Dowry - A push to suicide

Today Morning I met a 26yr old lady who attempted suicide a few days ago. Reason, her in-laws keep demanding more, and she feels so guilty for burdening her parents.
The thought process behind her actions - she is the cause of pain to both her in-laws (who are always shouting) and to her parents (who are always struggling to comply by demands)... the best solution is to destroy the cause.

Had it not been for one of her friends who brought her to my

 clinic, she might be one of the million woman out there whose painful stories are lost under the sands of time. One of the million who live with the unwanted baggage of emotional pain.

Dowry is one of the most acceptable cultural evils in India. From north to south, east to west, its amazing how people come up with thousands of explanations to justify this social evil.

A tradition which in my perspective just converts the whole sanctity of marriage into a flesh trade!!!

If unconditional love is something we all search for, dowry is the knife that pierces the heart of that unconditional love. Giving rise to only conditional love.

I have seen hundreds of such cases.. some come within months of being married, some come after years.

I have meet hundreds of those who advocate for it.
Everyone feels they are different.
They only do it as a display of affection for their child.

I wish someday we live in a world were love is no longer equated with materialistic possession. In the words of John Lennon - You may say, I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one... I hope some day you'll join us... And the world will be as one"

:)

My inbox is always open to all your suggestions and queries. You are most welcome to approach me at -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (Neuro-Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counselor)
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - www.mindmantra.in
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

who is better - he who seeks help or he who doesn't?

Above a month ago I met a very interesting person. A priest by profession, this gentleman walked into my clinic without prior appointment and was really determined for a consultancy.
Initially I was very intrigued. In my line of work, it's not every day that I meet individuals who are so determined to have a consultancy. Most cases come as last

 resort, when they have tried everything under the sky.
My initial intrigue was further magnified thousands times when I came to know this gentleman was a priest. Naturally they are the "opposite side"...The people who constantly preach that psychiatry is some modern form of "witch-craft".

Today when the same gentleman came for re-check and re-evaluation, I asked him two questions that were intriguing me since his 1st visit -
"how come he visited a psychiatrist, when its against what he preaches?
and why me and not some psychiatrist from his own religion/spiritual practice?"

A brief over-view of this gentleman's case - He is suffering from post-traumatic clinical depression. 15yrs ago, he experienced a very strong emotional hurt by someone very close to him. The memories of that hurt and betrayal have not left him. This has created extreme negativity in his mind. To the extent that he decided to give up all worldly pleasures and seek solace in god. Still his mind has always been restless, he is very irritable, gets angry on the drop of a pin, performs his duties as a priest without love, has problems sleeping and hasn't had a peaceful sleep in 15yrs.

This gentleman replied to my questions - "Doc, only me and my god knows how I have spent every single day of the last 15yrs.
Every day I would wake up feeling I haven't slept, having a headache, feeling extreme sadness.
Every day I would relive those moments and the tragedy I went through as if they are happening just right now.
I forgot how food should taste, I preached about god's love but I couldnt generate it in my own heart.
I was such an irritable person, that people would be scared of me. There has been time when I have introduced anger into others heart.
I had was just living.

I had one strong belief and hope, that all this emotional pain, sadness and helplessness was because god was testing me.

I would read all the religious materials and would see how god had tested those who had faith in him. And I felt this was my test.

For 15years I comforted myself every single day, telling myself that this was my test.
Then one night I was trying to sleep, I suddenly started to feel excess of fear. I felt cold and still was sweating. I could hear and feel my heart beat, felt a sinking feeling and a severe chest pain.
I thought this is a heart attack and I am going to die... Finally god has decided to end my ordeal... I am prepared to leave this painful body and move ahead.

The next 3hours where terrible. All these feelings just kept increasing and decreasing. And with every moment I prayed more intensively to god to just take me away. To just kill me.. To end all this.
3 hours later it all stopped. I suddenly felt motionless. And heard a voice.
At that moment I felt I was dead, and this was the voice of god.

The voice just said one thing - if one leg of the table is broken what will do? fix it or sit on the same table, cribbing and crying that my table is broken?

A few minutes later I woke up, and found myself lying in a pool of sweat.
I realized god had just told me that my brain was the broken leg. I needed to get it fixed.
The day I die and really meet him, he will surely say why didn't you preach my word with happiness and love. Those who are my own, are just immersed in gratitude, love and devotion to me.. They are always content.. why did you chose depression and anger.
If I tell him, that it was your test...
I am sure he'll fail me, because he has also provided me with mediums to solve the problem.
A real test is when you are in the middle of a desert, with only one stream of water to drink from. And even that stream of water is poisoned. And your heart is full of contentment till the moment you die of thirst.
When every mean has been provided to you, to fight the demons in the mind, you have to use them.

