10 Expectations that help create the "perfect image"

Today morning a patient of mine was adamant on discussing the meaning of true love. While she expressed it as complete surrender and sacrifice for her beloved, she was very confused on how to meet his expectations.
Ironically the next few patients and queries of the day, turned out to be all regarding how to full fill others expectations.

It seems, the only way to get the "perfect image" in front of your loved ones is by meeting all there expectations.

Here is a list of 10 major expectations that if full-filled, help create the "perfect image".

1. They expect you to be knowledgeable about everything.

2. They expect you to always be ready to help.
No matter what is your personal emotional, financial or social condition, you should be ready to help.

3. They expect you to always have viable solutions for their problems.

4. They expect you to take all responsibility while trying to resolve their issue.

5. They expect you to be always honest.

6. They expect you to be happy in adjusting in any situation, even in those situations where they wouldn't adjust.

7. They expect you share your emotional, social and financial prosperity with them. Irrespective of they deserving it or not.

8. They expect you to always understand and empathize with them. Even if they are wrong.

9. They expect you to take all decisions that lead to "happiness".

10. They expect you to face elders and other authorities if needed.

I may have missed some expectations.. feel free to add some.

Hope now you can understand how useless it is to run after the "perfect image".
And how important it is to run after your own peace of mind.

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)

email – eksoch@gmail.com
website – www.mindmantra.in
twitter- @sai_ki_artist
(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

Clinic Address - Mind Mantra, 15,
shreeji plaza,
plot-24, sector-25,
opposite seawoods station,
Seawoods (east), Navi Mumbai, Mumbai

Obsessive compulsiveness and Work

As a psychiatrist when I analyse the Corporate world, I find them in love with the psychiatric phenomenon of obsessive compulsiveness.(OC)

The work structure in most institutions is programmed in such a way to ignite the OC traits of an individual. In many cases the anxiety get beyond limit leading to a psychiatrist disorder called O.C.D (obsessive compulsive disorder).

A person suffering from OCD requires psychiatric treatment as his brain start under-going minor physiological changes which heighten the anxiety and fear. This manifests in multiple organs as increased blood pressure, digestion problems, hair fall, skin changes, heart manifestations, etc.

Some common traits of an OC corporate worker, going towards OCD.

1) You are hard wired to your work 24/7. - your mind never leaves the work place.. You might be at any place, but the mind is continuously thinking about work.. You either feel that your work place will fall apart without you or you just constantly in a worry to finish work... or you are constantly trying to help/improve on others work.

2) Everything is a task that needs to be completed perfection - Be it a holiday or a shopping trip, its all a task.. be it even eating out.. its a task.. and it has to be completed to perfection.


3) You are always stressed - Everything is a task, so your mind is always in state of intense focus. You don't understand when you are rude, angry or excessively demanding. You are just always stressed about the final result.

4) Completion of a task bring stress relief - Be it at work or eating out.. or with your wife/children.. you only feel happy when a "perceived" task is completed. Your mind is stress free only till your mind finds the next task.
For example - you might be really happy to have successfully completed a project at work. You are in stress free. You drive home, and the moment you enter home.. you remember you have to now focus on your son's exams. Your stress comes back within hours.

5) Others never seem to achieve the standards you set - You are always in a criticising mode, as most people aren't able to achieve the standards you set for them. Be it the boss, a waiter or your best friends.. you have a view on all.

6) You’re give a lot of value to your commitments - You make a commitment and you will do anything to stand by it. You will sacrifice your family and personal life for honoring that commitment.


You can even sacrifice your job to stand by a commitment you have made.






7) You don't remember the last time you "relaxed" for a few days together - Your mind is always in over-thinking mode.. you cannot remember the last time you spent days together in relaxed mode..!!!




8) Your phone, laptop or ipad is closer than your spouse/partner - When was the last time you turned off the phone/laptop/ipad without worrying or caring about the emails/messages/calls you might get.

You don't realize it, but you invariably land up checking your phone/laptop/ipad at least once every 30min.

