Emotional Cheating is more dangerous than Physical Cheating?

Sushant and Shagun (names changed) were dating. Just a step away from Marriage. A new colleague, Neeraj at Shagun's work place suddenly became her point of focus. When with Sushant she would be hooked onto her Smartphone or Facebook talking to Neeraj.
She started coming home extremely late, found unwanted faults in Sushant, and suddenly would break into anger blaming him for misguiding her life.

Sushant and Shagun broke up. Neeraj stood by Shagun showing he was a protective "friend"... His utter motive being achieved... Shagun lived in the delusion that Neeraj was the "perfect best friend" she could ever have.
Little did she know he would slowly make her so dependent on him... That she shared every small detail of her life with him.
In her state of excitement she never understood the great stupidity she did.  When she tried to reverse it, it was too late. Sushant could never forgive Shagun for "emotionally cheating" on him."


"Varsha and Nipun (names changed) were always the perfect couple. It was a shock when people came to know they were separating. While this decision had devastated Nipun,Varsha was happier than ever before. No one seemed to have a logical explanation.
When I met Nipun he was in a state of shock... A few weeks after he stabilized, he found that Varsha was "on-line" linked to an "affluent businessman" from other city.
A detective was hired, and "Varsha's online lover" turned out to be an unemployed 25yr man... Varsha was devastated.
Nipun could never forgive her for "emotionally cheating" upon him. They finally separated, amidst Varsha crying for forgiveness.

"Ankit always felt his wife Neelam (names changed) never gave him the love he desired. The need for true companionship always kept haunting his mind. He met Maria, through a social networking site. Within weeks his behaviour changed. His emotions always resided with Maria. Even while having sex, he would imagine Neelam as Maria.

He finally Divorced Neelam and married Maria. His marriage with Maria also didn't last much and had to divorce her too. Neelam is still seeking therapy. Ankit is in deep depression and guilt, but is living in denial. Trying to escape from the situation by drinking and moving away to other city"



LETS FACE IT -Cyber-cheating or online affair is a reality!!

Even with no physical contact involved but the emotional and psychological attachment is many times greater than any physical act.

It starts as harmless flirting, which becomes a good friendship and finally takes over the entire thought process of an individual.

99% of those involved, deny it. Their obsession for their "online friend" over-clouds their entire mind..they only see him/her as right and slowly start destroying their relationships.

Psychological Research over 5 continents has proven that indulgence in such an activity happens as its easy, secretive and an excitement filled adventure.

Most cases are hidden within the subconscious of the guilty partner. This guilt tends to manifest itself as  sadness, anxiety and feeling of disgust upon self, specially when the guilty partner becomes a parent or finds out his/her children to be involved.

If you have an special "online" or "offline" friend, who has become the center of your thought process. Take the following quiz. -
(online friend - means friend who you spend most time on Facebook, SMS, BB messenger, Whatsapp or any other texting medium.
Physically meeting is minimum at the start of the relationship, and slowly grows)

1. Spending more than 2-3hours a day chatting or exchanging sms/messages with the same person i.e."online friend."

2. Thought Process is for most of the day preoccupied with thoughts of the "online friend"... He/she is 1st or last person who dominates your mind while you go to sleep or wake up.

3. Extreme concern to keep it as a secret. Going to length to try and concealing it from your friends, family and spouse.

Changing all your account passwords, creating new social networks/email accounts, concealing emails, changing his/her name on the blackberry messenger, etc.

4. High fear, irritation or anger if your partner suddenly questions you about your online/cell phone activity...
High irritation or anger if your partner questions about your "online friend".

5. Restlessness if not heard from him/her after a few hours. Cannot spend a day without knowing what he/she is doing.
This restlessness calms only after contacting him/her.

6. More and more time is taken out of work, important schedules or even by waking up at night to contact your "online friend".

7. Higher comfort level in sharing your thoughts related to family, marriage, emotional and physical self with your online friend than your partner.

8. Constant mental comparison between personality of your "online friend" and your partner.

9. While in any form of physical intimacy with your partner, your mind flashes the desire of being with your "online friend" instead.

10. Sharing sensitive information like provocative photos, bank or other financial details, personal body details or professional secret details with your "online friend".

11. Constantly planning to arrange business meetings, conferences or visits to spend time alone with your "online friend".

12. Constant denying to any emotional attachment to your "online friend", while you still spend a lot of time in the day thinking about him/her.

If you have scored 6 or more, time to be careful.
You are emotionally attached to your "online friend".. and it can lead to disastrous effects on your relationship.

The biggest side effect of an online-extra marital are the Withdrawal effects. - The moment you think or try to break a cyber-relationship, your mind is flooded with one or more of the following emotions - restlessness, guilt, anger, decreased self-esteem, hopelessness, worthlessness, sadness and pain.

The inability to battle these emotions drives you back to it. Making it an emotional trap which you cannot leave.

Many manipulators use this withdrawal effects as a way to emotionally trap an individual. They constantly sms or text a person. making sure they are the 1st or last person on the victims mind at the time they go to sleep and when they wake up.

