"I used to eat alone?" "I go to the mall, watch a movie, sit in coffee shops all alone!!!" "Do you know how difficult it is to live alone?" "When everyone is partying out and being happy, I'm sitting alone?" "Why cann't I be accepted by people? Why am I different? why am I always lonely?"
These are some of the most come common expressions of sadness which people tell me during counseling sessions.
Loneliness is very powerful. Medically speaking it has a very powerful effect on your entire system. it has been proven that Loneliness makes you sick - its known to 1. cause blood pressure changes, 2. heart problems, 3. decrease your immunity making you fall ill more frequently
4. clinical depression with increased suicidal ideas. Infact, in the
USA more people are dying of loneliness induced suicide than car
accidents. 5. decreased sexual performance. 6. Sleep problems 7. Its proven that loneliness causes people to take longer baths/showers and over think more 8. Decreased attention span leading to accidents.
The power of loneliness cannot be denied..
Once I asked my Guru is Loneliness all NEGATIVE, is it all about destroying the human psyche???
He looked towards him innocently and totally lost.
He said - Haven't you heard that swami's spend years alone in the himalayas... But they seem jolly happy.
I thought for a moment and said - is it Because they have renounced
everything, and taken up the life of a fakir... They are detached from
everything.. so they can enjoy solitude.
He again laughed!!!
He said - I feel they are the most selfish of all people... They don't
give any blessing without dakshina... Hardcore businessmen ..
He said - Ok.. lets simplify this for you... A small 2yr old child
spends hours playing with his/her toys... He/She doesn't feel lonely...
He/she doesn't get psychologically disturbed... why?
I thought again - The child is extremely selfish... He just cares about his own happiness...
He smiled, and said - Aha!! I can see a flash of light... I am surprised... where did the sun rise from this morning :P
We both laughed at his loving sarcasm.. It was harmless fun!!!
I replied in fun - So Oh great source of light... I bow to you...
kindly show me the way... and help me graduate from a mal-functioning
torch that gives flashes of light to at least a well functioning Zero
Watt bulb :P
He laughed and very nicely explained to me - We have forgotten to be happy.. And learnt to be sad... We look for ways to become sad.. not for ways to become happy!!!
I looked at him, perplexed at his complex words...
He continued - My young friend... your happiness always depended on you...
since you were a child, your happiness was always in your hands... A
small child who is left alone, finds happiness in discovering every
moment.. Even clapping his hands gives him amazing pleasure. Opening and closing is eyes in different patterns is a beautiful discovery.
as you said - the child is selfish.. he/she does everything for own pleasure.
as you grow and you learn new things... you learn that happiness only
comes from "ego-satisfaction"... And ego is satisfied only by becoming a
a new mobile fone will make me happy... a new bike will make me happy... partying with my friends will make me happy.. topping the exam will make me happy.. a beautiful girlfriend/wife will make me happy..
you just become a "goal achiever". every goal achieved gives you a few moments of pleasure.
loneliness is something that strikes everyone... sooner or later it comes... and when it strikes you are lost.!! Suddenly why does "goal achieving" becomes tougher..
Because your mind plays games with you.. it creates beautiful images of
how others are enjoying life.. And how you should also enjoy it..
hence you forget your own selfish need of being happy.. and rely on others happiness to create your happiness "goals".
That innocent child that still lives inside of you is silenced and prevented from expressing himself.
You run for others approval.. you want them to make you happy... you are angry they are enjoying and don't care about you.. you blame yourself for not being to their mark... you constantly compare yourself with others.. you underestimate your capacity of being happy.. you create boundaries and rules that prevents you from meeting them.
in short, its a sort of obsessive complusive symptom where you get
obsessed about being alone and complusive sadness that comes along with
thats what swami's realize... They realize that by being alone there is so much happiness they can get. They look for that happiness internally. they don't need others to approve them. they don't need to get angry on others to acheive it. They don't need to underestimate there capacity of being happy. They are not bound by rules.. They become a child once again.
Loneliness is devastating my friend.. Because a patient believes that
being alone is a "taboo".. its "wrong".. Its against "social rule".
But if one understands the power of being alone.. the power of cleaning
the inner self... then he/she will become the most powerful individual
on the planet.. where all happiness will be achieved.
For further assistance on this topic, you can CONTACT ME (all conversations are kept CONFIDENTIAL) -
Dr.Hemant Mittal (Neuro-Psychiatrist, Mental Health and Sexual Health Healer, Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)