Depression - Why is it so important?

Depression - Why is it so Important?

Everyday I meet many people who have been sad and lonely for weeks, months and in many cases years.

The relatives (father, mother, wife, sister, etc) have a simple stance - " Why come to a psychiatrist? He/She ain't mad... Just feeling sad... We will give him/her some good counseling and they will improve!"

Why Do Repeated Counseling from friends and family Fail to cure the sadness and loneliness?

Answer - The human brain is an organ like no other. Misunderstood and lack of knowledge about it is present in a great majority, but everyone seems to be an expert in its functioning.

I am sure most people who feel only counseling or talk-therapy (as popularly called) will be aware of the fact that Depression has the following biological effects on the brain:
a. decreased blood circulation
b. decreased nervous functioning
c. decreased production of neuro-chemicals and hormones.

Over-all decrease of Brain activity leads to following symptoms of depression.
(anyone having 5 or more requires immediate treatment)
1.Sad or depressed Mood thru most of the day.
2. Decreased interest in activities
3. Sleep Problems - lack of sleep or excess of sleep
4. Weight Problems- Drastic Increase or Decrease in Weight in last one month.
5. Feeling Restless/ agitated thru out the day.
6. Slowing of thought process - not able to do things as quickly as before
7. Fatigue or loss of energy thru out the day.
8. lack of confidence in self.
9. Decreased Memory Power- decreased in the ability to think, concentrate, inability to take decisions.
10. Thoughts of leaving everything and going away, /or Thoughts of Suicide / Self-Harm.

Why does it require treatment?
Any part of the body that doesn't get proper blood circulation slowly starts to die.

in depression, not only blood circulation, but also nervous functioning and neuro-chemicals levels go down, hence-forth creating a 3-way harm and destruction of brain.

what treatment is effective?
treatment has to be based on a proper 40-45min evaluation of the personality of the individaul, factors and causes of stress and depression.
Only a detailed session can reveal the deep subconscious problems of the client.
based on it, a combination of two or more of the following is effective:
a. venting out - talking or actions thru which negative emotions are brought out
b. mental training - exercises thru which the brain is thought to be motivated
c. psychological helps - small techniques to battle episodes of high restlessness and anxiety
d. meditation techniques
e. medicines - psychiatric medicines are not always sedative and addictive and dont have to be taken for life.

if prescribed in the right way, the right psychiatrist can provide with non-sedative and non-addictive medicines used for only a few weeks.

also not always psychiatric medications are required, many times food and nutrient suppliments might be the problem.

many times ayurvedic and homeopathic medications also are very effective.

the psychiatrist should spend enough time with the patient to understand his/her problem and accordingly design a treatment for them.

for any further help, email me at

dr.hemant mittal
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Ghosts, Black Magic and Possessions - Is your mind ready to fight them?

Ghosts, Black Magic and Possessions !!!

One of the most common questions that I face as a psychiatrist is the one related to Para-psychology, namely Ghosts, black magic or possessions.

Every day I get to see many people who have been affected by the same in some way or the other.

While many people love to put a mask and call it a behavior exhibited by lower socio-economic class people, the truth is that the higher the social status, higher the indulgence.

Even though modern science is still to find relevant long standing proof for these entities, we cannot discount that the mention of the above has been present since ancient times.

Call it popular belief which still has to be scientifically approved or a game the brain plays due to interaction of various chemicals, the truth is that sometime or the other a great majority of people facing emotional problems have thought about them.

Those in emotional distress affected by these phenomenons can be categorized as:

1. those who feel someone has done some black magic over them. - In majority cases the suspicion is upon a family member, friend, colleague or known person.
these commonly include:
a. their thoughts and actions are being controled
b. bodily harm
c. the occurrence of diseases which were earlier not present.

2. Those who feel that a ghost is troubling them. - its one or more of the following:
a. they can feel someone following them.
b. someone who can read their mind.
c. someone inside their mind, who continuously talks to them
d. are able to see people, animals who only they can interact with.
e. their thoughts are being controlled
f. unusual experiences of touch, smell that others cannot feel.