Creating a larger than life sub-conscious image.


be careful of this Emotional and Psychological Addiction.

It's easier to forgive your partner for having sex with someone, rather than feeling worthless and helpless of being emotionally cheated.

you are most welcome to CONTACT ME (all conversations are kept CONFIDENTIAL) -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Neuro-Psychiatrist, Mental Health and Sexual Health Healer,
Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)

by-
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html

or visit my wellness clinic @-
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

Do you feel SUICIDAL?

A great majority of people experience suicidal thoughts/feelings at least once in their life.

Why does one feel suicidal?
Emotional Pain is true. Its not imagination... Many kinds of emotional pain lead the brain to create thoughts of suicide.

The reasons for this pain are unique to each one of us, and our ability to cope with the pain differs from person to person.

Don't ever tell someone - "That's not enough to be suicidal about."
We are all different. - "What might be bearable to one person may not be bearable to you"

Causes of Suicidal Feelings -

1. Most common cause of feeling suicidal is due to the presence of medical problems that can be treated depression, anxiety disorders, stress, medical conditions that cause constant pain, cancer, drug and alcohol dependency.

2. Second most common cause is the presence of environmental factors that need exterior solution, like financial, legal or school problems, grief or loss of a loved one, and other life difficulties can all create profound emotional distress.


A suicidal thought is always an EMERGENCY.. never take it lightly.

What to Do?

1. REACH OUT FOR HELP - TALK to family, friends.. If they don't help, then pay someone to listen to you, understand your pain and not judge you.
Counselors, psychologist and psychiatrists are there for that.

If you are shy to visit someone, call the various suicide helplines and talk it out.

YOUR LIFE IS VERY VALUABLE....YOU MIGHT NOT THINK ABOUT IT THAT VERY MOMENT.. BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU, IF YOU ARE READY TO GIVE YOURSELF A CHANCE.. YOU CAN CLIMB THE MOUNTAIN OF HAPPINESS.


What if you don't feel understood?
If you do not feel the person you have chosen to talk to has understood, tell someone else, or call a suicide crisis helpline.

There are plenty of people out there who will understand. Don’t let one bad experience stop you from finding someone who can help.


2. Ways to cope with suicidal thoughts and feelings

a. Talk with someone every day/ weeK, preferably face to face. -
You might want to be lonely, but loneliness will just make it worse.. go out with your friends, even if you don't want to.. just keep yourself busy.

b. Make a safety plan. Always carry the contact numbers for your friends and family members who will help in an emergency.

c. Take the first step - when you were a child, it was completely your effort when you stood up and took that first step.
Its the same today... Take that one step...

d. Channelize your emotional Pain - pain can be a great motivator. You have to know how to use it.
Some of the greatest motivators in the world have survived the worst situations.
Your pain can turn you into a great motivator.. Go out and help people.
Channelize your pain.

e. Exercise at least 30minutes a day.

f. Don't feel guilty about the past... Forgive yourself and those who have caused pain.
You cannot go back in time.. But you can make a change from now towards the future.

One of my lady as a patient. She was unhappy with her marriage and attempted suicide multiple times. Nobody understood why.
During the counseling session, she told me, she always loved another guy. Till date that guy had not married, and she felt very guilty. Her husband was a good guy, but not her soul-mate. She hurt herself, because she felt it was a way of asking for forgiveness.
She decided to forgive herself, her past and make changes. She contacted the ex. And spoke to him.
He was angry and harbored a lot of negativity... She told him about her suicide attempts... She was surprised to learn he was also had done the same.
They both spoke for a few weeks, and finally decided to "close" their relationship and move ahead in life.
Since then till date, she is a changed person.
she just needed to forgive herself and her past.

g. Consult a psychiatrist if nothing is helping you.


Things You should avoid when having suicidal thoughts:
a. Being alone. Solitude can make suicidal thoughts even worse.
Visit a friend, or family member. If you have no one log onto the internet and just do something or chat with someone.

b. Alcohol and drugs. Drugs and alcohol increase depression, hamper your problem-solving ability, and can make you act impulsively.
Its a popular myth that alcohol helps to cure depression, instead it causes more harm to your psyche than you can think.

c. Avoid things that will make you feel worse. - Listening to sad music, looking at certain photographs, reading old letters, or visiting places you spent with a loved one can all increase negative feelings.


you are most welcome to CONTACT ME (all conversations are kept CONFIDENTIAL) -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Neuro-Psychiatrist, Mental Health and Sexual Health Healer,
Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)

by-
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html

or visit my wellness clinic @-
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

Battling the effects of Black Magic?

Whenever something goes wrong in Life, most people turn to find reasons for why it has happened.
A great majority find this to be because of the effects of "evil-eye" or "black magic" that someone has done on you.

Every year I meet hundreds of such people who have met thousands of astrologers, thousands of sages, thousands of "white magic" practitioners but still the effect of Black magic remains?