Even if you are relaxing at a restaurant or sharing a private moment with your loved one..






9) You’re goals never seem to end - You might have achieved everything you had dreamed off, but suddenly it seems you haven't done anything yet. You are always looking to do more and more.. To achieve more and more.. Your mind is addicted to creating new goals..




10) Your memory is too powerful and its hampering you - You cannot forget the incidences that happened in the past. Having such a powerful memory makes you be very careful about people and situations. You sense of adventure is gone for a sense of logic. An excess of over-thinking and over-analysing.




Obsessive compulsiveness is like a drug.. once your mind is addicted it will just want more and more of it..

It can be very disruptive to your entire life... be careful.. and take professional help when required.




written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (Psychiatrist)

eksoch@gmail.com

www.mindmantra.in

Address - shreeji plaza, opposite seawoods station east, navi mumbai, mumbai - 400706

5 most common regrets at the time of dying - are you carrying one already??

An experiment where people where asked their biggest regrets just moments before their death revealed a very interesting part of human psychology.

The top 5 regrets were -

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.


As you can see most people lived life in Fear!!!

- fear of not having the courage to go against society - so they never expressed themselves and lived by others expectations

- fear of a need for control - hence they worked extremely hard.. gave themselves no time to enjoy.

- fear of hurting others or themselves - so kept their feelings deep inside.

- fear of what their family/friends might think or opine about them - so they remained aloof.

- fear.. fear.. and fear.. it all took them away from happiness.. and finally they regretted living in fear.


Remove your fears... Liberate yourself.. become free.
Don't wait, time is counted.
seek help if required...

But start living like no there is no tomorrow...
start making your life count.


Dr.Hemant Mittal (Psychiatrist)
eksoch@gmail.com
www.mindmantra.in

Someone Looses interest in You

Psychologically its emotionally very painful to witness someone losing interest in you, knowing that there's nothing you can do to change it.

The memory of such an event can remain imprinted in your mind for years.

It gives rise to -
a. sadness - due to inability of being to bring any change
b. anger - due to feeling of being cheated
c. resentment - as no logical explanation can be given to make the subconscious mind understand.
d. feeling of vengeance - wanting the other person to suffer the same pain you have.

3 measures one can take to help himself/herself in such a situation -
a. accept yourself - awareness that you tried the best at that point of time.
Remember If you are given a chance to go back in time, you'll behave in the same way.
Today you can wish you behaved in a different way, but it won't change things.

b. Accept that today and the future is where you happiness lies - if someone broke your expectations and trust, it doesn't mean you cannot find someone who will stand by it. You have to be positive about yourself.

c. Try to Forgive but never forget.

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)
email – eksoch@gmail.com
website – www.mindmantra.in
twitter- @sai_ki_artist
(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

Clinic Address - Mind Mantra, 15,
shreeji plaza,
plot-24, sector-25,
opposite seawoods station,
Seawoods (east), Navi Mumbai, Mumbai

Lessons that FIFA World Cup teaches in Personality Development

The FIFA world cup is the flavour of the season. The entire planet is geared to whats happening on the pitch in Brazil.
Already there have been some major surprises and setbacks.. Just like the walk of life.. The World cup gives a big insight into personality development -

1. As talented as you might be, one day you can loose - Never be too arrogant about your talent. And never underestimate a situation..
Even before the knock-out stage starts, Big teams are loosing and going out of the cup. They are losing to smaller teams.. similarly as talented you might be, even a small situation can become a big loss.

2. Don't expect people to always love you. - you might be talented and popular, but for sometime people might develop a negative attitude towards you.

3. The reality is People love to love, and love to hate - You can only satisfy people when you give a result as per their expectation. Even if you give a favourable result which is not as per their expectation, they will hate you.
You cannot satisfy everyone's expectations.

4. Not always will the environment be conducive to your best performance. - Brazil is a hot and humid place. Its difficult to play football there.. Its raining in some matches. But people don't care, they just look at the ultimate result. Similarly when you appear for an exam, or at an job or in a relationship.. the environment might just not be conducive for your best.

