why People Keep Complaining?

Why people complain so much?

Complaining is a way of life for some people. Daily I meet many clients at my clinic, whose relative don’t remember a day gone by without them complaining.
No matter how good things are, the would manage to find something wrong. And they would never give gratitude for anything.

Over the years as a psychiatrist, I have found that many of such people are addicted to complaining. And the answer to this addiction comes from their subconscious mind.

Why do people complain? What is it they want or hope for when they complain?

People who complain are generally people who have not developed a emotional and spiritual loving, compassionate inner adult self.
They are psychologically still a wounded child in need of love, attention and compassion.
Because they have not learned to give themselves the attention and compassion they need, they seek to get these needs met by others.
Complaining is a way they have learned to attempt to get this. They use complaining as a form of control, hoping to guilt others into giving them the attention, caring and compassion they seek.

Complaining is a force. And people dislike being forced. So a day comes in the life of every "Chronic complainers" when those he/she takes for granted "cann't take it anymore" and they emotionally start withdrawing. An emotional shut-down doesnt mean that love is lost. It means love needs to be rebooted or restarted.

From here onwards, there are two possibilities -
a. either the chronic complainer has to realize his mistake and make a change.
b. the people subjected to the force of complaining have to gather all emotional strength from the love they have, and create a well being for themselves.

A person addicted to complaining will not be able to stop complaining until he or she does the inner work of developing an adult capable of giving themselves the love, caring, understanding and compassion they need.
As long as they believe that it is another’s responsibility to be the adult for them and fill them with love, they will not take on this responsibility for themselves.

Our inner child – the feeling part of us – needs attention, approval, caring.
If we don’t learn to give this to ourselves, then this wounded child part of ourselves will either seek to get it from others, or learn to numb out with substance and process addictions – food, alcohol, drugs, TV, work, gambling, and so on.

Complaining like all addictions, it may work for the moment, but it will never fill the deep inner need for love.
Only we can fill this need for ourselves, by opening our hearts to the Source of love.
People stop complaining when they learn to fill themselves with love.

On a medical plane, Chronic Complainers suffer from 3 prominent clinical disorders:
a. Major Depressive Disorder
b. Generalized Anxiety Disorder
c. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

If you know someone who is a chronic complainer, help them realize the worth of loving the self.. If you cann't help them realize that, help them visit a professional who can help them.

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(emotional, behavioral and sexal health consultant)
email -- eksoch@gmail.com

Akshaya Tritiya - a day of positive beginnings

Akshaya Tritiya falls on the third day of the bright half of Vaishakh month (April-May), when the Sun and Moon are in exaltation; they are simultaneously at their peak of brightness, which happens only once every year.

Importance According to Hinduism
Akshay Tritiiya was the day when Lord Ganesha started writing the epic Mahabharata to Ved Vyas's dictation.
It was also on this day that Goddess Annapoorna was born.
Kubera received his wealth and position as custodian of wealth and property along with Goddess Lakshmi on this day, by praying to Lord Shiva at Shivapuram.
It is also traditionally observed as the birthday of Parashurama, the sixth incarnation of god Vishnu

The Krishna-Sudama Legend
Perhaps, the most famous of the Akshaya Tritiya stories is the legend of Lord Krishna and Sudama, his poor Brahmin childhood friend.
 On this day, as the tale goes, Sudama came over to Krishna's palace to request him for some financial help. As a gift for his friend, Sudama had nothing more than a handful of beaten rice or 'poha'.
He was utterly ashamed to give it to Krishna, but Krishna took the pouch of 'poha' from him and relished having it.
 Krishna followed the principle of 'Atithi Devo Bhava' or 'the guest is like God' and treated Sudama like a king. His poor friend was so overwhelmed by the warmth and hospitality shown by Krishna, that he could not ask for the financial favor and came home empty handed.
When he reached his place, Sudama's old hut was transformed into a palace! He found his family dressed in royal attire and everything around was new and expensive. Sudama knew that it was a boon from Krishna, who blessed him with more than the wealth he actually intended to ask for.

Akshaya Tritiya is a very favourable day to start a new journey or to reinforce an ongoing one within the material or spiritual world.
Happy Akshaya Tritiya... May wealth, prosperity and peace always blossom upon you!

