Office Dating - Do's n don'ts?

“Maya (name changed) was a 27yr old single working lady. Her issue, she was dating her boss, a 45yr old married man, who was clear in his intentions from the relationship while she struggled to find her peace with the same.”

“Rohit (name changed) a 35yr old BPO executive was full of confusion when he came over to my wellness clinic. He had been married for 6yrs, had a great wife, but since a few months was addicted to emotional and physical intimacy with a female co-worker. He had no guilt about his actions, but was struggling hugely to manage his emotions, fellow employees created work pressures and decreasing work performance”

“Shahin (name changed) 29yr old, skin specialist was in healthy relationship which was soon going to transform into marriage. She never realized when and how she got attracted to fellow doctor within other department of the hospital where she worked.... Within a few months, the situation got out of hand. What she thought as a minor fling, ended becoming a tragedy. Both the guys left her, she was forced to quit her job as the staff started spreading rumors of her being “characterless” and the higher hospital management found her a “bad influence” onto other doctors and patients.

The society is no longer changing. It has CHANGED...

People are now connected to their work and workplace 24x7. If it’s not physical presence than internet connectivity makes sure work is being done at any moment from any corner of the world.

We are a now a society driven completely by needs. Needs that range from emotional, professional, personal, financial to sexual. Work and workplace being the single most important macro-environment system in an individual’s life, he/she looks upon it to satisfy his/her needs.

The above are real life cases of “Office Dating or Office Romance gone bad” that I have recently counselled.

Office Dating or Office relationships are no longer a taboo, but one of the most popular trends in modern day corporate culture.

 

Is Office Dating good or bad?

Office Dating is like Bungie jumping. You will always feel nervous before jumping, once you take the plunge you will feel euphoric, and once it’s over you come to know of the real damage it has caused.

To get into a relationship, with whom and why is a personal right and choice every individual is born with.

Office Dating is an entity it has the potential of single handedly destroying your emotional, personal and professional peace.

If I get to chose from the hundreds of Office Romances I have personally or online counselled, the 5 main issues to be careful about an Office romance are:

1.      NEVER DATE the Boss –

From my professional experiencing of corporate counselling – 99 out of 100 of such cases end up in a major disaster. I can say “nuclear disaster”

Unfortunately in every single of those 99 cases, the involved felt they could manage it out. Everyone things they are different from the rest, and everyone feels they are more “mature”... unfortunately these factors don’t matter in such a relationship.

Power-struggle, jealous co-workers and favouritism tags are factors brought in by others at the least expected of time and places.

If you are in such a relationship or are planning to get into one, I have to sadly inform you that odds are against you. The end of the tunnel is stuffed with heartbrake, suffering professional humiliation and being stuck by personal guilt.

It’s a time bomb... and the clock is ticking... Click Click Click...

2.      Gossips are BUSH FIRES -

Ask a fire-man what is his worst nightmare and he wouldn’t hesitate to answer “a bush fire”.
Bush fires start by burning of small and insignificant bushes, and even before you have realized it, the entire forest with every living and non-living inside it is charred to ashes.

Gossips are bush fires in workspaces.

A common tagline I get to hear a lot in such-

“I never told anyone about our relationship. I just don’t know how people came to know”.

Office Romances carry a sense of adventure with them.  Your mind might want to shout out in Amitabh’s baritone “Ha HUMHE PYAAR HAI”... but your mouth is sealed.

Unfortunately your mind rules not just the mouth but also the body. While you mouth might be sealed, the mind-body complex creates an aura and sends such signals around that everyone subconsciously perceives you are attracted to someone nearby.

If you feel no one will notice and gossip about those sudden eye glances, that secretive smile, sudden exchange of sms or even that “casual talk” in a group... you  are too cooking the perfect recipe for destruction..

 

3.      The  Communication Trap-

“Love-birds” need to express their love to each other. If not done so, they might be stuck by extreme restlessness. They search for every single opportunity to do it.

Most “love birds” feel that Cell Phones, Internet and Social Media are the biggest boon for them... But is it really a boon?

“With every form of power, comes great responsibility”... Such communication devices are extremely powerful and require extreme responsibility. Sadly no one can be 100% responsible when in live. Every lover loses sense of self and surroundings in love.

The more you communicate through these, the higher chance of committing a mistake and being caught.

I have seen innumerable cases where a one small irresponsible mistake created a devastating psychological storm. Just forgetting to delete his/her sms, delete the call details, forgetting to close the facebook page or forgetting to delete that not so official email...can arouse wrath like never seen before.

4.      Expectations and Favouritism-

“We started talking on common topics. Then he started helping me in my reports. Once we got in a relationship he changed. He should have understood me more. But instead he would never help me as much as he did before. He would never allow me to take an extra off, even when he knew I was very ill...  Does he love me ??”

Once in a relationship, automatically expectations and favouritisms will crop up. Even if you are the most neutral of all persons in the world, there will be one or other incident were you will have to bulge.

The moment you start fulfilling expectations and granting favouritisms to that “dear one”, those around get ammunition against you.

Remember an office environment is like a jungle... and only the fittest survive... no matter how good you are, someone is out there to get your job...

5.      Productivity-

Love is the most beautiful feeling anyone can experience. In medical terms, it’s one emotion that triggers the brain to produce loads and loads of “feel happy” chemical.

In initial phases of love your mind is always connected to that special someone. You can day dream about him/her for hours. You can laugh without a reason. You leave your workstation just to get a glimpse of him/her. You might end up taking long lunches with him/her. You are just lost in your own happy world.

Unfortunately all this destroys your concentration, attention and productive span in the real “working “ world. Your work and its quality suffers.

While most people would blame the boss, bring out excuses and/or old laurels to help them out of this situation... the real cure is to self-introspect and accept your mistake.

FEEL FREE to contact me on the above or any other mood swings, sleep, memory, thoughts, stress or sexual health related issues. -

Dr.Hemant Mittal  (MBBS, PG.DPM, M.D.(Mind Mantra Wellness Concepts - Mumbai))
Website - www.mindmantra.in         
Email - eksoch@gmail.com

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