Living between the Dance of Love and Lust

Few days ago a, the Supreme Court gave a judgment, which will now allow Dance Bars to re-open within the entire state of Maharashtra.

Within hours of the judgement, the entire world seemed to be discussing it.

While Whatsapp was flooded with jokes...
Twitter and Facebook had a major discussion going on between the moral social implications of the same.

Yesterday, while enjoying the Mumbai Monsoon and a good cup of tea at the local cafe coffee day outlet. I experienced how a group of friends sitting next to me, suddenly changed from a jovial happy mood, to a serious discussion about the "good" and "bad" of Dance Bars.

A fierce debate that eventually became an ego battle.

I heard them angrily destroy and assassinate the character of a "dance bar dancer"...

Slowly the discussion became so full of hate, that everything was blamed on the "dancer". She was called with ugly names and made into the devil who is destroying our culture.

Here I was hearing "moralistic india" talk loud dirt about their own women... So hate loaded did the environment become, that I had to leave my tea in between and walk away.

As I walked back to the clinic, there was a question that wondered in my head... I saw a multitude of woman... at the bus, at the train station, on the roads, at the shops...
And I wondered, any of these women could be a bar dancer... and everyone just treated them so normally.

As soon as anyone of them would wear their "heavy duty makeup" and "performance clothes".. the very people who are walking by them, who are selling them goods, who are nicely talking to them... will start yelling, calling them "evil".. calling them different synonyms of "prostitute".. blaming them for the deterioration of "indian culture".

At the clinic, while taking a break in-between counseling sessions, I had a sad feeling inside of me... A feeling which last time I had experienced more than 5 years ago...

5yrs ago, a woman had called me for an appointment. Speaking in nice english and very nicely dressed... she was every bit a middle class indian lady with her child.

During the counseling session that she told me that she worked as a bar dancer, who did go that extra-mile ahead for the money.

She had come to my clinic for her 12yr old child.
A kid who openly knew about his mothers profession, didn't know who his father was, but was extremely motivated to become a doctor.

Having seen the effects of physical abuse against her mother by "her clients"... the kid had developed a severe worry, that one day she might not return from work.
It was a normal to be worried... Every child worries about their parents, this child's worry would have been more because he had seen the mother had bruise marks, bite marks and even a black eye.

But the "friends" he had confided into, had told him, this is because your mother is a bad woman who has chosen such a horrendous profession.

The child did need medicine for his problem... and it worked great for him.

In the last appointment she had taken... she said.. can I say something doctor.

i said - sure go ahead.

she said - "you know, I didn't choose this profession... The profession chose me... I don't want to seek sympathy on how I was drugged, raped and trapped into this profession...
I don't want to seek sympathy for I was a good student who could have created a career in a BPO and maked a decent living...
I don't want to seek sympathy for how men use and abuse me every day...
Every day when we pray to god before the bar opens... I thank god... I am so strong and practical that I can handle anything... because today i have conquered my body, mind and my emotional pain.

I just have a small dream.... I have gone to US and saw how even their porn stars get lot of fans and respect.
I had gone to Amsterdam, and I saw how the prostitutes over there are proudly flaunting themselves.
I just dream one day, people will not judge us... We are so strong that we can take all the blame they put on us... but why judge us, when everyone is part of creating me and thousands of my sisters."

I AM NOR IN FAVOR OF DANCE BARS NOR I AM AGAINST THEM.
FOR ME, EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN RIGHT TO CHOOSE SIDES.

BUT I DO SINCERELY BELIEVE THAT EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING DESERVES LOVE AND RESPECT.

MAYBE ONE DAY... "MORALISTIC INDIA" WILL LOVE AND RESPECT ITS OWN... BECAUSE RIGHTLY AS THAT LADY TOLD ME... WE ALL ARE COLLECTIVELY RESPONSIBLE FOR CREATION OF THE GOOD AND THE BAD THAT SURROUNDS US.

Thanks for reading, your queries are welcome @-

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist,Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)

email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html

personal consultation @-
address- Mind Mantra wellness clinic
Shop 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant,
opposite seawoods station,
seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai - 400706

unlucky or lucky??

Frane Selak, a Croatian music teacher, began his unlucky streak in 1962 on a train going from Sarajevo to Dubrovnik. The train unexplainably jumped the tracks and fell into an icy river killing 17 passengers.

Selak managed to swim to shore suffering from hypothermia and a broken arm. A year later while on an airplane, its door flew off and Selak was sucked out of the airplane. The plane crashed and he woke up in a hospital. He’d been found in a haystack.

