What is Your Relationship Pattern??

A relationship is a complex mix of different psychological patterns.
Every individual has a definitive way of approaching a relationship, which eventually defines his/her relationship pattern.

The 4 major patterns are -

1. Secure – Secure adults tend to be more satisfied in their relationships.

A secure adult feels secure and connected, while allowing themselves and their partner to move freely. There is no restrictions on interactions with outhers.

Secure adults offer support when their partner feels distressed.
They also go to their partner for comfort when they themselves feel troubled.
Their relationship tends to be honest, open and equal, with both people feeling independent, yet loving toward each other.

2. Anxious or Preoccupied – People with an anxious pattern tend to have an imaginary concept of love. They want everything to be fairy tale like. They are desperate to "live upto" that "image".

They become preoccupied if they feel their relationship is moving away from that "image". They’re frequently look to their partner to rescue or complete them. Although they’re seeking a sense of safety and security by clinging to their partner.

They can be excessively loving, but when preoccupation goes beyond control, they act desperate or insecure.
When they feel unsure of their partner’s feelings and unsafe in their relationship, they often become clingy, demanding or possessive toward their partner.
They may also interpret independent actions by their partner as affirmation of their fears.
For example, if their partner starts socializing more with friends, they may think, “See? He doesn’t really love me. This means he is going to leave me. I was right not to trust him.”

3. Dismissive or Avoidant Pattern – Such people have the tendency to emotionally distance themselves from their partner.
They seek a false sense of independence, which many a times they adopt by behaving as a parent or elder.
They often come off as focused on themselves and may be overly attending to their creature comforts.
Pseudo-independence is an illusion, as every human being needs connection. They tend to lead inward lives, both denying the importance of loved ones and detaching easily from them.
They have the ability to psychological shut down emotionally. Even in heated or emotional situations, they are able to turn off their feelings and not react.
For example, if their partner is distressed and threatens to leave them, they would respond by saying, “I don’t care.”

4. Fearful Pattern – Such a person lives in an state of fear of being both too close to or too distant from others.
They attempt to keep their feelings under control, but are unable to. They can’t just avoid their anxiety or run away from their feelings.
They show extreme emotional reactions. They have unpredictable moods.

They see relationships based on the need to go towards others to get your needs met, but if you get close to others, they will hurt you.

These individuals tend to find themselves in rocky or dramatic relationships, with many highs and lows. They often have very fears of being abandoned.
They may cling to their partner when they feel rejected, then feel trapped when they are too close. They even end up in an abusive relationship.

Mind Mantra - Your relationship pattern eventually defines your entire life.

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS,DPM)
Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counsellor

Sure Signs that You will be Cheated

It might be your husband/wife, your best friend, your brother/sister or even your co-worker... The study of human Psychology has proved that whenever someone close to you, is cheating or is about to cheat on you, they will start showing two or more of the following signs -

1. Secretiveness - They will share lesser and lesser with you. You'll discover from a 3rd person about their conversations, plans and actions.

2. Subconscious Energy Repels - When you are connected with someone, You feel very comfortable in their presence. When they start distancing from you, suddenly their presence seems uncomfortable.

3. Irritable - When someone starts moving away from you, he/she will get irritated for no reason at all. Even funny situations will trigger irritation or a suppressed reaction.

4. Blame and Guilt - When someone starts psychologically moving away they will blame you for a lot of things. They will no longer look for solutions, but blame you. They will paint you as guilty and make you feel bad about yourself, and the relationship.

5. Biased Third Person - Many a times when a relationship is under pressure, its essential for a 3rd person to negotiate and bring both parties to a common solution. But when a person wants to separate, he/she will introduce a biased 3rd person, who will only speak about separation, faults in the relationship and sadness.


Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS,DPM)
Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counsellor

How to Punish?

Wrongly induced Punishment can create a lot of emotional negativity. This will eventually lead to a lot of stress and decrease in performance.
You want to Punish a junior or your kid for a mistake they did. Here is what you do -

1. Call them to a private space - don't make it a public display of anger, you'll land up creating more negatively than the already present.

2. Ask questions why they behaved in that way. Try to understand their entire point of view.

3. Give them an opportunity to owe up to their mistake.

4. If they owe up to their own mistake, ask them what punishment would be right for them.
They cannot be let free, so they have to decide on a punishment.
If they cannot decide on one, you give them two options to choose from.
And then enforce one punishment on them.

5. If they don't owe up to their mistake, and keep denying it.
You politely inform them that they will now get a higher punishment than the one you had initially thought.
You tell them if they had owed up to their mistake, then you would have given them the options from point 4.
You enforce a stricter punishment on them.
Remember Punishment is essential... but an emotionally loaded punishment is just inducing negativity.
Always look at enforcing positive punishment.

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS,DPM)
Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counsellor