Life after 30? (part 1)

1. Within the Indian Society, does life change for men and women after 30? If Yes then How?

a. Yes, there is a change in life.
The change happens at all levels of health, namely social, physical and psychological.

At social levels – 
For those not married, society makes sure that marriage becomes the central topic of discussion whenever their name is mentioned.
Match-making “process” is put in full throttle, and everyone known jumps to counsel the person in question about the benefits of marriage, even if they are unhappy with their own.

For those who deny it, or want more "freedom", Eyebrows are raised. And the concept of "marigable" age adds fuel to further character assassination.

For those married, the society pressurises for kids. 
And if kids are present than further demands of own house, stable income, car, etc, etc are always present.

At physical levels-

The 20’s are the most active age of human life cycle. An individual is exposed to new ideas, new ways of living, starts earning, and gets accommodated into the “adult world”.
The long need of an adolescent to be identified as an adult is finally met.
It’s this time that also consumes a lot of physical resources. As men and women get into their comfort zones, the care for one’s body takes a back stage.
Post 27yr most men have given up the idea of “fitness”
And most women start adopting the same.

Post 30yr, the need of “fitness” is hardly felt so. Weight gain, sleep disturbances, poor eating habit, headaches, decreased stamina, increased alcohol and tobacco intake are common factors for decreased physical levels.

Cosmetic changes, hormonal changes are felt due to lack of physical fitness and proper diet.

Psychological levels-
Psychologically, as men and women mature, the rebellious adolescent nature starts to die down.
The integration into “Society” starts to be completed. Its this time that factors like family responsibility, financial needs, personal desires, etc start to dominate once actions.
As per newtons law, "every action has an equal and opposite reaction"  The amount of psychological energy pumped into creating a healthy living, is many times ricocheted back in the form of stress, anxiety and clinical depression.

Relationships also start having a more deeper meaning, and clash of personalities between co-workers, family and friends start having longer lasting psychological impact. 
These over-all add up to the stress load that a person carries.

2. With new found western influence, Is the life different in metro cities?

wait for part -2 
thanks for reading,

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS,PGDPM, MBPS, MD(mindmantra))
Motivational Speaker - Mind Trainer –
Emotional, Behavioral, Sleep, Memory and Sexual Health Consultant at Mind Mantra.
Facebook profile link -

Do you have Morning Joint Pains or Muscle stiffness that cures itself by evening?

Do you wake up in the morning feeling like you are just unable to get out of bed? 
Do you have joint aches and muscle stiffness all over the body?
Do you have joint aches or muscle stiffness only in the morning. It improves on its own as the day progresses? 

If you can answer yes to any of these questions then you may be suffering from a very common symptom of fibromyalgia – morning stiffness. 
As many as 90% of fibromyalgia sufferers complain that they are victims of morning stiffness. 

What is Morning Stiffness?
it’s stiffness that you feel when you first wake up in the morning. 
Most sufferers describe morning stiffness as a tightness in the muscles and joints throughout the body. This muscle joint stiffness usually lasts for at least 30 minutes, though it can last for hours. It also doesn’t exclusively occur in the morning – it can continue well into the afternoon and evening. 
This stiffness can cause aches and pains throughout the body.
This morning stiffness can have a huge impact on a person’s daily activities, making it difficult to sit, stand, or rest for extended periods of time.

Symptoms of Morning Stiffness
There are numerous symptoms that often occur with morning stiffness. one or more of the following is present:
  • tightness in the muscles after you wake up in the morning
  • stiffness in hands, fingers, feet, toes
  • gelling, or tightness in the muscles after periods of rest (ie. long car rides, sitting at the office, afternoon naps)
  • aching or throbbing pain, especially in the hands, arms, legs, and feet
  • inability to fully extend certain joints, limited range of motion
  • headaches particularly beginning at the base of the neck and extending over the head
  • stiffness in the head, back, and neck
  • insomnia
  • stiffness reoccurring at night

What Causes Morning Stiffness in Fibromyalgia? 
1. over-exercising of certain muscle groups
2. lack of exercise or activity
3. mental restlessness, stress or anxiety.
4. clinical levels of depression
5. collection of fluid in the joints
6. sleep disorders like sleep apnea or apnea
7. Physical or emotional trauma
8. Abnormal pain response. Areas in the brain that are responsible for pain may react differently due to one or more neuro-psychiatric conditions.
9. An infectious microbe, such as a virus.