5. You have to take responsibility for failure - no matter how many explanations you create, the blame still comes onto you.

6. You have 2 options - believe what people say and soak into sadness, depression and anxiety.
Or be confident about your skills and efforts.. Don’t let anyone convince you that you are a loser.
Distance yourself from those who try to.

7. Superman doesn't exist in reality- its so easy to take all the burden on your shoulder.. Its so easy to put all the burden on someone elses shoulders.. It doesn't work that ways.. It doesn't pay to become superman.. Life is a team work and its important to delegate work.

If there is happiness and joy in victory.. there is also a great learning in defeat..

Enjoy the World Cup... and let it teach you something to improve yourself

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)

email – eksoch@gmail.com
website – www.mindmantra.in
twitter- @sai_ki_artist
(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

Clinic Address - Mind Mantra, 15,
shreeji plaza,
plot-24, sector-25,
opposite seawoods station,
Seawoods (east), Navi Mumbai, Mumbai

5 things you learn while climbing the stairs of "success"

The one ladder everyone wants to climb really fast is that of "success".Everyone has a set baseline for success, and with time you keep raising the bar.

Achieving success is one of the most enriching and empowering experiences of life.

Recently I was invited to a group interaction of "successful" people from various walks of life.

As a psychiatrist, analysing their stories and personalities gave me a great insight into the traits they developed to achieve success.

Here are 5 such personality traits that one gets to learn while climbing the ladder called success -




1. Learn to have a Vision

Most people start a job or business with a minimum vision. For those employed its mostly about earning good enough to live a decent life, and for those having a business is to have a good revenue generation.

If you live by this vision, be prepared to get stuck in life. Because the money will make you fearful.. you'll take less risk and be content with less.

Success teaches one to see a broader and bigger possibility.
An employee can think of becoming the CEO of an organisation.. A businessman should think about spreading his wings in the entire world.

Remember nothing is impossible... it all starts with having a vision.. and thinking "It is possible."




2. A realistic Approach to your Vision -

I get to counsel many people who are stuck at various levels of their dreams.They just aren't moving forward.. and some are position to start regressing back on the progress made.

In the first point, I told you its essential to have a vision.. But a vision without a realistic approach is like a cone without ice-cream... not very appealing and tasty!!

You start with a plan to achieve you goal.. But remember only the goal should be fixed not the plan.

There will be adaptations you need to make, there are places were you might need to be selfish..there are places where you might need to take a back-foot.. there are places were you might need to join a fresh start-up.. and there are places were you need to join hands with others.. Have a realistic approach.

Only the goal matters.. not the path.




3. Don't presume.. Learn

The greatest road block to achieving a vision... is presumption.
Your mind might be full of presumptions on how the world acts and works.

I counselled a businessman, who runs a garment shop, who perfectly embodied this - he judged people based on the attire and language they wore. So whenever he thought someone was from a lower socio economic strata, he would only show the cost-effective stock.
After 10yrs in the business, he maintained his thought process. Recently he "poor looking" chap walked into his shop, when he refused to show him the "high-end stock".. that person walked out.
To his surprise, that gentleman was a very wealthy marwari businessman who went into his rival shop and bought nearly the entire high-end stock.

Don't presume, get knowledge.. Be open to learn from everyone. Be curious to learn from everyone. Every situation teaches you something. And every learning becomes a memory to be used later in life.




4. You need to be Confident and Selfish

Success is the single piece of meat for which thousands of hungry lions are fighting.
No one is going to gift you success.

If you really want to make it big.. Its time you start believing in yourself.
I daily counsel tens of people who have been crushed by the negativity and criticism that people throw on them.



Its time to fight back..




5. Realize Failure Is A Minor Setback, Not A Game Changer

Everyone thinks of "quitting" at some point in time of the career. But only successful people keep doing and working towards their goal.

