Domestic Violence - Emotional Abuse the non-gender biased abuse.

Yesterday's episode of Satyamev Jayate focused on a very important ghost of the society. Domestic Violence. 

Though Physical Abuse is the one that hits our hearts immediately, we more than often forget the greatest form of domestic violence, Emotional Abuse.

Though yesterday's TV episode focused on the male partners abusing the female partners, Emotional Abuse is a form of hurt that can be perpetuated by either one of the partners.

Emotional Abuse has a greater destructive effect on the mind and body than physical abuse.

Emotional abuse is form of domestic violence that either one of the partners uses to control, degrade, humiliate and punish the spouse (this neutral term will be used to refer to both husband or wife).

While emotional abuse differs from physical abuse, the end result is the same…a spouse becomes fearful of their partner and begins to change their behaviors to keep their partner happy.

The happier their partner, the less domestic violence the spouse has to suffer.

By the time a spouse identifies the true problem they have begun to feel as if they are crazy. They will doubt themselves and their own sense of reality because emotional abuse is meant to cause the victim to question their every thought and behavior.

Below are some tactics an emotional abuser will use:

1. Isolating a spouse from friends and family.

2. Discourage any independent activities such as work; taking classes or activities with family/friends.

3. Accuse their spouse of being unfaithful. Every interaction with a member of the opposite sex is seen with tainted eyes. (remember this is different from pin-pointing on having physical liaison with a single member of the opposite sex.)

4. Expect her/him to partake in sexual activities that he/she is uncomfortable with to prove their love.

5. Using sex as punishment instead of communicating openly their displeasure... This is through forceful sex, irritable comments about sexual performance, degrading sexual self.

6. Constantly criticize the spouses looks, weight, their way of dressing, way of talking, language used to talk.

7. If the spouse does not give into the control they are threatened, harassed, punished and intimidated by the abuser.
Divorce/break-up or causing physical harm are the common threats used by both partners.

8. Some spouses use the children to gain control by undermining the other parent’s authority or threatening to leave and take the children.

9. Control all the financial decisions, refuse to listen to their partner’s opinion, withhold important financial information and make their spouse live on limited resources.

10. Make all major decisions such as where to live, how to furnish the home and what type of automobile to drive.



Emotional abuse starts when a relationship has some very weak points which have not been worked upon.

1. One or both the partners are very dependent on their respective family/friends

2. Constant introduction of negative thoughts about the relationship, that poison the mind. This is mostly done by close family or friend.

3. Inferiority complex within one or both the partners. It could be related to self-image, looks, financial insecurity.

4. Personality disorders or opposite personalities begin present in one or both the partners.

5. excessive expectations are built around a relationship.

6.  trying to model one's own personality after someone kept in high esteem not realizing the damage down to one's own relationship.

1. Most important process is to take a break from the relationship. - Remember how beautiful the good times where.

2. Realize the negative influences on the relationship and try to distant yourself from the self.

3. Remember No Hurt is big enough to not be healed by love. But no Love is big enough to resist the power of doubt.
Doubt is not just trust, but also the self-confidence of enjoying being in a relationship..

4. Relationships are a lot about adjustment. Adjustment has to be mutual.
Adjustment doesn't mean that you are losing yourself, adjustment is an opportunity to grow in Love.

for further help, email me at

Dr.Hemant Mittal
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