How people misuse Psychology

Human Psychology is one of the most powerful subjects available. Its "greatest curse" is that the more you read it, the more you want to use it too control others.
Many people use Psychology as an shield to get this control over others.

Here are few common instances -

1. I know what you are thinking? - The more psychology they study, the more "mind reader" they feel.
Hope someone would tell them, mind-reading isn't psychology.

2. Analyse the other persons behavior? - Such people say that they "don't judge anyone".. but always have a "comment" about others. They will bring some weird psychological theory to explain it. Most of the times its just their own negative feelings coming out.

3. They can Solve all problems - A true Psychologists knows his/her boundaries. They don't take cases they cannot handle. A false one feels he/she has the solution for all problems in the world. They will use big terminology and quote big examples.Just to show off their "expertise".

4. Quoting Freud and his theories - Sigmund Freud would have committed suicide if he saw how people misunderstand and misuse his theories.

Great majority of false psychologist have NO idea on what Sigmund Freud really meant, but use his words to prove someone wrong.

5. Talk more and Listen less - The paramount basic of psychology is too listen, most such people do the opposite. They just keep talking till the other person doesn't start agreeing with them.

6. Act as if they know everything - A true psychologist learns to give upon ego.. But a false one is full of it. He/she feels he is more knowledgeable then anyone. He avoids those who he knows are more knowledgeable and "shows off" in front of those who are lesser.

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS,DPM)
Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counsellor

Motivational Story - The Farmers Fun

Once upon a time, A rich businessman is bored with his life. He decides to stay a few days at a farm.

On the first day he asks farmer -
what is that you do for entertainment?

The farmer says - Sir, we work all day... come back home, have food, spend some time with the family and go to sleep.

The businessman says - oh how boring.. don't you guys drink whisky, play loud music, gamble on cards, dance with many women and enjoy having sex with a different woman every night??

The farmer is confused - is that entertainment sir... the Temple Priest said all those things are evil??

The businessman - What a fool.. See I have been doing that all my life, I am such a happy man.. enjoying his life.. What a fool are you people!!!

That night the farmer goes to sleep feeling that he has wasted his life all along.
Next morning he wakes up, goes to the businessman and ask him -
"Sir, all that entertainment you told me about last night, how and where can I get it?"

The businessman says - Go to the city, and you can enjoy a life like that.

The farmer decides he has wasted his life long enough and deserves "entertainment". He takes all his saving, and goes to the city.

Within a few days he starts drinking, learns to dance on music he hasn't heard in a long time, starts to gamble and spend it on women...
Every morning he wakes up with a hangover and tells himself - I am having fun, I am living the life I deserve.

Soon all his money exhausts and his new found friends start to avoid him. Dejected he takes the bus back home.

On reaching his village, everyone asks him - "how was the city".

In fear of being made fun of, he lies and says - It was amazing, and he had a lot of fun.

Everyone then asks - Why did you come back then?

Fearful of having lies being caught he says - I came back to sell my property here and permanently move to the city.

Everyone congratulates him!!
People demand a big Party for his success..
Some people make an instant offer for his farm.

A few days later, he starts crying while sitting on a bus taking him back to the city.!!

Mind Mantra - I wrote this story based on true cases of people who land up in foreign land because someone has shown them a "great picutre".

I want to tell you that people will show you "Great pictures" and "great paths"... but its essential to choose a path which is in accordance with your personality. It might not be "fun" or "great" according to others, but it will leave you with the satisfaction that its yours.
written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS,DPM)
Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker, Counsellor

Toxic Relationships Behaviours - 7 interesting facts

In my Psychiatric practice, I meet many couples on the verge of separation and decide to consult me as the last resort. Here  7 interesting facts on how they "grew" out of love -

1. Breaking Value systems - Love is never meant to force you too do thinks you don't like. But many people use "love" or "relationships" as an excuse to push their partners to indulge in activities against their value system - like eating non-veg., drink alcohol, smoking, having sex before marriage or altered ways of having sex.

2. Physical Abuse - Many individuals find it absolutely right to physically abuse their partner. They repent or remove the guilt by saying a simple sorry, but deep inside they feel its the right "corrective" measure to take.

3. Ego above Righteousness - Many family issues that arise because of the egoistic approach of one or both partners. The "egoist" need to never share but keep all property, gold,money or control with themselves.
This makes one behave in very manipulative way, making materialistic things the centre of their greed.

4. 3rd Person Use - I have counselled Many people don't have the "guts" to openly talk with their partners. Trying to keep a "harmonious" environment, they use a 3rd person to express their real feelings.
It could be the mother-in-law who is asked to control a daughter-in-law, using a male friend to communicate with "husband/boyfriend"...etc.
This is toxic specially when the 3rd person involved is psychologically and socially on a different level then both partners.

5. Need based relationship - A complete relationship needs equal sharing by partners at social, financial, personal and physical levels.
A relationship that is prominently need based.( sex, taking care of home, providing money, having children, etc..) lacks positive exchange of emotions.

6. Poor communication - when partners don't communicate with each other, or withheld important information from each other - they cannot create a harmonious self.

7. Over-worked relationships - when the relationship has been over for years, but partners stick to each other for the fear of society or "children" sake. The anger and feeling of being "imprisoned" comes out in various forms.

written by -
Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS,DPM)
Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counsellor

What is Your Relationship Pattern??

A relationship is a complex mix of different psychological patterns.
Every individual has a definitive way of approaching a relationship, which eventually defines his/her relationship pattern.

The 4 major patterns are -

1. Secure – Secure adults tend to be more satisfied in their relationships.

A secure adult feels secure and connected, while allowing themselves and their partner to move freely. There is no restrictions on interactions with outhers.

Secure adults offer support when their partner feels distressed.
They also go to their partner for comfort when they themselves feel troubled.
Their relationship tends to be honest, open and equal, with both people feeling independent, yet loving toward each other.

2. Anxious or Preoccupied – People with an anxious pattern tend to have an imaginary concept of love. They want everything to be fairy tale like. They are desperate to "live upto" that "image".

They become preoccupied if they feel their relationship is moving away from that "image". They’re frequently look to their partner to rescue or complete them. Although they’re seeking a sense of safety and security by clinging to their partner.

They can be excessively loving, but when preoccupation goes beyond control, they act desperate or insecure.
When they feel unsure of their partner’s feelings and unsafe in their relationship, they often become clingy, demanding or possessive toward their partner.
They may also interpret independent actions by their partner as affirmation of their fears.
For example, if their partner starts socializing more with friends, they may think, “See? He doesn’t really love me. This means he is going to leave me. I was right not to trust him.”

3. Dismissive or Avoidant Pattern – Such people have the tendency to emotionally distance themselves from their partner.
They seek a false sense of independence, which many a times they adopt by behaving as a parent or elder.
They often come off as focused on themselves and may be overly attending to their creature comforts.
Pseudo-independence is an illusion, as every human being needs connection. They tend to lead inward lives, both denying the importance of loved ones and detaching easily from them.
They have the ability to psychological shut down emotionally. Even in heated or emotional situations, they are able to turn off their feelings and not react.
For example, if their partner is distressed and threatens to leave them, they would respond by saying, “I don’t care.”

4. Fearful Pattern – Such a person lives in an state of fear of being both too close to or too distant from others.
They attempt to keep their feelings under control, but are unable to. They can’t just avoid their anxiety or run away from their feelings.
They show extreme emotional reactions. They have unpredictable moods.

They see relationships based on the need to go towards others to get your needs met, but if you get close to others, they will hurt you.

These individuals tend to find themselves in rocky or dramatic relationships, with many highs and lows. They often have very fears of being abandoned.
They may cling to their partner when they feel rejected, then feel trapped when they are too close. They even end up in an abusive relationship.