3. those who take the help of tantriks, black-magic experts, etc to solve their problem.
These people have extreme restlessness. Their mind is not calm. A great majority feels guilty of using such services, as it clashes with their socio-cultural beliefs, but find it impossible to control themselves from indulging in the same as fulfillment of desire is essential.
the purposes for the same are:
a. extreme negativity against a specific individual or group of individual. Looking to cause some harm, without anyone coming to know they have done it.
b. trying to get back a loved one or trying to control a loved one, without he/she knowing you are doing it.
c. extreme restlessness regarding lack of fulfillment of desires.

The biggest issue behind this behavior is Mental restlessness.

Its a proven fact that 90% people affected with the above issues are infact suffering from extreme mental restlessness.
This makes them emotionally weak and an easy prey.

The biggest catch is that most of such people never ever think about curing their mental restlessness along with their fight against the para-psychological.

There is no instant or magical cure for Mental Restlessness... Mental Restlessness is an emotional, biological and psychological issue...
It affects your way of thinking,
it changes the blood circulation in the brain leading to chemcial and hormonal changes
 to the past experiences all of them affect you... its a medical condition, that has both medical and non-medical cure.

If you love yourself Seek cure for your mental restlessness... It will make you strong.. and a strong mind can battle any negative force from the universe.

Dr.Hemant Mittal
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Mystic Pyramid of Subconscious Power

The Egyptian Pyramids are one of the most mystic symbols of energy flow in the world.

Science, Religion and Spiritually Enlighted gurus over the last thousands of years have vindicated what the Pyramids metaphorically thought us.

What is this Teaching - "As you start accumulating energy into a smaller space it becomes more and more powerful".

Subconscious Energy

The subconscious mind is a pool of infinite energy. Thoughts, emotions, behavior, aura, cosmic rays, this energy has hundreds of different names and forms.

The subconscious energy follows the same principle that the pyramids have thoughts us.
Just like electricity which can flow through infinitely long cable wires, but when passed through a small bulb can illuminate an entire room.

The power of Subconscious energy?

The greater your control over subconscious energy, the greater your control over the universe outside and inside of you.
The greater your control over the universe, the more powerful and enlightened individual you become.
The point will come where - Nothing is impossible.

Levels of Subconscious Energy -

1. The base of the Pyramid - Infinite restlessness -
Our subconscious mind is continuously restless.. There is an non-stop flow of emotions, thoughts, wants and desires... You see a new car you want it, you see life-style of rich and famous you want it... something bad happens the thoughts keep haunting you... You keep longing for a great memory
For example - a learned man once thought me - you walk today.. tomorrow you will wish for a cycle... once you get the cycle.. you will wish for a scooter... once you get the scooter... you will wish for a car... once you have a car... you will want a luxury car...
is it bad? NO... because that's how the basic level of our subconscious is programmed.

2. The first level of the pyramid - The choice -
From the infinite base of thoughts, desires and wishes you have to make a choice...
Making a choice isn't as easy as it seems.
Because this where our brain plays havoc.
The higher your restlessness, the tougher to make the right choice.

For example - If you see that your friend/family member has bought himself/herself a new TV, its natural to feel the need to buy the same or buy something better.
The moment you make the choice, your brain bombards with negative thoughts. Money, TV make, Offers, etc etc plague your mind and many times differ you from taking the decision.

3. The second level of the pyramid - Memory -
Our memory is the second most powerful source of energy we have.
If we have a bad/good memory regarding someone or something, no matter how much we resist it, we automatically land up judging.
For example - A good friend of mine, every time I would go out with him, he would suggest the same set of places and have the same set of foods he would order.
Once I asked him why such a set, he confidently said "tried and tested is better".
95% people think "tried and tested is better".. be it in choosing a restaurant, making friends or even loving self.

4. The Top of the Pyramid - The Subconscious Eye opener

Once an individual has been able to conquer his restlessness, make a choice and get rid of the negative memories associated with that choice, the time for acceptance comes.
The power of your subconscious eye opens up. You can see and experience what others cannot.
Anything you wish, desire or want automatically comes to you.
The world mirrors according to what you.

For example - When you go to a restaurant to eat, above of all things you want your plate to be clean. No one likes to eat in a dirty plate.
Once Your subconscious eye opens, your subconscious becomes a clean plate ready to accept the great and tasty food from the cosmic universe.

For further, you can email me at -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
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The Grief stuck Husband – How to cope with the Death of a Wife?

In the study of Human Psychology and Psychiatric Medicine the term Grief is one of the most dangerous signs to encounter.  
Grief refers to the loss of a loved one through death.  A simple word whose severe emotional and physical impact can only be experienced never understood.