How does Morning Stiffness Impact daily life?
Morning stiffness takes a toll on you by decreasing the productivity and quality of life.
1. Muscle stiffness and joint stiffness can make it difficult to go to work, drive a car, or even get out of bed in the morning. 
2. increase irritation, anger
3. appetite disturbances
4. poor performance at work.
1. Patients may start with physical therapy, exercise, and methods for reducing stress.
2. If these methods fail to improve symptoms, an antidepressant or muscle relaxant may be added to the treatment.
3. Patient education programs called cognitive-behavioral therapy, which help with coping skills, are an important part of the treatment plan.

thanks for reading,

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, PGDPM)
Mind-Body and Sexual Health Consultant Mind Mantra
free email consultation -

My article in DNA news PaPer

Hello friends,

Today's DNA newspaper has my inputs for the article on how to-be-brides can become obsessive-compulsive with the need of a perfect wedding.
the e-link for the same is,

thanks a lot for your support.

Dr.Hemant Mittal

Facebook - A New Way of Living Life on the Edge?

Facebook is one of the marvels of modern world. Not only has it created a virtual platform for people to socialize, but also created deep impact on the emotional and behavioral patterns of millions.

It provides a great platform for people to express their views, educate, socialize and even develop long lasting relationships.
Like all great inventions, it also has had some negative impacts. Specially in people with high degree of dependency, restlessness, sensitivity or loneliness."Case History" of such individuals range from those who have broken committed relationships based on the "relationship status" changes to those who attempted suicide based on online "bullying" or "embarrassment".
Facebook is a very powerful social tool, regular users tend to slowly develop love and affection for Facebook.
Such is the love for Facebook, that those who love it , can develop separation anxiety or symptoms of restlessness, stress, excessive thought generation, decreased sleep, concentration and even chest pain if they remain away from it for more than few hours or days.

Facebook love is a fatal attraction for many. Its like standing on the edge of your personal-professional life and preparing to dive into the abyss of the virtual world.

If you have more than 6 of the following traits, than you run the danger of becoming another "case-history" where a person breaks a committed relationship or commits self-harm because of Facebook.  It's time to be careful before as your subconscious mind is has started moving apart from real personal and professional life. This happens-

1. When you are ready to put off important work or use your study time to browse through Facebook and go through the photos that have been uploaded by various friends and family.

2. When you have access to the internet on your mobile phones and you always tend to visit the Facebook page at least once a day. You are always craving to know what is new on you profile.

3. You tend to have a rift or an argument with your partner or significant other about comments they have made on facebook.
4. You are on a rat race to add more friends to your list and always looking to add people.

5. You tend to get frustrated if you do not find a person you are looking for on Facebook.

6. You tend to check your profile at least 3 times a day. You need to know the latest as soon as you wake up in the morning, you will be browsing through this site whenever you are free and you will definitely check it once more before you retire for bed.

7. You will update your status at least 3 times a day. You will make sure the whole world knows what is happening with you. You will upload any photo you click. You will drown in your sorrows through Facebook and share all your good times too. Facebook is your life.

8. Over the months of facebook usage, you now require more time to get the same satisfaction levels.

9. You spend lot of your productive time thinking about what to post, how to get more people to like your posts/photos, etc.

10. Decreased or no access to facebook causes distress or impairs social, personal functioning such as wondering, mental restlessness, irritation, aggression, anger, thinking about what others might be thinking about you, etc etc.