I realized i had been avoiding getting help just because I was scared to talk to someone.
I realized how I have counseled thousands since I have become a priest, but I am no different from them. I am also human.

A small pause... I had decided that I wanted to see a psychiatrist, but certainly hadn't researched about it...as for why I chose you, well to be frank, I was just walking towards the railway station and saw your board..."

he gave me a wink and a great smile... and walked out of the clinic.

:)

My inbox is always open to all your suggestions and queries. You are most welcome to approach me at -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (Neuro-Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counselor)
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

Modern definition of love

Lady: "How much do you love me?" 
Man: "Look at the sky and count the stars." 
Lady: "But, it's daytime..." 
Man: "exactly... ;)"

In modern India, the 3 words "I love you" are being used like loose change. Most young men and women are changing "romantic' partners as if they are changing tooth-brushes. 
Unfortunately this pattern is not uniform within the entire socie

ty. This behavior becomes really problematic when their is an emotional clash between someone for whom uttering those 3 words is a prayer and for he/she whom its just momentary happiness.

For someone who is accustomed to changing partners every few months or year, the hurt is just an excuse before he/she moves onto the next person that comes in their life.
But for someone who cares a lot about the value of the feeling and the words uttered, it can leave an emotional scar that might stay for life-time.

Love and Fall in love... but make sure its with someone of your personality type.

My inbox is always open to all your suggestions and queries. You are most welcome to approach me at -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (Neuro-Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counselor)
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

The trouble is we have to live up to compliments.

27yr old Amit (name changed) walked into my clinic a few months ago.
Amit had a great track record which everyone would be proud of.
He had been a good student in school, qualified and passed out of one of the best Management Colleges in the country and got selected by a multi-national company which had him living a very comfortable life overseas.
There wasn't a single relative or friend who didn't praise him.

Then why did he come and visit a psychiatrist?
Since last 6months, he had started developing trouble sleeping. He would spend hours to fall asleep. The lack of proper sleep would affect his concentration at work and his performance was decreased.
His mind was always restless. He kept thinking...

What had happened that caused such a problem?
Compliments and Expectations.
Amit was always the best. He was always expected to be the best. He always did things perfectly. He was a perfectionist.
What others thought about him mattered a lot.

A few years ago, Amit met Sonia (name changed). They became great friends and finally got into a relationship.
They where having a very comfortable live-in relationship, till reality stuck Amit.
When Amit talked about her to his parents, he was suddenly faced with a lot of resistance.
His parents were not ready to accept he marrying someone from another country.
His father went on to say "you were the perfect kid, just to show us this day"

His inability to convince his parents became a problem with Sonia. She started getting restless, as she wanted to start a family.
This increased the fights they had and let negativity come in-between them.

When he spoke to his friends in India, they were super amazed by him. He was like some "demi-god" who had got everything they could desire. And to top it all, he was in a live-in relationship with a "firang".
They would just say - "your life is perfect. Forget the girl, you have had your fun. Get married to a good indian woman, who would serve you as you need to".

He suddenly found himself at a cross-road of life, trying to please so many people, but the only people who weren't happy where he and sonia.

His mind just wouldn't stop thinking for the perfect solution. Unfortunately that quest didn't come cheap. The restlessness cost him a lot of concentration at work, because of which his boss downgraded his rating and personally it brought so many emotional swings that he and Sonia decided to split.

GETTING COMPLIMENTS IS GREAT... BUT LIVING FOR COMPLIMENTS IS DANGEROUS


Dr.Hemant Mittal (Neuro-Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counselor)
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - www.mindmantra.in
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

THE DANCE OF DEVOTION - GARBA

My first interaction with Garba happened in the city of Pune, during my early days as a medical student. At first sight the colorful clothes and the synchronized dance made it look something only meant for professionals.

Over the years, I was always intrigued about the power this single dance form had. In my knowledge there is No other dance form in the entire world who for 9 days, works as a magical wand to infuse enthusiasm, unity, positive energy and happiness within the hearts of millions of people across this great nation.

Recently I came to know that a friend of mine was actually an accomplished Garba dancer. I used this opportunity to learn the deeper psychological power that this single dance form caries.

Modern Garba is looked upon an opportunity to flaunt, socialize and make new alliances... The traditional Garba dancers look upon it as a prayer. The dance is a physical representation of their devotion for the Mother Goddess. An intoxication of love for the Goddess that can be compared to that of the Mystic Sufis.