The reason is that people forget the basics... If you believe that black magic exists.. than you surely believe that god exists... If you believe that god exists... Than you surely believe that god is present in every living person... That ways god is present inside of you... then I would like to remind you, that you have the most powerful positive energy in the universe, sitting idle in your heart.
You are just wasting it !!!


No matter how many "solutions" you seek for the "black magic".. you will never "Cure" it... till you don't awaken that "God" in your heart.

People come and tell me things like,
I give money to poor, but still god doesn't help me.
I have helped so many people in their life, but still I suffer
I have never abused or thought bad of anyone, still I get this problem.

I question them, what have you done for yourself?
Instantly, they say "I'm not selfish"..

to which I laugh...

If you believe that god exists in every person.. and you decide to help those who are in need.. then why don't you see that there is god inside of you.

Your own god also needs love and appreciation.

So probably its time you awaken the God inside of you.

How to awaken the God inside of you?
1. love yourself.. not for your looks or how much money, power, fame you have... love yourself because you have a part of god inside of you.

2. thank god for finding yourself worthy to carry a part of him, inside your heart.

3. Care for god - the god in your heart needs to be cared... Care about yourself, with a lot of love... and automatically you end up loving him and caring for him.

4. Nourish God - We need food to be energetic, so nourish the god inside you... His food is positivity... Spend 10-15 minutes a day, reading or watching something positive... let that positivity go directly be for the god in your heart.

5. slowly slowly as you feel more connected with god.. feel his power take away any black magic cast upon you.

You are the greatest source of energy in the universe... Just recognize it

Dr.Hemant Mittal (Neuro-Psychiatrist and counselor)
www.mindmantra.in
email - eksoch@gmail.com

Constantly Blaming for infidelity?

Some individuals are infidels by nature. They eventually end up mentally and sexually cheating upon their partner.
But at the same time there are some individuals, who are so insecure about a relationship that they "wrongly" believe that their partner is cheating or planning to cheat upon them.
Such is their obsession, that they -

1. Often make repeated accusations of infidelity based on insignificant or minimal evidence, often citing seemingly normal or everyday events or material to back up their claim.

2. They also take great pains to test their partner's fidelity and can go to considerable lengths to monitor their behavior and movements.
For example- They might require minute to minute detail of their partner, they call or sms hundreds of times, and might even contact “private-detectives”.

3. It starts with what seems as cute possessive behavior, but it can move into violent outburst of emotions. Episodes of verbal or physical abuse are common.

Their subconscious anxiety is relieved by emotional, verbal or physical outburst.. this eventually leads to guilt.. and they come back pleading sorry, promising it won't happen again.

4. Their mind is in constant preoccupation with this topic. Their thought and talk is always related to the same. They might suffer concentration, memory and/or sleep loss because of the same.

Cure

1. The high insecurity is a sign of extreme restlessness that over-powers them.
They have to build trust in first themselves.
They always look at their partner for emotional and physical support, so are very scared of losing this support.
This fear makes them restless.
They need to develop Self-love.. Self-respect...

2. Positive confidence building exercises - rejoice small activities like vacations, going out shopping and helping each other.
Communication might not be as much as you want it too be, but the confidence of being loved by your partner should come from you.. and this should take away the negativity of fear of losing them.

3. Never depend so much on any one that they control your life... Not even your partner.. Always have some level of independence which you respect and carry.
Relationships are for two people to co-exist and create something beautiful.. but that doesn't mean that you lose your individuality in the same.

4. if there has been previous episode of "emotional or physical" cheating by your partner.. then you should analyze yourself.
You should know how much are you willing to forgive.
we all can forgive.. but have certain levels for the same.
know your level of forgiveness and make sure the partner knows about your forgiveness.
Together have to work upon it.
There will be "slips" when the past will come back to hunt.. Both have to fight it out together..
A slip doesn't mean that it cannot be overcomed.


5. If the restlessness doesn't leave you, and above techniques are too difficult to apply... consult a psychiatrist/counselor.
Sometimes a neutral person might be able to find some changes in you.. that can bring happiness back to your life.


you are most welcome to CONTACT ME (all conversations are kept CONFIDENTIAL) -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Neuro-Psychiatrist, Mental Health and Sexual Health Healer,
Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)

by-
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html

or visit my wellness clinic @-
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

Why Women Lose interest in Sex?

Talking openly about Sex is a taboo for a great majority of people.
Sexual drive is a psychological and biological component of desire, which is reflected as spontaneous sexual interest including sexual thoughts, erotic fantasies, and daydreams.

For years, loss of sexual desire among women has been a very secretive topic... Discussed with certain elders or friends. 90% it goes untreated, and the woman's unwillingness for sex makes the partner run away.

Over the last few years, women have taken the issue in their hands. Daily I get too meet more and more "self-loving" ladies, who are willing to get themselves cured of this problem and enjoy life.

Loss of sexual desire, known in medical terms as hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), is the most common form of sexual dysfunction among women of all ages.

A recent study showed that nearly one-third of women aged 18 to 59 suffer from a lost interest in sex, and it's not all in their heads.


