Loving more than one person at the same time.

Over the years I have met so many cases were a man is in love with two ladies, or a lady is in love with two gentleman.

Most of these individuals ask me - 
is it possible?
isn't it unholy?
is it against our moral belief?

For years they are burdened by questions. Their mind tells them - 
its not possible, you have to choose one.
its unholy, you will be punished by god for it.
its against morality, and this makes you a "bad human being".

These answers create extreme stress inside. Their mind is always restless. Always looking for the answers to - 
who should I choose of the two?
every pain i feel in life is because this "bad karma"!
I am the worth spouse/parent/sibling as I set a wrong example.!!

finally a situation comes, when the individual is in so restlessness, that he/she takes one of the following decisions - 
a. chose one partner. In most cases the one who "society" accepts.
b. break both relationships and run away
c. feeling extremely guilty - for which one spends excessive time and resources, either praying to god seeking for pardon or helping lesser fortunate so that the "karma balances itself"
d. preaching "moral values" to all relatives/friends. this comes from the feeling - if I have not followed the moral code doesn't mean I don't know the code very well. By making others follow the code, I will become "moralistic and right" in front of others.

This creates depression. They are numb. They might be enjoying the moment, but they are never 100% happy... They always feel a sense of incompleteness.
This incompleteness becomes a depression.
A depression thats loaded with guilt, anger and resentment against self. 
And even they are the greatest of free birds in the world, they feel en-caged. 

So can one person love two at the same time.
answer is yes and no.

I know it sounds confusing, but the truth lies inside of you. 
We all have a personal definition of love.
This definition is adds a lot of conditions to love. 
The most common conditions seeked for love are 
a. personality of lover, 
b. financial status
c. mutual possessiveness
d. sexual compatibility
e. emotional stimulation by talking on topics of common interest.
d. social acceptance.

While at the start of most monogamous relationships, an individual compromises on some of the above "needs and conditions" of love.... as time passes one starts to crave for them... and as the craving increases, one is naturally attracted to a person who can satisfy them.
That's the time one feels he/she is in love with 2 people at the same time.

So a person can be naturally in love with more than one person, but you have to understand the grades of your conditional love that are being satisfied.

The most important thing to accept is that you have conditional love. 
The moment you call it unconditional, you let all forms of morality and questions of karma haunt you.
The moment you accept your love is conditional you accept you are selfish... You are doing things for your own selfish pleasure.

There is nothing wrong in being selfish... But when you accept it, you free yourself from the mind-games... You free yourself from being a saint or the devil... 
you free yourself from the compulsions of being "perfect"
you enjoy the moment and accept yourself as an evolving individual.

Now comes the tricky part.

If you accept your love is conditional and henceforth you are selfish, then you have to accept that every action is done for your own happiness.

The pain that you might have caused to others by "breaking their expectations"
The pain that you might have caused to yourself by "not living upto moral values"
The pain that you fight everyday, is because you are fighting against your natural self.

While your heart asks you too be involved and enjoy everything you want, your brain puts conditioning to it.

The moment you accept that you are conditional and selfish, you bring your heart and brain on the same level. 
You are above every pain.. and enjoying the moment is essential.
Thats when you are natural.
Thats when you are in touch with your own true self.

Accept your true self. 
Some people love to give, others love to receive, others are neutral... but everyone has conditions to their love...

Being unconditional is breaking all these and living free.. living detached from everything... living in silence.

Thanks for reading, your queries are welcome @- 

Dr.Hemant Mittal 
(Psychiatrist,Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)

email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html

personal consultation @- 
address- Mind Mantra wellness clinic
Shop 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, 
opposite seawoods station, 
seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai - 400706

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