Michael Jordan, said "I've failed over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed." The only reason he succeeded was because he didn't let those failures discourage him to the point of quitting. Why? Because he realized his failures were only minor setbacks - not game changers.

Dwyane Johnson "The Rock" said - "I grew up where, when a door closed, a window didn't open.. .all motivation failed.. The only thing I had was cracks. And I just kept fighting to get through those cracks.. I scratched, clawed, pushed... bled.. I changed myself every moment.. but I kept fighting.. Finally the opportunity came. Now The door is wide open and it's as big as a garage."




written by -




Dr.Hemant Mittal

(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)




email – eksoch@gmail.com

website – www.mindmantra.in

twitter- @sai_ki_artist

(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)




Clinic Address - Mind Mantra, 15,

shreeji plaza,

plot-24, sector-25,

opposite seawoods station,



Seawoods (east), Navi Mumbai, Mumbai

9 reasons to choose a job

I get to meet many people who are extremely confused when choosing a job. Getting through an interview is not difficult for them, the tougher part is finding a job that suits their personality. 
Here are 9 pointers that you should look into while deciding for a job.

1. Salary - Your salary denotes the appreciation you'll get for your work. Its essential in choosing any job. Always look for a salary thats better than your last.
2. Company Prospects - Go online and search about the company. Don't go by the current status of the company. Look at its long term objective. Always Choose one company which has a great future.
3. Young Talent Pool- Age is something that will keep advancing. Its essential that you surround yourself with a young talent pool. This will give you and your team - energy and new ideas.
4. Mentors - Its always easier and more enjoyable to work in an environment where you have a mentor. Its always to look for a mentor, who you might know from before. An ex-colleague or an ex-boss. This helps you get a comfort zone in the company.

5. Leadership - A ship is as good as its captain.. Look at the people who lead the company. Look at their track record. Get an idea about their personality. A visionary leader is always a great source of inspiration.

6. Employee Satisfaction - Go online or ask friends/relatives to get you an idea about the grade of employee satisfaction the company offers. Some institutions offer a lesser pay, but great work environment. This is great for developing your long term career.
Others offer great pay, but bad work environment.. this is better choice at the end of the career.
7. Location - Are you married? Do you have kids? the second most important factor in choosing a job, is Location.
If you are comfortable with shifting - then you can choose to join the smaller branch of a company.
But if you are aversive to shifting and value your family life - look for a settled branch of the company, within your city.

8. the 5 year plan - Always have a 5yr plan for your career. This gives you a direction. Have ambition and want to climb new heights. Don't be afraid to take risks for the same.
If you can define these things, choosing a company becomes easier. 

9. Stress managing capacity - A self introspection can give you a great idea on how much stress you are ready to take. If you are a sensitive personality, who cannot work in a highly competitive and politics field environment than don't choose such companies.
You might need to forgo of a higher salary, but your piece of mind is the most important for your happiness.
written by -
Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)
email – eksoch@gmail.com
website – www.mindmantra.in
twitter- @sai_ki_artist
(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)
Clinic Address - Mind Mantra, 15,
shreeji plaza,
plot-24, sector-25,
opposite seawoods station,
Seawoods (east), Navi Mumbai, Mumbai

 

when is the time to leave your job??


If you are reading this -- you probably are not the type of person to give up easily. Neither am I. You are ambitious and skilled and continue to push forward regardless of what obstacles are in your way. And that makes you successful. But here's the secret, sometimes it's wise to turn your back and walk away. Sure, it's painful to admit defeat but when you are in a "no win" environment it's often the only action that can save you and your sanity.


One of the lessons I have learned working in Silicon Valley for the last 15+ years is that it's ok to walk away. And in many circumstances it's even healthy.

Sometimes the company or product problems are too great or your manager is too straight-jacket insane to work with. It is often wise to move on and pour your energy into something that has a better chance of being satisfying and creating value for more people.

I have recently done this with Aha! (the new way to create brilliant product strategy and roadmaps) and could not be more thrilled as the business is growing like crazy.

