Recently Ranbir Kapoor said, “I am old, I have turned 30″.
Sadly, 30 has become a very important milestone for the society, and people are judged very differently once its achieved.
Does life change after 30?
Yes because the social rules haven’t been updated in the last 2000 years… We are still living under thought process governed by a time when people would have an average age of 45-50.
Still living under the shadow of an era where surviving meant all.
Here are some examples of the stupidity that society will put you through-
1. Marriage –
Those who aren’t married, they are suddenly taunted to be either “old to get married”, “not fit for married” or a living with a “defect in the kundali/fate”.
I have had so many cases where young men and women have broken down because of this pressure.
I remember a young girl, 29yr of age, in clinical levels of depression and anxiety, telling me – “I am 29, when will I get married, when will I enjoy my married life, when will i have kids, my life is ruined”.
I thought – if you keep yourself happy, physically fit and raring to go, then you can be a great mother even in your late 30′s.
2. Kids -
Those who have crossed the first hurdle of marriage, Society hits them with a greater display of stupidity. The pressure of Kids.
India seems to be a country where everyone has made it a personal “issue” that we want to make it the worlds most populous country. We want to beat china, and want to make sure the entire world is behind us by at least a few hundred million people.
The entire purpose of marriage seems to have kids. And while one kid seems to be too much to handle for most couples, they go and have a second one just to in case if the “first one” doesn’t stand up to their “expectations”.
3. Socio-economic status
For those lucky people who have confirmed to the social demands of “marriage” and “kids”.. The society feels insulted.. and suddenly finds another flaw that they need to conquer upon – STATUS.
Owning a house, owning a big house, owning a car, owning a big car… Its never ending demand.. And post 30, it just leads to extreme negativity.
Imagine you being criticized everyday for not having something you don’t desire or don’t care about… but slowly you will start wanting it.. and eventually you will end up feeling sorry for not having it.
A laughable animalistic behavior pattern…!!!
4. Step-motherly treatment to “HEALTH”
As a doctor, life and death are like your right hand and left hand.
During my MBBS and MD’s, the thousands of patients I interacted with, just taught me one thing -
You got to take care of your own health.. Only you are responsible.
From what I see in today’s social setup its between 28-40 that people completely neglect their health.
Post 30yr, the need of “fitness” is hardly felt so. Weight gain, sleep disturbances, poor eating habits, headaches, decreased stamina, increased alcohol and tobacco are a “socially acceptable” evil.
Its so ironic, I recently consulted a couple, both in early 30′s, where the husband was around 85kgs, and 5’7 height… walked in with his wife who was 65kg and 5’5 height..
he said – “my wife is suffering from emotional eating, help her, cause she is getting fat”.
No doubt the medical community and the medical insurance companies are so happy.. India is already the diabetes and heart attack capital of the world..
Soon we will see an exponential growth of patients into other fields of medicine also.
5. Sexual Liberation
There was a time when only “Mumbai” was open about “sexuality”. The last 10yrs have helped most Indian Metros to become “Cosmopolitan” and “sexually liberated”.
While most people will blame it on westernization.. I would say its time to act, because if we keep blaming it will give us less time to act.
Over the last few years, Most people have migrate from smaller orthodox towns to bigger metros.
The job opportunities and living styles have provided “happiness” to millions.
Unfortunately not everyone has understood the concept of “sexuality” and importance of “Sex”.
Many men and women today use it as a means to show-off their “money power”.
Paying for sex is becoming one of the most common ways of “extra-marital” affairs.
There is no love or emotions involved, its just to increase your number… Just to have a “satisfaction” of how many girls or guys you have slept with.
I recently met a 35yr old man. He was suffering from fear of HIV infection. Married for past 8yrs, he and his friends yearly would take vacations to Bangkok, Vietnam, Amsterdam and other places just to indulge in “sexual pleasures”.
When going aboard become tougher due to job timings, he started soliciting girls in india. Over the last year, many times in drunken state he ended up having intercourse without protection… slowly developing the fear of HIV.
Last year his best friend died of the same. Since last 6months he has lost 15kgs of weight, lost concentration, lost happiness, because he is just preoccupied that it might be HIV. He has got himself tested 10 times, but still the fear haunts him.
