What is Your Relationship Pattern??

A relationship is a complex mix of different psychological patterns.
Every individual has a definitive way of approaching a relationship, which eventually defines his/her relationship pattern.

The 4 major patterns are -

1. Secure – Secure adults tend to be more satisfied in their relationships.

A secure adult feels secure and connected, while allowing themselves and their partner to move freely. There is no restrictions on interactions with outhers.

Secure adults offer support when their partner feels distressed.
They also go to their partner for comfort when they themselves feel troubled.
Their relationship tends to be honest, open and equal, with both people feeling independent, yet loving toward each other.

2. Anxious or Preoccupied – People with an anxious pattern tend to have an imaginary concept of love. They want everything to be fairy tale like. They are desperate to "live upto" that "image".

They become preoccupied if they feel their relationship is moving away from that "image". They’re frequently look to their partner to rescue or complete them. Although they’re seeking a sense of safety and security by clinging to their partner.

They can be excessively loving, but when preoccupation goes beyond control, they act desperate or insecure.
When they feel unsure of their partner’s feelings and unsafe in their relationship, they often become clingy, demanding or possessive toward their partner.
They may also interpret independent actions by their partner as affirmation of their fears.
For example, if their partner starts socializing more with friends, they may think, “See? He doesn’t really love me. This means he is going to leave me. I was right not to trust him.”

3. Dismissive or Avoidant Pattern – Such people have the tendency to emotionally distance themselves from their partner.
They seek a false sense of independence, which many a times they adopt by behaving as a parent or elder.
They often come off as focused on themselves and may be overly attending to their creature comforts.
Pseudo-independence is an illusion, as every human being needs connection. They tend to lead inward lives, both denying the importance of loved ones and detaching easily from them.
They have the ability to psychological shut down emotionally. Even in heated or emotional situations, they are able to turn off their feelings and not react.
For example, if their partner is distressed and threatens to leave them, they would respond by saying, “I don’t care.”

4. Fearful Pattern – Such a person lives in an state of fear of being both too close to or too distant from others.
They attempt to keep their feelings under control, but are unable to. They can’t just avoid their anxiety or run away from their feelings.
They show extreme emotional reactions. They have unpredictable moods.

They see relationships based on the need to go towards others to get your needs met, but if you get close to others, they will hurt you.

These individuals tend to find themselves in rocky or dramatic relationships, with many highs and lows. They often have very fears of being abandoned.
They may cling to their partner when they feel rejected, then feel trapped when they are too close. They even end up in an abusive relationship.

Mind Mantra - Your relationship pattern eventually defines your entire life.

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS,DPM)
Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counsellor

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