However, there have been a number of times in my own career when I identified a big hairy problem and after struggling against it for at least a year, decided it was best to move on. And every time my life has benefited and I have gone on to create more happiness for myself and others. The key is that I identified the problem, spoke clearly about it with those who could help me resolve it, and only decided to give up when it was obvious that they would not help and I would be better off doing something else.

In those instances, giving up meant looking for a new job and moving on. If you are in a long-term dysfunctional environment, continuing to do the same job and putting up with the same crap is disastrous for you and people who depend on you at work and home.


The problem is that when you try to persevere, you are in survival mode and a personal hell. You just don't care about the quality of your work and results anymore. Just walk into the local Post Office or DMV to understand what I mean.


Now, I want to acknowledge that for some it's easier to walk away than for others. Your level of control depends on your career and financial status and I do not want to overlook that. However, I suggest that no matter your situation -- you do have the power to pursue a different course which in most cases will ultimately lead to a new job that will improve your life.

Let's take a look at how you know the time has come to move on. First, let's start with what creates a happy work environment and job joy. I think that job satisfaction is based on four forms of alignment. The more your job is aligned in each one of these areas -- the happier you are.





And here are the signs to look for in each area that may be telling you it's time to walk away. However, just because you are not aligned does not mean that you can not become so. It's important to consider how long you have been trying to find alignment and if it's likely that you will get there.


If you have been struggling for over a year in any one of these areas, it might be time to move in a new direction.

Alignment with ambition
Are you working for a company and in a role that is getting you closer to your goal? This is a fundamental question to ask yourself and unfortunately most people never do. Because without a goal it's impossible to know if you are headed in the right direction. I often recommend a "goal first" approach to business planning, but it's also the first place to start as you think about your own direction. If you have never taken the time to write down where you want to be in three, five, and 10 years, now is the time to start.


Alignment with skills
The most enjoyable jobs fully tap our exiting skill sets and challenge us to grown new ones. Are you a master of the domain you are currently working in or are you on your way? If the answer is yes, you are probably fairly satisfied with the work you do. If the answer is no you, your confidence has likely been battered and you are constantly looking over your shoulder. Now, if you are out of your element a good boss and training can counteract any suffering and help you regain your mojo.


Alignment with reward expectations
There are two types of rewards and both are important. Intrinsic rewards are based on the personal fulfillment you get out of a job well done. External rewards include your salary and any other material benefits you receive from your employer. Your reward expectations need to closely match reality for you to be satisfied. If there is a disconnect here for too long, you will grow disenchanted with the work you do or worse. You might not be able to pay your rent or mortgage.


Alignment with boss
It's in vogue right now to suggest that people do not leave their jobs but instead leave their bosses. As you have already read, there are many reasons for leaving a job that have nothing to do with your boss. However, I agree that an unsupportive boss is at the top of the list driving folks to update their resume. I have left bosses who: chased employees around the office, did not allow their staff to speak with other managers, and threatened retribution when someone quit. Does your boss have your best interests in mind?



If you have misalignment in any one of these areas I suggest you admit it to yourself first. Next, have a conversation with your boss or a trusted adviser in the organization who you think can help you.

I want to be clear that you are responsible for trying to overcome the challenge and owe it to yourself and the organization to try and work through it. But, if you can look at yourself in the mirror and are comfortable saying out loud that you tried, you may need to move to plan B. If there really does not appear to be a way out and your misery is increasing, it's ok to admit defeat and walk away.

7 mistakes that make your personality seem weak

1. Lousy First Impression
Your body is your ambassador. You have 20 seconds to make a lasting impression, here is what you do wrong -

a. Posture - droop, dejected or timid
b. Head position facing downwards as a school kid punished by teacher
c. Arms - sidewise or in-front
d. wearing Dirty clothes

2. Repeating the Same
Many people have the habit of repeating the same things again and again. This gives impression of restlessness, ignorance, indecisiveness or excuses.

