Office Dating - the good and bads
“Maya (name changed) 30yr married old working lady... She was dating her boss... soon it turned into a serious relationship..now she is struggling to find her peace”
“Rohit (name changed) a 35yr married corporate guy, was addicted to emotional and physical intimacy with a female co-worker, 10yrs younger to him. He had no guilt about his actions, but fellow employees used it as weapon agains his work performance ratings."
“Shilpa(name changed) 29yr old single lady, used every tactic in the book to move up the corporate ladder. Somewhere in between, one of the board members became obssessed with her. She always got " career-oriented favors" in return of her physical proximity with this particular man. When she really fell in love with someone, this obsessed lover decided to destroy her career. In turn he burnt both of them, and she was fired for her "bad influence".
These are real cases of office dating gone bad and people needing my help to overcome the emotional troubles caused.... These are not BAD PEOPLE...The society is no longer changing. It has CHANGED…
Its nor longer models, bollywood actors who are "adjusting" and "doing to sexual favors" for a "beneficial career moves"... The same rituals are happening in every single industry.
Unlike 30years ago.. Urban India is now a society driven more by needs than morals.. Needs range from emotional, professional, personal, financial to sexual.
Since now people are connected to their work and workplace 24×7. The workplace and its inhabitants become the single most important macro-environment system one interacts within.
It also becomes the prime place for satisfaction of emotional, professional, financial and sexual needs.
Office Dating or Office relationships are no longer a taboo, but one of the most popular trends in modern day corporate culture.
Is Office Dating good or bad?
Office Dating is like Bungie jumping. You will always feel nervous before jumping, once you take the plunge you will feel euphoric, and once it’s over you analyze if it was worth it or not...
Being in a relationship is blissful. But the purpose of the same has to be really well demarcated... And being in a relationship has to be according to one's personality.
If I get to analyse and opine from the hundreds of Office Romance related queries I have counselled, the 5 main issues to be careful about an Office romance are:
1. NEVER DATE the Boss –
99 out of 100 of such cases end up in a major disaster.
Unfortunately in every single of those 99 cases, the involved initially felt they could manage it out and nothing would happen to them.
Everyone things they are different from the rest, and everyone feels they are more “mature”… unfortunately these factors don’t matter in such a relationship.
Power-struggle, jealous co-workers and favouritism tags are factors brought in by others at the least expected time and places.
If you are in such a relationship or are planning to get into one, I have to sadly inform you that odds are against you.
The end of the tunnel is stuffed with either heartbrake, suffering professional humiliation or being stuck by personal guilt.
It’s a time bomb… and the clock is ticking… Click Click Click…
2. Gossips are BUSH FIRES –
Ask an American fire-man what is his worst nightmare and he wouldn’t hesitate to answer “a bush fire”.
Bush fires start by burning of small and insignificant bushes, and even before you have realized it, the entire forest with every living and non-living inside it is charred to ashes.
Gossips are bush fires in workspaces.
common tagline -
“I never told anyone about our relationship. I just don’t know how people came to know”.
While you mouth might be sealed, the mind-body complex creates an aura and sends such signals around that everyone subconsciously perceives you are attracted to someone nearby.
If you feel no one will notice and gossip about those sudden eye glances, that secretive smile, sudden exchange of sms or even that “casual talk” in a group… you are too cooking the perfect recipe for destruction..
3. The Communication Trap-
“Love-birds” are in constant need to be in touch with each other.
Most “love birds” feel that Cell Phones, Internet and Social Media are the biggest boon for them… But is it really a boon?
“With every form of power, comes great responsibility”… Such communication devices are extremely powerful and require extreme responsibility. Sadly no one can be 100% responsible when in love. love makes you lose sense of surrounding.
The more you communicate through these media, the higher chance of committing a mistake and being caught.
I have had many cases were a gentleman or a lady forgot to delete some ms, delete the call details, forget to close the facebook page or forgetting to delete that not so official email… this eventually can lead to extreme problems at both work place and at home.
Specially for married people having an affair.
4.Expectations and Favouritism-
How many times have I heard - “We started talking on common topics. Then he started helping me in my reports. Once we got in a relationship he changed. He should have understood me more. But instead he would never help me as much as he did before. He was just interested in sex and I was actually in love with him??? "
A relationship is the easiest way to develop expectations and favouritisms.
Favors and expectations to your new "loved one" is blessed, until your co-workers and superiors start questioning it.
Remember an office environment is like a jungle… and only the fittest survive… no matter how good you are, someone is out there to get your job…
5. Personality and Productivity-
Love is the most beautiful feeling anyone can experience. In psychiatric medicine, its been proved how the brain produces loads and loads of “happy" chemical when you are in "love".
The two main reasons for Office dating is - emotional support or sex.
It all depends on a persons personality.
For sensitive and emotional men and women, getting into an office romance might be a case for emotional support.. the closeness and support of a co-woker can enhance your work productivity 1000 times.
For practical career oriented men and women, and office romance is just about sex. Its a trade of "favors" which helps each partner get what they want.
Both these personalities are right in their view-points.
The problem happens when they try to over-lap or cross over to the other side.
A sensitive individual trying to be in a relationship just for "Sex".. or a career oriented person, leaving aside his/her desires to succeed and get fame for "love" with an office worker... most of the times lands up as a disaster.
THE SOCIETY HAS CHANGED.. AND OUR ATTITUDES HAVE CHANGED... ONE SHOULD DO WHAT ONE'S HEART ALLOWS....
DON'T TRY AND GO AGAINST YOUR PERSONALITY TOO MUCH IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE DETERMINATION TO STAND UP AND OWE TO YOUR ACTIONS.
Your suggestions and queries are most welcome at -
email - firstname.lastname@example.org
(Neuro-Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counselor)
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)