As wikipedia defines it - "The word Garba comes from the Sanskrit word for gestation or pregnancy. Traditionally, the dance is performed around a clay lantern with a light inside, called a Garbha Deep. This lantern represents life, and the fetus in the womb in particular. The dancers thus honor Durga, the feminine form of divinity.

Garba is performed in a circle as a symbol of the Hindu view of time. The rings of dancers revolve in cycles, as time in Hinduism is cyclical. As the cycle of time revolves, from birth, to life, to death and again to rebirth, the only thing that is constant is the Goddess, that one unmoving symbol in the midst of all of this unending and infinite movement. The dance symbolizes that God, represented in feminine form in this case, is the only thing that remains unchanging in a constantly changing universe (jagat).

Garba songs are mostly in praise of Mother Goddess Amba describing her form, powers, and invoking her blessings. Also there are Garbas describing seasons and social themes of domestic ends and married life."

Today, a few hours before the entire country will burst into the spell of the 1st Garba dance of the season...
I wish that it spread a lot of love and happiness... It takes away the demons of sadness and negativity affecting the society..

ENJOY THE DANCE OF DEVOTION...

WISHING YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY NAV-RATRI

Dr.Hemant Mittal (Neuro-Psychiatrist and Counselor)
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - www.mindmantra.in
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

Schizophrenia

Schizophrenia

Its one of the oldest and most dreaded disorder in the entire history of health care. Single handedly accredited for the birth of social taboo revolving around Mind-brain-body health.

95% of cases are wrongly treated as cases of black magic/bhoot bhada/possesion cases all around the world. The lack of knowledge leads to tens of years before these 95% get the right treatment.

Wrongly confused with MPD or multiple personality disorder, its been wrongly used by many to create a wrong impression in the minds of others.

what is schizophrenia?
A combination of emotional and stress overload triggers several parts of the brain to simultaneously stop functioning at peak performance. This is manifested by the decrease in production of neuro-chemicals (brain chemicals) like dopamine, GABA, glutamate, serotonin.

what are the symptoms?
the disorder starts with the symptoms:
a. slowness in doing work
b. decreased social interaction
c. decreased emotional responses

This is the only stage where the disorder is completely curable. Unfortunately its also the most difficult stage to detect, as it requires it requires very professional approach. I do a complete 40min quality psychological analysis of personality and self which helps in detecting it at such an early state.

the next level, is where the brain loses complete connection with the subconscious mind. Lack of neuro-chemicals and increasing stress amount for start up of emotional and behavioral manifestations:

a. delusions- these are strong and false beliefs that an individual develops. These are normally against social and cultural self. Even thou there is enough proof to prove them wrong a person will be fixated into his belief.

for example- the patient might feel one or more of the following:
i. someone/family members want to kill him/her
ii. someone/family member want to harm him/againt him.
iii. someone is following him/her
iv. husband/wife is cheating upon her/him
v. feels he can enter into someone’s mind and change the thought process.
vi. feels someone can read his mind, etc and many more of such.

this stage requires extensive treatment.
the third stage is the most devastating. It’s the one in which most care-givers feel that the patient is having some ghost/gin/black-magic or possession.

e. hallucinations- the brain functioning further deteriorates to decrease communication between nerves. So a person starts to hear voice, images or touches of animals which are not present.
Person also gets violent as he/she tries to ask for help from the world around, but nobody is ready to listen to him.

example-
i. hearing of voices of people or self, conversing with those voices
ii. seeing people/visions and talking to them
iii.feeling someone touching you, crawling sensations over the skin
iv. having unsual tastes of food- calling fried potato as strawberry taste.
v. having unsual smells when they are not present- like smelling of roses in a toilet.

This stage requires immediate treatment.

Like in most cases, this stage is left untreated. The treatment focuses more on swami, baba’s and tantriks. Because most people cannot believe their family member has a “mental health issue”. Since most mental health issues are invisible the pain is only experienced by the patient, which family members fail to see.
The final stage is one where complete destruction of personality and self is possible.

f. lack of self care- patient starts to loose himself in this imaginary world. Because of which he stops eating, taking care (stops bathing, stops brushing his teeth, starts doing his basic needs like urination and defecation in his clothes, and may start becoming naked in public places.)
if he/she is disturbed in this period they become extremely aggresive. and might even kill someone in their fit of anger

e. complete social withdrawn – with uncontrolled anger on meeting his/her own blood relatives.

why does schizophrenia happen?
a. genetic
b. substance induced- the most common cause is the continuous use alcohol, drugs, body building steroids for long term. They induce change in the structure of the brain, leading to onset of schizophrenia.
the most best known example for the same is actress pravin babi who died of schizophrenia.