Mind Mantra - Your relationship pattern eventually defines your entire life.

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS,DPM)
Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counsellor

Sure Signs that You will be Cheated

It might be your husband/wife, your best friend, your brother/sister or even your co-worker... The study of human Psychology has proved that whenever someone close to you, is cheating or is about to cheat on you, they will start showing two or more of the following signs -

1. Secretiveness - They will share lesser and lesser with you. You'll discover from a 3rd person about their conversations, plans and actions.

2. Subconscious Energy Repels - When you are connected with someone, You feel very comfortable in their presence. When they start distancing from you, suddenly their presence seems uncomfortable.

3. Irritable - When someone starts moving away from you, he/she will get irritated for no reason at all. Even funny situations will trigger irritation or a suppressed reaction.

4. Blame and Guilt - When someone starts psychologically moving away they will blame you for a lot of things. They will no longer look for solutions, but blame you. They will paint you as guilty and make you feel bad about yourself, and the relationship.

5. Biased Third Person - Many a times when a relationship is under pressure, its essential for a 3rd person to negotiate and bring both parties to a common solution. But when a person wants to separate, he/she will introduce a biased 3rd person, who will only speak about separation, faults in the relationship and sadness.


Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS,DPM)
Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counsellor

How to Punish?

Wrongly induced Punishment can create a lot of emotional negativity. This will eventually lead to a lot of stress and decrease in performance.
You want to Punish a junior or your kid for a mistake they did. Here is what you do -

1. Call them to a private space - don't make it a public display of anger, you'll land up creating more negatively than the already present.

2. Ask questions why they behaved in that way. Try to understand their entire point of view.

3. Give them an opportunity to owe up to their mistake.

4. If they owe up to their own mistake, ask them what punishment would be right for them.
They cannot be let free, so they have to decide on a punishment.
If they cannot decide on one, you give them two options to choose from.
And then enforce one punishment on them.

5. If they don't owe up to their mistake, and keep denying it.
You politely inform them that they will now get a higher punishment than the one you had initially thought.
You tell them if they had owed up to their mistake, then you would have given them the options from point 4.
You enforce a stricter punishment on them.
Remember Punishment is essential... but an emotionally loaded punishment is just inducing negativity.
Always look at enforcing positive punishment.

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS,DPM)
Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counsellor

The forgotten TRUTH - Enlightenment that YOU have experienced.

Whenever you are in clinical depression or clinical levels of anxiety, your mind tends to "detach" from "worldly" matters. Nothing seems to affects you.

Many people wrongly call this "enlightment" or attainment of "higher self". It gets funnier when these people preach the same to others.

The truth is that, your mind has actually gone into a "shut down" mode. You have "bottled up" all desire and emotions. You are depressed and lack love in your life. And one day when you will come out of depression, your mind will bring everything out. With loads of anger and restlessness.

Someone on the true path of enlightenment with always find himself experiencing emotions. Happiness or sadness, he will accept them, enjoy them and learn from them.

The meaning of detachment is having confidence that happiness or sadness will come and go but I am ready to experience and accept them.

This would eventually lead to the following -

1. Living in the moment detached from expectations
2. Healing the Past - Healing Relationships with your Parents & Family/Friends
3. A deep desire to Travel as a mode of learning.
4. Feeling blessed for having had Unhealthy, Toxic & Stuck Relationships in his life. Learns to thank them for their emotional teachings and moves ahead without having negativity against them.
5. Loves self - automatically controls on diet, addictions and indulges in exercise/yoga/meditation.
6. The mind is no longer dominated by social rules, expectations and obligations. They are just present.
7. He Becomes a Constant Learner & Student of Life - Never feels knowledgeable or has desires to dominate on others. Is always learning even from the bad.
8. Is happy being alone or around people of like mentality. Has the ability to adjust to any place and any person without letting their ego affect him.
9. Automatically creates new relationships and new lifestyle.
10. Aligns himself with his career. If he wants changes it.. else accepts the current career and moves smoothly into it, with full dedication.

Now you might tell me this is not possible.!!
This is just good for motivational books and motivational speaking!!!

As a psychiatrist, I daily observe who get into these phases and then forget it.
I would like to tell you, that most of you have experienced this but forgotten it.

When you fell in love, when you got married, when your first child was born, when you bought your first car... for a few days you experienced this.. and then forgot it.

This is not just motivational writing. This is reality. You yourself can clear the negativity in the mind. You yourself can attain that peace. The need is to just focus in the right direction.

written by -
Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM)
Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker, Counsellor

#mumbai #india #psychology #love #peace

Laxmi Pujan - Corporate Handling of God.

No diwali is complete without a Laxmi Pujan. Whenever I see someone perform the entire rituals surrounding Laxmi Pujan, it reminds me of an corporate employee struggling to impress his boss -

1. Desire to prove yourself - The desire to have a successful laxmi pujan, originates from the basic need to prove yourself as good employee infront of the "big boss" - goddess laxmi.

2. Preparation - The laxmi pujan requires a lot of efforts. From cleaning the house to buying the prescribed materials. No matter how much you delegate these tasks, without completion of these preparations, your goal cannot be achieved.

3. Fear boosts performance - The fear that you might do something wrong in the pooja and land up insulting the "big boss" goddess laxmi, makes you consult elders or pandits. The fear boosts you to perform at the best level.

4. Relaxation and Happiness on successfully completing the pooja - One feels happy and celebrates on successfully completing the laxmi pooja.

5. Hope that efforts will pay - After completion a hope is established in your mind. Hope that you have been able to please the "big boss" - goddess laxmi, she will notice your efforts and bless you with favorable rise in life.

Everyone performing these rituals is doing a great thing by giving a piece of their time, a piece of their life to god.. these rituals become sweeter when they are performed with more of love than mechanical precision.

by -
Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM)
Motivational Speaker, Counselor and Psychiatrist.

Signs you are in a Toxic Relationship!!

You can lie to the world, but you cannot lie to yourself.
You might hate your partner, you might be too addicted to him/her or you may be scared of what the society but you know your in a toxic relationship when -

1. Your input is disregarded or even not wanted. - it gets even worse when someone else is praised all the time.

2. You get criticized publicly or in private for all your actions.

3. You hear - "Stop frustrating me" more than “I love you”

4. There is no will to adjust from your partner and you are only expected to change the behavior pattern.

5. You are made to feel like you have no purpose in life.

6. You have to beg for love.

7. Your mind is always worried whats going on behind your back.

8. You are getting more and more scared about the future with your partner.

9. You don’t think you can be loved so much by anyone else, and keep taking the pain in the hope things will change one day.

A toxic relationship destroys your mind... The sole responsible is your partner.
Its time to accept it, he/she uses your love for them as your weakness and is torturing you.

What to do about the Toxic relationship -
1. Be strong move out as soon as possible.
2. If you cannot forgive the one who brought you to this stage, don't forgive. But take this from me, move out. There will be a time for revenge, before that make yourself strong.
3. You might feel weak initially, believe me take this as a learning experience and soon you will become emotionally very strong.
4. I will tell you one truth - The world is selfish - accept it.. the one you loved is also selfish.. Time to become selfish yourself.

written by -
Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM)
Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counsellor

How is your Selfishness satisfied?

Everyone is selfish that a truth..
Still many people land up visiting me with problems of depression, stress or fear even if their selfish desires came true.

The reason - selfishness compromises of 6 psychological parameters -

1. Time Limit - Your mind has a "mental clock", if your desires ain't fulfilled in this time frame, the mind starts detaching from the same.
The more restless you are the shorter your time limit.