In this article I will focus on the grief reaction experienced by a loving husband on the loss of his wife.

Why is this “word” of such Medical Importance?
Medically Grief symbolizes a severe, sudden and negative psychological impact on the subconscious, conscious and super-conscious.
In simpler words a sudden event that destroys the entire belief system of an individual.
Medically it also denotes the start of various short term and long term effects on the entire health spectrum (that is, mental, social, financial and sexual) of an individual.
The severity of losing a loved one to death can be assessed by the fact, that the International scale for stress measurement has pronounced it as the single most traumatic condition any individual can encounter in a life-time.

Psychological reasons why losing a wife to sudden death can be more devastating than losing a husband?

1. The Man – Family Protector
Traditional viewpoints to harbour in the deep mind set of 90% men. Traditionally a man see’s his role in the family as a protector and provider.
Being unable to save his partner from death is a major setback to his traditional belief system. This makes him question is viability as a male?

2. Home Affairs
The Wife naturally shares a lot of social, family and personal responsibilities. Household management without the soul-mate seems irrational and causes irritability.
Handling the household becomes an added responsibility which adds to the emotional pain related to the trauma of the loss.
3. The Man – The superhero
Traditional wisdom stops men from crying publically. Is it right or wrong? Is a personal decision. But certainly it hampers the venting out options that men have. While many take upon addictions (smoking, alcohol, drugs, promiscuous sexual activity) as a recluse or inability to vent out.
Macho attitude is very good for films... But anger, sadness, frustration, helplessness, hopelessness, worthlessness are psychological nuclear bombs that need a cure. 
4. Long Term Grief –
Losing a partner or a soul-mate isn’t a one day or one week or one month affair. I find it really ridiculous when people try to counsel a husband with “don’t worry this phase will pass, you will soon move on?”
Losing a partner is losing a part of you. A part full of emotions, memories, and love... Its extremely difficult to detach from those memories. As the initial shock settles these memories become ghosts and start haunting.
Such is the haunting, that memories can be triggered at any moment, at any place and at any time of the day.

5. Addiction Trap
“Devdas” glorified the use of addictive substances (alcohol, drugs and sex) as a way to fight the emotional pain caused by loss of a partner.
Sadly this has become a holy grail for those suffering from such a condition. An “valid” explanation to indulge into escapism.
Unfortunately the writer of that script was never exposed to scientific research which demonstrated that alcohol, drugs and sex taken during periods of emotional loss infact increase the depression and sadness leading to a long-term miserable emotional life.

What are the stages of grief?
The five stages of the grief cycle -
  • Stage of Denial or stage of shock – its impossible to accept the loss. The brain is flooded with images of the loved one. Behaviour pattern might range from complete silence to hallucinations (believing that the person is still alive)
  • Stage of Anger -  Anger starts to come against self, society and family. “what if we where late by two minutes?”, “what if you hadn’t called us that day?”,  “What if I had taken a better decision?”... “What if...” starts to bother the mind... It’s also shows are easy irritability and anger.
    Bouts of unwanted anger can be experienced.
  • Stage of bargaining -  Bargaining with god or higher power. “Why did he/she come into my life, if they had to go away?” “Why did we be at that place at that moment?” “why couldn’t you take me instead of her?”
    The bargain has no limits, but fuels more and more anger.
  • Stage of Clinical Depression – This stage is present since the phase of anger. It’s demarcated by loneliness, sadness, crying episodes, appetite changes, feeling guilt, feeling hopelessness, helpless and worthlessness without the loved one.
  • Stage of Acceptance – After the Clinical depression has been resolved, as person accepts that “death is a transitional event”... It might be an end to the physical union of two individuals. But life has to be still lived upon. Many people develop a “altruistic” mentality and prefer to

What are the short term and long term effects of grief on Health Spectrum?

The greater the love and connect between a couple, the sever the impact of his/her loss.

1.70% of individuals who have lost a loving partner to sudden death, contemplate about suicide during the first 1 year.

2.80% of individuals who have lost a loving partner to sudden death, develop major depressive disorder within 6months – the major signs and symptoms include sadness of mood throughout the day, lack of interest in any daily activity, increased health illness ( blood pressure, heart issues, body pains, headaches, concentration/memory difficulties, sleep difficulties, weight issues, appetite disturbance, irritation and anger)

3.Upto 60% experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – recurrent, daily thoughts and flashbacks about the partner that hamper social and occupational functioning.