Thanks for reading

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS,PGDPM, MBPS, MD(mindmantra))

Motivational Speaker - Mind Trainer –
Emotional, Behavioral, Sleep, Memory and Sexual Health Consultant at Mind Mantra.
free email counseling-

Mind Training Exercise For You

Mind Training

If you want to stay fit, you go to a gym, for a walk, do yoga, in one way or the other train your body. But when it comes to the mind, everyone expects it too be perfect.
Mind training is helping your mind channelise emotional energy to get the desired results.
Like in case of body training, it doesnt produce miracles in one day or one week or one month, but slowly and continously it can make changes which can amaze you.
Mind Training helps you channelise your energies in such a way, that you can increase your concentration, memory power, control appettite, control your weight, protect yourself from stress, etc etc... the possibilities are infinite.

A small exercise to help you channelise your emotional energy,

1. 1st step is to relax your mind.

shut yourself from the world. close all mobile phone, music players, laptops, any other diversions.

start with deep breathing. Every breath you take, count backwards from 15 to 1.

2. by the time you reach one, close your eyes and focus on the energy inside you.

3.its important that you feel the energy... it can be a positive energy or a negative energy... feel it.

4. slowly feel the energy being in your control. Imagine it moving around at your command, you can lead it anywhere you want.

5. Once you have gained control of that energy, focus on utilising that energy.
if you want to increase your concentration power, than see yourself directing it too increase your concentration power.
if you want to decrease your appetite, see it controling your appetite.

6. experience it helping you for around 30seconds to 1minute.

7. Then again start deep breathing and count from 1 to 15.
Open your eyes and experience the change in you.
Do this exericise at least 2 times a day.
Consult your doctor in case of any difficulty.
Patients of high blood pressure, clinical depression, diagnosis of mania/schizophrenia, should avoid such.
thanks for reading,
dr.hemant mittal (MBBS, PGDPM)
for personal free online consultation -

Wife Swapping

In Mumbai, April is the time of the year when the exams season end to give way for summer vacations. A good number of families take this opportunity to head out of the city for a long holiday. Like all other service industries, the medical community also experiences a major fall in the number of clients it services during this period.

The first Monday of 2011 "vacation" season" was as expected, quite sedate. Fewer than normal patients allowed me to dedicate more time for those who had come. It was rare to see myself having finished all my morning clinic appointments before lunch time. I returned after lunch for the 2 "telephone consultation" appointments of the day.

The first one went very well. I had a small 15minute breather before the next. This case was a little special. Most people who consult me on telephone have previously had an online dialogue with me. But today's second call was a little different. I just knew the name of the caller and that she wanted to talk to me about some problem of hers. 

15minutes later the phone ranged.

As I answered the phone, a gentle voice of a young lady politely answered from the other end of the line,
"Hello, Am I speaking to Dr.Hemant Mittal?"

"Hello, Yes Dr.Hemant on this side, I suppose I am talking to Mrs.Reena?” I responded softly.

"Hi, Doctor, Ya Reena here, how are you?" 

"I am fine Reena, tell me how can I help you?”

With Hesitancy in her voice,
"Well, hmm... Oh ok, I don't how to put it, but before we continue ahead, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, I am here to help you, kindly go ahead"

"Hmm, don't take me wrong, but I would like to know what is your moral point of view about relationships? And can you tell me how this counselling will help me?"

(From experience I know that many of those who call me or consult me are always initially apprehensive about talking to a psychiatrist. After all who wouldn't???  Everyone fears being labelled as "mad", so I proceeded ahead to explain her that I was not a conventional psychiatrist and my job was not to label her but to help her find solutions for emotional and behavioural problems that she might be facing.)

"I am nor a moral preacher nor a mad-labeller. As a counsellor, it’s my professional job to listen neutrally without judging you. It's my duty to understand the emotional difficulties you might be facing and help you find a solution for the same. It’s highly unethical and unprofessional to label someone with a "social tag". I can promise you I am extremely professional..."

After a pause of few seconds, with a little more comfort in her voice,
"You see doctor, I just want someone to hear me. I know my problem and its possible solutions... Just to tell you, I have already spoken about it with a few of my girl-friends and also a counsellor but I just get irritated when they start preaching about it."

