Wife Beating - The DARK side of bedroom Secrets

Wife Beating or Domestic Violence against the female partner is legally and morally one of the most hated acts.Its is one of the oldest and darkest secrets of human society. Unfortunately one of the most commonly undetected crimes, its also one present equally among each part of the socio-economic structure irrespective of class, creed or religion.

Everyday thousands of men and women look for solace to vent out the sadness, anger, guilt, frustration and helplessness related to it. A futile cat and mouse game, where men complaint about their helplessness to control their actions and women complaint about inability to take counter action.

I have always wondered why two thousand years of social reforms have not been able to erase this stain from the social fabric? What is there in it, that we keep perpetuating and quietly accepting the crime.

To look into its origins, we'll have to look into the psychology of the physically abuser male?
  1. The Uncontrolled Male Ego  - As the human kind evolved from apes, survival in the world was dependent on combination of brain and physical strength. This essential need immediately placed the male kind on a higher pedestal within the gender hierarchy. This is an order that has been maintained  since then till now. This also means that every male is born with a minor degree of power within the society. A power to be considered better than females. And a power that has been granted to him without having earned it. It's this power that has been popularly labelled as the Male Ego.
    Power in any strength is intoxicating. It takes a lot of rules, regulations and rationale to control it. In those male who are devoid of this, a minor relationship stress triggers uncontrolled need to manifest this power. There is no better way to do that, then through the means that originally provided it, physical supremacy.

  2. Abuser Mentality- A chronic or repeated physically abuser husband/boy-friend is someone who is addicted to physical abuse. Such is his psyche, that immediately after the act he gets filled with extreme guilt, feels extremely sorry and promises never to do it again. But when present again presented with minor degrees of stress, his mind destroys all defences and finds peace only by inflicting higher physical pain than last time.
    It becomes a mental game where the abusive male derives pleasure from physically hurting his wife/g.f  and then asking for forgiveness. Next time the challenge becomes to inflict higher degree of pain and then get forgiven.

  3. Alcohol or Substance Abuse - Alcohol and psychotropic drugs like cocaine induce changes within the brain structure. These changes induce high anger producing chemicals and hormones which are satisfied by physical abuse.

  4. Clinical Depression or Clinical Stress - Clinical levels of stress or Clinical levels of depression cloud the thinking process of a person. Irritation of not being able to get his desires makes him forget and go against his personal believes. This can trigger a male to become physically abusive.

  5. Constant Provocation - Many times female partners develop a particular psychological defense to get attention or win a discussion. This particular style involves suspiciousness, nagging, bringing out mistakes of the past, magnifying small problems into big. While most men learn to face these issues, some who have a very "direct" way of handling things become extremely anxious. This leads to extreme anger and eventual physical outburst.

Even though its an illegal and socially hated act, Why is it that this behavior pattern still present in the society?
  1. Socially Accepted - "I recently meet a lady who was going through immense emotional pain due to her divorce. She reported multiple episodes of physical abuse by her husband. When I asked her why did she didn't speak up, she said her friends, family and parents said that soon it will change."
    This is a classical example how the indian society in particular is scared to talk about this issue openly. The moment they find a victim of the same, they resort to age old "appeasing" techniques. From having a baby to living in separate houses to even allowing an extra-marital affair, I have seen so many of these "counseling" techniques used by the society, which just end hurting the victim.

  2. Victim Mentality - Many females develop an addiction towards the sympathy they get for being abused. This makes them ventilate their sadness with every person they meet, but they never take any action to act against it.

  3. False Hope for change - faith healers, religious leaders, astrologers, counselor and even doctors are blamed for creating a false "hope". Even while many see the physical brutality a lady is being victim too, they try and give her "Ways to save the marriage". Unfortunately 99% of them never work. The need for "False hope" is so high, that many women don't want to listen to those who speak practically and are blunt about the future options.
  4. Fear and Inferiority Complex- Many women never speak up because of fear and Inferiority complex. The most common of these are:
  • fear of being called a divorcee and not being socially accepted
  • inferiority complex of not being able to take care of herself financially, emotionally and even sexually.
  • fear of not finding another relationship in life. 
  • fear of finding a worse relationship in life.
  • inferiority complex of not having the same "happiness" as her relatives and friends have.
  • fear of not being an able single parent.  

Physical Abuse is a non-acceptable and illegal act. But change can only be bought when people decide to set examples by taking actions to stop it.

I Would really appreciate if you could leave comments and share this article with your family and friends.

Dr.Hemant MittaL
Motivational Speaker - Mind-Body Healer
(MBBS, PG.DPM, M.D.(Mind Mantra Wellness Concepts - Mumbai))
(Specialize in Emotional, Behavioural, Sleep, Memory, Concentration and Sexual Health)
Contact at -


    1. very nice....I've no words...each line is so powerful...thanks for this one docs.

    2. Haven't you come across wives abusing their husbands, and going through a worser loop of events(husbands hiding it, unable to even talk about it to anyone at all). In these cases the abuse may be more mental than physical that's the only difference.

    3. yes i have come across a lot of husbands who are beaten by their wifes.. and i was planning to write on that topic as a sequale to this one...but its surprising how some people are so against me talking about domestic violence.. had to delete at least 10comments on people asking me to stick to talking about depression and not entering into their private life.. WTF!!!!!

    4. I strongly think men are forced to enter into the violence by women . My wife delibertly nag me and even if i ignore her not show any reaction, she force to beat her so that she can win & do as per her wish . I had open talk with her informing where & when men lose his patience like : DOnt insult his mother , dont show off in public , reputation in the society , dont waste food . She keep hearing all these thing when ever time come she does all these thing just to make me to go till i burst . Stupid womens they dont know how to make things but they very well in spoling things . Having said this there are men who just beat their wifes for nothing & for their self pshyc behaviour . The society should change . Probabaly a welfare movie should be telecasted in all cities whats men and women probelm . But the thought of yours is food Dr .

    5. (10comments on people asking me ...)
      One thing i like your approach is beside you are a doctor you see human as human and not lifeless particles. Its a great article, In fact those comments of abusing should encourage you to write more.

      Above there is a view that how few woman got beaten because they instigate and do mistakes.
      Friend if we think they are chudel then are we saint? You may also do mistakes and do some behavior that was not liked by other, You slap her when she make mistake, Will you allow her to slap you when you do mistakes?