c. psychological trauma- if someone has a sensitive personality, and is suddenly exposed to large emotional trauma (relationship failure, sexual abuse, death of near one) it might lead to the onset of schizophrenia.

d. Uncontrolled restlessness – if an individual develops imagination as a way to escape from his/her restlessness.

e. Depression- long standing depression when person becomes socially withdrawn he/she starts using imagination as a way to occupy his/her brain.

what is the cure?
after stage 2-
a. medications are the only cure. A patients family has the right to ask their consulting psychiatrist to prescribe something that is not too sedative, not addictive, a newer molecule with less or no side effects. That help a person to restart his life back.
Ayurvedic and homeopathic have long term success rate once the attack has been subsided and patient has been brought to certian normalcy.
b. counceling and all dont help once the third stage has started.

Rights of patient and his relatives?

a. A patient and his relatives have the right to question their psychiatrist on the type of schizophrenia, the medications, the side effects.
The psychiatrist should properly evaluate the patient and give his relatives ample time to express their concerns and questions.

b. Its also a patients right to demand medications that suit his requirements. The medications should be formulated to provide the patient with least problems, and maximum productivity.

c. unfortunately many times psychiatrists trying to cure the problem faster, tend to over medicate. I tend to follow the UK model of treatment where least medications is given, with least or no side effects. It takes a little longer but prevents side-effects and promises longer term cure. and give no time to examine the patient properly. because of which many patients land up with many unwanted side-effects.

Can a schizophrenic live a normal life?
YES. I have treated hundreds of individuals with such problem. And i am proud to say those who came in at an early stage are 100% back to leading a early life. Those who came at later stages have taken more time for cure.

SCHIZOPHRENIA is a disorder… ITS NOT EVIL…
DONT DISCRIMINATE…HELP THEM…

FAMOUS PEOPLE WITH SCHIZOPHRENIA-
schizophrenia is labeled as the disorder of the inteligent because of some famous examples.-
a. Bobby fischer- greatest chess player in histroy
b. Dr.John Nash- nobel prize winner. (discovered his nobel prize theories while suffering from this disorder)
c. Syd barret- famous musician from the band PINK FLOYD
d. the first son of Albert Einstein and first son of Mahatma Gandhi both had schizophrenia.

for any further query, feel free to contact me at:

Dr.Hemant Mittal (Psychiatrist and Counselor)
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - www.mindmantra.in
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

How to Talk to Girls?

Having traveled through this beautiful country, I realize one thing, that the one thing most guys are never thought is how to talk to a girl.

Everyday at my clinic I meet many adolescents and men who are introverts and find it great task to talk to a girl.

10 simple techniques -

 1 - Condition Your Mind - If you are shy or introvert, before you speak one word to any girl, make sure you repeat this 10 times in your head - "Girls/Women are human beings".
Every human being is equal, no one is better or lesser than other.

2 - Ice breaker - The first impression is very important. And 90% guys just over-do it. Some try to put on fake accents, other start with cheesy opening lines.
Keep it simple.. Tell your name, and ask her name.
Be confident - shake her hand and above all smile.

3 - Listen - Guys talk a lot. They just love to go on a talking trip. A friend of mine extremely popular among woman had one golden rule - he would listen to them.

4 - Get the clues - when you listen, you come to know what to ask and talk ahead.

5 - Don't Boost - guys have a natural tendency to start showing-off... They will go to any extent to impress. If you want a girl like that, surely do it.. but if you want a long lasting friend just be yourself

6. Don't live in illusions - guys create a lot of illusions. A small smile from a girl and they start thinking ... "She is mine, no one should talk to her"... "If not mine, not for anyone"... Seriously Stop being idiots!!!
Get into a relationship first... then make any ideas.

7. Understand Personalities - Every girl is not meant for you. Every girl has a different personality. Learn to see the personality of a girl. If it doesn't suit you, move ahead.

8. Keep sex aside for sometime - Its surprising but I have found that a great majority of Indian guys automatically start thinking about sex with a girl even from the 1st time they see her or meet her.
Physical attraction is great, but perversion is idiocy.

9 - Don't be used - so many guys let themselves be used in the name of friendship or love. So many guys spend precious time and money on a girl who is known to be flirting around with many others at the same time.
Many times it looks like an episode from Discovery Channel where males are trying to attract the female.

10 - Be a Man - Learn to move ahead in life. If a girl doesn't talk to you its not the end of the world. There is so much more to do.

Dr.Hemant Mittal (Psychiatrist and Counselor)
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - www.mindmantra.in
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai