Forgive and be free

Forgiveness is all about being smart. It’s about being progressive and travelling light. All religions preach the act of forgiveness and we all have been brought up listening to its virtues. But, sometimes, it is very difficult to forgive. If we believe somebody has harmed us in the past, then despite wanting to forgive, we are not able to do so. This is because we are not aware of how forgiving others can benefit us. If we knew the gifts it brings, it would become easier for us to forgive and move on.

Forgiveness Is A Choice
When we don’t forgive, we carry a lot of emotional baggage, which blocks our growth. On a sub-conscious level, a lot of our energy is consumed when we carry grudges against someone. This stops us from creating a meaningful life and atmosphere around us. By not forgiving, we simply deny creation, beauty and harmony in our lives. When we don’t forgive, we don’t forget and when we don’t forget, then we are too busy nurturing memories which are not going to do any good to us and our environment. We find it difficult to forgive because we view forgiveness as ‘coping’, but forgiveness is actually a ‘choice.’ When we forgive someone, then we ‘choose’ to do it. We choose to free ourselves from a lot of unpleasantness, which we certainly don’t need at any stage of life.

Generally, people equate forgiving someone with a personal defeat, declaring ‘I lost against somebody who harmed me’ or saying ‘you win’. Sometimes, there is anger too. If we forgive someone, we believe the person will be left scot-free of punishment for her deeds. We end up nurturing negative emotions like resentment, anger and hate, which later manifest as diseases in our bodies.

Stop Feeling Victimised
Forgiving someone is not about saying ‘you are right and I am wrong’, but about saying ‘I am smart and I don’t waste my energy in nurturing a victim mentality’. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that ‘the person who harmed me won’, but about saying that ‘my life is free from unnecessary complications’.

Forgiveness is a charity that always begins from home. When we choose to forgive, then we travel light and allow ourselves to nurture our creativity. Shed Negativity, Be Healed The act of forgiving has a healing effect on our emotional body. When we forgive, we shed a lot of negativity from within. This allows a free flow of prana or chi in our bodies, which helps us maintain body and mind harmony. It allows us to exist in a different vibration, which attracts positive events and environments.

By forgiving, we clear our own path of growth. It’s a favour we do ourselves. We can create growth and balance in our environment if we are free from blockages. When we forgive, we set ourselves free.

Here are some tips to ease the process of forgiveness:
Forgiveness Meditation: If someone has caused you emotional pain, you can forgive her keeping in mind what you have learnt from that pain. Kabbalah teachings suggest that the lessons or messages of life often come in the form of pain and through a messenger. These messages are important for our growth. So, we should keep the message and let the messenger go. We miss the opportunity to grow when we get stuck with the messenger and let the message go. One can meditate keeping this in mind.

This is a mental task with imagination, which has wonderful results, especially if done in an alpha state of mind. For this, one needs to sit comfortably with eyes closed. After a few deep breaths, imagine the person you believe has harmed you in any way. Start talking to this person in your imagination and tell her, “I am willing to receive the message of life which I got through you. I forgive you for being different from what I wanted you to be. I forgive you and set myself free.”
Open your eyes when you feel comfortable.

Be Connected To Yourself: When we carry resentment towards others, we become disconnected with ourselves and are no more in control of our lives. People who carry anger and resentment have sinking chi or prana in their bodies. To balance the chi in the body, it is important to be connected to ourselves. It can be done by being involved with yourself.

Make a list of things you enjoy doing. Spend some time doing these things. Observing silence for some time daily, may be for 10 minutes, helps maintain the balance of chi. It helps in focussing on the messages of life and not on the messengers. Environment: If you find it difficult to forgive, you need to check your environment. Are you surrounded by negative energies? Do you enjoy listening to other people’s tales of sufferings? This sort of atmosphere creates a lot of resistance to growth. It keeps you stuck with unpleasant memories. You can break the resistance by choosing a positive atmosphere. If you choose to forgive, it means you are giving yourself the green signal for a new life that leads to the path of growth.