4.Anxiety disorders – fear and irritation of interaction with society, with family members, no hope about the future, stopping one self from developing new relationships.

5.Addictions – Using an external source or substance to run away from emotional pain. Slowly the usage of such an substance is increased to such an extent that an individual becomes addicted to the same.

The most common substances of addiction – Smoking, Alcohol, Drugs (marijuana, cocaine, ecstasy, etc), Promiscuous sexual behaviour (increased sexual urge)

6.Personality Changes – The effect of losing a wife is such that the brain has to “shut down” the functioning of certain parts. Microscopic changes in brain structure lead to personality changes. From anti-social, depressed, to obsessive compulsive the spectrum of personality change can be extremely wide and in majority of cases negative.


How  To Cope with Death of a wife?
We have to respect the fact that every individual is unique in his own way. Henceforth the level of grief one will experience is entirely dependent on:
a. Connect and love with wife
b. Sharing of responsibilities with wife
c. Situation in which wife died.
d. Future plans and ideas with wife
e. Family Structure

The Positive ways of coping with the death of a loving soul-mate is:
a.Understanding the phases of grief one will go through
b.Fighting guilt that originates by positive thoughts and rational thinking
c.Having a few friends in front of whom one can express his entire emotional range
d.Keeping aside traditional views and giving time for self
e.Avoiding addictions
f.Avoiding anger/irritable situations by moving out of the place
g. Meditation 30min a day
h.Consult a professional psychiatrist if emotional pain is hampering with memory, sleep, appetite, work or social interactions.

For Further discussion, feel free to email me at
Dr.Hemant Mittal
Email –
Website –

The Secret behind The Law of Attraction

The Secret of Life... 

A common question many people ask me is ... Does the law of attraction really work?

My personal and professional opinion and experience on the same - YES IT DOES.

Unfortunately, most people have a misconception about the law of attraction. People take it as a psychological a magic trick or an emotional genie that will satisfy all their desires.

For most, people forget that its a law.. And it has clauses that need to be followed.

Like any other human development law its very easy to preach but equally difficult to practice...

The vast majority who try to practice it fail because of the following psychological pattern their mind follows:

Phase 1 - first few week(s) -  they are euphoric and have a great sense of realization.

Phase 2 - the euphoria dies down. The person might feel the peace within, but slowly a sense of ego start to rise .
Escaping from problems is thought to be a part of law of attraction.
Considering yourself more knowledge to others, creates instant judgement about them.
Negatives thoughts are harboured for a few minutes.

Phase 3 - back to square one - the law is used more like a door-mat to cover up for mistakes, desires and needs that haunt the mind.
the law becomes an excuse.
negativity is back to square one.

The TRUTH- If you truely want to have the power that the law of attraction provides, you have to be ready to break comfort zone.

Its a Law.. and as every law, it has clauses that need to be satisfied. Without satisfying these all your emotional, financial, physical and psychological desires will never full-filled.

If you truely want to be part of the great psychological and spiritual frame where this law works.. Be ready to bring change in your emotional and psychological lifestyle... be prepared to live by the law.... every single minute, every single hour, every single day f...

If you Even fall once from its grace, you will have to start from zero.

The law of attraction is a blissful state not matched to any other... provided you are ready to accept and live by every single one of the following clauses, at every single moment of your life.

For further discussion feel free to email me-

Dr.Hemant Mittal
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Sexual Behaviour - Indian Women vs English Women

My article in today's DNA
Survey in England, proves that working women there have highest sexual libido at 11pm on Saturday Night. Is it true for india also.

mother daughter rivalry

Mother - Daughter Rivalry - A truth that many blindfold themselves from

Dr.Hemant Mittal

Finding the right Room/Flat Mate

Finding the right Room mate is a psychological trauma. Read my Article in DNA on

dr.hemant mittal
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Don't Wish without Happiness

In middle of a counseling session, suddenly the cell-phone of the client started ringing...
He politely turned it off... But within a few seconds it was again buzzing.

Noticing his anxiety, I asked him to go ahead and answer the call.

"Hello, Haan mein thoda busy hu... Kya hua..."
 (a small pause, the person from the other side spoke)

"Acha, WOW... Very Good.. I am so Happy... Great Going.. This Calls for a Grand Celebration..!!"
(an exchange of good-byes and then he hung up.)

