How to Break-up?

Yesterday I asked a question on how one should quit a suffocating relationship. Amazingly I got many likes, not many answers.

Love is an amazing experience. Two people get together, feel amazing.. happiness and excitement take over their minds.


Though nothing stays forever.. Soon things change.. Doesn't matter how comfortable you become, some reason or the other a couple might grow apart.

Its very difficult.. but its a reality.. RELATIONSHIPS DO FADE AWAY!!

No break-up is easy.. Every breakup is painful.. If you are partying and having fun after a Break-up, you certainly never loved.

Its that emotional pain which makes you wonder - "Will things get better?" "Should I give it another chance?" "Will I regret this decision?"
Breaking up isn't an easy decision. You need to be sure about it.

Every situation is different, there's no one-size-fits-all approach to breaking up. But there are some general "do's and don'ts" -

DO:

1. Get your mind straight - Think over what you want and why you want it. - A great majority of break-ups happen in impulsive anger.
Many a times relationship never reach a point of break-up, but anger, restlessness and negativity make the situation worst than what it seems.

2. Its your decision - The greatest mistake people make is that their decision to breakup is directly or indirectly influenced by someone else. A relative, a friend or a "so-called well wisher".
Remember your life is yours.. no one has ever lived it.. so no one can know the extent of love and companionship you share.
People just give stupid over-views based on their ego.

3. No breakup is easy - no matter whatever you say, it will hurt. It will hurt you and it will hurt your partner. Be prepared to take the hurt.

4. Be honest - don't create a drama, be straight forward. This is your last chance of honesty, post this you will be judged.
Tell the person if you have someone else in your life, if you are influenced by someone or why the relationship stopped meaning anything to you.

The other person might take time, but will get an answer for what happened.

5. Love never dies - two people who really loved each other can separate, but there will always be love between them. Love doesn't mean they have to live together and have sex. Love just means they are honest, kind, sensitive, caring and respect each other.
Love never dies.. its just transforming itself.

DON'TS -

1. Don't text - its becoming a fashion to break up on whatsapp, facebook or by an SMS. Stop being a coward. Say it in person. You've shared a lot with each other, have respect for that. Do it face to face.

2. Don't bring a 3rd person in between - If your relationship is breaking because of a 3rd person, never bring them in-between the relationship. Its the greatest mistake you can do.
It will create uncontrollable anger in your (to-be) ex-partner, which you will never be to control. Anger will lead to vengeance. And only you will be blamed for the same.
Its the greatest childish and stupid thing you can do. Else be prepared for extreme anger to be directed onto that person.

3. Its a difficult conversation to have, make sure you think it through. In most cases, while you may be ready to move on, you end up saying vague things which might destroy the peace of the other person for ever.
Depression due to a heart-break is the worst form.. and can take years to come under control.

4. Don't defend your mistakes - If you made one.. accept them. This is your last chance, to repent. For post this day, you will be judged as "selfish".

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM, MD(mindmantra))
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)

email – eksoch@gmail.com
website – www.mindmantra.in

twitter- @sai_ki_artist

(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

Signs that you are Taken for GRANTED in a relationship

The feeling of being "taken for granted" is probably the greatest killer of relationships.

As a counsellor and psychiatrist here are some of the most common signs that you are been taken for granted -


1. Phone/text ignored - the first sign is that your phone calls and text messages are being ignored. Your partner doesn't call back or care to reply back.
When confronted they either give lame excuse as if they don't care about it.

2. Anger - They lose temper very easily. Small surprises done to please them, make them irritated and angry.

3. They just don’t have time for you. - They have time for all their friends but you.

4. They have no respect for your plans. They'll cancel it with no valid explanation or too spend more time with "other friends". But when they make a plan, they expect you too be ready and smiling for it.

5. They don’t fear losing you. - They don't care with whom or what you are doing. They are totally engrossed in their own life.
They can even make statements like -
"why don't you socialize more with the your friends"
“I know you’ll never find someone as good as me” or
"whatever happens we will be together"

6. They just don’t admit their mistakes even when they’re wrong. Their friends, their life is suddenly their "ego" and you cannot outdo them.

7. You get used to being forgotten.- It’s been happening for so long that you don’t even think twice about it.
Your partner forgets your birthday or your special days, doesn’t really know what’s happening in your life, and doesn’t take the initiate to even ask you about your day because they believe their life is so much more important than yours.

8. You’re not their priority. Your partner may not acknowledge this, but you know this already. You don’t feel like you’re an important part in their life, and see yourself as a second or third option at best.

9. Your sacrifices don’t count. You may have sacrificed many things for your lover, your happiness, your life or even your future. But yet, your partner doesn’t respect them. He/she gives some lame excuse for them.

10. You’re ignored. Your partner is indifferent towards you. Sometimes, they don’t answer your questions, at other times, they just give you a dark stare and walk away even if you ask them something.