2. Favourably Unique - Your selfishness should be satisfied in a way its better than everyone elses.

3. Reaction - your selfishness should trigger a reaction in others.

4. You and only You - Your selfishness should only benefit you and those you want. Not anyone else.

5. Accepted - Everyone should accept your selfishness and suppress their own. They should keep giving you love, care and kindness.

6. Unquestionable - Nobody should question you about your selfishness. Accepting that you have been selfish is difficult. It can trigger emotions from embarrassment to anger. So like to hide it under "greater ideals"

When all these 6 are satisfied, selfishness gives extreme pleasure and fulfilment. Else it can give rise depression, fear and anger.

written by -
Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM)
psychiatrist, motivational speaker and counselor
email -

#mumbai #india #psychology

5 mantras to success

Confidence - being confidence gives you and everyone around you the right impression

Commitment - you might be confident, but if you don't stand up for your word.. you will soon lose with people. Learn to stand up for what you believe and your commitment to a cause will be shown.

Creativity - confident and committed, but repeating the same thing again and again... will make life monotonous and also stop you from expanding. Expand your potentials, be creative.

Clarity - a confident, committed and creative individual without a clear goal is like a misdirected missile. Have a goal in your mind. Even if your goal is very vague like making money.. Have it well defined and believe in it.

Credibility - when you are confident, committed, creative and have a clarity of what you want.. slowly slowly people believe in you. You need to be patient, and soon the word about you will spread around.. making you essential to others.

7 changes society never told you - "maturity" and "growing up" will bring in your life

1. You will miss your childhood and adolescence as the best time you have ever had.

2. Stress will be your daily companion and when its too close to you, it might drive you to a psychiatrist.

3. You will despise everyday except sundays n holidays.

4. You will need to become selfish, resentful and revengeful to achieve success.

5. Marriage is not a game of love, but a social game based on money, family politics and social recognition.

6. Death will seem closer each day, and the fear will make push you too believe in god.

7. Your body will give up on you and you cannot control it.

Corporate Love Problems - One sided Love

One of the greatest needs of an individual is Understanding. One of the basis of love is Understanding.

When someone can understand you, there is a very high affinity to develop affection for him/her.
Within the corporate sector, this is one of the major psychological reasons to develop "love" for a friend or colleague.

Over the years I have met thousands of men and women who have fallen in love with a colleague.

In a great majority of cases this love in more one-sided. The mind links liking with images of love, caring, fights, future leading to high need for closeness and protectiveness. Since "love" is a movie being played in the mind, the body-brain get more and more irritated to make it a reality.

The tough part is trying to make it a reality. From fear of rejection to presence of a spouse there are hundreds of factors that make love one-sided.

How does one-sided love affect your mind and work?

1. Inability to express your feeling of love for someone lead to low self-esteem.

2. In cases of continuous refusal by the desired individual, leads to over-thinking an creation of an inferiority complex.

3. Over-thinking about failure to "complete" the love, leads to helplessness and worthlessness.

4. Negative emotions associated with it are -

a. lying, planning and plotting
b. jealousy
c. possessiveness
d. intense anger
e. lack of concentration - mind spends whole day thinking of possible ways to make this successful.
f. spending time and money on astrological consultations and/or black magic / tantra to gain the person.
g. high hope and being lost in an imaginary world.

5. continuous helplessness and rejection, triggers an ego-battle..
this creates excessive ANGER.
a. anger - irritation and anger at work and co-workers.
b. anger against family members/society
c. anger against the “desired individual”

What should be done?
1. realise that the mind is fixated on one individual.
2. fixation and restlessness is destroying your personality
3. accept that life is getting fixed at one point and you are not able to grow because of the minds fixation.
4. vent out your emotions-
a. openly express your love to the person and reaching a final decision
b. write a diary were you write your emotions
c. talking it out to a friend.

5. Giving yourself a pat on your back for having such love.
6. don't devalue or let anyone devalue you.
7. consulting a psychiatrist to help you vent out the emotions and break the thought wagon.

For any further help, don’t hesitate in asking me (all consultations are confidential)

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM)
Psychiatrist, motivational speaker/writer and counselor

email –

10 Signs that your Job is leading you to Clinical Depression

1. "another day at that god damn place" - is the first feeling that comes to your mind while going to work.

2. "I am wasting my life here, I could have been much better" - the feeling that predominates your mind while working.

3. You have been increasing weight - increased eating or drinking as a emotional response to stress.

4. You are loosing on sleep. - on weekdays feel as if you haven't slept and always feel fatigued or low on energy

5. You are always worried what will happen next at work, and how will you battle it.

6. You feel like killing your boss or destroying the place you work at.

7. You get angry at friends/family for no major reason. Then feel guilty and regret it.

8. You lose concentration while talking to someone or forget tasks.

9. You desperately wait for the weekend. Drink and/or eat excessively on friday or saturday, and spend the next day sleeping.

10. You feel there is no hope in life, and you are a slave to the system. Wanting to commit suicide or run away to some remote place.

If you have more than 6 of the above, its time you saw a psychiatrist or spoke to your company psychologist or found yourself a new job.

Clinical Depression is a medical disorder thats invisible to the eye, but destructive to the personality.

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM)

psychiatrist, psychotherapist, motivational speaker/writer

email -

Clinical Depression

Clinical depression is much more than just being Sad... its persistent sadness that remains throughout the day.

Symptoms of depression (6 or more of the following) - 
1. Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood thats present for more than 2 weeks.
2. Loss of interest or pleasure in activities, including sex
3. Restlessness, irritability, or excessive crying
4. Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, hopelessness, pessimism
5. Sleeping too much or too little, early-morning waking
6. Appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain
7. Decreased energy, fatigue, feeling "slowed down"
8. Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
9. Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
10. Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain

Depression is more common in women than men?
1. monthly hormone level fluctuation
2. social pressures
3. multiple adjustments 

What increases the chances of depression?

1. Family history of mood disorders
2. History of mood disorders in early reproductive years
3. Loss of a parent before age 10
4. Loss of social support system or the threat of such a loss
5. Ongoing psychological and social stress, such as loss of a job, relationship stress, separation or divorce
6. Physical or sexual abuse as a child
7. Use of certain medications / drugs
8. Women can also get postpartum depression after the birth of a baby.
9. Some people get seasonal affective disorder in the winter.

How to Cope?
1. Eat healthfully and exercise regularly.
2. Engage in a creative outlet or hobby that fosters a sense of achievement.
3. Find a self-calming skill to practice -- such as yoga, meditation, or slow, deep breathing.
4. Keep your bedroom cool to prevent night sweats and disturbed sleep.
5. Seek emotional support from friends, family members, or a professional counselor when needed.
6. Stay connected with your family and community and nurture your friendships.
7. Take medicines, vitamins, and minerals as prescribed by your psychiatrist.

Thanks for reading, your queries are welcome @-

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist,Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)

email -
website -

personal consultation @-
address- Mind Mantra wellness clinic
Shop 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant,
opposite seawoods station,
seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai - 400706

Love Addiction

Love Addiction

What is Love addiction?
Its the very high need of being in a relationship.
A person is addicted to the "relationship".. He/she is addicted to the feeling of "being in love"... No matter how disastrous the relationship might be for their emotional, physical, financial or sexual well-being.. the person will never want to leave the relationship.

Why does Love addiction happen?
1. fear of being alone
2. hope that the partner might change his ways one day
3. excessive emotional or financial investment into the relationship
4. Feeling you cannot go wrong.. and will be able to direct the relationship in the right direction.

How to know if you are a "love addict"?
answer the following -

Do you feel that you cannot live without your partner?
Does your whole world revolve around your partner?
Is your entire day decided by how your partner treats you?
Do you spend all the time caring about your partner?
Is your mind full of "movie like" thoughts about your relationship?

