Are you Made for Marriage?

Indian society glorifies Marriage as the most important step in the life of an individual.

In my profession I have met hundreds of parents pleading me to counsel their children to get married... Some of the funny and melodramatic statements have been like -
- "Please tell him to marry, this is the last thing I will ask him till my death" - unfortunately a few laters there will again be demands for a grand-child!!!

- "She has gone mad, counsel her.. She doesn't want to get married.. How can one live life without marriage?" - the concept of happiness coming from within was discovered in India, but people seem to have forgotten it.

- "Marriage is essential for companionship?" - unmarried people actually have much more friends than married people have!!!

Just as one shoe size doesn't fit all, Marriage doesn't fit everyone.
Indian society is still evolving. Most marriages still happen out of fear rather than out of love.

There is a need to have someone along for life, for you fear loneliness.
There is need of having someone to have sex with, for you don't have the guts to get into a mutually physically enriching relationship.
There is fear of not being accepted by the society, hence just blindly follow the "moral-code" without questioning it.

While everyone talks about standing upto the world.. The great majority of People are extremely scared and don't have the strength to battle the world on their own.

Marriage isn't for everyone. People who aren't made for marriage, in general have most of the following personality traits -

1. Easily Bored with relationships - If you get easily bored with your relationships, will you able to spend every single day of the next 50yrs with the same person.. Probably after the 2yr you'll just start adjusting.
Many of my patients have been adjusting for years, leading to a lot negativity and anger.

2. You like beautiful/handsome people - the person you going to marry will not be beautiful or handsome for long. In the greatest of possibilities sometime during the next few years you will see them in a hospital with a lot of tubes going into their body.
If you like beautiful/handsome people - you are falling in love with beauty, not with the person.
Such love will very soon fade away.. so will your marriage.

3. Sex - sex is an essential body and psychological need. From a labourer to the most powerful politicians, everyone wants sex. If you like sex, are you ready to have sex with the same person for 50yrs.
Unless you decide to cheat on your partner, you will have sex with the same person and in 99% possibility in the same way. It will become extremely boring after first few years.
If you don't believe me, you can ask most Indian couples - after 7-10yrs of marriage they are all talking about god and karma, for sex is an habitual exercise with no novelty. No growth.

4. Luxuries are essential for you - Until or unless you are highly rich, be prepared to adjust big time. If you like indulge in luxury, marriage will stop you from the same. Be it the going to an expensive salon, or that new iphone or that expensive car or that big house.. everything will some in bits and pieces.
Saving for a rainy day will make you take a back foot, when you really want something.
And the moment you have children, you will go back miles away from spending on luxury.

5. Rediscovering Love - You might fall in love again. With someone else. Than what do you do. Either you cheat or you just suppress your desires. Today your partner might be everything to you, but there is no guarantee tomorrow the situation will be the same. Love requires to be constantly re-invented.
Requires Space. Requires Freedom. Requires adventurism.
Most people I have counselled don't know what all that means and many who have visited me for having "guilt of having extra-marital affairs", have discovered these facts about love only when someone else came in their life and taught it to them.

6. Rigidity - If you are very rigid in your thought process, then marriage is certainly going to be very difficult for you. People change every day. Your spouse will be different at 27, 37, and 47.. not just physically but also psychologically. They will have different desires and expectations.
If you are not ready to change with them.. you are in for a lot of problems.

Every year I meet hundreds of patients who are suffering for they married for the wrong reasons. Marriage isn't hell... but its just the opposite of what they show you on movies. Make sure you understand yourself, because deciding to launch yourself into it.

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM, MD(mindmantra))
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)

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Clinic Address - Mind Mantra, 15, shreeji plaza, plot-24, sector-25, opposite seawoods station, Seawoods (east), Navi Mumbai, Mumbai

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