(article by Rama Awasthi)

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Dr.Hemant MittaL
Motivational Speaker - Mind-Body Healer
(MBBS, PG.DPM, M.D.(Mind Mantra Wellness Concepts - Mumbai))
(Specialize in Emotional, Behavioural, Sleep, Memory, Concentration and Sexual Health)
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Living in Constant Fear

Fear remains deeply entrenched within us; it is one of the most primitive of emotions that ensures self-preservation. This emotion is mediated by the limbic system, which is phylogenetically the oldest of the nervous systemIt is an integral third of the ‘fight, fright and flight’ response. Fear as a physiological reaction has a definite evolutionary role, but when it outgrows this primal scope and becomes pathological, it can wreak havoc. Fear plays an integral role in determining the happiness quotient of life.

The index of equanimity is guided by the degree of the fear of the unknown. It can drive a person to paranoia if he is a control freak or redeem him totally if he surrenders to the unknown. Fear is in the future, never in the present. Eventually, today becomes the tomorrow that we feared yesterday.

There is a primordial form of fear that keeps one always on the edge. It is ‘existential angst’. It is characterised by a sense of a constant persecution, a fear of a grand conspiracy, and a sense of impending doom.

This psychological anxiety, sooner than later, manifests as a plethora of somatic ailments. The following story is illustrative: There was once a little mouse that lived in constant fear of the cat. The anxiety of running into the cat made it live a life of misery. God, overcome with sympathy, decided to turn the mouse into a cat so as to allay its fears. No sooner did this happen than the cat began to get nightmares about the dog. Wanting to appease the tortured soul, God turned the cat into a dog. However, the newly-created dog now began to get fearful thoughts about being chased by the tiger.

The Omniscient One understands even without words, and soon enough, the dog was converted into a tiger. Becoming a tiger should have been the end of all his woes, but no, this ‘tiger’ felt the creeps at the thought of an armed hunter, who might spot him and then. At this point, God turned the tiger back into a mouse. He said to the mouse, “No physical form will ever rid your of your fear, because the fear is not of your form. It is in your imagination, and that unfortunately is not in my control.

On closer examination it is evident that fear stems from resentment and anxiety about imminent unpleasant events. Despite the knowledge of one’s helplessness in shaping the turn of future events, fear stems from the imaginary “What if?”. It is common knowledge that anxiety about an unpleasant event is worse than actually dealing with the event itself. This is because the imagination conjures all sorts of potential ‘worse than’ scenarios. The actual event very often passes off as an anti-climax.

Thus fear tends to magnify only the negative outcomes. A positive attitude in such situations leans more on ‘better than’ scenarios. Both schools of thought don’t change reality. They only modulate the mindset by making it either bearable or unbearableIf fear were to be viewed merely as a biological construct, just an instinct for survival, then the tiny mouse would be as fearless as the hunter without physically having to transform into one.

(article by Deepak Ranade.)

brought to you by:

Dr.Hemant MittaL
Motivational Speaker - Mind-Body Healer
(MBBS, PG.DPM, M.D.(Mind Mantra Wellness Concepts - Mumbai))
(Specialize in Emotional, Behavioural, Sleep, Memory, Concentration and Sexual Health)
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The 498a Curse

IPC 498a or the Anti-Dowry law is one of the most infamous acts within the Indian Legal System.

Primarily the Indian Sub-continent has been a patriarchal or male dominated society. The favouritism towards the male gender has been incorporated within the social belief system to create one of the most primitive and nonsensical traditions called “dowry”.  
The greed and need for materialistic pleasures saw "dowry" as an option to achieve the desired. It motivated some of the most gruesome atrocities and crimes against women in the name of tradition.

IPC 498a was written to empower women and prevent these physical, emotional and sexual abuses.

It’s rightly said “with great power comes great responsibility” and unfortunately that’s something the original script writers of this law forgot to think about it.

The new age socio-economic revolution that started in the late 70’s, by the 90’s started showing yields of economic, social and personal empowerment to the different sectors of the society. Urban women found a new awakening in the social and economic independence they experienced. It was this new found confidence, economic status and social position that triggered a set of social changes. One of its major effects was on marriage. The urban Indian male stopped thinking of a saree clad housewife and moved to desire for an english speaking, formally dressed corporate wife. The definition of housewife was broadened to home-maker. A super-woman who would do a job and take care of her family at the same time. Even with all of the same, the monster of "dowry" still kept haunting millions of women.

During this time the world moved rapidly from a time where owning a land-line telephone was a trophy to the era of information highway, where every information was available at the click of a button. It's at this point where initial social reformers rejoiced on the women just not becoming socio-economically powerful but also well informed of the laws and rights present within the legal system.

All this coupled with the emotional benefit of being considered the weaker sex helped create a “deadly cocktail” which gave enough power for the victim to turn into the hunter. This was like god taking away the Lions claws and make him vegetarian, while giving them to the deer and making him carnivore.

Greed, Anger and Vengeance are not just negative emotions but also destructive emotions. The last 10years has seen women possessed by these emotions utilising the IPC 498a as their single most powerful weapon to emotional, physically and financially destroy their husbands and their in-laws.

As Medical expert within the field of emotional and behavioural health, I have noticed some very common personality patterns among women who tend to utilise IPC 498a as a weapon of selfishness rather than a tool for empowerment.

Call it a curse of the “traditional” system or a lack of knowledge, the seeds of misutilization of IPC 498a are sowed during “Match-making” process. 

The personalities of women who misutilize IPC 498a without any history of emotional or physical abuse from husband and in-laws include three or more of the following points:

  1. History of parental abandonment in childhood or adolescence
  2. Disrupted family life - with physical and emotional fights between mother-father.
  3. History of sexual abuse
  4. Extreme mood swings
  5. Extreme fear of abandonment
  6. Feelings of emptiness
  7. Episodes of one or more attempts of suicide 
  8. History of addictions to alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, heroin, etc.
  9. Extreme emotional levels- extreme levels of love and extreme levels of hatred.
  10. Medical History of Paranoia
  11. Extremes and uncontrolled anger
  12. Dominating behaviour and not wanting to adjust.
  13. Extreme need to be centre of attraction.
  14. Etreme possessiveness
  15. Legal History of fraud or cheating.
  16. Break the law repeatedly 
  17. Disregard for the safety of self and others. 
  18. Extreme dependency on one or more of her family members. And that family member has three or more of the above personality traits.
Not all Men and Not all Women are fraud.. many women make use of the IPC 498a because they are truely abused by husband and in-laws for dowry... It's important to understand that only a handful women or men behave out of the ordinary because of personality disorders they have. And such people are dangerous for the society.

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Dr.Hemant MittaL
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(MBBS, PG.DPM, M.D.(Mind Mantra Wellness Concepts - Mumbai))
(Specialize in Emotional, Behavioural, Sleep, Memory, Concentration and Sexual Health)

(Times of India) Mumbai - 86% rise in Number of Divorce Cases in last 10years

MUMBAI: As the stigma around divorce dissolves steadily, an increasing number of couples in the city are choosing to end their marriage, sometimes soon after exchanging their wedding vows. Between 2009 and 2010, the number of divorces in Mumbai rose from 4,624 to 5,245, a spike of over 13%. Last year's figure is even more startling when compared to 2002's statistic of 2,805 - this means that the number of divorces has climbed by more than 86% in less than a decade.

Social scientists and psychiatrists explain this as a sign that the till-death-do-us-apart class of marriage is under strain. "Young couples marry impulsively and separate equally spontaneously. Divorce is now seen more as a corrective mechanism and a way to move forward in life," says psychiatrists. Financial independence, multiplicity of relationships and ample career opportunities as some of the reasons for the increase.

"Gone are the days when the mother-in-law was the villain. Now you alone can save or break a relationship," he says. 'For today's women, divorce no longer carries a stigma'

As the number of divorce cases in the city rise, psychiatrists cites financial independence and more career opportunities as some of the reasons behind this trend. 