What Is Low Sexual Desire?

when a woman experiences a significant decrease in interest in sex that is having an effect on her life and is causing distress, then it's considered a problem of low sexual desire or HSDD.

Common causes for a loss of sexual desire and drive in women include:

1. Interpersonal relationship issues. - 
a. Partners sexual performance problems,
b. lack of emotional satisfaction with the relationship,
c. the birth of a child,
d. being close or indirectly influenced by friends/family members who have  decrease sexual desire.

2. Sociocultural influences. - 
a. Job stress,
b. peer pressure - constantly making fun of one's sexual behavior,
friends who boast of incredible sexual encounters which create negative images about one's partner in the mind.

c. media images of brutality sexual incidence can develop negative sexual desires.


3. Low testosterone. Testosterone affects sexual drive in both men and women. Testosterone levels peak in women's mid-20s and then steadily decline until menopause, when they drop dramatically.

4. Medical problems: Clinical depression, OCD, Clinical restlessness, endometriosis, fibroids, and thyroid disorders, impact a woman's sexual drive both mentally and physically.

5. Medications:  blood pressure lowering drugs, and oral contraceptives can lower sexual drive in many ways, such as decreasing available testosterone levels or affecting blood flow.

6. Age. Blood levels of androgens fall continuously in women as they age.



Putting the Desire Back in Women's Sex Lives

Because a loss of sexual desire in women is caused by a combination of physical and psychological factors, it usually requires more than one treatment approach to fix the problem.

Once the factors causing low sexual desire have been determined, potential treatment options may include:

1. Sex therapy and/or relationship counseling.-

Sexual dysfunction usually affects both parties in a relationship and should be discussed together or individually with a mental health professional.

2. Changing medications or altering the dose. If the problem is caused by medications, a change of prescription or alternative therapies may be recommended.

3. Treatment of underlying medical conditions. Medical problems contributing to low sexual desire may require surgical treatment, such as the removal of painful fibroids or medication.

4. Vaginal estrogens. In postmenopausal women, vaginal dryness may be treated with vaginal estrogen creams.
   
5. Testosterone therapy. - as per gynecologists advice.

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Neuro-Psychiatrist, Mental Health and Sexual Health Healer,
Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)

you can CONTACT ME on (all conversations are kept CONFIDENTIAL) -
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html

or visit my wellness clinic @-
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

Celebrities and OCD

1.  Charlize Theron may have a tougher time than other new moms adjusting to her first child. That's because she's admitted to suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder or OCD.

"I have OCD, which is not fun," she told Australian radio show- "I have to be incredibly tidy and organized or it messes with my mind and switches off on me."

Babies, especially once they reach toddler-hood, aren't exactly known for their neatness.

For parents with OCD, having children can actually make symptoms worse. "OCD symptoms tend to latch on to things that are most important to us, so parents with OCD may have doubts about their abilities or intrusive thoughts about their child's safety or hurting their child,"  - Stephen Whiteside, a psychologist at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn.

OCD is an anxiety disorder that at its basic level is a fear of one's thoughts, whether it's a fear of messiness, germs or something else. To relieve the anxiety associated with such intrusive thoughts, an obsessive-compulsive will feel compelled to behave in a certain way, such as cleaning out their cabinets before going to sleep or checking and rechecking their child.


2. Psychologist advice new parents with OCD: "Try to put things in perspective, reminding yourself that you're going to do a much better job as a parent if you leave things messy and spend time with your child than being perfect...  It might be uncomfortable at first, but the feeling gradually goes away, and it should get easier."

This is how Julian Moore, overcame the toughest phase of her OCD.. she's admitted she still "fanatical about straightening furniture and lining stuff up, but I'm much more laid back than I used to be!"


3.   Girl-of-the-moment Lena Dunham talks candidly about her battle with obsessive-compulsive disorder and anxiety in the Feb. 28 issue of Rolling Stone.

In the cover story, the 26-year-old creator and star of HBO's "Girls" says she took antidepressants in high school, and was obsessed with the number eight.

"I remember saying to my mom when I was little, 'I just had to imagine having sex with you eight times,'" she says in the magazine, "and she really took it in stride! She was like, 'Well, it's your imagination; it didn't really happen.'"

4.  Megan Fox, the bombshell actress and model admitted that she has OCD.

"This is a sickness, I have an illness, this is not OK anymore," Fox told Allure magazine. Her problem: public toilets and restaurant silverware.
The "Transformers" star told Allure that she won't use toilets without seat covers: "I'm never doing that again. Every time someone uses a bathroom and they flush, all the bacteria is shot into the air."

She also opened up about her feelings on restaurant silverware: "Putting my mouth where a million other mouths have been, just knowing all the bacteria that you carry in your mouth? Ucch!"


5. Jessica Alba has said her OCD came out of a need to have control over her life.

"I used to unplug every single appliance in my house. Or I'd double-check every door in my house to make sure it was locked at night," she told CosmoGirl last year. "It was like a panic come over me and I had to do something, and once I did it, I was OK. ... It was really me needing to control something."


