As a psychiatrist traveling through the entire length of beautiful India and the world, one of the erroneous laws that has passed from generation to generation is that
"Men are not supposed to Cry!!!"
It's really stupid, because Men are Emotional beings.... They also feel sadness.. just because of this social law that they have adapted to expressing it in different ways.
At the Mind Mantra Wellness Clinic, I have met hundreds of Men who have not only shed tears but opened their hearts to their deepest sadness and fears.
Its amazing to see that these same men, will never let their friends, family and partners know whats going inside their mind.
As per my experience as a psychiatrist, The common ways in which Men cope with sad emotions can be listed as the following:
1. The lone cry - The most popular way of expressing sadness and one that is most psychologically damaging... 3/5 Men patients I meet at the Mind Mantra Wellness Clinic belong to this category.
Men who belong to this category like to suppress their emotions in-front of everyone, just to release it within the loneliness of their solitude.
Suppressing sadness slowly leads to suppressing love and happiness... and slowly a gloomy and sad aura engulf's them.
They require a lot of compassion, sensitive talk and support.
If kept suppressed the feelings come out as depression, anger, irritability, false beliefs, fixed and rigid ideology, addictions(alcohol/ciggrates/
gambling) and sexual anger.
2. The Drama King - The second type of acting that Most men get into is concealing their feelings by showing excessive care for those around them.
These are the type of guys who seem to always be above feelings. These are the type of people who seem to be concerned about helping others, but are always smiling.
This is a very dangerous technique. It has two ends to it:
a. at one end - the men might be internally comparing himself with others, but outside trying to be strong and helping others.
This leads to inferiority complex, which increases anger, depression, sadness and uncontrolled thoughts
it can also lead to Obsessive compulsive personalities
b. the second end of this extreme where men who master the technique of being detached from feelings become psychological manipulators. Specially manipulating females.
Manipulation once learned is used to make females subordinate to them in financial, social and sexual terms.
These are very dangerous personalities, and many times trying to help them might lead to self-destruction.
One has to chose very wisely. Mostly professional psychiatrists should be left for the same.
3. The Angry Young Man - There are many men who might never cry, but they are a full of negativity. They are always cursing, finding negative in others, thinking destructive and getting angry for no rhyme or reason.
They are not able to find a positive way to externalise their hurt and therefore they take it out negatively.
Such personas are like small children. They need a lot of reassurance and love to remove their toxic emotions.
If continued with the same, they might land up in deep depression, sadness, stress cycles, anxiety, sexual frustration, pornography/masturbation addiction.
4. The Emotional One - The guy who is in touch with his emotions will occasionally shed a tear. He won't feel bad about it, cause he is well balanced about it. He is secure enough to know his masculinity.
These make for great communicators, are very up-front direct in their approach, as they can understand emotions so wonderfully they might come out to be too "friendly" with the female gender.
Such guys need long lasting friendships and relationships to keep them positive about life.
If exposed to a heart-breaking relationship. (sudden breakup, being cheated by partner, or non-fullfilling relationship) they land up into major sadness.
Since they are very expressive, depression, sadness, anxiety, tears are easily noticeable by everyone.
Counseling them becomes very difficult as they understand emotions so well... They require professional help.
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