The more we will indulge in something, the easier for nature to find a way to balance it.
6. Psychological traumas -
The beauty of the Indian subcontinent is that we live in a society that would shout and care about someone having a fracture but a person with stress, anxiety or depression is told that its just a “passing phase” everything will be fine.
Post- 30, we feel a person is “mature” enough to take care of himself emotionally… meeting a doctors or a counselor is out of question, but even sharing with friends is a sign of weakness.
Jobs, relationships, travel, workplaces, food all are factors that are causing psychological traumas.
People are facing huge stress levels and still there is no way to battle it.
They resort to small term happiness, and while most people talk about long term goals… no one talks about long term happiness…
as people, specially in their 30′s, today people happiness has become a destination one reaches after traveling though the ravines of sadness, anxiety, stress and depression.
7. Helping others is now EGO based.
A great person once said – “listening to someones pain, taking it into your ownself, converting it into positivity and giving it back without any judgement is the most difficult thing anyone can do”.
most people listen to others, give them more criticism for their acts, and judge them for having shared their problems.
I once met a 32yr man, who shared the story of his college time heart-break with his wife. It was naturally an important event that still haunted him, and he wanted to be true to his wife.
The wife nicely listened to him, gave him sympathy, they even had sex after his “confession”.
He felt he had got the most understanding and wonderful wife.. 5 days later, there was a small altercation within the wife and the mother-in-law. Our man, favored his mother, and the wife immediately taunted him for using and requiring her only as a sexual object, because his heart was always with his ex-g.f.
He couldn’t take that comment, they had a major fight, and soon all hell broke loose for him.
In a year’s time he was clinically depressed, resorting to alcohol to fight the stress and having lost his self-worth.
friends, family, society all are behaving like the same.
After 30, the EGO levels are increasing, cause suddenly one feels powerful among his “social circle”… One wants to show off and have a bigger “IMPACT”.
For any further assistance, CONTACT ME @-
Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist,Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)
email – eksoch@gmail.com
website – http://mindmantra.in/services.html
or visit my wellness clinic @-
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai
Sadly, 30 has become a very important milestone for the society, and people are judged very differently once its achieved.
Does life change after 30?
Yes because the social rules haven’t been updated in the last 2000 years… We are still living under thought process governed by a time when people would have an average age of 45-50.
Still living under the shadow of an era where surviving meant all.
Here are some examples of the stupidity that society will put you through-
1. Marriage –
Those who aren’t married, they are suddenly taunted to be either “old to get married”, “not fit for married” or a living with a “defect in the kundali/fate”.
I have had so many cases where young men and women have broken down because of this pressure.
I remember a young girl, 29yr of age, in clinical levels of depression and anxiety, telling me – “I am 29, when will I get married, when will I enjoy my married life, when will i have kids, my life is ruined”.
I thought – if you keep yourself happy, physically fit and raring to go, then you can be a great mother even in your late 30′s.
2. Kids -
Those who have crossed the first hurdle of marriage, Society hits them with a greater display of stupidity. The pressure of Kids.
India seems to be a country where everyone has made it a personal “issue” that we want to make it the worlds most populous country. We want to beat china, and want to make sure the entire world is behind us by at least a few hundred million people.
The entire purpose of marriage seems to have kids. And while one kid seems to be too much to handle for most couples, they go and have a second one just to in case if the “first one” doesn’t stand up to their “expectations”.
3. Socio-economic status
For those lucky people who have confirmed to the social demands of “marriage” and “kids”.. The society feels insulted.. and suddenly finds another flaw that they need to conquer upon – STATUS.
Owning a house, owning a big house, owning a car, owning a big car… Its never ending demand.. And post 30, it just leads to extreme negativity.
Imagine you being criticized everyday for not having something you don’t desire or don’t care about… but slowly you will start wanting it.. and eventually you will end up feeling sorry for not having it.
A laughable animalistic behavior pattern…!!!
4. Step-motherly treatment to “HEALTH”
As a doctor, life and death are like your right hand and left hand.
During my MBBS and MD’s, the thousands of patients I interacted with, just taught me one thing -
You got to take care of your own health.. Only you are responsible.