3. Self-boast
Its good to let others know of your strengths, but many people tend to boast and exaggerate. Exaggerating on your strengths, can lead to excessive lying and story creation. Soon people understand your core self and such personality is perceived as non-truthful and untrustworthy.

4. I have no Weaknesses.. I don't need anyone.
Everyone has weakness and only a few people are ready to accept it.
Those who accept it and ask for help, immediately tend to create a rapport.
Those who are "know-it-all" or who portray they have no weakness.. never seek help and give the impression of being too proud, loaded attitude and/or not-helpful.

5. Unpunctual
Time is essential marker of how you are perceived by others. If you get things done on time, people consider you a very strong person. If you wait and wait.. you will be perceived as a procrastinator.
Your punctuality tells how much you care for others. If you make a commitment and don't stick by it, people will loose trust in you.

6. I want this, I want that
If you always keep demanding what you want, and don't contribute to help others.. people will run away from you.

7. Anger -
If you cannot control your anger, people know how to manipulate you. They can trigger your anger and get work done from you.. Else they chose too remain away from you, for an angry person is unpredictable and ends up destroying relationships.




written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)
email – eksoch@gmail.com
website – www.mindmantra.in
twitter- @sai_ki_artist
(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

Clinic Address - Mind Mantra, 15,
shreeji plaza,
plot-24, sector-25,
opposite seawoods station,
Seawoods (east), Navi Mumbai, Mumbai

Doers vs Non-Doers

One of the most conflictive personality traits in the world is the that of those who will do a work, against those who will not do it.

Its an irony that most people will call themselves as doers, but the hard core fact is that deep inside everyone knows where they stand.

As a psychiatrist when I analyse such traits, there are some interesting differences that come forward -

1. The Doers will never "look like they are doing a work".. They will be not stop till a work is done. On the other hands the "non-doers" will create a drama.. the whole world should know they are working.

2. The Doers have a higher intelligence, so they have the ability to finish work in a shorter time. Thats why they can do multiple jobs in the time a Non-Doer will do one.

3. The Doers just believe in doing their work. They know which jobs they are good in and which they aren't. They will seek help where needed as getting the work done is their priority.
The Non-Doers don't want to work.. they will play politics, lie or take morally/legally wrong routes to avoid work. They will always take credit for the work.

4. Doers are narrow minded in reference to their work.. they don't explore new ways of working. They are based on experience.
Non-doers are more broad minded in their approach to work. They want it finished in easier and cheaper ways.

5. Doers are proud of their results, but easily let-go and look forward to achieve more.
Non-Doers tend to brag about their results. Even if the work is a failure, they'll brag as if they have climbed the mount everest.


6. Doers are "too" humble, because for them the end result is what matters. They can easily forgive those who didn't help them or support them in getting work done. And next time when needed, they might approach them again.
Non-Doers carry a lot of grudges and anger. They will never forget those who didn't help them. They will never approach them again. And always have a negative image about them.

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)

email – eksoch@gmail.com
website – www.mindmantra.in
twitter- @sai_ki_artist
(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

Clinic Address - Mind Mantra, 15,
shreeji plaza,
plot-24, sector-25,
opposite seawoods station,
Seawoods (east), Navi Mumbai, Mumbai

The weapon called - "aunty / uncle"

India is a volatile society. Now don't get me wrong.. but its a society were people are competing against each other.. There seems to a be need to hoard more and more.. Everyone wants to be on the top..
This eventually leads to a lot of over-thinking, stress and anger.

While very few people openly manifest their anger.. the concept of passive aggressive behavior is rampantly present through out the entire length and breath of the nation.
People express their anger in a "camouflaged" way.. because such people are scared to talk directly.
They love to play politics behind each others back.. they love to use sarcasm.. some like to throw tantrums... and others openly violate legal laws stretching the patience level of others.

As a psychiatrist, one of the most hilarious behaviour of passion aggression I get to observe in the Indian Society is the use of the words - Uncle or Aunty.

Its understandable if a 50-60yr old is called Uncle/aunty.. but its really funny when a
A 15yr old boy calls a 25yr guy as Uncle...
or a 20yr girl calls a 30yr old lady as Aunty.

