. 

Change prepares you for the next relationship, helps you accept the ending of this relationship.

B. Blaming the other party - This is more common than Self-blame. Its also a lot easier.

If the other party is not ready to change the behavior(s) which caused the break, then its time to move ahead in life.

Remember you cannot control other's perception. 

You can change it with your words and actions, but sometimes you just need to move ahead.

C. Practical Sense - Being logical doesn't make you selfish. It just helps you choose those options which will give you the most peace of mind. 

Being practical is not easy, your emotions will always counteract it.

When you are logical, you will find that a comedy of errors lead to the break-up. 

You will actually laugh on many things as childish and some as over-mature.

you will feel sad and happy at the same time. 

You will miss that one person, but it surely tells you life is large. 

Be open and be at peace, new love will sprout. 

4. Tormenting Memories and Friends -  Every relationship leaves behind some tormenting memories. 

You might not be able to get over them immediately. In some cases they might haunt you for years.

Look at yourself in the Mirror, tell yourself now you are free. 

Free those memories. 

When they come in your mind, be humble to them. 

Look too them and say, I lived through you now I can live through anything.

Many relationships cut you off from the world. Its time to re-connect.

Believe me, people haven't forgotten you. Re-connect with them, and you'll find so many new avenues opening for you.

5. Let them go. - There might be a lot of reasons or a lot of people who destroyed your relationship. 

Still you had a great time with that one particular person. 

Thank him/her for the great time, great emotions.. the great love he/she gave you.

Let them go ahead in their journey.

Remember Love never has an end... Love is always there... It just changes shapes and sizes... 

6. Enjoy yourself - Enjoy being you.

Every morning when you wake up, tell yourself how wonderful you are and how that it's a brand new day. A brand new start, a brand new unfolding. 

You might sit idle for hours, but still thousands of things are changing and unfolding around you. You might not understand it right now, but when you enjoy your core self it will all make sense.

LOVE LIES IN YOUR HEART.. IN YOUR SOUL... EVERY MOMENT ITS UNFOLDING A NEW MYSTERY.. EVEN THE FINAL GOODBYE IS NOT A GOODBYE BUT AN EMBRACE INTO A NEW UNKNOWN... A NEW UNKNOWN THAT'S TAKING YOU TOWARDS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

written by - 

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM, MD(mindmantra))

(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)

email – eksoch@gmail.com

website – www.mindmantra.in

clinic address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)

Navi Mumbai

(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)