6. Cameron Diaz will open doors with her elbows just to avoid touching the germ-infested doorknobs. The sexy star of "Bad Teacher" and "Shrek" has admitted to cleaning the doorknobs of her Los Angeles home so much that the original paint has faded on them. She has also said she washes her hands "many times" each day.

7. Justin Timberlake, has also copped to having OCD. He was quoted by the Web site Collider.com as saying, "I have OCD mixed with ADD (attention deficit disorder). You try living with that. It's complicated."


8. Leonardo DiCaprio once played another famous sufferer of OCD, Howard Hughes. In fact, while playing the role, DiCaprio's got back in touch with his own childhood obsession: sidewalks.

"I remember as a child, stepping on cracks on the way to school and having to walk back a block and step on that same crack or that gum stain," DiCaprio told About.com at the time the Hughes biopic "The Aviator" was released.

"Let's just say it took me a while to get to set, having to step on tons of things," he said, laughing


9. David Beckham likes to keep his shirts in order, lining them up in the closet according to color. So do a lot of people, you say. How about matching all the food in your refrigerator? Apparently, the soccer star likes order in his fridge as well, which is why he has three.

"Food in one, salad in another and drinks in the third," his wife Victoria Beckham said, according to the Daily Mail. "In the drinks one, everything is symmetrical. If there's three cans of Diet Coke, he'd throw one away rather than having three -- because it has to be an even number."

"He's got that obsessive-compulsive thing where everything has to match," she said.


10. Billy Bob Thorton the eccentric actor-turned-musician has talked about his OCD in 2004 with "Dateline"'s Ann Curry, saying it grew out of a difficult childhood filled with abuse.

One of his compulsions is "constantly doing mathematics," he said. "Certain numbers represent certain people. And I can't use that number in a certain circumstance. And then I have to use it in another circumstance."

"It exhausts you," he said about his disorder.


HAVING OCD IS NOT SOMETHING BAD... BUT ONE HAS TO COME TO PEACE WITH IT..
UNDERSTAND FROM WERE IT COMES, AND HOW TO FIGHT THE FEARS.

IT WOULD BE GREAT IF INDIAN ACTORS ALSO ACCEPTED THEIR OCD.. RATHER THAN SECRETLY TAKING TREATMENT FOR THE SAME.
IT WOULD ENCOURAGE MILLIONS TO SEEK HELP FOR A NEURO-PSYCHIATRIC ILLNESS,  MOST PEOPLE JUST DISCOUNT AS "PART OF YOUR IMAGINATION".

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Neuro-Psychiatrist, Mental Health and Sexual Health Healer,
Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)

you can CONTACT ME on (all conversations are kept CONFIDENTIAL) -
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html

or visit my wellness clinic @-
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

Vengeance - The never ending mental restlessness

Vengeance - The never ending mental restlessness

For many people "Vengeance" is the way of life... And I get to meet all kinds of vengeance...
from vengeance against parents -
"my parents always favored my younger/elder siblings.. I will show them one day"

to lovers -
"he left me for the other woman, I will make sure he repents it"
"she just left me for other man, I will make sure both of them repent it"

to friends/society-
"my office workers feel I am not competent, when I become the boss I will teach everyone the lesson".
"people always said I was bad performer, know I will show them who I am"

Good Part of Vengeance it destroys procrastination and gives you a goal.

The negative part.. its destroys you!!!
It drags you into a never ending thought of "how, when, where will I prove myself"
You are always slave to the "approval" and "appreciation" of others...
As you are not able to achieve your goals instantly, you start to load yourself with guilt...
You superficially show everyone that you are a very strong person.. And this "show" is through negative action, anger and trying to win every argument... but inside when you are alone.. you know there is something missing.. you are sad!!!

Osho was a great master who said.. Courage is the power to love the unknown...
Certainly the greatest unknown most people have is self...

You don't know your ownself... And the day you have the courage to love the self unconditionally, you will forget what others say or did about you... because you will no longer be slave to others "approval" or "appreciation"

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Neuro-Psychiatrist, Mental Health and Sexual Health Healer,
Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)

you can CONTACT ME on (all conversations are kept CONFIDENTIAL) -
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html

or visit my wellness clinic @-
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

Cherophobia is the fear of fun/happiness

What are the causes?
1. history of extreme traumatic events - sudden death of family/friend, sudden loss of financial support, sexual abuse - rape,
2.  heredity or genetics
3.  a traumatic experience at an early age.
4. major clinical depression
5. extreme mind restlessness
6. schizophrenia
7. extreme amount of guilt and resentment against self and society

What are the symptoms?
symptoms depend on the grade of fear experience. The grade of fear depends on upon -

1. Mild to moderate type of fear when - knowning that the individual will be exposed to a happy or joyful situation in the future, fear and extreme restlessness starts to develop in the mind.
being exposed to a the symptoms vary by person depending on their level of fear.

