Sushant and Shagun (names changed) were dating. Just a step away from Marriage. A new colleague, Neeraj at Shagun's work place suddenly became her point of focus. When with Sushant she would be hooked onto her Smartphone or Facebook talking to Neeraj.
She started coming home extremely late, found unwanted faults in Sushant, and suddenly would break into anger blaming him for misguiding her life.
Sushant and Shagun broke up. Neeraj stood by Shagun showing he was a protective "friend"... His utter motive being achieved... Shagun lived in the delusion that Neeraj was the "perfect best friend" she could ever have.
Little did she know he would slowly make her so dependent on him... That she shared every small detail of her life with him.
In her state of excitement she never understood the great stupidity she did. When she tried to reverse it, it was too late. Sushant could never forgive Shagun for "emotionally cheating" on him."
"Varsha and Nipun (names changed) were always the perfect couple. It was a shock when people came to know they were separating. While this decision had devastated Nipun,Varsha was happier than ever before. No one seemed to have a logical explanation.
When I met Nipun he was in a state of shock... A few weeks after he stabilized, he found that Varsha was "on-line" linked to an "affluent businessman" from other city.
A detective was hired, and "Varsha's online lover" turned out to be an unemployed 25yr man... Varsha was devastated.
Nipun could never forgive her for "emotionally cheating" upon him. They finally separated, amidst Varsha crying for forgiveness.
"Ankit always felt his wife Neelam (names changed) never gave him the love he desired. The need for true companionship always kept haunting his mind. He met Maria, through a social networking site. Within weeks his behaviour changed. His emotions always resided with Maria. Even while having sex, he would imagine Neelam as Maria.
He finally Divorced Neelam and married Maria. His marriage with Maria also didn't last much and had to divorce her too. Neelam is still seeking therapy. Ankit is in deep depression and guilt, but is living in denial. Trying to escape from the situation by drinking and moving away to other city"
LETS FACE IT -Cyber-cheating or online affair is a reality!!
Even with no physical contact involved but the emotional and psychological attachment is many times greater than any physical act.
It starts as harmless flirting, which becomes a good friendship and finally takes over the entire thought process of an individual.
99% of those involved, deny it. Their obsession for their "online friend" over-clouds their entire mind..they only see him/her as right and slowly start destroying their relationships.
Psychological Research over 5 continents has proven that indulgence in such an activity happens as its easy, secretive and an excitement filled adventure.
Most cases are hidden within the subconscious of the guilty partner. This guilt tends to manifest itself as sadness, anxiety and feeling of disgust upon self, specially when the guilty partner becomes a parent or finds out his/her children to be involved.
If you have an special "online" or "offline" friend, who has become the center of your thought process. Take the following quiz. -
(online friend - means friend who you spend most time on Facebook, SMS, BB messenger, Whatsapp or any other texting medium.
Physically meeting is minimum at the start of the relationship, and slowly grows)
1. Spending more than 2-3hours a day chatting or exchanging sms/messages with the same person i.e."online friend."
2. Thought Process is for most of the day preoccupied with thoughts of the "online friend"... He/she is 1st or last person who dominates your mind while you go to sleep or wake up.
3. Extreme concern to keep it as a secret. Going to length to try and concealing it from your friends, family and spouse.
Changing all your account passwords, creating new social networks/email accounts, concealing emails, changing his/her name on the blackberry messenger, etc.
4. High fear, irritation or anger if your partner suddenly questions you about your online/cell phone activity...
High irritation or anger if your partner questions about your "online friend".
5. Restlessness if not heard from him/her after a few hours. Cannot spend a day without knowing what he/she is doing.
This restlessness calms only after contacting him/her.
6. More and more time is taken out of work, important schedules or even by waking up at night to contact your "online friend".
7. Higher comfort level in sharing your thoughts related to family, marriage, emotional and physical self with your online friend than your partner.
8. Constant mental comparison between personality of your "online friend" and your partner.
9. While in any form of physical intimacy with your partner, your mind flashes the desire of being with your "online friend" instead.
10. Sharing sensitive information like provocative photos, bank or other financial details, personal body details or professional secret details with your "online friend".
11. Constantly planning to arrange business meetings, conferences or visits to spend time alone with your "online friend".
12. Constant denying to any emotional attachment to your "online friend", while you still spend a lot of time in the day thinking about him/her.
If you have scored 6 or more, time to be careful.
You are emotionally attached to your "online friend".. and it can lead to disastrous effects on your relationship.
The biggest side effect of an online-extra marital are the Withdrawal effects. - The moment you think or try to break a cyber-relationship, your mind is flooded with one or more of the following emotions - restlessness, guilt, anger, decreased self-esteem, hopelessness, worthlessness, sadness and pain.
The inability to battle these emotions drives you back to it. Making it an emotional trap which you cannot leave.
Many manipulators use this withdrawal effects as a way to emotionally trap an individual. They constantly sms or text a person. making sure they are the 1st or last person on the victims mind at the time they go to sleep and when they wake up.
Creating a larger than life sub-conscious image.
be careful of this Emotional and Psychological Addiction.
It's easier to forgive your partner for having sex with someone, rather than feeling worthless and helpless of being emotionally cheated.
you are most welcome to CONTACT ME (all conversations are kept CONFIDENTIAL) -
Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Neuro-Psychiatrist, Mental Health and Sexual Health Healer,
Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)
by-
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html
or visit my wellness clinic @-
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai
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