India has perfected the use of these 2 words as a "polite way to express anger".

Such is the effectiveness of these words, that the mere mention of "uncle" suddenly induces anger into a guy.. and within seconds he will respond back by saying - "I am not uncle.. do you understand.. I am half your age.. blah blah.."
The reaction in women is 1000 times faster and more aggressive.

Since age is one of the uncontrollable factors in Human life.. The process of ageing also gives rise to anxiety.. The anxiety of losing "power and control" over the world.
Its believed by many that Youth is the only Prime of ones life.

The anger induced by the word "uncle/aunty" exposes some funny parts of human personality in case of the "victim" -
a. the lack of tolerance to insults
b. the very high need to be perceived as young, beautiful/handsome and powerful.
c. the high need for attention
d. the lack of control over anger
e. the amount of over-thinking and need for control that keeps ruminating in the mind.

As for the "aggressors", those who use this word consciously it shows -
a. high jealousy
b. inferiority complex - hence using any small or insignificant way to show them-self as better.
c. bad education - many parents teach their children to use this word in a passive aggressive way. This way the child learns how to use it to bargain with an adult.
He calls someone who helps him as - elder brother.. and someone who doesn't as "uncle"
d. lack of straight forwardness - one of the biggest problems in Indian society is that people love to do "back-bitting" and play politics. They are scared to handle situations up front.
Many people who use the word "uncle/aunty" in such a way, show a personality loaded with such cowardice.

In my Clinic I have met many people who actually have suffered from stress due to such comments.. but the saddest part is that people don't want to be upfront and helpful.. but spiteful and vengeful.

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)

email – eksoch@gmail.com
website – www.mindmantra.in
twitter- @sai_ki_artist
(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

Clinic Address - Mind Mantra, 15,
shreeji plaza,
plot-24, sector-25,
opposite seawoods station,
Seawoods (east), Navi Mumbai, Mumbai

The definitions of Love - What is Love?

This is one of the most intriguing questions posed to humanity..

While everyone talks about love.. Yet there are so many definitions of the same.
Lets look at the different definitions of love -

Will start with how OSHO explained love. His definition helps understand the subsequent definitions with ease. He said - "Love is a hierarchy, from the lowest rung to the highest, from sex to superconsciousness.
There are many many layers, many planes of love. It all depends on you. If you are existing on the lowest rung, you will have a totally different idea of love than the person who is existing on the highest rung.
Adolf Hitler will have one idea of love, Gautam Buddha another and they will be diametrically opposite, because they are at two extremes.
At the lowest, love is a kind of politics, power politics. Love is about domination.
At the highest peak, love is not a relationship any more, it becomes a state of your being."



Moving forward, coming to the Psychiatry and Neuro-Science of Love .. Science would define it as -

Love is a powerful neurological condition just like hunger or thirst.
Love is basically a chemical reaction resulting of the mind-brain interaction.
Lust is a temporary passionate sexual desire which stimulates the brain to an increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and oestrogen,

Love or attachment and bonding is the reaction of the brain to emotions and actions which positive neuro-chemicals like - pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin and vasopressin.
The viability or long-term strength of a relationship depends on the ability to keep producing these positive neuro-chemicals.
Every individual has a different mental framework, hence every individual has different emotional demands to satisfy the production of these chemicals.
Till the brain is responding to actions of others through production of these positive chemicals, love will remain.



A philosopher would break love into different stages and then define it.
Love is the combination of one or more of the following stages -

1. Deep non-sexual intimacy - like those between close friends and family members.
2. Playful affection thats a manifestation of subconscious sexual thoughts - Flirting or fooling around.
3. Mature love that develops over a long period of time between long-term couples and involves active practising of adjustment, goodwill, commitment, compromise and understanding.
4. Generalized love - Love for everything.
5. Self love - Care, kindness and goodwill towards self.
6. Sexual passion - most extreme expression of love. It can mean complete surrender to partner or on the other extreme very high need of "possessiveness", control and "authority" over partner.