2. Moderate to severe fear - On suddenly being exposed to a happy situation, extreme fear or restlessness arises.


The fear and restlessness translate into the following physical symptoms -
a. extreme anxiety - mind bombarded with thousands of thoughts, the predominant on how to avoid this situation.

b. panic - shortness of breath, rapid breathing, irregular heartbeat, sweating, excessive sweating, nausea, dry mouth, nausea, inability to articulate words or sentences, dry mouth and shaking. .

c. extreme restlessness - person not able to sit at one place, and he/she runs away from the situation.


Treatment?
1. Combination therapy-
a. started with anti-anxiety medications to help combat the anxiety episodes
b. Behavioral therapy - how to behave in such situations
c. counseling - on the rational and irrational part of the thought

2. Venting out -
most such individuals come with history of extreme traumatic situations.
Proper venting out is needed for it.
many of them keep bottling up the guilt, anger and resentment against self and society for ages.
This leads to lack of self-love, want for vengence, and feeling of worthlessness.
This complex subconscious fortress has to be broken, to let out a newly and powerful psyche.

Feel free to Ask me yours questions on -
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html

or visit my wellness clinic @-
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Neuro-Psychiatrist, Mental Health and Sexual Health Healer,
Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)

Valentines Day and The power of self.

Valentines Day is finally here... Love is in the air... and People are running around to make it a perfect day!!!

Since a few days I have received a lot of emails and met many people at the clinic, who are super anxious about today??

Will She say yes?
Will he make it a perfect day for me?
Will we re-ignite our love today?
I wonder if he/she will like my gift?
What is the best way to impress a girl?
Hope my husband isn't busy with work, and we can have a great romantic dinner together?

Its amazing the amount of emotions attached to this day... Thou at a lighter note, it makes me feel that instead of Love being in the air.. its more fear that you will able to stand-up to "expectations". 
This makes the game even tougher.

Then there is another set of people who I have connected with, who are "psychologically" single and feel this is the saddest day in their life.

What should I do.. I want someone to love me... I hate spending Valentines Alone?
All my friends are have super plans with their spouses/partners, I am alone, I am a loser?
My husband doesn't care for me, he has no plans/gift for Valentines, I feel live is so love-less and vacant?
Does Love really exist, cause in this relationship I have only seen submission and no appreciation... Not even on Valentines?

It's amazing, because I see them and wonder, there is so much love around and they just not focusing on it.

Its an amazing feeling to love and be loved... and Valentines is the day you should enjoy this feeling to the fullest.. But before going there, one should learn the meaning of love.

Today You may have a valentine or you may not have one... 
You may have made the best plans or you may have no plans... 
You may or may not be excited by the day...

But for sure if you don't understand the deeper meanings of love... your day will surely turn out sad.. and this will leave a feeling of sadness in your mind.

Love for me is like a sea... Its eternal.. its infinite.. it just exists all over.. 

1. Self-Love - the greatest gift you can give yourself, your loved one and the entire world ... is self-love.
Love yourself.. not for your looks or the amount of money or power you have.. but love yourself because you have a heart and are full of emotions.
Look into the mirror and say "i love you' to yourself.
Repeat it many times.
Once you start feeling that love for self... you will feel how positive your approach towards everything in life.
So love yourself.

2. Self-Trust - When i get to "read the mind" of many of those who I meet at the clinic, I find they are very scared... Because of this they don't trust anyone.. 
Unfortunately they stop trusting themselves also.
They start blaming self for lot of problems. 
Once you love yourself... then also trust yourself.. Trust that every single decision you take will be for spreading love.

3. Don't have superficial love - A lady came to me for counseling, she said she was so loving for everyone in her life... the very next moment her fone ran and her driver informed her that he had "banged" the car.
Within a second she was ranting insults in hindi and english which I had not even heard of.

A few days ago, as I was closing the clinic, I saw an old man walk by. I had never seen the guy before.. and he could be easily confused with some fakir. It was astonishing, suddenly street dogs standing nearly 500meters away ran towards him and hugged him.
He didn't feed them, he wasn't know to them.. it was as if he was just feeding them with the sweet nectar of love.

Learn to genuinely love... let love go down in your heart and you will find that you are never alone.

4. Don't fall prey of "marketing tricks" - Valentines day is special.. but people have "learnt" it to be "special" because thousands of companies do billions of rupees worth of business on this day.
They use the most powerful psychological messages through advertisement to "hypnotize" your mind into believing that only Valentines Day is the day of love.
I remember that initially it would be advertised as a day to spread love.
Now its advertised as a day of love between couples.

There is no day for love... Love is eternal.. its there in every moment.. ... if you can feel the love.. then every single day in the year is a Valentine Day.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO YOU...

Feel free to Ask me yours questions on - 
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html

or visit my wellness clinic @- 
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

Dr.Hemant Mittal 
(Neuro-Psychiatrist, Mental Health and Sexual Health Healer, 
Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)

How to make Love Last in a relationship.

Loving relationships take effort. Here are suggestions from the Best psychologists/psychiatrists in the world.