Then in 1966, Selak was on a bus that went off the road and into a river. Four people were killed, but he suffered minor injuries.

In 1970, his car caught on fire and he stopped it and got out just before the whole car blew up. In 1973, Selak was driving another car when a faulty fuel line sprayed gas all over the engine and flames blew through his air vents. His only injury was the loss of most of his hair.

In ’95 he was hit by a bus, but on sustained minor injuries. Finally in 1996 he was driving on a mountain road when he went around a bend and saw a truck coming right at him. He ran is car through a guardrail and jumped out to watch his car blow up 300 feet below him.

In 2003, Selak bought a lottery ticket for the first time in 40 years at the age of 74. He ended up winning $1 million.

Moral - If you have faith in yourself and patience to enjoy the moment, then you will get much more than what you can dream for.

Thanks for reading, your queries are welcome @-

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist,Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)

email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html

personal consultation @-
address- Mind Mantra wellness clinic
Shop 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant,
opposite seawoods station,
seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai - 400706

Loving more than one person at the same time.

Over the years I have met so many cases were a man is in love with two ladies, or a lady is in love with two gentleman.

Most of these individuals ask me - 
is it possible?
isn't it unholy?
is it against our moral belief?

For years they are burdened by questions. Their mind tells them - 
its not possible, you have to choose one.
its unholy, you will be punished by god for it.
its against morality, and this makes you a "bad human being".

These answers create extreme stress inside. Their mind is always restless. Always looking for the answers to - 
who should I choose of the two?
every pain i feel in life is because this "bad karma"!
I am the worth spouse/parent/sibling as I set a wrong example.!!

finally a situation comes, when the individual is in so restlessness, that he/she takes one of the following decisions - 
a. chose one partner. In most cases the one who "society" accepts.
b. break both relationships and run away
c. feeling extremely guilty - for which one spends excessive time and resources, either praying to god seeking for pardon or helping lesser fortunate so that the "karma balances itself"
d. preaching "moral values" to all relatives/friends. this comes from the feeling - if I have not followed the moral code doesn't mean I don't know the code very well. By making others follow the code, I will become "moralistic and right" in front of others.

This creates depression. They are numb. They might be enjoying the moment, but they are never 100% happy... They always feel a sense of incompleteness.
This incompleteness becomes a depression.
A depression thats loaded with guilt, anger and resentment against self. 
And even they are the greatest of free birds in the world, they feel en-caged. 

So can one person love two at the same time.
answer is yes and no.

I know it sounds confusing, but the truth lies inside of you. 
We all have a personal definition of love.
This definition is adds a lot of conditions to love. 
The most common conditions seeked for love are 
a. personality of lover, 
b. financial status
c. mutual possessiveness
d. sexual compatibility
e. emotional stimulation by talking on topics of common interest.
d. social acceptance.

While at the start of most monogamous relationships, an individual compromises on some of the above "needs and conditions" of love.... as time passes one starts to crave for them... and as the craving increases, one is naturally attracted to a person who can satisfy them.
That's the time one feels he/she is in love with 2 people at the same time.

So a person can be naturally in love with more than one person, but you have to understand the grades of your conditional love that are being satisfied.

The most important thing to accept is that you have conditional love. 
The moment you call it unconditional, you let all forms of morality and questions of karma haunt you.
The moment you accept your love is conditional you accept you are selfish... You are doing things for your own selfish pleasure.

There is nothing wrong in being selfish... But when you accept it, you free yourself from the mind-games... You free yourself from being a saint or the devil... 
you free yourself from the compulsions of being "perfect"
you enjoy the moment and accept yourself as an evolving individual.

Now comes the tricky part.

If you accept your love is conditional and henceforth you are selfish, then you have to accept that every action is done for your own happiness.

The pain that you might have caused to others by "breaking their expectations"
The pain that you might have caused to yourself by "not living upto moral values"
The pain that you fight everyday, is because you are fighting against your natural self.

While your heart asks you too be involved and enjoy everything you want, your brain puts conditioning to it.

The moment you accept that you are conditional and selfish, you bring your heart and brain on the same level. 
You are above every pain.. and enjoying the moment is essential.
Thats when you are natural.
Thats when you are in touch with your own true self.

Accept your true self. 
Some people love to give, others love to receive, others are neutral... but everyone has conditions to their love...

Being unconditional is breaking all these and living free.. living detached from everything... living in silence.

Thanks for reading, your queries are welcome @- 

Dr.Hemant Mittal 
(Psychiatrist,Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)

email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html

personal consultation @- 
address- Mind Mantra wellness clinic
Shop 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, 
opposite seawoods station, 
seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai - 400706