Common symptoms of Love addiction -

1. Love addict caries a feeling of loneliness in his/her heart.
2. This loneliness is cured by "the security" of someone in your life. And hence the need to do anything for that "security"
3. Breaking a lot of social laws to stand for the "relationship"
4. Terribly scared of being left alone and will do anything to avoid it.
5. Showering of love goes to extreme and accepting any form of torture.
6. Take the responsibility, guilt and blame in the relationship, when often its their partners fault.
7. High criticizing of others, specially ex's of the partner.
8. High need to control the relationship, because of which show high insecurity and mood swings.
9. Always fantasize about how great their relationship.
10. Unable to see the reality of their relationship and how unhappy they are.
11. High level of criticism, negativity and gossip for those in other relationships.

Treatment -
1. Love Addiction - like any other addiction spread through the mind and affects the emotional well being of a person.

2. essential to consult a professional counselor / professional psychiatrist.

3. it has withdrawal symptoms that can be experienced even if the partner is away for a single day.

4. Emotional pain is exagerrated and 100 times more than in other cases. This can lead to extreme anger.
In this extreme anger state an individual can commit suicide, kill someone or harm themselves permanently.

written by -
Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)

email -
website -

or visit my wellness clinic @-
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

is your child suffering from a mental health problem??

Children don't talk they act.. They are more expressive.
Nowadays younger and younger children are suffering from mental health problems.

You might ask why is so? - the answer is stress... There is pressure on a child from the moment he/she is born.
Be it pollution, food, society, school... recent studies show that the pressure on a 5th grader today is equal to that on an adult in 1920's.

why its important to be vigilant?
Mental health problems "don't disappear" with time.. They slowly create changes in the brain and this eventually creates a negative personality.. You might be dooming your child to a life of sadness.

what is that you should observe for?
If a 12yr or above child has 8 or more of the following symptoms, present prominently in his personality..Then its time to immediately consult a psychiatrist

1. Always Negativity and in anger
2. First reaction to something told by an adult is Defiance or Disobedience
3. Hostility directed towards adults
4. Throws temper tantrums - parents are scared when and were he will throw a tantrum.
5. Argumentative with adults and can get physically abusive.
6. Refuse to comply with adult requests.
7. Annoy other people deliberately
8. Blames others for his mistakes or misbehavior
9. Is easily annoyed
10. Spiteful or vindictive against others - even if they don't harm him or do anything against him.
11. Act aggressively towards his peer group.
12. Excessive lying - even for small small things.
13. Stealing of money
14. Smell of smoke, nicotine from his clothes.
15. Difficulty maintaining friendships
16. Poor academic problems due to lack of concentration, attention and memory.
17. Lack of self-esteem
18. Excessive demanding or comparing to others.

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM)
psychiatrist, psychotherapist, motivational speaker/writer

Make Your Ganesh Chathurthi - Happy and Worthy of Yourself

The beauty of every single religion in the world is that those who established it.. saw beyond ego, rules and regulations.

They knew that human mind loves to get negative.
The human mind loves to create excuses for its negative actions.
The human minds greatest enemy is the negativity against self or others.
They tried to set some guide-lines for improvement of Personality.
They tried to set some parameters that with changing time would keep helping people develop positiveness.
They tried to set examples through which we followed our natural self.. the self of loving unconditionally.

Unfortunately humans became more and more narrow. We stopped looking at what was supposed to be personality development.. and used it as an ego to try and govern others.



Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM)
Psychiatrist, Counselor, Motivational Speaker and Writer

#mumbai #india #ganesha #love #peace

10 Patent Indian Parents Negative Dialogues and the Psychological truth behind them -

Parent: “Why can’t you be as bright as Mr Sharma’s son/daughter?”
Truth -
a. Comparison for inducing competitive spirit leads to inferiority complex.
b. IQ and success quotient is never measured by "marks" but by the level of discipline and dedication one has.

Parents: “Jab hum tumhari umar ke the, toh class mein first aate the.”
Truth -
a. False statement in majority cases - parents were just average student but want their own to be a topper - a projection of their own ego.

Parents: “Jab tumhare bachche honge, tab samajh mein aayega.”
Truth - Failure to bring desired change, leads parent to use "fear" as a mode of gaining control over child.

Parents - “Love-Shav is a faaltu thing. Concentrate on your studies.”
Truth - Every parent had his/her "crushes" or "love affairs" in their time. Its a very human thing to develop. Just they were to shy to speak then.. and too shy to speak now.
It would be great if they tried to understand the psychology of their child, and why he/she has made that choice..rather than just jumping to conclusions.

Parents - “Tumhare friends le doobenge tumhe ek din”.
Truth - Parental experience try to guide a child. But a child will learn through mistakes.

Parents: “Ab iss umar mein yeh din dekhna baaki tha.”
Truth - Sign of frustration because child is revolting against their belief systems. The child is developing his own intellect or following new social rules.
Parents need to know, they are the ones who encouraged this so makes no point blaming the child.

Parents: “Iss din ke liye paida kiya tha tumhe?”
Truth - Sign of extremely high frustration. Also one of the more negative statements to use.
a. Most children are born out of unprotected sex parents had. Its only today, and that too in very few families that children are planned, else they happen.
b. When said in an emotionally filled setting, gives rise to a severe knee-jerk reaction, whereby a child can start detaching emotionally from parents.

Parents: “Paise ped pey nahin ugte. Jab khud kamaoge toh samajh aayega.”
Truth - Inducing responsibility and accountability is a job that starts since childhood. But a more positive approach should be used, rather than inducing fear regarding money generation.

Parent: “Hume pata tha yeh ladki/ladka tumhare liye theek nahin hai.”
Truth - A break up is the 2nd worst psychological trauma to hit an individuals mind..
Indian parents have no idea. They just form an opinion for a girl/guy based on their own rules and regulations. If the guy/girl is falling outside their belief system, he/she will be labelled wrong or bad.
Its only after a breakup that they get a chance to take pot-shots and vent out their anger onto their child.
Sadly this is the worst time to do it, as it induces negativity against parents in the childs mind.

Parents: Indian girls are constantly told by her parents “Jab apne ghar jaogee (sasural) toh yeh sab karna”, but when they reach so called 'apne ghar', her in-laws tell her “Yeh sab yahan nahin chalega, apne ghar mein karna.”
Truth - Belief systems aren't uniform. And the most important discipline that parents fail to teach their children is the ability to love, be open-minded and non-judgemental.
Every house has their own behavioral beliefs. Every new member has to adapt to it. This adaptation is possible only when the mind is ready to love, be open-minded and non-judgemental.
Virtues never thought to the child.

by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM)
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer/speaker and Psychotherapist)

email –
#website –
twitter- @sai_ki_artist

#Clinic Address -
Mind Mantra Wellness,
15, shreeji plaza, plot-24, sector-25,
opposite seawoods station,
#Seawoods (east), Navi Mumbai, #Thane, #Mumbai

5 things that constitute the meaning of Love in todays relationships

1. Physical self
Psychology says you tend to like a person who falls within your beauty standards.
The beauty standards are defined by your ego structure not your intelligence.
Ego structures which crave for attention - require a more beautiful partner.

2. Mental Attraction
Its vital for any relationship, and one of the main reasons for "extra-marital affairs" specially in India.
Looks lead to attraction, but personality matching leads to fullfilment.
One is more open to discuss his/her emotions, fears and mindsets with someone who is mentally compatible.

3. Personality traits
Everyone has a particular set of personality traits. These come from your approach to life.
Some of them can be annoying and others can be very pleasing.
If two people cannot adjust to each others personality traits, then there is bound to be ego clashes.
Common personality traits leading to clashes - negative approach to a situation, asocial, overtly social, miser in terms of money, excessively high spending, etc.

