Why most relationships fail

As a psychiatrist, when I counsel people for relationship issues, the 10 most common reasons why relations fail are -

1. Cannot Modify an expectation to fit a person, rather keep trying to find a perfect person to fit the expectation.

2. Solving one grudge at a time... Never solve all grudges together. This slowly builds more negativity.

3. Saving from "guilt" by saying things "indirectly" and "expecting the other to understand or comply".

4. Repeatedly asking the same question, just to satisfy a false self perception, leading to negativity in the other person -
"you seem sad today, tell me why?"
"you aren't eating well, tell me why?"
"you aren't talking to me, tell me why?"

5. Over-acting - People love to hype emotions and act them out.. leading to stupid behaviour patterns which are irrational, irritating and negative.
I come across cases of grown ups who would suddenly start behaving like a 10yr old kid to show love or just push to get some work done.
Parents raising their hand on adult children, to show their anger.
Parents faking heart attacks.
Spouses putting blame on each other for events that don't even involve them.

6.  Waiting for finding the Best Person or Best time to get work done!!!
who knows, that time might never come... or just getting frustrated till that time comes.
I have treated hundreds with severe depression, who kept living years in hope.. and got more and more depressed with every day that passed by.

7. Scared of being alone, makes one confuse love with possessiveness.
Possessive leads to increased need for control, eventually creating extreme negativity.
Extreme fear is one condition in which the brain looses its capacity to think and concentrate. Everyday I counsel such individuals who reached that state because of uncontrolled possessiveness.

8. The 80/20 rule. - Most people spend 80% of their energy to get not even 20% appreciation from others.
If you could control your mindset and not spend even 20% of your energy on the same...80% of peace of mind would follow you.

9. Everyone is an emotional businessman - Everyone looks for "return on investment". Hence if you invested money, time or emotion on someone, you will naturally expect a return on that investment.
Similarly those who invested in you, will expect from you.

Expectations is a never ending game... - Its impossible to fulfill everyone expectations.

10. Responsibility - No one wants to take responsibility.
Everyone loves to push the responsibility onto others. Because just like a small child, everyone is scared to be called wrong.


Dr.Hemant Mittal (Psychiatrist and Motivational Writer/Speaker)


personal consultation-
address- Mind Mantra wellness clinic
Shop 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant,
opposite seawoods station,
seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai - 400706

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