"is Monogamy becoming a delusion in today’s society?"
Even though Monday mornings are a slow starter for me, but this one was
different.
Shubha (name changed), a well educated young lady, had come to meet me
regarding her clinical depression. The cause of her sadness was the guilt and
helplessness of being in an extra-marital affair that she had now become
addictive to. While she still proclaimed love for her husband and family, she
finds it equally impossible to live without the sexual and emotional
satisfaction that her boy-friend gives her.
It was just an irony that my next patient for the
day was Sunil (name changed), an middle-aged man. He had come seeking help on
how to control his anger, anxiety and helplessness. He was into clinical
depression because he had found his wife having an extra-marital with someone
nearly half her age. A direct opposite of the spectrum.
After personality analysis, psychological
profiling,counselling and treatment for both of them, i sat and thought
of the psychological reasons for the increase number of cases where women have
either been completely involved or have been contemplating about having an
extra-marital affair.
The first corner stone of blame can be put upon the
evolution of the society. The increased connectivity, education, work, media,
financial independence, entertainment and technology all have at some point
hinted at the dilution of the concept of monogamous relationship.
The most important factor is to look at the
physiological and psychological needs of a woman. Needs that are many a times
never satisfied. And that compel her to "break free".
The 5 main reasons why a woman is biologically and
psychologically compelled to cheat on her husband are:
1. The Birbe Doll Effect
Such woman are both emotionally and physically completely unsatisfied.
They are picture perfect for everyone, but they only see a big failure for
themselves.
They tend to compare themselves with others and feel extremely sad about
it.
Their mind start to think in terms of extra-marital affair so that the
monotony of "idealism" can be broken. They seek adventure. They seek
to "break away" from their life. Many times the need and desire to
break away from routine is so high that they don;t understand what they are
getting involved in, until it is too late.
The higher the risk, the better the game.
2. The
addiction Effect
Such is the case of addiction in some woman, that they fake the act with
their own husbands and only find true "orgasms" or
"pleasures" with someone outside wedlock.
When asked many of them accept that the first sexual experience with
their husband or first love in life was the best they ever had... but the
addiction to sexual activity with their extra-marital partner is something they
cannot let go.
3. Attention Seeking Effect
While they take their husbands for granted, they seek out new
"conquests" every time. The thrill of having a single or a series of
men after her (depending on attention seeking need), can drive the women to
explore hidden traits in her personality.
4. Anger
Unfortunately once indulged into the act, it can lead to various
psychological problems like depression, addiction, guilt, sadness.
5. Personality Disorder
For any further assistance feel free to contact me.
Dr.Hemant MittaL
(MBBS, PG.DPM, M.D.(Mind Mantra Wellness Concepts - Mumbai))
For any further query, especially regarding Stress, Depression, Emotional, Behavioural, Sleep, Memory, Concentration and Sexual Health feel Free to Contact me at:
Website - www.mindmantra.in
Email - eksoch@gmail.com
Twitter - http://twitter.com/Hemant_MittaL
"is Monogamy becoming a delusion in today’s society?"
Even though Monday mornings are a slow starter for me, but this one was
different.
Shubha (name changed), a well educated young lady, had come to meet me
regarding her clinical depression. The cause of her sadness was the guilt and
helplessness of being in an extra-marital affair that she had now become
addictive to. While she still proclaimed love for her husband and family, she
finds it equally impossible to live without the sexual and emotional
satisfaction that her boy-friend gives her.
It was just an irony that my next patient for the
day was Sunil (name changed), an middle-aged man. He had come seeking help on
how to control his anger, anxiety and helplessness. He was into clinical
depression because he had found his wife having an extra-marital with someone
nearly half her age. A direct opposite of the spectrum.
After personality analysis, psychological
profiling,counselling and treatment for both of them, i sat and thought
of the psychological reasons for the increase number of cases where women have
either been completely involved or have been contemplating about having an
extra-marital affair.
The first corner stone of blame can be put upon the
evolution of the society. The increased connectivity, education, work, media,
financial independence, entertainment and technology all have at some point
hinted at the dilution of the concept of monogamous relationship.
The most important factor is to look at the
physiological and psychological needs of a woman. Needs that are many a times
never satisfied. And that compel her to "break free".
The 5 main reasons why a woman is biologically and
psychologically compelled to cheat on her husband are:
1. The Birbe Doll Effect
It's found that a great majority of women whose marriages seem happy and
lives seem ideal from the outside are really bored, powerless and feel psychologically
trapped.
This is more in cases of women whose husband is "workoholic"
i.e. completely focussed on his career.
Such woman are both emotionally and physically completely unsatisfied.
They are picture perfect for everyone, but they only see a big failure for
themselves.
They tend to compare themselves with others and feel extremely sad about
it.
Their mind start to think in terms of extra-marital affair so that the
monotony of "idealism" can be broken. They seek adventure. They seek
to "break away" from their life. Many times the need and desire to
break away from routine is so high that they don;t understand what they are
getting involved in, until it is too late.
The higher the risk, the better the game.
2. The
addiction Effect
It's been psychologically proved that first time having sex with an
extra-marital partner is like committing a murder. The first time caries its
handful of guilt, sadness and self-blame... It also carries a psychological
load of adrenaline rush which makes it very tempting.
Like the serial killer who slowly gets addicted to
the adrenaline rush followed before and after a killing... slowly slowly sexual
relationships with an extra-marital partner become addictive.
Such is the case of addiction in some woman, that they fake the act with
their own husbands and only find true "orgasms" or
"pleasures" with someone outside wedlock.
When asked many of them accept that the first sexual experience with
their husband or first love in life was the best they ever had... but the
addiction to sexual activity with their extra-marital partner is something they
cannot let go.
3. Attention Seeking Effect
Some woman love attention more than others.
They have a high need to be the center of attention. They constantly
need to prove to themselves that age and marital status hasn't diminished their
natural power of attraction.
While they take their husbands for granted, they seek out new
"conquests" every time. The thrill of having a single or a series of
men after her (depending on attention seeking need), can drive the women to
explore hidden traits in her personality.
4. Anger
Many woman seek for extra-marital affair to teach their husbands a
lesson. A husband who has been caught cheating, or if his wife suspects him to
be cheating on her, naturally leads to a negative attitude. One of the thoughts
that govern such a lady's mind is to pay back with the same coin. And she seeks
to have a sexual relationship just to teach her husband a lesson.
Unfortunately once indulged into the act, it can lead to various
psychological problems like depression, addiction, guilt, sadness.
5. Personality Disorder
One of the main reasons for marital infidelity is presence of a
personality disorder.
A personality disorder is the presence of rigid personality traits that
cannot be changed by any amount of "common" counseling. These
individuals are compelled to behave in certain ways because of their brain
structure and childhood influences.
Extra-marital affairs in women are specially seen commonly in
identifiable cases of Borderline Personality, Histrionic Personality,
Anancastic personality or Antisocial Personality disorders.
For any further assistance feel free to contact me.
Do leave a comment:
It is very much helpful. Thanks a lot.
ReplyDeleteI dont have words to appreciate you...
ReplyDelete