4. Belief system
You might be from the same religion but still share different belief systems.
Belief system is very essential in attraction.
Your attitude towards god or any other supreme authority defines your acts in life.
Your good or bads in life come from your belief system.
While you might find someone very physically attractive and feel you have a mental connection.. If you don't share similar belief systems it decreases the over-all love.

5. Dependency
The last but not the least of traits is the amount of dependency you create on each other.
People will strong personalities like their partners to be independent. They don't interfere with their partners decisions. They stand by and help each other.
People will weaker personalities need extreme control over their partners. Are overtly concerned and feel incomplete if not considered for a decision. This always makes them restless and over-think about the relationship.

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer/speaker and Psychotherapist)
email –
#website –
twitter- @sai_ki_artist

#Clinic Address -
Mind Mantra Wellness,
15, shreeji plaza, plot-24, sector-25,
opposite seawoods station,
#Seawoods (east), Navi Mumbai, #Thane, #Mumbai

Essentials of a Good Relationship

1. Misunderstandings are inevitable.
As much as we are clear in the words we use, communication is a two way process that also depends on understanding. Misunderstandings are common, they grow bigger when we keep things secretive and aren't ready to sort them out.

2. Trust is a Game of two.
Trust is an exercise that develops by mutual faith, honesty, caring andsacrifice. One sided trust is always destructive on the long run.
While most relationships begin with deep trust, slowly it fades out because both stop investing the same into it.

3. Missing each other is good.
When you miss someone, he/she gets closer to your heart. Missing someone is more important than spending time with someone. Because when you are away, you get time to analyse each others flaws and strengths.

4. Encourage Personality Development
The basis of a good relationship is when both partners motivate each other for growth and change. You might be in a tough job, living in a place you don't like or feel not getting the credit you deserve... Its the job of your partner to help you understand the situation, battle it and stand by you.

A selfish partner just see his/her benefits. And when they see you in a tough position, they just move away. A real partner stick by you, takes your anger and frustration and helps you convert it into opportunity.

5. Compromise is a long term investment.
Most people think to compromise is giving up their ego.. while in fact its the opposite.. To compromise means to take a step back with a long term goal in mind.
The important thing is that you know when to compromise and when not. If you compromise everytime, you'll be taken for granted.

6. Accept your weaknesses.
Don't lie to your partner about your strengths and weakness. A man who can accept his weakness is a thousand times more trustable than someone who is portraying to know everything.

Let your partner help you overcome your weakness.

7. You cannot erase the past.
Psychiatrist and psychologists understand human psychology very well, yet when it comes to love.. most of them forget their knowledge. That the power of love. It makes you biased and addicted to someone. Hence if your partner has some emotional baggage he/she is carrying, you might try and help him/her leave it.. but not fix it.
You cannot erase the past from their mind, but just stand by them.

8. Forgive and forget
The greatest issues in a relationship start when you don't forgive or forget any mistake. A new relationship is a new learning ground. It starts on a different emotional platform. It slowly evolves. Let it evolve. Resentment or anger doesn't help at all.

9. Voice your expectations
Most people expect their partners to read their mind. Know that they are having a bad day or today they feel like cuddling or you want an extra attention!!!
Stop being kiddish.. Stop being filmy... Stop expecting a mind reader.. Be mature.. Voice your expectations... the more straight forward you are, the easier it becomes.

10. Don't play Mind games
The worst thing you can do in a relationship is play mind games. Confusing your partner with the way you behave. The same action can bring happiness or anger out of you. The more mind games you play, the worst it becomes.
The more you lie, the more difficult to create trust.
Remember love has a boundary.. beyond that boundary.. love ceases to exist and one just leaves.

Teachers are no longer God - They are human Beings!!!

"A 6yr old Girl in upscale #school of #Bangalore #raped by her skating instructor.!"

"A 3yr old brutally kicked, punched and beaten up by her tutor, in upscale #Salt #Lake area of #Kolkatta"

"A basketball instructor who sent obscene online messages to his female students"


#India is a country which has always considered Teachers to God.
Unfortunately in todays world that is just an age old myth, which prompts society and parents to blindly trusting and believing that teachers are pious and holy people.

The reality of life is that we live in a world dominated by money, desires and power.
Teaching is one of the lucrative avenues to attain these.
Teachers are Human Beings... and schools are doing a lucrative business where they don't always check the Teachers they employees.

As a #psychiatrist I have meet hundreds of children who have suffered at the hands of teachers.

Why teachers do it?
1. Teachers are human beings - they suffer from clinical depression, anger issues, anxiety, stress, obsessive compulsiveness and psychotic thoughts.
NO SCHOOL does a regular psychological profiling of their teachers.
They are just appointed based on certificates or recommendations.

2. Teachers carry their family troubles at work - irritations and angers of family tensions are taken out on children.

3. Teachers live under the delusion they know everything. And are superior. This makes them believe they can abuse children.

4. The great majority of Teachers have no knowledge of child psychology and forget they know anything about child psychiatry.
They do some stupid 2-3day training which gives them a delusional belief of knowing what child psychology is.
I have seen idiotic teachers verbally abusing children with Learning disorders and they go on recording suggesting "abuse" as the only corrective measure present for such student.

5. Teachers tend to discriminate between children, based on parents profile or child marks. This makes them angry and spiteful against other students.

How does it affect the child?
I have met hundreds of children suffering from the abuse and atrocities of their teachers -
1. A child can develop severe clinical depression, which will decrease his brain performance for life time.
2. Child becomes fearful. The fear eventually will hamper his performance in life at later stages.
3. Child bed wets, doesn't eat properly, doesn't sleep well, shows unwanted anger, fights with siblings/friends, has uncontrollable mood swings - because he/she needs to vent out the frustration of being abused by the teacher.
4. Words spoken in anger or beatings given can create a post-traumatic distress in the childs mind, which will eventually mark his/her for life.
5. Child might develop memory and concentration problems because of fear of teachers behavior.
6. Child might become introvert because of the teachers abuse.
7. Sexual abuse or even obscene comments or sex-texting - are behaviors which can change the psyche of a child for ever.

What needs to be done by the School?
1. De-sensitize the teachers - Remove the "god" concept from their mind. Make them understand they are service providers and accountable for each action.

2. There should be CCTV camera monitoring of the classes and the behavior of the teachers should be monthly assessed.

3. Psychological profiling should be done for each teacher and available online for parents to have a transparency.

4. Have psychiatric workshops - where teachers are taught that Punishment like beating or abusing.. are inhuman and destroy the mind of a child.
A teacher has to be sensitised to avoid such behavior in any case.

5. In case of weak student or ADHD students, teachers should consult psychologists and read/learn about any Learning disorder the child is suffering from.

6. Immediate police complain and strict action should be taken against any teacher found showing physically abusive or sexually provocative behavior towards a child.

What Parents need to do?
1. Listen to the child - they don't always lie. They know what they are suffering from.
2. analyse the behavior of a child - there is always a reason for why he/she is behaving in a different fashion. Its not just "age related naughtiness"

3. Always keep a channel open with the child - if you cannot talk to him, tell the child to draw, email or sms you his problem.
Listen to the problem.. and don't be judgemental.

4. if a teacher is found guilty Don't try to cover up everything. - LET GO attitude only makes you a weak, impotent parent in the mind of your child.
And it will come out later in life as abusive behavior towards you.

Lead by example - Make sure a complaint is done with the school management.
And Also a police complaint is done.
Such teachers should be jailed and punished.. else you cannot setup an example to follow righteousness for your child and society.


written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)
email –
website –
twitter- @sai_ki_artist
(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

Clinic Address - Mind Mantra, 15,
shreeji plaza,
plot-24, sector-25,
opposite seawoods station,
#Seawoods (east), Navi Mumbai, #Thane, #Mumbai

Sexual Perversions - What triggers a child to be raped!!!