11. You are often blame. - no matter what you do, you'll get blamed for something, that you might be completely unrelated to.

12. Your instincts tell you that your partner doesn’t even care about you. You feel demeaned in the realtionship - but because you are obsessed, insecure or fearful you cannot leave him/her.

13. You know you deserve to be treated better. Yet you are scared to talk about this, as it might dent the relationship further.

14. They don’t listen to you. - They can’t even remember something important about you, it’s obvious there are other things that are of more importance to them.

15. They expect more all the time. - They always expect you to adjust with their friends, their way of life, their parents, and stop thinking about you.
I once met this woman who was very social, and would want her boyfriend to socialize with all her friends. The friends were a bunch of free-loaders, which the boyfriend never liked..But she expected him to socialize.

16. You feel unappreciated in love.- love is all about give and take. When you start feeling used, disrespected and hurt, you are being taken for granted.
Your partner feels you'll never leave, so he/she disrespects you further.

17. When in front of friends, they ignore you. During a social gathering they are more inclined towards friends or members of the opposite sex, and don't seem to care about you.

18. The ideas given by their family/friends are always more important and greater than what you comment.
You are always thought to speak in "childish" or "ignorant" form, while their friends/family seems to be the "informed" and "knowledgeable" ones.

19. Sexual intimacy is more of role playing exercises rather than an expression of love.
There is no emotion, just mechanical act.

20. Your tears/pain have no value for them, while even a small problem with their family/family is enough to be labelled a "catastrophe".

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM, MD(mindmantra))
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)

email – eksoch@gmail.com
website – www.mindmantra.in

twitter- @sai_ki_artist
(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

The Power of Dreams

Pain acts as an alarm, alerting us there is a problem.

In response, all of the body’s systems, including the mind, are called into action to aid in the process of self-recovery.


Similarly, when we encounter emotional conflict, we also experience pain. The mind mobilizes its own defense to assist in repairing the emotional wound in the same way we release an army of antibodies to heal a cut finger.

Among the mind’s most inventive weapons in the battle for emotional recovery are our dreams. We create them to counteract anxiety or pain.

As children we use imaginative play to help us gain mastery of challenging events. We try out roles as sports stars, princesses, police officers, and superheroes, enabling ourselves to feel powerful in a world in which grown-ups are in charge.

As we grow out of childhood and societal expectations and norms gradually restrict our imagination and behavior. Yet one fantasies remain part of helping us cope with conflicts. We start calling them Dreams.

Now we imagine being billionaires or CEO’s or celebrities, rewarded with power or fame for our accomplishments or imagine becoming a pillar of change in our society. This helps us convert painful feelings of disappointment, helplessness, failure, or loss into a manageable and sometimes even pleasurable thought process.

MIND MANTRA – Your desires have a great part in healing your emotional pain. Your desires give you the capacity to dream. Dreams give you positivity. If you are able to act on that positive direction, you can create a lot of happiness for yourself.

-
Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM, MD(mindmantra))
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)

email – eksoch@gmail.com
website – www.mindmantra.in

twitter- @sai_ki_artist

(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

Psychology of rebellion and conformity

We tend to think of "conformity" and "rebellion" as opposite forms of behavior. Yet rebellion and conformity, in their usual form, are actually two sides of the same syndrome. Both are responses to pressure which keep the victim reacting to, and therefore "conforming" to, the pressure source. There is a third way of dealing with pressure that involves neither rebellion nor conformity, which allows a person to fully develop his innate potential, without outside interference.

Injustice drives people to rebellion—injustice in politics, in the home, in education, in the dog-eat-dog business world—in a system based on legality rather than on fairness, common sense, and decency. And yet the usual form of rebellion is not a reasonable response; it is an unreasonable response to unreasonable pressure, and in our rebellion we are all overtly or quietly going mad.

There is a creative rebellion, a rebellion without emotion, judgment, or resentment, a rebellion that consists simply of the poised observation of what is. But few know about this correct rebellion, because early in life we get sucked into a destructive one that works against our best interests. Even the most quiet, sticky-sweet people are secretly violent, which manifests in their victims as expressed violence. What I am saying is that society is made up of the obviously rotten and the apparently good, each type perpetuating the system that produces rebels and conformists.

Rebellion arises against cruel authority, but behind such authority stands hypocrisy. The real sinners are not the rebels but those who drive them to rebellion—the wolves in sheep's clothing: cruel parents, teachers, preachers, bureaucrats, and the downright criminals hiding behind the cloaks of station and legality.

Rebellion can never free you so long as strong emotion is involved, simply because the emotion which converts your discernment of the injustice before you into a judgment of it, causes you then to become secretly subject to the injustice. The hostility that accompanies your judgment transfers to you the character and behavioral disorders of those against whom you would rebel. For example, when you resent (judge) another's judgment of you, in the process you become like the one who judged you: judgmental. Being judgmental then prevents your effectively rebelling. You cannot correct the system because you are reflecting it—beginning to be what you were rebelling against. Hostility causes you to struggle between the no-win choices of rebellion and conformity.

