10 Patent Indian Parents Negative Dialogues and the Psychological truth behind them -

Parent: “Why can’t you be as bright as Mr Sharma’s son/daughter?”
Truth -
a. Comparison for inducing competitive spirit leads to inferiority complex.
b. IQ and success quotient is never measured by "marks" but by the level of discipline and dedication one has.

Parents: “Jab hum tumhari umar ke the, toh class mein first aate the.”
Truth -
a. False statement in majority cases - parents were just average student but want their own to be a topper - a projection of their own ego.

Parents: “Jab tumhare bachche honge, tab samajh mein aayega.”
Truth - Failure to bring desired change, leads parent to use "fear" as a mode of gaining control over child.

Parents - “Love-Shav is a faaltu thing. Concentrate on your studies.”
Truth - Every parent had his/her "crushes" or "love affairs" in their time. Its a very human thing to develop. Just they were to shy to speak then.. and too shy to speak now.
It would be great if they tried to understand the psychology of their child, and why he/she has made that choice..rather than just jumping to conclusions.

Parents - “Tumhare friends le doobenge tumhe ek din”.
Truth - Parental experience try to guide a child. But a child will learn through mistakes.

Parents: “Ab iss umar mein yeh din dekhna baaki tha.”
Truth - Sign of frustration because child is revolting against their belief systems. The child is developing his own intellect or following new social rules.
Parents need to know, they are the ones who encouraged this so makes no point blaming the child.

Parents: “Iss din ke liye paida kiya tha tumhe?”
Truth - Sign of extremely high frustration. Also one of the more negative statements to use.
a. Most children are born out of unprotected sex parents had. Its only today, and that too in very few families that children are planned, else they happen.
b. When said in an emotionally filled setting, gives rise to a severe knee-jerk reaction, whereby a child can start detaching emotionally from parents.

Parents: “Paise ped pey nahin ugte. Jab khud kamaoge toh samajh aayega.”
Truth - Inducing responsibility and accountability is a job that starts since childhood. But a more positive approach should be used, rather than inducing fear regarding money generation.

Parent: “Hume pata tha yeh ladki/ladka tumhare liye theek nahin hai.”
Truth - A break up is the 2nd worst psychological trauma to hit an individuals mind..
Indian parents have no idea. They just form an opinion for a girl/guy based on their own rules and regulations. If the guy/girl is falling outside their belief system, he/she will be labelled wrong or bad.
Its only after a breakup that they get a chance to take pot-shots and vent out their anger onto their child.
Sadly this is the worst time to do it, as it induces negativity against parents in the childs mind.

Parents: Indian girls are constantly told by her parents “Jab apne ghar jaogee (sasural) toh yeh sab karna”, but when they reach so called 'apne ghar', her in-laws tell her “Yeh sab yahan nahin chalega, apne ghar mein karna.”
Truth - Belief systems aren't uniform. And the most important discipline that parents fail to teach their children is the ability to love, be open-minded and non-judgemental.
Every house has their own behavioral beliefs. Every new member has to adapt to it. This adaptation is possible only when the mind is ready to love, be open-minded and non-judgemental.
Virtues never thought to the child.

by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM)
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer/speaker and Psychotherapist)

email – eksoch@gmail.com
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