From what I see in today’s social setup its between 28-40 that people completely neglect their health.
Post 30yr, the need of “fitness” is hardly felt so. Weight gain, sleep disturbances, poor eating habits, headaches, decreased stamina, increased alcohol and tobacco are a “socially acceptable” evil.
Its so ironic, I recently consulted a couple, both in early 30′s, where the husband was around 85kgs, and 5’7 height… walked in with his wife who was 65kg and 5’5 height..
he said – “my wife is suffering from emotional eating, help her, cause she is getting fat”.
No doubt the medical community and the medical insurance companies are so happy.. India is already the diabetes and heart attack capital of the world..
Soon we will see an exponential growth of patients into other fields of medicine also.
5. Sexual Liberation
There was a time when only “Mumbai” was open about “sexuality”. The last 10yrs have helped most Indian Metros to become “Cosmopolitan” and “sexually liberated”.
While most people will blame it on westernization.. I would say its time to act, because if we keep blaming it will give us less time to act.
Over the last few years, Most people have migrate from smaller orthodox towns to bigger metros.
The job opportunities and living styles have provided “happiness” to millions.
Unfortunately not everyone has understood the concept of “sexuality” and importance of “Sex”.
Many men and women today use it as a means to show-off their “money power”.
Paying for sex is becoming one of the most common ways of “extra-marital” affairs.
There is no love or emotions involved, its just to increase your number… Just to have a “satisfaction” of how many girls or guys you have slept with.
I recently met a 35yr old man. He was suffering from fear of HIV infection. Married for past 8yrs, he and his friends yearly would take vacations to Bangkok, Vietnam, Amsterdam and other places just to indulge in “sexual pleasures”.
When going aboard become tougher due to job timings, he started soliciting girls in india. Over the last year, many times in drunken state he ended up having intercourse without protection… slowly developing the fear of HIV.
Last year his best friend died of the same. Since last 6months he has lost 15kgs of weight, lost concentration, lost happiness, because he is just preoccupied that it might be HIV. He has got himself tested 10 times, but still the fear haunts him.
The more we will indulge in something, the easier for nature to find a way to balance it.
6. Psychological traumas -
The beauty of the Indian subcontinent is that we live in a society that would shout and care about someone having a fracture but a person with stress, anxiety or depression is told that its just a “passing phase” everything will be fine.
Post- 30, we feel a person is “mature” enough to take care of himself emotionally… meeting a doctors or a counselor is out of question, but even sharing with friends is a sign of weakness.
Jobs, relationships, travel, workplaces, food all are factors that are causing psychological traumas.
People are facing huge stress levels and still there is no way to battle it.
They resort to small term happiness, and while most people talk about long term goals… no one talks about long term happiness…
as people, specially in their 30′s, today people happiness has become a destination one reaches after traveling though the ravines of sadness, anxiety, stress and depression.
7. Helping others is now EGO based.
A great person once said – “listening to someones pain, taking it into your ownself, converting it into positivity and giving it back without any judgement is the most difficult thing anyone can do”.
most people listen to others, give them more criticism for their acts, and judge them for having shared their problems.
I once met a 32yr man, who shared the story of his college time heart-break with his wife. It was naturally an important event that still haunted him, and he wanted to be true to his wife.
The wife nicely listened to him, gave him sympathy, they even had sex after his “confession”.
He felt he had got the most understanding and wonderful wife.. 5 days later, there was a small altercation within the wife and the mother-in-law. Our man, favored his mother, and the wife immediately taunted him for using and requiring her only as a sexual object, because his heart was always with his ex-g.f.
He couldn’t take that comment, they had a major fight, and soon all hell broke loose for him.
In a year’s time he was clinically depressed, resorting to alcohol to fight the stress and having lost his self-worth.
friends, family, society all are behaving like the same.
After 30, the EGO levels are increasing, cause suddenly one feels powerful among his “social circle”… One wants to show off and have a bigger “IMPACT”.
For any further assistance, CONTACT ME @-
Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist,Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)
email – eksoch@gmail.com
website – http://mindmantra.in/services.html
or visit my wellness clinic @-
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai
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