If people where to psychologically profile into Child rapes, Spouse killings or even acid attack victims.. you will find the oppressor to be mentally sick for a long time before the act was committed. Sadly in all that time no action was taken.

One of the darkest areas of Human Psychiatry, is the zone of Sexual Perversions.

By definition - A Sexual perversions is a mental health illness in which sexual excitement or orgasm is obtained by thoughts, urges or acts that are considered unnatural or immoral to cultural norms.
These thoughts, urges or behaviors produce severe mental distress which eventually result in severe financial loss, social rejection and legal complications.

The most common sexual perversions -
1. Impulse to publicly expose once genitals to member of opposite sex.
2. Excitement through use of non-living objects. - the most common involves getting excited by touching or smelling used undergarments or clothes.
3. A common one seen specially in crowded places is - Touching and rubbing genitalia against a non-consenting person.
4. One of the most dangerous is having sexual fantasies/act with young children. - this perversion is the one responsible for childhood sexual abuse and rape of children.
5. One of the most common undercover sexual perversions in marriages involves the act of giving humiliation, suffering, hurting and/or physical pain to the partner before or during sexual act.

6. Another common one is that of sexual fantasies or sexual act with family member.
7. A less common one is cross-dressing
8. The most common in the world is getting sexually aroused by watching others undressing or indulge in sexual activity.

Cause -
psychologically its attributed to lack of complete sexual maturity.
biologically its attributed to mental illness arising from hyperactive, obsessive compulsive brain structure.

The sequence of Events in the brain -
An event, person or image triggers an impulse to indulge in a perversive sexual act. Till a person doesn't indulge in the act, his/her mind is continuously craving more and more for that act.
The intellect completely blinds up, and its only after indulgence in the act that one feels happy and realizes what has been done.
In a few cases there might be extreme sorrow or guilt for what was done.
But next the same sequence is followed next time the impulse is triggered.

Its present in both men and women.

Treatment -
Sexual Perversions are mental illness. They require treatment.
1. Medicines to help decrease the altered impulse
2. Medicines to help decrease the anger and aggression related to the impulse.
3. Counselling to help one understand his/her sexual maturity.

Sad Reality  -
The majority of sexual perversions are never treated.
As a psychiatrist I meet many victims of sexual perversions, they are ready to quietly take the pain but don't bring the oppressor to justice or take him for treatment.

Specially in Indian society Males with sexual perversions are shielded by their mothers or wifes. There is denial to accept this mental illness and a complete denial to seek treatment.

I have treated hundreds of woman/men who are suffering depression because of the physically torture they have to undergo before or during sexual act by their spouse, but they decide to keep quiet and never bring their spouse to treatment.

I have met children who have been inappropriately touched or sexually abused by male relatives/teachers.. but parents/family want the child to be treated without legally or medically fighting the oppressor.


A sexual Pervert might know he has a problem.. But will never seek help... its important to take him to the right professional.

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)

email –
website –
twitter- @sai_ki_artist
(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

Clinic Address - Mind Mantra, 15,
shreeji plaza,
plot-24, sector-25,
opposite seawoods station,
Seawoods (east), Navi Mumbai, Thane, Mumbai 

The Drama Queen

In the field of personality analysis in human psychology, one of the most interesting types is that of "drama queen's"

Its a good mixture of simple and complex thought process.

The major pillar of the personality is - attention seeking.
And a "Drama Queen" will go to any extent to get attention.

A "Drama Queen" personality can be present in both males and females.. In this article I will refer to the feminine side of it.

When you Mind-read a Drama Queen, you find out -

1. She craves for attention so much that even a few minutes or hours without it, makes her irritable and uncomfortable.

2. She loves extremes - you never know when she will drift from happiness to anger ... caring to hate.. It happens within minutes and could be small simple things that cause it.

3. Physical appearances matter a lot. - she would wear clothes that don't suit her or expose too much.. just to show-off and be talked about.

4. Excessive amount of criticism for others, their dressing sense and the way they talk.

5. High amount of theatrics - false image creation - exaggerating an situation, creating gossips or telling lies.

6. Unnecessary importance and value to relationships or interactions where she gets importance and attention.
And extreme criticism, exaggerated anger to even close relationships if not given attention.

7. High expenditure on luxury items, just meant to show off and not actually of any personal need.
Many a times, the expenditure is way beyond one's affordability level.

In Clinical Psychiatric Terms, attention seeking becomes a major cause for sadness and restlessness, when the need for attention causes problems in behavior, emotion, relationships and work.

The Treatment normally revolves around a 4 point approach-
1. De-addiction from the need for attention - this can happen through indulgence in social work and trying to give unconditional love to the under-privileged.

2. professional counselling to help one control on the irritation, anger and mood swings coming from high need of attention seeking.

3. Medications by a psychiatrist to help control the mood swings and self-harming behaviors like excessive talking, excessive spending and depression.

4. Family/friends therapy - where they get educated on how to handle such a person.

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)

email –
website –
twitter- @sai_ki_artist
(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

Clinic Address – Mind Mantra, 15,
shreeji plaza,
plot-24, sector-25,
opposite seawoods station,
Seawoods (east), Navi Mumbai, Mumbai

Myths Regarding Mental illness

1. Once a person gets a mental health illness he/she is useless for life.

Truth - There is a 100% cure if a person is treated in time.

2. The medicines for mental illness are sleeping pills and once started have to be taken life long.

Truth - Medicines and treatments have evolved since the 1970's. No longer sleeping pills are the 1st stage of treatment.

3. People with mental illnesses are aggressive or violent.

Truth - Its only in the higher stages of a mental health illness that a patient shows polarized behavioral pattern. Either they are violent or they are completely aloof from the world.

The great majority of people who suffer from mental health illness, don't reach this stages and are fighting the psychological and emotional issues.

4. If you are positive, eat well and sleep well, you won't be affected by Mental illness.

Truth - thats not completely true. Mental health illness can affect even the most organised minds. Its dependent on -
a. genetic strength one person possess.
b. reaction to a particular stress.
c. personality.

5. A person seeking treatment for mental health illness is "mentally weak".

Truth - Some of the most brilliant minds in the world have suffered from mental health illness. Beethoven,Winston Churchill, Kurt cobain, Van gogh, Jim Carey, Princess Diana, Charles dickens, Dilip Kumar, Dharmendra are all known to have battled some form of mental health illness.

6. Mental health illness is madness.

Truth - Wrong, mental health illness is an psychological, emotional and behavioral reaction to the stress around you. It can range from depression to schizophrenia.
Off all the hundreds of disorders under mental health illness, only one or two can be classified as "madness".

7. Once you have suffered Mental health illness, you cannot work again.

Truth - People who have recovered from mental health illness, with proper encouragement and environment tend to give much better performance.
Since they have seen the negative side of things, they tend to be more capable of fighting things.

8. Medicines are not safe and a waste of time.

Truth - Not everyone requires medicines.
Not everyone needs to take medicines for life.

If you consult a good psychiatrist in time, even counselling can help you over-come the issues.

9. Children don't experience mental illnesses.

Truth - studies show that 20% of the world wide depression happen in children below 15.
ADHD, autism, learning disorders, behavioral disorders, opposing parents authority, violence... are present in a lot of children.
Sadly parents and teachers don't look into it with logical view point and are blinded by myths.

10. Psychiatric disorders are not true illnesses like heart disease or cancer; people who have a mental illness are faking it.

Truth - Mental health disorders seem invisible because there are no tests to show their presence in the brain.
Recently PET scans have been used to show patients the difference in brain activities during normal state and psychiatric illness state.
One can search the internet and take a look at those PET scans.