Philosophy says that no one can have all 6 stages in one personality. Though there can be presence of one or more. There will always be domination of one stage.



Religious Scholars from all religions, if they left there differences aside, would define True love as -
Love is a virtue, by which we love God above all things.
When immersed in pure love, we see God in all places and automatically indulge in acts for his praise. These include the acts of kindness, generosity and self-sacrifice. Love for God is the only thing that can never hurt anyone and will always lead you towards higher consciousness.
The love for God is the only pure love. The more we indulge in it, the more we will leave the world away. Its bonds are stronger than that of live-death. It cannot be bought or sold, it can just be felt from the heart.



At last, but not the least.. The Common Man would define love in the following way -
Love depends on the state of bonding one shares with others.
In a secure bond - parents, children, siblings, friends and spouse - expectations are met and when they are not, adjustments are done.
When expectations are met, they give rise to a lot of happiness.. when they aren't then adjustments are done to battle the sadness.

In case of love deprivation - loss of a loved one, in a non-reciprocating relationship or longing to be loved by someone - it can feel like an obsession and would give rise to severe physical pain.

The greatest experience of love is the courtship period, which involves a lot of playfulness and freedom of expression.


MIND MANTRA - Love has millions of names and definitions.. There is a big mixing and matching thats unique of you and your personality.
The most important is to accept that your love is unique to you.
The most important is to appreciate and rejoice the love in your mind, brain and heart.
The most important is to take decisions based on your love. - your decisions might pain some, might make some happy.. but it has to be a decision taken being true to your need of love.

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)

email – eksoch@gmail.com
website – www.mindmantra.in
twitter- @sai_ki_artist
(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

Clinic Address - Mind Mantra, 15,
shreeji plaza,
plot-24, sector-25,
opposite seawoods station,
Seawoods (east), Navi Mumbai, Mumbai

Sudden Loss of a Love one can Trigger a Variety of Psychiatric Disorder.

Researchers at Columbia University's Mailman School of Public Health, Columbia's School of Social Work and Harvard Medical School a new research shows that sudden loss of a loved one can trigger a variety of psychiatric disorders in previously normal people.

The researchers analyzed data from 27,534 participants. Between about 20% and 30% of these participants identified the unexpected death of a loved one as the most traumatic event in their lives.

Findings alert to the possible onset of a wide range of psychiatric disorders. Every brain is different and responds to the "psychological shock" in different ways.

Losing a loved one suddenly was found to raise the risk of
major depression,
excessive use of alcohol,
anxiety/panic disorders,
post-traumatic stress disorder,
phobias.

These data indicate that, even in adults with no history of psychiatric disorders, he/she is exposed to a vulnerable risk period for the onset of a potentially disabling psychiatric disorder.

MIND MANTRA - Death is the greatest enigma for it cannot be predicted or avoided.
One can protect his mind from effects of the sudden death of a relative/love-one by -

1. Give your-self some time to accept it. Acceptance doesn't come automatically, it takes a few days to weeks. If you keep fighting acceptance.. it might take even years before you come to peace with it.

2. Death is the end of physical self... But not the end of life. The memories, wants and desires of the deceased always remain.

3. Don't Take guilt - its so easy to feel guilty for the death of a loved one. You could have done this, you could have done that.. what if this would have changed..
The gone is gone.. You cannot go back and change it.. Taking guilt is just creating negativity for no reason.

4. Let it be a learning experience - Death is a learning experience. It breaks the myth of control that clouds your mind. It teaches us to live each day, with love, forgiveness and peace.
Live each day not in fear but in joy.. that you can leave behind a lot of great memories, love and happiness.

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)

email – eksoch@gmail.com
website – www.mindmantra.in
twitter- @sai_ki_artist
(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

Clinic Address - Mind Mantra, 15,
shreeji plaza,
plot-24, sector-25,
opposite seawoods station,
Seawoods (east), Navi Mumbai, Mumbai