Immediately after that he tells me,
"See Doctor, This is what I meant!!! The whole Bloody world is making progress in life, but I am just stuck were I am... One day I will be at the top and they will cry"


Dr.Hemant Mittal

Does The Past Haunt You?

One of the commonest symptoms I encounter at the Mind Mantra Wellness Clinic is "the Haunting Past".

A series of events over a few years, or a sudden event is so deeply embedded into the memory cells of the brain, that it keeps triggering vivid images in their mind.

The past becomes a ghost that keeps haunting.

Medically Speaking -
the impact of events onto the memory cells is such, that they trigger the rest of the brain cells to function disproportionately.
Depending on the exact location of brain cells most affected, the following symptoms are seen:

1. "Reliving" the event -

a. Flashback episodes, where the event seems to be happening again and again
b. Repeated upsetting memories of the event
c. Repeated nightmares of the event(s)
d. Daily activities can trigger Strong, uncomfortable reactions to situations that remind you of the event

2. Avoidance -

a. Emotional "numbing," or feeling as though you don't care about anything
b. Increased sadness in the heart.
c. Having a lack of interest in normal activities
d. Avoiding places, people, or thoughts that remind you of the event
e. Feeling like you have no future

3. Normal Brain Activity disruption -

a. Difficulty concentrating
b. Restless mind - constantly running train of thought.
c. Feeling irritable
d. Outbursts of anger which later make you feel guilty.
e. Having trouble falling or staying asleep
f. Continuous Headaches
g. Feeling your heart beat

If any one has 2 or more from each of the above 3 groups, then he/she requires immediate treatment.

Most people who visit me at the Mind Mantra Clinic, take a lot of time to seek help. They have more than 4-5 symptoms from each group. Leading to years of sadness and depression, which could have been prevented long ago. And they could live very happy years.


1. Listening to the events in a professional and structured way. (regular listening is too unstructured and focused on non specific information that dilute the meaning of the "cathartic" session)
2. Medical Check-up - to see the physical damage caused by over-active brain.
3. Complete psychiatric evaluation - that judges the degree of pain and the coping capabilities to fight this problem.

For any further discussion on this topic, feel free to email me

Dr.Hemant Mittal
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The Power Within You

Be it USA, Latin America, Europe, Africa or India.. one thing I have found common to the human race is that we love to JUDGE!!!
1. color
2. cast/creed
3. Religion
4. Money...

the list is infinite..even something as insignificant as a Cell-phone instantly creates an impression about the other person in your mind...

And why do we do all that, so that we can ultimately get -
1. fame
2. power
3. money
4. sex

and then I look at the photo below... and it tells me... The more you judge, the lesser of the above 4 will you enjoy...

Lets be frank.. We cannot Stop Judging... We can decrease it, but not stop it.

We can though, Start appreciating the Power of Human Spirit...

Imbibe and Accept the power to realize a dream... And take actions to achieve it..

No path is rosy... Nothing comes true without efforts... that only happens in the movies...

but every path is emotionally, psychologically and materialistically fulfilling...

no success is permanent and no failure is ultimate... be positive!!

Dr.Hemant Mittal
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How to Leave aside my Laid Back Self?

How to leave aside my Laid Back Self?

This is probably One of the commonest questions asked to me at the Mind Mantra Wellness Clinic...

"I wake up late, how can I wake up early?"
"I plan a lot for the day, but cannot complete my tasks?"
"My memory fails me, I cannot concentrate for more than few hours at work"
"I have an habit of day-dreaming?"
"I am always leaving everything for later. In the end I have more than what I can do"

These are some of the various different disguises in which this question is presented.

So cutting a long story short, What is the solution.
Unfortunately there is no magic wand to change you over-night.
But there is step wise guideline that can help you.

1. What do You want?
Do you really know what you want, or you are just trying to ape someone else.
90% people are just trying to become someone else. It could be their best friend, the guy/girl who always gets applauded at work, the friend who always seems happy and busy.

The moment you stop copying and try to be original, you are ready for change.

Believe you me, this is the toughest phase of all. Being Original is so difficult for most.
It doesn't happen over-night. And takes a lot of self-determination to do it.

You like it or not, its the only way out!!!

so Pull Up your Socks or keep Complaining life long!!!