PET Scans are expensive ranging upto 30 thousand rupees per scan. Hence getting such tests done isn't feasible for most patients.

Mental health illness are very much like a broken bone or a gastric problem. There is a microscopic physical hurt in the brain, that leads to change in chemical production.


written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)

email –
website –
twitter- @sai_ki_artist
(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

Clinic Address - Mind Mantra, 15,
shreeji plaza,
plot-24, sector-25,
opposite seawoods station,
Seawoods (east), Navi Mumbai, Thane, Mumbai

are your "work friends" your true friends?

Full-time work for me means 40-50 hours per week in the office with my coworkers. I spend 9-plus hours a day with them, and if I’m lucky, maybe 6 waking hours with my husband – less if you consider how much of that husband-time is spent checking email or responding to work matters from the couch at night when I'm supposed to be sharing quality time. It’s even less time with my children because they go to bed much earlier.

So I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the question of whether or not it’s beneficial to be friends with your coworkers. And by the same token, are coworkers actually friends, or just being “friendly?”

I took the question to my social-media outlets, where I appealed to others for their opinions about friendships in the workplace. Here are some of the answers I received.

“I believe a friendly relationship with your coworkers is very important for the strength of the team. However, if you become too close of friends, I can see how it could hurt the business in some ways. You begin to make emotional decisions at times instead of strict business decisions.”

“I think it’s a double-edged sword. You have to be careful. You don’t want the workplace to be cliquey, but it does create a nice environment when you’re friends with your coworkers…There are days when I wish everyone could just be friends and get along, and then there are days where I wish everyone just kept to themselves and did their jobs.”

“I think it’s a double-edged sword. It makes work enjoyable when you're friends, but sometimes work doesn’t get done. And if you’re in a place of authority over a ‘friend’, it’s a fine line.”

I think the question that resounds is whether, after a long day at work, would you want to see your coworker outside of the work environment, or would you rather go home to the friends you have outside of work? That appears to be the difference in having real friends at work, versus having work friends.

Size Matters

In my opinion, the size company you work for also plays a huge role in the type of friendships formed within a company. I’ve worked for both mid-sized and small-sized companies, and in both settings I've found people I can truly call my friends.

In fact, the maid-of-honor at my wedding was first my coworker and then my roommate and best friend. After leaving that mid-size company, I still regularly keep in touch with at least three of the ladies that I became friends with while there, and we're now enjoying new jobs, marriages, babies and life outside of that work setting.

It doesn’t always stay that way, though. I've had people I considered to be a “friend” while they were working in the office with me. One of them, as an example, left and never contacted me again. It only took a few failed attempts to connect to realize that she was a work-friend and not a true friend.

The feedback I've received from my social media outlets, however, paints a very different picture of friendships in the cutthroat, large enterprise world of business.

“You tend to run into more people that will screw you before they befriend you, and are really two-faced. Especially as you get into bigger and bigger employers.”

I actually had a friend who worked for a large agency tell me that working for a huge enterprise company was like selling your soul. You can’t make friends, because nobody's your friend. Everyone's out for himself and a friendly smile given one day will not keep you from getting stabbed in the back the next.

Friendship is Healthy

Overall, however, I think that developing friendships in the office is good for you and for your employer. It creates a sense of camaraderie and comfort.

I've worked in an environment where I didn't consider anyone else to be my friend, and my tenure didn't last long. Not only was the environment volatile, I couldn’t even lean on a support system around me to get through my days. I actually started making myself physically sick on the drive to work in the morning.

Remember, the key to developing work friendships is the same as developing personal friendships. Allow the friendship to develop naturally and organically. Given the fact that so much of our time is spent with our coworkers, it’s a natural development to recognize those folks you want to legitimately become friends with versus those with whom it's better to just remain friendly.

Tips for Workplace Friendships

When you do become friends with the people in your workplace, there are a few tips to keep the friendships healthy. While you can share details about your weekend, your children or your hobbies, there’s a list of things that you should still keep to yourself:
Money-related conversations: Keep your salary and your financial history to yourself.
Job-related details: Don't discuss performance issues, recent reviews, raises, bonuses, etc.
Intimate details: Don’t share your sexual history, or that you're hung over from a night of drinking.

Pros of Workplace Friendships

I may not share the opinion of the masses, but I'd prefer to be friends with the folks I work with for many reasons.

1. They often see you at your worst. Let’s face it, as hard as we try, it’s near impossible to keep work life and personal life separate. My colleagues have helped me through many difficult times with words of comfort, advice and thoughtful gestures. Just recently I lost my father to a severe illness, and I don’t think I could have gotten through the days and months preceding and following his death without my coworkers by my side.

2. They celebrate your birthday and anniversary. Come on, even family will push off celebrating your birthday until the weekend. Your coworkers will make a cake, take you to lunch or even drinks on your actual birthday.

3. They share a common sense of purpose. Everyone's working for the same company and overall, has the same goal – to make yourself, and in return the company more profitable. Plus, they make it worth getting out of bed on a snowy day and making the trek into work. Someone has likely already made a pot of coffee.

4. Friendly promotes creativity. When it’s easy to talk to your coworkers and you can relate on many different levels, you can be more comfortable thinking outside of the proverbial box and coming up with new, profitable ideas.

Cons of Workplace Friendships

There can be a downside to making friends in the workplace too. Sharing too much personal information can be a downside. Here are some others.

1. Work can become unprofessional. It’s important to remember that you're still in a professional setting, and as an experienced employee, keep the amount of water cooler chitchat to a minimum.

2. Backstabbing can happen. While you don’t like to admit it, the person you call a friend may wind up stabbing you in the back. It’s the nature of a work environment. You can be friends with those around you, just don’t get too surprised if one day that same person tried to sabotage you.

3. Lack of work-life balance. The lines may wind up blurred as to where work ends and outside life begins. I'd say if you and your coworker can have a conversation for 15 minutes and not bring up work, then you're likely in a place where you have more in common than work and can thus distinguish work and social lines.

I’m curious: I’m a friendly person by nature and I like to surround myself with positive people. Do you share my views about workplace friendships or do you disagree?

(taken from linkedin)

Networking Disasters - How to Market yourself effectively


Networking is a slow and patient activity, like gardening. When you network, you plant seeds, and over time you water them and give them sun. You're cultivating relationships and learning about people and their perspectives.

Networking is a personal growth activity and a way to give back.

If you're focused on the win you have in mind -- a prized introduction, a resume walked into HR on your behalf or some free website design, for instance - then you're not really networking.

You're creating a social space and social energy, in a coffee shop for instance, in order to justify your request for a business service or good. That is impolite, and it isn't networking.

When you invite people to coffee to get them to buy from you, hire you or make an introduction for you, you're turning a relationship-building activity into a transaction, and that is wrong.

You're not paying the person who is so kindly lending you time and attention, so unless the two of you have agreed otherwise, the only topic you can properly introduce at at one-on-one networking date that you suggested is "Tell me about yourself!"

Be happy for the networking time and any advice that you are offered. Don't push people to extend themselves for you when you have little or no social capital invested with them.


A woman came up to me after a conference and asked "What am I doing wrong in my job-search networking?" "What are you doing right now?" I asked her.

"Well," she said, "My friends introduce me to people they know, and I ask them to coffee and I go to coffee with them.

At the coffee meeting, I pull out my resume and walk through it job by job, and ask them if they have any questions. Then at the end I ask them who else I should talk to in their company, and ask for an introduction to that person."

