Why Friends turn into Enemies?

The gossip lines where running hot yesterday in Mumbai. The "Badshah" of Bollywood had lost his "shanti" to slap a certain Mr.Farah Khan a.k.a Shirish Kunder and everyone seemed to have an inside "scoop" on what really happened.

It was around 7pm, when a friend of mine texted me about the on-going mayhem within entertainment circles. Oblivious of the world, I was as usual totally engrossed in helping my consulting patients. The news took me aback for a second.  After all Shah Rukh Khan is known for his ability to play the card of diplomacy, perfectly. Acts of physical aggression are the copyright of another Khan. 

By late evening, I had many versions. Some of them really absurd and some of them very realistic. But as I read and heard what my friends in the Social Media where posting, what really became clear to me is that this was a clear cut case of "friends turning into enemies". It immediately triggered my brain to think about the millions of people out there who have suffered a similar type of situation. Everyone at colleges, offices, hospitals, societies, army, organisations, etc have had that one or two "great friend" that over the years has become a "thorn".

So why do "friends turn into enemies"?

1. Conditional Love - When a friendship is based on conditions, the friendship automatically acquires an expiry period. SRK and Shirish Kunder where great friends till they shared a win-win situation. When friendship is based on some kind of social, financial or professional "benefit" from the other, the equations change as soon as the "benefits" disappear. 

2. The Chanakya Effect - Chanakya said that true friendship only blossoms when its between equals. He still holds true today. When a friend becomes more successful than the other, comparison starts to set in. Comparison is an invisible enemy of friendship. It starts in the mind, and slowly changes the personal perception about a friend.
Comparison triggers excessive analysis of every single detail in a relationship. From the deficiencies, to situations where a friend has helped or not helped, everything takes a negative shade.

3. Three is crowd - Friendship is bond of love and respect that two people share. When this bond is one based on conditional love, a third person can very well influence it.  Such influences are many times done at purpose to showcase one's "psychological power".
Salman isn't in good terms with SRK. Shirish is not a successful film-maker. Salman can easily influence Shirish and inflate his ego.

4. Ego Battles - Everyone has an ego. He/she who denies it is just fooling himself/herself. Friendship is a bond that many times requires ego sacrifice. Unfortunately ego is like an elastic rubber-band. It can only be stretched to a certain extent, post that it recoils with full force. 
Shirish ego was hurt when SRK refused to do his movie. SRK's ego was hurt when Shirish tweeted against his movie. It was just a matter of time, before two highly egoistic people got aggressive and violent to prove their "ego supremacy"

5. Communication Breakdown - when people stop talking to each other openly, misunderstanding start growing. Misunderstanding slowly become mistrust. This slowly destroys a the bond of love. Effective Communication is essential for survival of a good friendship.
If Shirish Kunder had told SRK how upset he was for not doing his film, SRK should have found ways to ease out the pain of his then friend.

Friendship is a beautiful bond that requires a lot of work. Friendships are a gift from god. Friendships are also as fragile as a mirror, once broken they cannot be repaired. 

Love and Be Loved...

For any further discussion on the above feel free to contact me at the following 

Dr.hemant Mittal
Neuro-Emotional and Sexual Health Medical Consultant, Motivational Speaker and Wellness Expert
(MBBS, PG.DPM, M.D.(Mind Mantra Wellness Concepts - Mumbai))

Website -
WELLNESS CLINIC Address- 15, shreeji plaza, Next to Seawood Station (east), Navi Mumbai, Mumbai (India)

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  1. Dear Dr. Mittal: Thank-you very much for all your help regarding relationships. The imformation is hands-on imformative and important in my life~!

  2. Sir, my experience reading the article is overwhelmed, Your points and suggestions are vital as we are living a very fast life and inconsistent to cope with situation.The cause behind it could be well diagnosed by the doctors but common people fails to realise the cause of tussle within friendship and become foes, it is surprising extra-ordinary people also some times behaves like an ordinary people.