(A great movie scene that showcases what I mean to say is... the movie 3 idiots, where after a suicide attempt, Sharman Joshi has gone for a Job Interview.
The interviewer asks him to tone down on his attitude, to which he says,
"16 hadiya tudwa kar, 2 mahine bistar par beth kar yeh attitude aaya hai...Mein apni life ke saat kuch na kuch productive to kar lunga, but mein yeh attitude nahi jaane dunga"

Be Original, get the change in you!!!

2. Once you Stopped aping others, and are more comfortable in your skin. It's time for goal setting.

Parents come and tell me - "we want him/her to wake up early in the morning"...

And I ask-  What after that...

common answer - once he/she is up, kuch na kuch tho karega hi... kamse kam soyega tho nahi.

Frankly very very lame!!!!

Don't think of waking up early in the morning as your goal... Think what you will do after you wake up.

If you want to be productive... start thinking beyond minor goals... and start creating major goals...

3. Fitness -
16yrs of living in India and one thing I have realized, Everyone thinks of themselves as a doctor....

I wonder if it was so easy, I spent 9yrs in vain studying MRI's, CT scans, endless nights at the hospital with patients.... could have just read some articles in the newspaper or on the internet and started medicating and advocating.


70% of clients I see, have been negating their problems for years... Under the FALSE BELIEVE that they can cure it...

a. Nutritional Deficiencies
b. Clinical Depression
c. Generalized Anxiety
d. Continuous Fatigue or Chronic Fatigue syndrome
e. Mental Fatigue and Burn-out
f. Back aches, head-aches
g. Sleep Problems
h. Gastric problems - acidity, constipation, etc
i. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
j. Weight Problems - Weight gain, no control on eating, obesity.

1 in every 3 people has one or more of the above.

99% have looked at magazine articles, internet read outs, friends advice to solve the issue....  90% have recurrently failed!!!

STOP FAILING... STOP BEING A COWARD... Do Something for yourself... Seek the right help!!!

4. Being Stupid is easier than Being Human.

A common disease spreading among the society is STUPIDITY...
People have stopped thinking and started following the herd.

A small example -
The ever increasing number of youngsters who spend multiple hours in the gym trying to create a picture perfect body is a very encouraging sign for healthy society. But is that the true picture?
ask them why they are doing it, and 85% people will have one of the following answers -
a. either to impress a boy/girl ...
b. so they become "strong" and no one messes with them.
c. one to have a "Body" which is better than Others.

I wish someone would educated them -

all three answers only reflect the poor self-image and the high inferiority complex these guys and girls carry in their subconscious mind.

1. a great relationship doesn't depend on your physical attributes...but your mental one.
and if you are just after a one-night stand or a quick sexual encounter... than why cry about need for love and being loved.!!!

2. creating body strength to compete for power is just a show of how much inferiority complex you harbor in your mind.
you don't have confidence on your mind, so seek to do it by your body.

Hope you have noticed that the most powerful people in the world... from the richest and to the most powerful.. bill gates to barack obama...  where never body-builders or power-builders... they where masters of the mind.

instead of having a BOUNCER mentality... and becoming some Brute Force junkie, use that great organ called brain that god has gifted you with... Power, fame and money will all be yours.

3. wanting a "body" better than others... is a classical example of body dysmorphic disorder... or a dangerous psychiatric disorder in which an individual is obsessed with having the picture perfect body... such individuals are so easily manipulated at jobs, by friends and by society that they land up complaining and crying.

You can leave the laid back attitude and become a very productive individual... Just accept and prepare yourself for the change..

for any further discussion, feel free to contact me through email

Dr.Hemant Mittal
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10 Guidelines to a Successful Relationship

Over the years I have been thankful to the thousands of people who I have had the chance of helping as a psychiatrist. Each and every one of them has thought me something about life. 

Relationships has been one field of human psychology which has always attracted me. The complex interactions can never be summoned into one simple document. 

Over the years after meeting hundreds of couples dating or married, the one line I can safely say is that “There is no Guarantee for a Successful Relationship”.

Even the most compatible of partners can have a fall-out on the stupidest of issues. Though like every team work, there are guidelines that can help you create a long lasting “successful and happy relationship”

1. Togetherness –  
A few years ago, just having completed my Post-Grad. in Psychiatry medicine,I met a couple who had been together for 30 years.
The most ironic part was they weren’t married and nor did they live-in under the same roof.
Even after all those years, they were just two teenagers in love.

