Are you too busy to Love?

Since ages Men have been blamed for being too busy with work, and not able to dedicate time to their family life.
Well times are changing....Over the last few years at my clinic I have seen a multiple-fold increase in the number of woman who are addicted to their work and concerned about getting into or maintaining a long-term committed relationship.

"Workaholics" as everyone calls them, are no longer gender specific.
In a recent trip to a couple of metro cities, I got a chance to further explore this rising phenomenon among working urban Indian ladies.

If you are a woman who spends majority of time with her work and doesn't get enough time for a long-term committed relationship, you are not alone.

As a psychiatrist, some very interesting behavior patterns which have come under my observation -

1. Office Romance -
Many women get into a relationship with a colleague or a client, because they understand and accept their work schedule.
It gives them great chance to balance both work and emotions.
The only side-effect is that these "Mr.Rights" have a great chance of turning out to be "mr. pain in the arse".

At the clinic I have counseled many married ladies, who have found "true love" in someone from their office. Only to later realize a "good friend" is not a "good partner". This realizations many a times come only after their marriage reaches point of no-return.

Similarly I have had chance to meet a lot of ladies, who got into a relationship with their client or colleague.. only to find out "after marriage" that the guy had different expectations from a "partner"... That the guy wanted adjustments where the lady would not only do her work but also house-hold work.

This leads to conflicts in interests.

2. Online Dating / Online Marriage portals-
Many "workaholic" ladies who feel a void or need for "love" or "companionship" in their life, look at Social networking sites, online dating sites or online marriage for solution.
It's an amazing way of balancing life and work, as most of the interaction can be controlled through a laptop, cell phone or ipad.

Using the "task-oriented" logic for finding a partner has a minor negative side. Most people lie online, and secondly "love" is not a rational emotion. It's a very impulsive and very expressive one.  Falling in love with "online" persona can be like falling in love with a movie character.

3. Include "time for love and romance" as part of your schedule.
Be it an ICU doctors, gynecologists, interns, CEO's, Senior level executives or Junior Trainees, even the busiest women can find "time for love".
If time forbids you from going to a fancy restaurant or on big vacations, why don't break the idea of fun.. And spend some quality time taking a walk or eating a burger or just while driving towards work.


One of the most romantic persons I know, blossomed her romance while talking on the phone while getting out of work, meeting in trains while returning back home, sharing "wada-pav" and "idli-sambhar" at the tea-stalls outside train stations.

4. Sensitize yourself and your partner about Plans.
Many women are unable to sustain their relationships because their demanding schedules can often lead to last minute cancellations on plans.
Although this happening on occasion would be understood by any supportive partner, but a constantly repetitive pattern creates negativity, anxiety and anger.

While most "independent" women hate to give explanations.. and expect their partners to understand... Its sad but the same doesn't happen.

I have counseled many ladies who would say "he should have understood I am working".. but actually its just being too rigid.

If you are unsure about dates and time, don't make a plan... Be more authentic in your approach to get those plans completed.

5. Prioritize your partner
Sometimes work becomes so important that your partner (husband or boyfriend) is taken for granted.
Nobody likes to be taken for granted.. and specially male egos are very fragile.

I have met hundreds of women who do this cardinal mistake and land up destroying a beautiful relationship.

If you planned a movie with your partner, but suddenly your work-mates are making a plan for the same.. you might land up hurting his feelings just because you expect him to understand.
If you planned to go for lunch on sunday, but you spent whole night saturday at a "party" at work... your partner would not appreciate being second fiddle always.

In relationships balance of love has to be shown both emotionally and physically.

I have met hundreds of cases of "broken relationships" whereby "friendship" with a male colleague made the male-partner feel unwanted and he just moved out of the relationship.
While the female kept wondering - "why this happened"


Your suggestions and queries are most welcomed at -

email -


Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Neuro-Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counselor)
website -
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

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