Varsha Bhosle, who is in her late 20s, decided to end her two-year marriage after she realized that she and her husband "did not have any time for each other". Both of them worked in an IT firm at Malad. What proved the catalyst for the divorce was the husband's choice to move cities. "He wanted me to shift to Pune too. But I felt I had better career choices here. We were both ambitious anyway," Varsha says.

Kusum Singh, a financial consultant, got separated from her husband in January. "It was not that my husband was a bad person. But somehow we just drifted apart and I began seeing someone else. I felt bad for my husband, but after the initial heartburn even he understood ours was a loveless relationship," Singh says.

Lawyers say a major reason for the rise in divorces is that women have become more independent, financially and emotionally. They do not feel that ending their marriage would bring upon them a lifelong stigma. A majority of young couples these days, in fact, separate by mutual consent. "This saves them from the headache of going to court many times. One can get a divorce within six months and maybe two hearings," says Sajal Chacha, a family court lawyer.

Chacha adds there have been cases where young couples have divorced within six months or a year of marriage. "Elders in the family have become more accommodating and do not force their children into a second marriage if the first one fails," she says

(this is an original newspaper article by Times of India, Mumbai, 27/07/2011)

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(MBBS,PGDPM, MBPS, MD(Mind Mantra Wellness Concepts))
Motivational Speaker - Mind Trainer – Emotional, Behavioral,Relationships,
Sleep, Memory and Sexual Health Consultant at Mind Mantra Wellness Concepts. (
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W.H.O REPORT - Indians among most depressed in the world

Indians are among the world's most depressed. According to a World Health Organization-sponsored study, while around 9% of people in India reported having an extended period of depression within their lifetime, nearly 36% suffered from what is called Major Depressive Episode (MDE).

MDE is characterized by sadness, loss of interest or pleasure, feelings of guilt or low self-worth, disturbed sleep or appetite, low energy and poor concentration, besides feeling depressed.

Lowest prevalence of MDE was in China (12%). The average age of depression in India is 31.9 years compared to 18.8 years in China, and 22.7 years in the US.

The study, published in the BMC Medicine journal and based on interviews of more than 89,000 people in 18 different countries by 20 different researchers, says depression affects nearly 121 million people worldwide. It is the second contributor to shorter lifespan for individuals in the 15-44 age group.

The percentage of respondents, who had lifetime MDE was higher in high-income (28.1%) than in low to middle-income (19.8%) countries. When it came to lifetime prevalence rates of depression, France (21%) and the US (19.2%) reported the highest rates of depression. Women are twice as likely to suffer depression as men and the loss of a partner, whether from death or divorce, was a main factor, the study reveals.

Psychiatrist Dr Jitender Nagpal from VIMHANS said, "Depression can arise from day-to-day activities. However, MDE is much more serious. This is the feeling of tremendous helplessness, and worthlessness. Planned suicide is highest among those suffering from MDE. Those suffering from MDE don't have the strength to conduct day-to-day chores and become dysfunctional."

He added, "Increased stress, lonely lives and the falling apart of the social support systems like joint families is a major cause of growing depression among Indians." The study says, "The average lifetime and 12-month prevalence estimates of MDE were 14.6% and 5.5% in the 10 high-income and 11.1% and 5.9% in the eight low to middle-income countries. The average age of onset ascertained retrospectively was 25.7 in the high-income and 24 in low to middle-income countries. The female: male ratio was about 2:1."

WHO ranks depression as the fourth leading cause of disability worldwide and projects that by 2020, it will be the second leading cause.

Prof.Evelyn Bromet from State University of New York said, "This is the first study which compares depression and MDE across countries and cultures. Depression is a significant public-health concern across all regions of the world and is linked to social conditions."

(Article taken from Times of India, 27/07/11- )

Dr.Hemant MittaL
Motivational Speaker - Mind-Body Healer
(MBBS, PG.DPM, M.D.(Mind Mantra Wellness Concepts - Mumbai))
(Specialize in Emotional, Behavioural, Sleep, Memory, Concentration and Sexual Health)
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