It’s one of the few situations in life, where I have so over-whelmed by the feeling of love.

At that point, my logical mind, just rushed into a restlessness to ask them “How and why this life”
Their answer – “Son, we never battled, just loved.”
At that moment, I thought age had taken over them, and they really needed to consult me professionally. :)

They followed it with – “We just fell in love. From there we went through ups and downs to understand the beauty and power of love in our life... Like every young couple in love, we had our share of problems. Family, society, social rules, etc. But we understood that what we both wanted was Togetherness.”
“Togetherness?” - I questioned
"It sounds stupid and illogical, but Love is not just about constructing castles and raising a family... it’s about being there and smiling together.”
The old lady added – “A few years after initial dating...we went through a lot of ups and downs. That’s when one day we promised each other, that no matter how mad or angry we are, every night for 10minutes we will discuss on something that is completely unrelated to our current life... We made it an habit and 25yrs later we still do it... It still makes us wonder how much we can learn from the other person...and that increases the feel of togherness”

2. Be Direct –
One of the biggest traps for any relationship is “wait and watch approach”. 
There might be a behaviour pattern that you don’t like in your partner,  most will “wait and watch” for him/her to “understand and change”.
Unfortunately as he/she indulges in that behavior pattern, it becomes a habit. Habits are very difficult to let go.

If something is bothering you, be direct.

Remember – Don’t see Change as bad or as a relationship destroyer. It's the only constant that can create a better and more beautiful relationship.  

3. Fear-  
 As human beings we are loaded with emotions. One of the emotions we all carry is fear.  As much as we try to deny it, our heart has more than one fear.
Fear drives us to behave in very different ways. We might end up doing things we aren’t proud of or we don’t believe in.
Learn to recognize your fears and win over it.

4.  Biology – 
Our body is made of thousands of chemicals. 

Two very prominent are hormones and neuro-chemicals (chemicals made in the brain).

It’s the interaction of these chemicals that determine how we interact with each other.

For example a man very high on testosterone levels will have very high sexual desires. Similarly a woman high on testosterone might act very manly or be very tom-boyish in her approach to life.

Similarly someone with fluctuating serotonin levels is bound to have more emotional outbursts and mood swings.

Understanding your biology is essential to understand yourself and your relationship.

5. Respect and Honor – 
 Criticizing comes natural to a great majority. Finding a fault is so easy.

The day we understand that “Perfection is momentary, and chaos is eternal”  relationships become sweeter and deeper.

Respect and honour is mutual. Feeling respected and cherished by the one you love makes life sweet.

6. The devils Right hand – Anger - 
  Anger is a relationship killer. I like to call it the devils right hand. 

It makes you self-centered. 
It creates boundaries in love. The miracle called love and the feeling of love is looked upon with a raised eyebrow.  

Soon you are looking at family, friends, work and society to help you escape from “togetherness”.
It creates boundaries to sharing. It creates boundaries to peace. And it creates boundaries to love.

7.  You understand the worth of love when its gone. – 
Every 6-9months monotony starts seeping into a couple’s life. They get bored with seeing each other every morning. They know each other’s routine so perfectly that life is “stagnant”.

Love is an energy. Like any other form of energy, it’s impossible to keep it stagnant. 

Once a year, a couple should spend some time away from each other. It could be days, weeks or months. 

But being away, without any communication helps tighten the bond. You never forget the worth and blessing of love.

8. Friendship – 
Many couples develop this junior-senior attitude. While the husband is a junior in the kitchen and in raising the children, the wife is the same when it comes to finances and decision making.

When equality and friendship is removed from a relationship, it starts killing the romance and becomes a business deal.

Don’t run your relationship like an office,  instead enjoy it like a student.

9.  Colonel Dependency – 
 We love to be dependent on someone else. After all why do the effort when someone else is fulfilling the needs.
Unfortunately Dependency is a double edged sword. It becomes a psychological weapon, used to win mind games played in a relationship.

Tears, accusations, guilt generation are just soldiers of colonel dependency that attack Love with vengeance.

10. Give and Take -  
Every relationship is based on gave and take. Understand how much you can give and how much you want to take from a relationship.
Be very direct and practical on your approach. Because no one can just keep giving and no one can keep taking.