Dr.Hemant Mittal
email – eksoch@gmail.com

Happiness vs Maturity

The world is full of serious people... They call themselves mature. They claim to be the true followers of happiness... The paradox they keep following and searching for happiness.

Both from Personal and Professional angles I have seen how the false idea and belief called "maturity" creates so many boundaries and barriers within you, that fear, restlessness and anger become your friends.

Everyday I meet a lot of brave people. These are the people who have the guts to walk into my clinic. They master the courage to seek help and break social taboo of visiting a counselor....I respect each one them a lot and I consider each one of them as a teacher... contrary to popular belief, I being a psychiatrist I till date haven't met a mad person... But i meet people surrounded by negativity. I see how every single one of them was  living a life of happiness and joy, but suddenly they became 'mature'... They started putting boundaries to their happiness... They started increasing the expectations...and They started becoming sad!!

Commonly 3 forms of happiness exist for an individual-

1. The momentary happiness we get from what we eat, wear, touch, see or smell.

2. The happiness we get after long term struggle to achieve a goal. Passing an exam, getting a desired post, making huge sum of money, marrying the girls/guy of our dreams, getting your children married, etc

3. and The happiness one gets by detaching from the above two.

While scholars and mature people would debate which is the best of the three happiness.. my take on the same is very simple... Happiness in all forms is great.

Life is neither full of fortune that makes us happy, nor of misfortune designed to make us unhappy. Life is a chain of events and circumstances.

While every day millions around the world search for inner peace... They forget that happiness lies in front of them. You just need to be a child and embrace it.

For sometime in the day, leave your maturity aside and embrace the joy of being alive.
This joy is completely yours.. its not dependent on your boss, your spouse, your parents or your children... Its yours... Enjoy it because that's a daily gift from the universe we all forget to unwrap.

Dr.Hemant Mittal
email - eksoch@gmail.com

Taken For Granted - A relationship Killer

"Taken for Granted" phenomenon?
a couple recently came over to my clinic for counseling... its so ironic that the husband would drive 200-300km to have a beer or watch a movie with his friends, but would have all the explanations in the world to avoid a movie/shopping plan his wife made weeks in advance...
"taken for granted" is the biggest mistake people make in a relationship, leading to slow death of the same...

Tip of the day - Realize what you have... Don't take it for granted as one day it might just not be there anymore.. Spend some quality time with your loved ones

Dr.Hemant Mittal
email - eksoch@gmail.com

Personal Freedom - A ever growing fight

"Freedom" is one word that each one of us thrives for in some form of other...
Daily I get numerous people at my clinic who complain about lack of freedom.
husbands - lack of freedom from ever growing responsibilities
wives - lack of freedom from children, husband, in-laws
employees - lack of freedom from work pressures and lack of professional satisfaction
students - lack of freedom from social pressures

are just few of the examples...

what is freedom?
Freedom means the power to be really you. To let out that unique you.. with all your desires, likes and dislikes without being judged. However only a very few are lucky enough to have a complete control over their external and internal selfs to attain this freedom.

Since childhood we are conditioned to do "good"... Unfortunately doing good is also equated with pleasing others... Family, society, friends, colleagues, children and spouse... The list is never ending, and the "opportunity of freedom" ever diminishing.

Lack of Freedom and its effect?
Does the lack of Freedom affect the mind and body in anyways... The answer is it certainly does...
I won't be wrong in estimating that upto 60% of body disease we suffer is due to this lack of freedom.
The lack of freedom leads to stress. Stress leads to over-working of the hormonal and neuronal system. To compensate for this over-work, the mind can decrease the functioning of body's immune system, gastric system, sleep, concentration, heart, muscle pains...

What can be done?
1. Identify the level of stress you have due to "lack of freedom".
2. Every week spend sometime for your own self.
3. if the thoughts become cyclic and are not leaving your mind, do some meditation.
If meditation fails, seek some professional help.

Dr.Hemant Mittal
email - eksoch@gmail.com

Let The Power of Rumi Enlighten Your Soul

RUMI has been one of sufi saints who I have been following for years... Glorified thanks to the movie Rockstar... here are 10 Rumi’s quotes which I have cherished over the years and have guided me in my endeavour to be a better human being.. Hope they help you too:

Dr.Hemant Mittal
email - eksoch@gmail.com