I kept a silence, and let her continue,

"So if you are going to preach, I frankly wouldn't mind cutting our conversation short at this very moment?"

Understanding the frustrations in her voice, I softly replied,
"As I already told you, it's not within the professional definition of counselling to preach. And let’s keep this an open ended discussion, at any stage you feel I am preaching you can tell me so."

This gave her a confidence and she proceeded forward, 
"Ok, it sounds fair enough!" she said,

She took a deep breath, and continued,

"Well Doctor, I am from a good affluent family. And after completing my post-graduation, like most Indian girls, I got married."...
... “I got married to Mahesh 7yrs ago. It was an arranged marriage"

With a slight happiness in her voice,
"I don't want to sound cheesy, but it was love-at-first sight. We were on the same page since day one. And we knew it."

Her voice told me, how she was enjoying going into the past,
"It was a fairy tale wedding. It had everything I wanted. I got an amazing dress, a wedding planner designed all the events. Grand and great celebrations. We followed it with an amazing honeymoon in Europe"
"2yrs after marriage my son Dharmesh was born. It just made life Perfect."

A deep sigh...
“I don’t know if you believe in it or not, but I feel someone couldn't take our happiness and casted an evil spell on my family".... 

"After Dharmesh's 1st birthday, everything went wrong. Initially we started fighting on small issues. Slowly slowly insignificant topics became major ego-wars.... The fights moved from dining hall to bed room, and we started drifting apart emotionally and physically."

Another deep sigh, with sadness having taken over her voice,
"By the 5th year of our marriage we had become total strangers. We lived, ate and slept in the same house, but we seldom talked to each other. There was a period of 6months, were we avoided each other.... My in-laws, my parents, everyone tried to intervene, but we were just adamant...
It was a war of egos, it was as if we were waiting for the other to accept defeat before making any move towards normalcy"

By this time, I could sense she was silently crying on the other end of the phone. I decided to keep quiet, as I knew this wasn't the main topic why she had called me for. She continued,

"It was October of 2009, I had just returned from a weeklong stay at my parents house, when Mahesh said he wanted to talk to me. We sat down and spoke face-to-face after 6 months. We discussed our relationship at length. We discussed what had gone wrong, how it was affecting our family and friends, and above all how it was affecting us...
...That talk was one of the scariest experiences of my life. Many a times during it, I felt it will end with him asking for a divorce. For the first time in my life I realized I was an inch apart from losing him, and losing my entire world...."

(A deep silence followed. Re-living this moment was emotionally draining for her. The sigh and heavy breathing continued for a few seconds, and like the hero who uses every bit of energy left in his badly hurt body for that one last action move, she continued,)

“Midway through that conversation, Mahesh told me that he had spoken to Atit, his best friend, about us. Atit had recommended that since we both were a new age, open minded couple, we should broaden the boundaries of our relationship and explore new ways of improving our relationship. I agreed to whatever he would think fine, we would do it..."

"... A few days later, Mahesh came back home early. He was very excited. I hadn't seen him so excited in a long time. He grabbed my hand and hurriedly took me into our room. He had spoken to Atit in the morning, and tonight at one of our common friends farm house, there was a private party for couples who wanted to rejuvenate their vows. He asked me to get ready and that we will be leaving within a few hours..."

With slight anger in her voice, she continued,
"... Frankly, even thou Mahesh was shielding the truth from me, I already knew what this "rejuvenating experience and exploring newer borders" meant. Atit's wife was a close friend of mine, and had updated me  months ago. It’s a private gathering, where known couples meet, have few drinks, and at the end of the night inter-change their partners. Wife-swapping or partner swapping, whatever you might want to call it. She had already extended the invitation for same more than once.... Men think they know everything and we are fools... ughh!!!!"

I briefly interrupted her train of thought to avoid her going into negativity and helping her continue the venting out process,
"Hmm, sorry to interrupt you Reena, but would you tell me what was going in your mind at that time?"