1. Manage conflict. -  All couples have conflict. But it’s how they deal with conflict that counts.
When a compromise doesn’t seem possible, the key is to manage conflict and fight fair. this includes -
a. Not hitting below the belt - using language or terms that are demeaning to their ego,
b. listening to your partner
c. speaking clearly and directly
d. work upon what is agreed - only few points will be agreed, but one has to stand up to them.. if you don't .. you can talk about all the trust in the world.. but your actions dont show trust..
so stop being a loud-mouth, and act on what you mean!!


the tough points are -
a. Resisting the urge to bring up prior events that may help you prove your point. b. Staying focused on the argument not escalating it.
c. you must work to understand each other... not try to explain to each other.
d. don't run away from a situation where your egos are clashing... its so easy to run, but you destroy the relationship completely.

2. Work on your foundation - Your interests, opinions and experiences can change as you grow - but love is always based on core value systems that never change.

if you have been in love for even a year, then your core value systems are the same... they are enough platform to build a strong relationship.
The problem starts when you start to work against that core value system..
Stop running away from your core value system, because it will make you miserable in the end... look into yourself, don't run away from it.. accept it.


3. Have fun. “Whether it is gardening, deep sea diving, or taking cooking lessons, all couples should have some activities that they enjoy doing with each other,”    

4. How was your day? - this is an essential question.. Ask your partner how his/her day was, and listen to them.
Everyone wants to jump and offer a solution, but listening is difficult.

5. Be clear about your needs.-  The best way to get your needs met is to communicate them clearly.
All those mushy facts about your partner being able to read your mind is stupidity.. communicate!!

6. Share your feelings with each other. - sharing is a very powerful psychological tool..
when you don't share with your partner and share with a third person, the subconscious mind sees that as "cheating".
So stop "psychologically cheating yourself and your partner"
sharing your feelings doesn't make you vulnerable but more loveable.

7. Carve out quality time. - For a moment just switch yourself off.. and spend some time with your partner.
nothing beats quality time.. without any interference.
even the slightest of interference can destroy the relationships.

sometimes just going to bed a little early, turning off the television, the mobile phone and holding hands can go a long way.

8. Have your own passions. “We are all multifaceted, complex creatures. Your partner will never be able to match all your needs and interests. It is OK to pursue some separate activities, either individually, or with friends, apart from your partner"

9. Perform nice acts daily.  “Show your partner that you care with small gestures,” such as a compliment. These seemingly small acts make a big difference.

Similarly, when your partner does something kind, let them know.

10. Dream together. “Knowing what you both want out of life and working together to make those dreams a reality will strengthen the bond”

11. Respect your differences. - Partners will always have differences. “The strongest couples manage their differences without becoming over-reactive, and without disengaging from each other.”
continuously pointing out each others differences or short-coming leads to a psychological vaccum.. which can easily be filled with a 3rd person, leading to complete destruction of the relationship.

its good to be different in a relationship... even as per the laws of nature... physics teaches us that opposite attract each other strongly while same charges repel each other when they come to close.
Rastogi said.

12. Embrace your partner’s individuality. - The idiosyncrasies we once fell in love with can frustrate us today.
But it’s important to let your partner be themselves.

13. Consider counseling.  - if you are having too much problems don't get a family or friend to counsel you.
bringing in the 3rd person is the biggest stupidity you can do, as it creates a greater rift between partners.
consult a professional.
don't wait till the end for the same to happen.

Ask me yours questions on -
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html

or visit my wellness clinic @-
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Neuro-Psychiatrist, Mental Health and Sexual Health Healer,
Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)

A lesson in Anger Management

It happened at a New York Airport.

A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled. A
single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers.

Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try
to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm
sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that
the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her
public address microphone. "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14".

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically,
the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, "FUCK You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir,
you'll have to get in line for that, too."


TOUGH TIMES COME, BUT TOUGH PEOPLE SURVIVE...

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIPS-
1. SMILE
2. WORK OUT ALL POSSIBLE WAYS TO CHANGE A SITUATION IN YOUR FAVOR... IF YOU CANNOT DO IT IN YOUR MIND, DO IT ON A PIECE OF PAPER.
3. DONT ANSWER IMMEDIATELY... BE PATIENT... TAKE YOUR TIME TO ANSWER.
4. IF YOU NO CONTROL OVER YOUR ANGER.. THEN GET IT TREATED... YES ANGER IS A DISEASE AND NEEDS TO BE TREATED.

Ask me yours questions on -
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html

or visit my wellness clinic @-
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Neuro-Psychiatrist, Mental Health and Sexual Health Healer,
Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)

Continuous worrying thoughts that don't leave the mind.

Ajay Devgan, Salman Khan, Aamir Khan, Priyanka Chopra,  and Amitabh Bachchan have confessed to have different degrees of it.

Extreme mental restlessness or fear for a specific issue/situation is one of the most common emotional issues which 90% people never seek help for.

Medicines are just helpful, they aint the ultimate cure.


Why is this extreme mental restlessness very disturbing -
1. Constant repetition or recurrence of either thoughts/image regarding a specific person/issue or situation. The individual knows that trigger of this recurrence will lead to extreme feeling of anger, irritation and mental distress.

