A new research says "watching porn for married men and women, triggers the same area of the brain as being involved in an extra-marital sexual relationship"
Some true stories of sexual infidelity, that I have come across as a psychiatrist -
"I had sex with someone at work. I love my wife but I somehow felt the need to experiment. Till when can I be satisfied with one only"
"He was an old friend of mine, we are in a healthy sexual relationship. I love my husband, but he make me feel young again"
"I have a wonderful wife, but I cannot control my urge to be sexually involved with new women"
"My husband is great, but if I want to be successful in this corporate world, I have to make use of my body"
"I have a great family, but I keep fantasing about other women. I have a false facebook account and even sex-chat with many of them"
Sexual infidelity is one of humanity's great obsessions, perhaps second only to violence.
We HATE and feel EMBARASSED to talk about it but secretly a great majority is INTERESTED and INTRIGUED by it.
So why is monogamy so hard for many?
The question is while thousands of researchers have proven that being in an long-term monogamous relationship is extremely good for mental health, still being monogamous is so difficult. Why?
1. The superiority complex - Many men and women suffer from a "superiority complex".
Out of those who have "Superiority complex" many indulge in the "sexual game"
As a psychological development flaw in expressing their emotions, they indulge in a "sexual game"... this game revolves around "sexual conquests".
For such an individual, the ultimate goal is how many men or women they have been able to take to bed.
Having sex satisfies their feeling of "superiority".
Marriage many times fails to stop this complex. And within months they are again back on the "hunt".
When presented with an opportunity to have a conquest, They fail to see "rational" and "love" towards spouse. They get into the game, and start playing it.
2. The inferiority complex - Many men and women feel incomplete in their marriage.
They always feel something is lacking. They always blame themselves for not putting that extra-effort in the relationship.
When they meet someone from the opposite sex who makes them feel special or gives them attention, they stop feeling that "inferiority complex", and tend to go the "extra-mile" to satisfy this new person in their life.
Such people will show sudden changes in their personality. They will go from sad to happy and from fearful to confidence within days of being in an affair.
3. Need to feel young - No one likes to age. And one of the worst part of aging is feeling rejected by the opposite sex.
Many men and women get into short-term sexual relationships to feel young.
4. Physical attraction - Many people, specially in india, marry spouses who are not "physically attractive" for them.
Some times if their partners become fat, have some disease, loses their hair or teeth then they are no longer attracted to them .
Personalities that are indirectly attracted to the material world will look to have extra-marital affairs with younger and more attractive partners, to feel deserved.
5. Work stress - many times we discount work stress, but it is one of the 3 most important stress a sexually active individual faces.
If your partner doesn't understand your work stress, isn't helping you battle it, then you lose the importance of your partner in your life.
This loneliness is satisfied by getting sexually involved with co-workers who understand and can talk about your work-stress.
6. Lack of fulfillment of sexual needs - as one grows, his/her sexual needs change.
Years ago I counseled a gentleman who wanted to have sex with 2 women at one time. He told his wife, and she didn't agree. So he got into extra-marital sexual relationships.
I have also met women who love to experiment with their sexuality but know their husbands won't agree, so seek the "thrill and fun" outside.
7. Problems in married life
Engaging in an extra-marital affair is a very easy way to get out of problems that one might be facing in their marriage.
A few years ago, I was at a marriage function, were the groom's mother happened to be an old patient of mine. The groom's parents had divorced because his father was caught having multiple sexual relationships. Though he kept pleading and pledging love for his wife, he couldn't explain his need for "extra-marital sex". I remember the old lady very politely and in a very classy way telling her son - "It's not money or power or expensive gifts, but The greatest symbol of your love towards your wife is fidelity. Make me a proud mother and make her a proud wife, always be truthful"
FIDELITY IS POSSIBLE ONLY THROUGH A JOINT EFFORT..
EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION IN AND OUT OF BED IS ESSENTIAL..
MANY TIMES THE PROBLEM NEEDS PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOLOGICAL HELP SO IT CAN BE SOLVED... IF IT CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY, THERE IS NO HARM IN CONSULTING A GOOD PSYCHIATRIST/PSYCHOLOGIST.
For further assistance on this topic, you can CONTACT ME (all conversations are kept CONFIDENTIAL) -
(Neuro-Psychiatrist, Mental Health and Sexual Health Healer,
Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)
email - email@example.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html
or visit my wellness clinic @-
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)