Since my interruption had no "moral preaching" it helped her realize that I was actually listening to her,
"Hmm Doc... well, while I was getting ready for that night, I had hundreds of thoughts. It was a mixed bag of emotions. I had anger, fear and excitement all happening at once... We had been living like strangers for last 2years. It was as if I was alone in some deserted island in middle of the sea. I am human and I was longing for some emotional and physical satisfaction. I knew he also needed that...."

Suddenly she busted into a small childish laughter...
"Ha Ha Ha...Don't get me wrong, but while in the car on our way to the party, Mahesh tried his best to explain me about this "new experience" we were in the best politically correct way possible. It was so hilarious. Otherwise a dominant businessman, he was fumbling, nervous and sweating to talk about it. It was like a small kid who just had his first kiss and wants to confess about it... ha ha ha ha... the look on his face was priceless... 
... Since I didn't want to break his ego, I continued with the flow and let him explain me how important this could be to us... I just acted like the typical Indian housewife who initially reacted but finally accepted what her husband said... ha ha ha ha.. If the poor guy knew what was going inside of me..."

A deep breath, to regain her composure, and then she continued,
"We reached the venue, there were two other couples present there. Atit /Neha, and Suresh/Tanvi. Both of them were our closest friends. Secretly we all had known about this going on for long, but first time Me and Mahesh would be part of it. The evening went well... I did spend the night with a man other than my husband. And in the morning, it was a very different feeling that took over me..."

"... I won't deny that the next day I didn't feel a little disgusted on what had happened. But the excitement of having done something so different and  probably morally-illegal just kept taking me into a different pleasure zone. The next few months helped me kick out all guilt from my system, and we became regulars at such meetings. There were a few more couples who joined us and it became a sort of monthly ritual for us...."

".. As for Me and Mahesh, it did wonders for our relationship. Suddenly there was a new spark. Among a lot of things now we had a common topic of discussion. We secretly discussed and criticized our friends and their mannerisms in bed... It just took us out of our bad phase..."

(Even thou she was mentioning about a new happy moment in her life, her voice didn't have the earlier excitement, it was still too composed and professional. As if the director of a company making a presentation to the management.)

She continued in the same style,

"We are still part of this ritual, but now it's now things are changing for worst... 6 months after initiation I noticed how Mahesh would always try his best to get a particular lady as his date. As I was not comfortable with strangers being part of this activity, he would always insist we invite her and her husband to any such party we would be attending.... I discovered that he started spending time during the day talking to her. He would also meet her for lunch or coffee without informing me...
... I confronted him a few times, but he would always deny any such thing brewing up and would always have a great excuse.
.... I believe that trust is the soul of a relationship and its based on emotional connect. And slowly the soul of my relationship is going away."

The old sadness reincarnating within her voice, 
"I am just losing him emotionally and I cannot accept it. Now I feel it was better when we were avoiding each other. I have become a sort of barbie doll. In people eyes I am the great wife, and we are the perfect couple. Even for him its the same, but I am dying a slow death every day. We cannot leave our group, and if we stay it will ruin our relationship."

(The following was a lengthy discussion I had with her on how to improve her relationship and what decisions she could take)

(The names in this article have been changed. The client in concern had asked me to write her story so that it can be heard by everyone. Others can learn from her example that many times playing with fire can hurt yourself. She has given all consent for the same to be written and published.)

(This article is not meant to hurt anyone moral values or preach any moral values. Its focus is on relationship issues and the emotional pain they cause)

Thanks for reading, 

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, PGDPM, MD)
Consultant Emotional, Behavioural and Sexual Health at Mind Mantra
Free online counselling -

Find your "commitment quotient" - Are you commitment philic or commitment phobic?

