To be a mother or Not

Recently a very highly placed friend of mine invited me to his son's 1yr birthday party.
It was a lavish and fun-fare.
Kids running all around, loads of balloons, some performing artists, dance and music decorated the festive environment.

The unsaid rule in most such parties is that a group of males take up one corner from where they operate.
While they are talking, eating and drinking their darling better-half's come one by one with supply of some food and some fresh gossip.

Since another of my friend was the ring leader, I was immediately dragged to this corner... Not very fond of eating, drinking or gossip I got to take the role of a silent observer.
Such parties are an psychological feast... Everyone is showing off or trying to be something they are not.

The most enjoyable moments are to observer how Women who visibly disliked each other, interact like long lost friends.

Just like a pack of Perfect actors working on the same script and delivering a well orchestrated performance.
But then there is one place where this failed... There was one lady who walked as if she owned the place.
Satisfied in her own self, she had deep eyes full of honesty which made every man and woman uncomfortable.
She was at peace being herself. There was no acting, there was no show-off.

Everyone wondered who she was?
One of the gossip suppliers came forward to quench the desire of inquisitiveness. She is Maria, married and childless.

The word "childless" triggered a whole range of emotions from the entire group.
Some men sympathized and showed pity towards her.
others thought of it as a "modern out look" as she must be career oriented.
while their wife's felt she was leading a "tough" life not full-filling motherhood.

I couldn't help but smile at their reactions.
The Indian Society still lives by time-tables set more than 2000 years ago.
These time-tables are slapped onto a child the moment he/she is born.
Its the unsaid burden each child is born under.
One of foremost tasks in the female list too become a mother by 30.

Indians are tunnel-visioned about motherhood, I have even heard learned people uttering nonsense like "a girl becomes a woman only after she becomes a mother".
another utter idiocy is considering that motherhood is selflessness.
Over years of counselling women under-going infertility treatments I have come to understand a lot about the deep female psyche which Indian male and Indian society would like to keep quiet about.

1. Not every woman is psychologically made upto be a mother.
Not being a mother doesn't mean a woman is selfish,

2. Many woman bring a child into the world for all the wrong reasons -
a. to save their failing marriage
b. to have someone to take care for them in old-age.
c. because all their friends have children
d. because they just didn't have the guts to tell their husband to use a condom. or use contraception them-self.

3. woman who are not natural mothers, tend to give less love to a child and use him in their favour -
a. the lack of emotions they get from husband/family is seeked from the child.
This makes them very insecure, worried and controlling of the child.
b. the child is used as a weapon to get social recognition, to get more control within a family.
c. blame and induce guilt within the child for restricting their professional and personal life.
d. the child is made to depend on the mother, with a negative impression being created about the father or any other family member.

4. Natural mothers have the gift of giving. They unconditionally give.
They might have their own child,
They might adopt a child,
or they might be with hundreds of children...
They naturally give love. Children are automatically attracted to them.

Ask your questions - 

Dr.Hemant Mittal 
(Psychiatrist,Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)

Online - 
email -
website -

personal consultation- 
address- Mind Mantra wellness clinic
Shop 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, 
opposite seawoods station, 
seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai - 400706

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