Love is beautiful and simple emotion. We complicate it.
Sometimes it’s important to un-learn all that we have learned and love with simplicity.

For any further discussion, feel free to email me at
Dr.Hemant Mittal (Counselor -  NeuroPsychiatrist)
email –
 (all discussions are kept secret)

4 techniques used by salesman to fool you into buying?

4 common tricks used by Salesman to fool you into buying?

In some ways, sales representatives are the masters of consumer psychology. Tasked with turning window shoppers into paying customers, they employ a series of techniques that can persuade even the most grizzled consumer into making a purchase he or she hadn't planned on. From our vanity to our fear of missing out, sales reps have figured out how to key off on the driving forces that lead us to commit to a purchase. The scary part is, many times they're so good at persuading us to purchase that we don't even know we've been had until it's too late. For example, here are four common sales techniques that most people keep on falling for without realizing it.

1. Pouring on the Honey

"That color really brings out your eyes."

The most commonly used technique in any sales representative's arsenal of tactics is flattery. Consumers, by nature, want to be validated for their purchases and no one is more willing to pour on the compliments than the attending salesman. They're always the first to tell you that the dress you're trying on is stunningly slimming or the car you're test-driving makes you look like an executive.

The surprising thing is that, even when customers know the flattery they're receiving is insincere, they still fall for it. Last year, a study at the Hong Kong University of Science revealed that all forms of flattery, sincere or otherwise, create a positive image of the flatterer in the mind of a customer. As a result, we unconsciously begin to trust the sales representatives more and make ourselves easier to push into making a purchase.

2. Perceived Scarcity

"We don't know when we'll have them in your size again."

Nothing motivates a consumer to commit to a purchase like perceived scarcity. For example, I was recently in a shoe store where a customer was trying on a pair of designer high heels that were about $100 over her budget. After about 20 minutes of pacing through the store in the top-shelf shoes, the customer was still reluctant to buy them. The sales representative then told her that she should purchase the heels even if it meant returning them the next day, because they were the last pair the store would get in her size for the foreseeable future. Then a second representative came over and told the young woman that she passed over a pair of similar heels by the same designer in the past and it took her six months to locate the same shoes again.

If the young woman was thinking objectively, she might have realized that she could very well have found the same pair of shoes online for less than the store was charging. However, since she was already flirting with the purchase, the sudden manufactured fear of missing out on the shoes forever was enough to make her commit to the purchase. A study by Stanford University has shown that a fear of being "jilted" decreases our overall satisfaction with a piece of merchandise, but dramatically increases our desire to buy it. Stores know this, so they run "limited supply" sales to generate that kind of fear that drives people to buy. Even when you book a hotel online, you'll see the "only two rooms left" tag attached to some reservation links. So, the next time you're tempted to buy something stop and ask yourself if you'll really never see the product again, or if you just think you won't.

3. The Discounted Markup
Many times, a store will dramatically mark up the price of its merchandise just so it can offer a convincing discount when it comes time to make a sale. This occurs most commonly at car dealerships, where the sticker price on some vehicles can be more than $2,000 above the manufacturer's suggested retail price (MSRP). This way, the dealership can allow customers to talk down the price of the car to the MSRP so that they think they're getting a good deal when really they're just paying exactly what the dealership had hoped for all along.

4. Obligation Through Reciprocity

"They only made this specific model of laptop in a limited run to test the market."

Our feelings of guilt and obligation can be powerful motivators when it comes to buying a product. Studies have shown that people naturally have a sense of reciprocity that leads them to believe that after something nice is done for them, they should do something nice for the benevolent party in return.

To capitalize on this, sales reps will often create a "give and take" scenario where they make you feel that they've done you a favor. For instance, if you can't find a pair of jeans in your size a sales representative will search through the stock room for multiple alternatives that you might find appealing. It's a simple gesture, but as a result, you'll feel more obligated to make a purchase from them.

The Bottom Line
If you want to control the amount of money you spend on shopping trips, you need to learn how to recognize these common sales techniques. Once you're able to see through a sales representative's pitch, it will be easier for you to make an objective decision about the worthiness of any potential purchase. As a result, you'll be able to buy less of the things you don't need and save more money on the things you do. It might not be rocket science, but it's certainly smart shopping.

(taken from yahoo india)

Dr.Hemant Mittal
email -