I started hyperventilating just listening to the job-hunter's story.On the flight home I wondered how those noble people sat through a forcible "walk through my resume" coffee date without running screaming into the parking lot. The woman with the resume doesn't realize she's throwing her friends under the bus -- the friends who made the introductions that sentencedtheir friends to those painful all-about-my-resume coffee dates.

When someone introduces you to a friend, go to the meeting without your resume. Sit and ask questions. "How long have you lived in town?" "Tell me your career story!" Keep this rule top of mind: it's okay to ask people for their advice on slight association; it's never okay to ask for introductions before you're invited to.


Wherever Dante stopped digging the rungs of hell, there is yet a lower one for people who use your name irresponsibly to swipe an introduction they didn't ask you for. It's happened to me a few times.

A sort-of-friend found out about a guy I know who was doing a lot of investing a/k/a had a lot of money, and the sort-of-friend wrote to the guy and tried to sell him Florida beachfront property, using my name as the connective tissue between her and the guy (and extrapolating his email address, which I hadn't given her).

I heard about the beachfront-property pitch and expressed my displeasure. The lady didn't understand what she had done wrong. "You're his friend, I used your name, so what?" she said. "I don't need your permission to use your name when I write to a guy."

The woman is mistaken. An introduction is offered or it's not. Don't drop names of friends who haven't blessed the use of their names as door-openers.


A fundamental misconception about networking is that it's appropriate to call or write to perfect strangers and ask them to do things for you -- to pass your resume on to the head of HR, for instance.

Some poor guy is sitting at his desk and the phone rings. "Hi, is this Abishek?" a voice says. "Yes," you say, mind racing as you try to imagine who it could be. "Yeah, I found you on LinkedIn, and I'm looking for a job in your company," says the voice. "Will you open some doors for me?"

That's not networking. That's another abuse of the social frame for commercial purposes. Talk to your friends instead, and see who they know. Go to networking events. Try the stuff I teach, Pain Letters and Human-Voiced Resumes. Step out there. Don't call people you don't know and ask them to go out of their way for you.

It wouldn't be good judgment on their part if they did. What does "vouch for" mean, anyway? It means that you can speak for someone. How can a stranger speak for you?


Each person is valuable as an individual. The worst thing a networker can do is to treat another person like a conduit, a pass-through or a means to an end. It feels bad when people do that to you.

When I first landed in Colorado in 2001 I had got some networking invitations. A woman was breathless to meet me. "I'm so excited to meet you!" she gushed. We met for coffee.

"I want to tell you everything about myself!" she said, an inauspicious start.

"Then, if we have time, I want to learn what you do for a living."

You know that thing where your spit catches in your throat and it makes you cough? I coughed so hard I almost flew out of my chair.

"I'm trying to piece this together," I said. "You wanted to meet me very badly, but you don't know what I do for a living? Help me understand how this meeting came to be."

"Oh," she said, "about fifty different people told me that you know a ton of people. You could make introductions for my business.That's why I was excited to meet you!"

That's the kind of networking I want you to avoid, the kind where you value people based on the size of their networks.

What matters in networking and in the workplace is energy. If the energy between you and another person is good energy, you might become friends. That's when the concrete stuff - introductions, job leads and favors - will come in. Don't rush the transaction.

The power of the relationship, the communitrons that flow between you and your friend and the mojo boost for both of you, when you can see those things, are the real prize.


#Monsoon Related #Depression Hits #Mumbai HARD

Over the last few days my clinic has been flooded with patients who have suddenly developed clinical levels depression within the last 2 weeks.

How is it possible, that a perfectly #normal person is suddenly hit by lows that destroy his #confidence and decreases his levels of happiness?

The answer lies in the #weather... Its the #monsoon thats causing it.

How does the Monsoon cause depression?
In psychiatric medicine its called Seasonal Affective Disorder. Clinical research has found the causes of the same to be -
a. Decrease in sunlight of decreases production of brain activating chemicals.

b. Decrease in Body Temperature – leads the body into “conservation mode”. Body heat is automatically maintained by shutting down some essential brain and body processes.

c. Genetic – In case of a family member having had clinical depression or committing suicide, there is a possibility of a "dormant gene" being activated by the monsoon.

What are the symptoms?
8 or more of the following symptoms -

1. Unexplained Sadness present for most part of the day
2. lack of interest in doing any pleasurable activity - a person starts avoiding activities like going out with friends, spending time with partner or even the need for sex.
3. Increase in appetite, which one knows is not normal but cannot control the same.
4. Feeling extremely lethargic and no energy to perform otherwise simple tasks.
5. Inability to concentrate leading to memory and attention problems.
6. Prominent negative thinking.
7. Easily irritable and angry. Even minor situations cause extreme anger.
8. Avoiding work and daily activities.
9. Social withdrawal – loss of interest in meeting people, friends and family. Wanting to stay aloof.
10. Unexplained feeling of unhappiness, and feeling others cannot help.
11. Increased sleep and increased time in bed just lying without doing any activity.
12. Escapism - higher indulgence in smoking, drinking, cannabis or other drugs.
13. Criticising and negative approach towards your life. Wanting to run away from the same.
14. Ideas of Suicide or self-harm in some form of other.

How can it be treated?
a. Light therapy - have well lit up rooms and in severe cases UV lamps might be used.
b. Adequate diet plan - diet should include more proteins and less of fat/sugar/fried food.
Avoid junk food as much as possible.
c. Consult a psychiatrist. - Medications to regulate mood swings, sleep disturbance.
d. Exercise schedule according to body type to trigger alertness.

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)
email –
website –
twitter- @sai_ki_artist
(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

Clinic Address - Mind Mantra, 15,
shreeji plaza,
plot-24, sector-25,
opposite seawoods station,
Seawoods (east), Navi Mumbai, Thane, Mumbai

Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse is one of the most traumatic experiences a person can go through.

Its not just a physical hurt, but a violation and destruction of your psychological self that leads to the highest levels of sadness, anger and fear.

As a psychiatrist every time I meet a victim of sexual abuse, it really gives me a lot of pain.

A few points about Sexual abuse or molestation -

1. The aggressor in a great majority of cases is known to the victim - family member, friend, co-worker or employee.

2. The aggressor creates a "FALSE" concept of FEAR in the mind of the victim.

3. The aggressor in most cases is very fearful of the victim telling or complaining about the act.. so tries to create a "GOOD saint like" image of himself in front of other.

4. The crime of Sexual Abuse/molestation will not be erased from memory with time.
The memory will remain fresh in the memory.
Its only through Psychiatric Treatment that the victim can be helped him/her to cope up with the traumatic memory.

5. Anger, bitterness and resentment is natural to be present.- This anger, bitterness and resentment can become very self-destructive and lead to thoughts of self-harm, cutting one-self, attempts of suicide.
One has to help the victim accept this anger, bitterness and resentment... but not direct it against herself.

6. Forgiveness is a natural act, it cannot be pushed.- In great majority of cases its impossible for the victim to develop forgiveness.
In such cases its very wrong of the parents/care-givers/friends to force him/her to develop forgiveness.
Forgiveness only comes after one again develops self-love.

7. There is no answer for the question "why did this happen to me?"
Family members many times argue, point out, criticise or philosophise about it.. but in reality there is no answer to it.

8. The only person to be blamed for the entire episode is the aggressor. One should never blame the victim for the same.

9. Essential to take actions against the aggressor. This will help decrease the anger against self, and promote generation of self-love.

10. The best way out of after effects of sexual abuse is by meeting and helping victims of the same. This way, one creates an identity and slowly they can motivate each other to achieve better heights in life.

written by -
Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)
email –
website –
twitter- @sai_ki_artist
(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

Clinic Address - Mind Mantra, 15,
shreeji plaza,
plot-24, sector-25,
opposite seawoods station,
Seawoods (east), Navi Mumbai,Thane, Mumbai