What happens if your partner has depression?
“Himanshu and Arundhati got married in traditional hindu style. It was an arranged marriage, where both had enough time to understand each other. The first 6months were the happiest in their lives. The next 2yrs they became parents to a beautiful boy and started looked perfectly poised for a “perfect life”. It was somewhere around their 5yr that they started drifting apart. While Himanshu got completely engrossed in the managing the financial aspects of the family, Arundhati juggled between motherhood, free-lancing work, housewife and daughter-in-law.
Soon Arundhati started feeling she was being neglected. She felt Himanshu didn’t pay her the attention she deserved. She started getting irritated without any reason. She slowly started enjoying fighting and found it psychologically relieving. She became impulsive. She wouldn’t think twice before blaming Himanshu of cheating on her. Thou deep down she knew it wasn’t true, still she would over analyse situations and find a fault. She felt helpless. Within a few months she lost interest in physical intimacy and would spend the whole day comparing her life to that of others. Even a beggar on the street would seem happier to her. The sight of a couple laughing or having fun together would irritate her.
Himanshu kept “counselling” her, while her mother consulted every single pujari in the city. Within a few months all her fingers where loaded with rings. From the white pearl was loaded with rings from white pearl for moon to red coral for mars she had them all... but it didn’t help her. It’s only when she one day tried to commit suicide that they came to know she was suffering from clinical depression and she needed to be “treated” effectively for the same.
Depression in your partner is one of the most dangerous situations to handle in a relationship. There is sequence of events which happen once depression is started:
1. It’s triggered either by a sequence of multiple small emotionally hurting episodes or one major emotionally disturbing event.
2. Its first manifestation is a group of minor emotional and behavioural changes which are mostly neglected.
3. Increased irritation, anger and fights are the “red flags” which have to be looked into very seriously. Every episode of the same causes more negativity in the mind.
4. Most partners feel that they can “counsel” their depressed partner out of the situation, but unfortunately end up increasing the negativity in the subconscious mind.
5. The depressed partner, never feels there is anything wrong with him/her. While the entire family can notice emotional and behavioural changes, he/she will feel they are acting normal.
6. Decreased need or lack of physical intimacy is a sign which should be taken with extreme seriously. As it shows that depression has taken over the deepest desires of an individual. Leading to chemical changes in the mind, that can be irreversible if not treated immediately.
How to help your depressed partner
· Don't keep saying that you understand what your partner is going through. You don’t. Instead say: 'I can't know exactly how you're feeling, but I am trying very hard to understand and help.'
· Try not to get angry and irritated.
· Many people who are depressed lose interest in sex. Be careful and don’t indulge in extra-marital affair.
· Do encourage your partner to get all the professional help available. Nowadays, there are plenty of alternatives available. Like counselling, medications (new age, non-sedative, non-addictive), etc.
· Give plenty of tender loving care. But don't expect improvement to be rapid.
· With proper treatment, recovery takes anywhere between 3-6months.
· Do something nice for yourself. Being around a depressed person is very draining, so make sure you look after yourself. Have some time alone, or get out to a film or to see friends. Depressed people often want to stay home and do nothing, but if you do this too, you'll get terribly fed up.
I Would really appreciate if you could leave comments and share this article with your family and friends. Regards,
Motivational Speaker - Mind-Body Healer
(MBBS, PG.DPM, M.D.(Mind Mantra Wellness Concepts - Mumbai))
(Specialize in Emotional, Behavioural, Sleep, Memory, Concentration and Sexual Health)
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