As a relationship counselor over the past few years, one of my major observations has been that "modern relationships are like glass, a small issue can cause a deep crack, and one downfall can lead to breakage"
The following issues are extremely important for:
A. those who are planning to enter into a long term relationship
B. those who are in a committed relationship, but find the "love quotient" diminishing every day.
C. those who are married, but unsatisfied.
These issues are normally not discussed due to lack of communication, fear of hurting the spouse or moral values.
99% times, such unresolved issues slowly built up immense emotional pain, which is suppressed till the day it explodes in a very negative way.
1. Past Relationships
Talking about the coveted ex- is normally looked upon as threatening by most partners.
If ever discussed, it’s initially greeted with sympathy which over time becomes extreme irritation.
While it’s easy to ask someone to bury his/her emotions about their past, in practice its impossible.
While it can be said that 90% men start a long term relationship based on the looks of their partner, the same is not true for most women. Majority of women seek a financial and social security from their male partners.
With time as looks start to fade off, men have higher tendencies to start fantasizing about younger women. This can be dangerous symptoms for giving rise to the "cheating husband" syndrome.
Money rules modern day society. With desires becoming more materialistic, happiness is proportional to the size of your bank account.
Money and Spending habits are a big point of discord among couples. The dominant partner always feels it to be his/her birth-right to spend more. They also tend to throw tantrums when their spouse wants to spend or meet his/her materialistic desires.
4. Simplicity is over-looked
what is your partners favorite color?
what is your partners favorite song?
what is your partners favorite dish?
what is your partners favorite time of the day?
who is your partners best friend?
which cricket player is your partners favorite?
which brand of shoes fits the best for your partner?
Which bag/accessories did you partner last buy?
As humans our brain works wonderfully to understand all complex issues of life, but forgets the simplest of all.
Simple daily life can teach us how to always keep our partner pleased. Most people start taking their partner for granted and tend to over look the simplest.
5. Sexual Desires
Most couples never discuss about their sexual likes or dislikes. Sexual life’s are always bipolar. Either they start as very pleasing or as very traumatizing.
As a relationship progresses, the taboo of talking about sex can push one partner to explore other possibilities like pornography or extra-marital affairs.
Most cases leave these topics to resolve on their own. Unfortunately, they don’t resolve but are potential catalysts for development of inferiority complex, day long mental restlessness, depression or sexual experimentation outside wed-lock.
1. Make communication the base of your relationship
2. If you are having too many secrets slowly one by one, work them out with your spouse.
3. It’s never late to seek professional help. Professional help will help you vent out the problem and get a neutral un-biased opinion on how to solve the issue.
Thanks for Reading,
Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, PGDPM)
Motivator – Counselor – Psychiatrist
For free online consultancy email at firstname.lastname@example.org