1. If you were to put your interest vs your partners on a weighing scale,which way would the scales tip
A. My side would hit the ground.I'm more ready to get serious
B. The scale would settle in the middle
C. His/ her interest weighs down like a sack of potatoes

2. If in your favorite t.v. soap, the main male character just runs away from a wedding after engagement, how would you react
A. What a jerk! How could he do this to someone he loves
B. Thats how my last relationship ended
C. Why would anyone in their sane mind agree to get hitched in the first place

3. Youve been set up on a blind date and had a great time.How do you react
A. Sigh.I think I just met the love of my life
B. I think Ill ask him/her out again
C. He/she was nice,but what was up with the hair

4. When your partner suggests that you meet the parents,you:
A. Are thrilled
B. Are happy,but slightly nervous
C. Need a barfbag

5. You get a loving email/ text from someone youre dating.You:
A. Run to your mother and best friend and share your joy
B. Think this really made your day
C. Count the exclamations and smileys in abject horror

6. Youve been seeing someone for a few weeks.He/ she has met
A. Your parents
B. Your best friend
C. Your mattress

7. How often you see your partner is determined by:
A. Him/ her.Left up to you,youd spend every second together
B. Mutual agreement,depending on work and other commitments
C. You try to fit the dates in when you find the time

8. Your partner plans to change jobs and cities.You:
A. Suddenly decide you cant lose him/ her and pack your stuff
B. Think about whether youd like to move with him/ her
C. Wish him/ her luck and move on.Youre too settled to consider moving

9. You meet someone you like who belongs to a different religion/ faith.You
A. Good Lord! That makes no difference
B. Try your luck.Its not like every relationship works out
C. Meet my best friend - he/ she fasts every Tuesday too

10. When you meet married friends,you think:
A. Some people have it so easy.Why cant I have this
B. It’s good to see a great marriage.I hope that one day mine will be just as happy
C. Imagine having sex with one person for life! Egad!


YOURSCORE BASED ON your current outlook,your future love life is likely to look like this:

Youre way too clingy and need a relationship to validate your existence.Your self-esteem is dangerously dependent on your partner.Slow down and analyse the reasons you want a relationship and if youll end up settling for less than you deserve in your hurry to find a partner

Your outlook towards relationships is just right.Youre neither throwing yourself at someone in panic,nor are you nitpicking or trying to look for reasons to avoid a relationship.You take your time to make up your mind.Take care to maintain this balance and you will make the right choice.

The idea of a relationship makes you break out in a rash.If you have good reasons for not being ready,its a fair call but make sure youre honest with your partner.If youre simply making excuses,find out why the idea of a relatonship scares you.Get professional help if you think you need it,but dont play with someone elses feelings.It all comes back to bite later.


Thanks for Reading,
Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, PGDPM)
free email counseling –

The side effects of Internet/Computer Games

Did you know that more than two hours a day spent watching t.v. or playing internet/computer games could put you or your child at a greater risk of developing emotional and behavioral problems.?

Recent studies from USA and European medical researchers have found that spending more than 2hours spent on watching television or playing video games on daily basis increases the risk of psychological problems.

With more than 1000 participants per research,  the evaluating teams included neurologist, psychiatrists and psychologists. It compromised of detailed interviewing of parents, kids, friends and family members of the participants, to analyze their emotional, behavioral, sleep, concentration and memory patterns before and after developing a daily pattern of 2hrs or more of t.v./ video-games.

Thousands of kids were interviewed in regard to time spent doing physical activity, time spent daily in front of television/computer games, emotional state, behavioral patterns, social interaction with parents, family and friends, sleep patterns, memory and grades obtained in school.

The major finding was that children who had more than 2hr daily exposure to watching TV or playing computer games had upto 60 percent lesser performance in the all of the above mentioned criteria.

The study shows that adults indulging in a similar behavior have higher grade of coping problems than the children.

The 11 psychological problems that almost every single individual (child/adult) develops as side-effect of becoming "addicted" to internet/computer games are :-
  1. Increase in mood swings and mental restlessness.
  2. Behavioral problems - increased violence, rage, change in language patterns and disrespect to adults
  3. Decline in memory performance
  4. increase in Body pain, gastric problems and decreased immunity.
  5. Attention and concentration problems. Even forgetting simple things like day and time.
  6. Detrimental school performance (as the time spent in video games increased the marks/grades obtained at school decreased)
  7. Family and social interaction problems. Child remains alone or negative approach to relationships and society.
  8. Decreased restorative sleep.With increased body and eyes movement during sleep.resulting in stunted growth patterns.
  9. Greater chance of loosing into a fantasy world.
  10. Withdrawal effects on suddenly stopping TV/computer- these include restlessness, nightmares, panic attacks, irritation, fever, anger, lack of sleep.
    Most of them are unable to stop because they cannot take these severe withdrawal effects. A great majority require immediate treatment for these withdrawal effects elsewise can induce development of permanent anxiety disorder or clinical depression.
  11. More than 300% increases in chance of acquiring smoking, alcohol, cannabis or drug addictions.

Psychological problems further increased if there was a less than an hour of moderate exercise on daily basis, lack of nutritious diet and sedentary life style.

leave your comments, or contact me at 
Dr.Hemant MittaL
Motivational Speaker - Mind-Body Healer
(MBBS, PG.DPM, M.D.(Mind Mantra Wellness Concepts - Mumbai))
(Specialize in Emotional, Behavioural, Sleep, Memory, Concentration and Sexual Health)
Contact at -

The low after the High

The Low after the High

"Every action in the universe is targetted for happiness" - ancient Hindu Text.

Happiness is a powerful force that attracts every single organism in the universe towards it. Its the power within this emotion that motivates an individal to perform even the impossible tasks.

In todays world, of all the forms of happiness, the greatest is experienced when a desire or expectation comes true. The commonest examples are the girl/boy of your dreams saying yes to your proposal, getting instant fame, winning a contest, your team winning a big game, getting a better job, getting into college, shifting to a new home, a senior accepting he is wrong, etc.

The greater your expecatation the greater the happiness.

Expecation and desired based happiness follows a "bells curve". Step by step, there is a gradual built up of expecations. This eagerly increases the need to attain success. As the built up keeps happening, the need to reach the final step increases. A step before the finally being labeled as success, the need for it is so high that the emotional system is charged with unimaginable amount of enegry. On attaining success, the emotional volcano finally explodes, leading to uncontrolled feeling of happiness and joy.

A few hours or days (depending on the emotional involvement), the mind finds itself handicapped to maintain the same levels of euphoria. If left unattended, as in most cases, this subconsciously starts decreasing happiness and increasing sadness. Thou the inital steps of decent are not conciously notable, its only after few days or weeks that the individual starts comparing the present situation with that heightend moment of happiness, creating a comparative low for himself/herself. If left unattended it subconciously triggers an adjustment problem with the current situation leading to two or more of the following emotional and behavioral problems.

1. Increased mental restlessness. Constant racing of thoughts about present and past situation.
2. Avoiding friends, family or office-mates. Loneliness starts to become a friend.
3. Feeling sad of not having the same happiness.
4. Fear that current situation might not improve or people around might be judging one's attitude/personalities.
5. Mood swings - sudden changes in mood. From being happy at one minute to sad the other.
6. Increased negativity leading to anger and irritation against near and dear ones.
7. Decreased interest in physical intimacy or sexual pleasure.
8. guilt or self-blame for taking wrong decisions.
9. Intense need to change the current situation for better.

How to Come out of this adjustment problem?

a. Some who can listen to you. - To talk it out is a very important cathartic process. It means you friends, family or a professional listen to what you are saying. Listening means that they hear you out completely, it doesnt mean that they give their counter opinion.

b. Counseling - a session where tools like CBT, REBT, NLP can be used to regulate the thought process and chanelize the energy towards positivity.

c. SOS help - if the stress is increasing at uncontrolable rates, a childs dose of non-sedative, non-addictive anti-stress medication can be given for immediate use.

d. in moderate to severe cases a combination therapy of counseling along with medications has to be used. If not done so changes in the brain structure can happen due to the altered blood supply, leading to long term body-mind health problems.

Thanks for reading,

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, PGDPM)
emotional, behavioral, memory, sleep and sexual health consultant at Mind Mantra
for free email consultancy -