2. these are thousand times more than simple worries about life... They continuously keep affecting the brain and leading to irritation, loss of sleep, loss of concentration, loss of desires and intense anger.

3. A person puts in all efforts to ignore, suppress, or neutralize these thoughts but fails on the same.

4. Most people Recognize this to be a product of their own mind.. but are unable to control it.
Many get addicted to it.. and find happiness in the same... It takes one away from the real world.

5. Once the irritation or anger enters the mind, one is compelled to behave in certain ways to drive it out... Hitting or fighting with loved ones, driving reckless, drinking excessively, smoking excessively... all these later create extreme guilt.

6. More than a few months of such an emotional and behavioral pattern leads an individual to develop either fear, negativity, decreased self-worth, introvert lifestyle, sadness and/or loneliness.

The most common thoughts that intrude a persons mind and cause such are -
1. traumatic events from childhood - excess physical beating, extreme embarrassment.
2. traumatic events where one has been humiliated or ill-treated by parents, in-laws or spouse.
3. sexual thoughts - specially about known and unknown people of the opposite gender...
Also masturbating with the thought of someone other than spouse leads to extreme guilt and irritation against self.
4. Extreme need for cleaning and putting things in a specific order.
5. multiple washing hands or taking bath for fear of contamination
6. fear of dying or getting some disease that will kill you.


Cure ?
a. Acceptance that a single thought or series of thoughts is troubling you -
accepting you have a thought related problem is a sign of strength... It shows you want to live a positive and healthy life.
Strength and happiness comes from understanding that there is some change needed.
Without acceptance no other step is possible. And a person will just be entangled in those thoughts for his life time.

b. once you have accepted that you are a progressive and smart individual.. You will cure yourself and lead a happy life.. then comes identifying the core problems and how they generated.

take a pen and paper... write down all your thoughts.. and find out were they originated from.

c. Forgive and let go...
meditate every day for 21 days... let go of the past.. and accept a new future..

d. talk to a counselor/psychiatrist in your area.
many times your problem is so deep in your subconscious mind that you cannot reach for the solution.
even a single session with a good psychiatrist/counselor can help you see the solution and move ahead.

Ask me yours questions on -
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html

or visit my wellness clinic @-
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Neuro-Psychiatrist, Mental Health and Sexual Health Healer,
Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)

The Personality Disorder caused by subconscious fear.

Fear is one of the worst enemies of the human mind.
The Normal reaction to fear is finding a comfort and moving ahead in life.

But there are many individuals whose mind is always fearful. They are constantly trying to create a comfort zone.

This leads to an unpredictable behavior pattern.

Some of the common personality signs seen in them are -

1. Extreme mood swings - extremely happy one minute and sad or angry the other...
A mind governed by fear might suddenly feel threatend and activate the fight or flight mechanism.

2. Unstable relationships - For a short period of time might love someone with extremes of passion.. and within no time might develop an extremely negative attitude about the same person. Forgetting all good memories and judging them to be horrendous.

3. Constantly complaint that close people will leave them. Are always fearful that no happiness is ever lasting.
Hence are always negative about a relationship, and tend to enjoy it only for a few days.

4. Feel a deep sense of emptiness inside of them. Many times feel they are devoid of emotions.

5. No control over anger - the mind might get fearful about any small thing and it might be expressed as anger. The extreme anger scares all their nearby relatives.
In fits of anger can destroy things, or cause self-harm.

6. Tendency to blame others for their problems, even when they know themselves are wrong.
Finding explanations to prove that they have been forced to "commit errors".. else they are perfect.

7. No control over money spenditure - will indulge in buying very expensive products just to feel "comfortable" and take their "fear" away.
No sense of responsibility towards money.

8. No control over addictions - Extreme indulgence in either alcohol/nicotine, psychotropic drugs (heroin, cocaine).

9. Addiction or binge of food  and/or sex.

10. Cannot tolerate being alone and feel extrem anger against family/friends for that.
Constantly require re-assurance of being loved, and behave like small children to seek approval of love.

11. Multiple episodes over the years of self-injury - over-dosing on medications, cutting wrist, banging their head into the wall, etc.

12. Many present with more than one attempt of suicide.


TREATMENT?

1. one has to find that such personalities are dominated by fear.

2. they are addicted and live in fear. Every decision of theirs is based on fear.

3. Counseling at home can be dangerous -
a. if a family member or family friend is counseling them, they might develop extreme love for that person.
In this extreme state of love, their mind might break all moral barriers and even try to get physically close to such a person.

b. When they are being counseled by someone, they tend to "test" such a person. And this testing can get dangerous.. As they may excessively lie or create a dangerous situation, just to "seek approval" of love.

4. Their fear has to be treated.
Its very important that they are treated by professional Through a combination of both medicines and counseling.

Your questions are most welcome at -

email - eksoch@gmail.com

For personal consultation, you can contact me at -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Neuro-Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counselor)
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai