How to Get a closure in a relationship

1. Remember the good and the bad times.  - You cannot lock your memories and throw them away.
If that person did mean a lot to you, there is no way that you can just suddenly lock them out of your heart. 

So what You have to do is actually to look at the memories straight in the eye. 
Yes it will be painful. But look at all the memories, the happy ones, the sad ones, the times when you feel like all hope is lost, the times when you feel like you could just marry them there and then etc. 
Assess these memories and just let the emotions flow. 
Do NOT shun the emotions, just let them flow out of you; cry, laugh or jump around if you have to but just let yourself be.

2. Write the emotions down -  take a pen and paper. (don't do it the laptop, use a pen and paper)
Divide the paper in 2. One one side write why the relationship didn't work and on the other why it worked.

3. Analyze what you have written -  Once you re-read what you have written, there will be 3 things - 
a. self blaming
b. blaming the other party
c. practical sense

A. Self Blame - its natural to blame yourself. Specially if that person meant the world to you, you'll first find fault in yourself.
Its not wrong to start by blaming yourself. Once you have decreased your ego, its time to accept you made a mistake. 
This relationship might be over, but its time you create love for yourself. 
Analyze if its worth changing. If you feel its worth it, then change. 
Change prepares you for the next relationship, helps you accept the ending of this relationship.

B. Blaming the other party - This is more common than Self-blame. Its also a lot easier.
If the other party is not ready to change the behavior(s) which caused the break, then its time to move ahead in life.
Remember you cannot control other's perception. 
You can change it with your words and actions, but sometimes you just need to move ahead.

C. Practical Sense - Being logical doesn't make you selfish. It just helps you choose those options which will give you the most peace of mind. 
Being practical is not easy, your emotions will always counteract it.
When you are logical, you will find that a comedy of errors lead to the break-up. 
You will actually laugh on many things as childish and some as over-mature.
you will feel sad and happy at the same time. 
You will miss that one person, but it surely tells you life is large. 
Be open and be at peace, new love will sprout. 

4. Tormenting Memories and Friends -  Every relationship leaves behind some tormenting memories. 
You might not be able to get over them immediately. In some cases they might haunt you for years.
Look at yourself in the Mirror, tell yourself now you are free. 
Free those memories. 
When they come in your mind, be humble to them. 
Look too them and say, I lived through you now I can live through anything.

Many relationships cut you off from the world. Its time to re-connect.
Believe me, people haven't forgotten you. Re-connect with them, and you'll find so many new avenues opening for you.

5. Let them go. - There might be a lot of reasons or a lot of people who destroyed your relationship. 
Still you had a great time with that one particular person. 
Thank him/her for the great time, great emotions.. the great love he/she gave you.
Let them go ahead in their journey.

Remember Love never has an end... Love is always there... It just changes shapes and sizes... 

6. Enjoy yourself - Enjoy being you.
Every morning when you wake up, tell yourself how wonderful you are and how that it's a brand new day. A brand new start, a brand new unfolding. 
You might sit idle for hours, but still thousands of things are changing and unfolding around you. You might not understand it right now, but when you enjoy your core self it will all make sense.


written by - 

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM, MD(mindmantra))
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)

email –
website –

clinic address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

commonly asked questions

1. I am a 27yr old software engineer. I feel sad because I am never able to

give enough time to my family, friends and work. - Raj

Answer - Hello Raj, time is a commodity which teaches a lot about your self.

How you manage your time, speaks a lot about your personality.

If you are someone who is always trying to please others, inveriably you'll land up

spending more time with one person than other.

The most important thing in time management is too prioritize.

Don't try to please everyone at once. Spend time as per your comfort.

It might seem a little fearful at the start,

but soon you'll see people will adjust to your timings.

2. I am 25yr old girl. I am very shy and an introvert. I want to make a lot of friends,

and be very social but don't know how to do so?

Answer - Hello, being shy or introvert is not bad. Its a sign that you tend to analyze

more before taking any social action. Be proud of yourself for having this quality.

Making friends is not difficult, but you need to move out of your comfort zone.

while meeting people don't expect them to like you or think how they'll judge you.

Try to listen to them. Don't feel fearful of meeting them again.

The more you meet people with such an attitude, the more friendly they'll become.

3. I keep postponing work for the next day. Finally when the deadlines come, I get very

irritated and end up doing a below-par work. why is it so?

Answer - Discipline is a virtue that needs to be cultivated. Discipline is one of the most important

attitudes required for success. Discipline is a positive stress, wereby you need to follow a certain regime every day.

The brain usually revolts against discipline as you feel "tied down".

The most important way of battling it is by slowly slowly building up your affinity towards work.

Everyday postpone less and within 6months you'll find yourself finishing work much before time.

4. I love my friends, but lately I have noticed that whenever we are in an outing its only me who ends up

spending the most. I tried to question them, but they take me for granted and dismiss the topic as a joke? - Mohan

Answer - Hello Mohan its great to see that you have realized your friends behavior.

This realization shows you that your friends love themselves a little more than friendship.

Remember money is a very important marker of self. Those who are too concerned about self will always be more

skeptical of spending money. Those who are more concerned about emotions, will tend to splurge.

Take this realization as a way to know when to stop spending. Let others take the initiative.

Your friends might take a few days to adjust to your new attitude, but will understand.

5. Hi, I have been married twice and both times it was a bitter end.Now I am scared of being in a relationship.

Answer - Hello, as westernized we become, the inherent Indian attitude is that we still believe in marriage as

a holy act which opens the gates to companionship and happiness.

Marriages specially in Mumbai are subjected to a lot of stress which cannot battled just through love.

one needs to be extremely practical in life about many issues.

Walking out of a marriage might be the best decision for self.

The guilt, remorse and anger against the past will keep you stuck there. Its time you vent it out.

Seek help of a professional if needed. Every moment of life is beautiful and its not defined by a relationship,

but by your own happiness.

Sam Berns looked into the eys of Death and smiled his way through

Sam Berns died at the age of 17 on january 10th 2014.
At the time of death he looked plus 80.
He suffered from a rare genetic disorder called Progeria, which accelerates aging.

Sam Berns became the face and poster of the fight against progeria.

He became famous as a leading motivator, who lived life happy with what he had, not complaining for what he didn't have.

In December 2013, speaking at the world famous TED conference he said - “Even though there are many obstacles in my life, I don’t want people to feel bad for me,”

“I don’t think about these obstacles all the time, and I’m able to overcome most of them anyway.”

Berns’s speech was titled “My Philosophy for a Happy Life.”

In 2013 Sam Berns was subject of an HBO documentary called “Life According to Sam.” Berns is credited with inspiring many people through his bravery in fighting the illness.

People transformed after meeting him. One man said - “You’re a different person after you meet Sam for the first time.
You go through every day worrying about traffic jams or why the Internet is so slow or when will i make enough money to buy that ferrari, but here is Sam Berns, carrying on with his life which can end at any moment. He didn’t want people to feel sorry for him, he said he was happy and he meant it.”

At his funeral, his father said, during his last days, even while knowing the soon to come outcome Sam was still making plans and talking about what he wanted to do in the future. Sam was wildly extraordinary.

His classmates, the local priest, the entire community that saw his grow and die just said one thing - He chose not to define himself as a victim.. he chose to be happy.





Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist and Motivational Writer/Speaker)

The most dangerous type of Liars

"Maria came to my clinic in a very bad state. She was restless, fearful, crying and having mood swings. 
Her mother tried to console her, but it all seemed vain.
I had to prescribe medicines to help her cope with the severe stress reaction her mind and body was showing...

The cause of her problem - Tony had broken her trust. He had duped her into breaking her relationships, serving ties with her family and investing all money, time into his ideas. It only lead her to bankruptcy and being left alone. 
In an alternate psychological evaluation Tony was found to be a sociopathic liar... The most dangerous type of liars."

If there is one type of liar which will have no remorse for the harm done to you, it will be a sociopathic liar.
These type of liars can cause untold damage and mayhem once they lead you into their web of lies and deceit.

A sociopathic liar is one whose brain is devoid or has a very small area related to emotions.
He is known to fake emotions.

Thats why on first impression he seem very charming and likable. 
Sociopaths lie the most because they are incapable of feelings and do not want to understand the impact of their lies. 
To entrap you, they will build a web of lies around your likes and wants. This makes them very likeable.
They talk in ways which will impress you and appeal to your basic personality. 
On their own they are very different from what they portray to be.

A sociopath rarely reveals his or her feelings or emotions.
They use laughter, crying, or anger to impress the other. 
These kinds of liars tend to live in their own little world and always find ways to justify their deeds. 
They do not respect others, but show as if they are helping or wanting to help others just out of creating a favorable impression. They will eventually use this impression to get their advantage latter in a relationship.

They can be incredibly creative in the way they cover things up. 

They slowly get control over an individuals life. 
Slowly their victim is asking them for every small advice. 
Once the victim is completely dependant on them, they use the victim to their advantage.
They never want to leave the hold they have on a victim. So somedays they behave as too good and others are too bad.
Victims can get completely emotionally, physically and financially dependant on the person to the extent of justifying their wrong acts.
Victim sees them as a hero figure and are many a times not ready to accept their negative sides.

Sociopaths can be so good at lying that they are able to pass lie detector tests. 
They often escape jail or don’t even get prosecuted for the crimes. 

written by - 

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM, MD(mindmantra))
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)

email –
website –

clinic address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

Why People lie

Ever wondered why people lie.. or when was the last time you lie.. Did you reflect on it and ask yourself why it might have happened? 
You may even have come up with one or more of the many reasons.

Most commonly people lie to keep themselves out of  “trouble”. 
Others lie to impress. 

Either way, there are always consequences or effects of lying.

Most people don’t even consider the effect their lying has on others, or even themselves, they just do it to avoid trouble or punishment.

Every liar feels his lie will never be caught.

Things fall apart when people realise they are being lied to. 
Liars may think they are smart but eventually even the smartest liars get caught out. 

So many a times one ends up creating more punishment, pain and anger than what he meant to escape from.

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM, MD(mindmantra))
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)
email –
website –
clinic address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

To find out if someone is lying to you

Pay Attention to the Face and Eyes
Professional interrogators often use something called “micro-expressions” to tell whether a person is lying or not. These are those small expressions that flash across a persons face for just that split second before they start talking, which can clue you in to their real feelings or intentions. Let’s look at how to spot a liar via face and eyes:

Nose and Mouth - When someone is lying they tend to get a bit fidgety and many will give themselves away by touching their nose, ears, covering their mouth, or just having a hand near their mouth. Nostrils tend to flare a bit more as well.

Eye movement - It has long been said that a liar can’t look you straight in the eye. But a liar’s eye movements can give away quite a bit too. For example, when a person is making something up their eyes tend to shift left or right. A person who actually recalls details will shift their eyes to the opposite side of their “writing hand”. So if you are left-handed, your eyes shift right and vice versa. When a person is lying or trying to come up with a lie, their eyes shift to the same side as their writing hand. Another giveaway is eye blinking. A person who is lying will blink more rapidly or rub their eyes a lot.

It is thought by scientists however, that using eye contact as the only indicator of how truthful a person is being, is not entirely accurate. It is natural for a person to break eye contact under normal circumstances and seasoned liars will make a point of looking others in the eye so as to come across as being sincere. Other people may find it hard to look into someone’s eyes due to shyness or low self confidence issues.

Body Language

Observing a person’s body language is another way to spot a liar. When someone is lying they tend to sweat a bit more. Bear in mind that some people may sweat more due to shyness or a health issue. Liars also tend to blush a bit or may seem to be swallowing or gulping a lot.

Another technique used is incongruence, when a person shakes their head opposite of what they are actually saying. For example, someone saying “I did do that chore” while shaking their head “no”. Fidgeting can be a big giveaway as well when a person is not telling the truth. They tend to fidget with their hands, their clothing or body, or even objects that are lying around. This is a result of nervous energy building up and needing a way to release it.

A person’s overall stance can tell a lot as well. In an unstressed environment a person will appear more natural and comfortable, sitting with their legs sprawled, standing comfortably and using hands when talking, leaning in towards you when speaking. A liar tends to be stiffer and will have their arms folded, or will be leaning away.
Verbal Response

When someone is feeling the stress of lying to another, their voice can become higher and they talk faster. Over exaggerating details is another pitfall of someone who is lying. They tend to go overboard with these details as a way of making their story sound more believable.

Pay attention to how they respond to your questions. It’s normal for a person to pause a moment before answering. But those who answer directly may have been rehearsing their response or were expecting to be questioned – in other words, they seem a bit too prepared. Or they may immediately try stalling for time while they come up with that gem of a lie.

Glossing over important details is something else to watch for, or someone who tries to make light of details. And watch how they react to your question; do they suddenly go on the defensive, try to stall or deflect the question? They are probably lying then.

These clues should not be used individually to tell if a person is being truthful or not. You need to look at the whole picture, taking into account how they normally act, whether it is a person who is normally nervous or shy, etc. The combination of these signs of lying though can go a long way in determining whether someone is going out of their way to deceive you.

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM, MD(mindmantra))

(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)
email –
website –
clinic address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east), Navi Mumbai

(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)