As you fail to affect the system for good and as it affects you for ill, your pride, your ego, feels your failure. It steps in and tries to counteract the effect inside you with more emotion, of hate or "love." That only complicates your dilemma. Your ego does not want to see that you are like those you despise. Refusing to face this truth, by denying facts and rationalizing, you are now rebelling against the truth in your mind. Again, resentment is at work. The same thing is happening in you that you despise in others.

You see, they are victims too. Long ago, as children, your tormentors were made to doubt the Truth within them, and as they fell from grace, the spirit of pride entered and compelled them to overreact in the extreme to injustices, real and imagined, so as to evolve their "beast." Rebelling and conforming kept them so preoccupied they did not have to see what was taking place. An implanted identity does the same thing to everyone. Resentment, judgment, rebellion, and servitude fixate your mind so completely that all you can think about is getting even with or ahead of those who put you down, from whom you learned to become unjust.

Suppose I wished to make you do something you ordinarily would not do. Taking your rebellious nature into account, I would forbid you to do this or that. Perhaps I would act angry to pressure you, fully knowing you would react by doing just what I have forbidden, which is what I secretly wanted you to do. Anyone can control you in this fashion and you will not detect the deception. Indeed, efforts to persuade you of it will fail, because pride, being the enemy of Truth, rebels against all realization. Even if, as your manipulator, I told you what I had done to you, you wouldn't believe me because you would rebel still, against the explanation, rather than accept the truth. And what, may I ask, do you accept when you rebel against Truth? More of the enemy's will, of course!

So beware of the wicked ones who have discovered (through their own experience) the helplessness of the victim in rebellion, and have learned to acquire power through intimidation. All manipulators, whether they realize it or not, are part of an ancient conspiracy against mankind. The same spirit that in one manipulator establishes doubt and rebellion in you, inhabits another who appears as a buddy—a friend and comforter of "your" cause. It often happens that enemy and "friend" occupy the same body, typically in a schizoid parent who fluctuates between extreme moods of rage and "love." The cruel, bad mood establishes the mad, rebellious nature; then the kind mood turns around and reinforces the self it put inside you.

Being cruel one moment and kind the next is characteristic of manipulators—in particular of lost, loveless, impatient parents who, whenever they feel guilty for driving their offspring to desperate acts, finish them off by becoming their "friend." And once you have been corrupted by cruelty and then "helped" by the tormentor-turned-savior, you are set up to be addicted to a succession of confounding hate/love involvements with lower and lower low-life people.

Schizoid parents often set their children up to become criminals; then friends/fiends egg them on. From this it is easy to see how you can become afraid of "love," and why young people often react to kindness with violence. Such striking out is a child's way of hurting the source of a hurtful love, to stop it from "loving" and possessing and corrupting. But what do most parents do when their children hurt them? They become upset, angry and violent themselves; then feeling guilty for this, they work harder at "loving" the child to overcome his rejection.

The corruption that begins at home continues at school. Considering how cruel teachers can be to children, it is practically a certainty that your child will pick up wrong friends to soothe the effects of bullying in the classroom. And so he becomes the puppet of both bullies and friends.

The spirit of rebellion, once established, will seek both provocations and support to justify its expression. The fallen soul's very existence, co-mingling with pride that has entered, depends upon intrigue and reaction in the extreme. If there is nothing to rebel against, boredom and anxiety set in. Unconsciously perhaps, you will set about to engineer something to resent. You will find someone to spoil until he takes advantage of you. You will needle someone into rebellion against you so that you may struggle against his rebellion. Spoiled by having his own way, a willful son knows how to trick his mother into being a nag. He simply drags his feet over doing some petty chore, timing it to upset her and to make her pressure him so that he can then utilize her pressuring to justify his continued stubbornness. Later, the irresponsible nature formed in this game will need a wife to nag it. And what kind of a woman marries such a man, may I ask? The kind who needs to be a nag, one whose stubborn sense of worth depends on the thankless task of shaping up an ungrateful rebel.

The kind of goodness that appears as a resentful rebellion against evil is not genuine. Say you have a disgusting brother. He is a dope fiend who intimidates you all day long into tolerating his vile ways. You rebel by being outwardly the good brother. But such goodness is an expression of an egotistic value judgment, the sense of worth it gives existing only in contrast to someone's being worse than you. "Good" guys often take their role from disgust and judgment based on resentment. Often they seek to validate their phony goodness and assuage the guilt it makes them feel through "positive" reinforcements, the traditional "kosherizing" emblems of churchgoing, degrees, success. Their love of worldly authority provides a refuge from the authority of conscience. If you are one of these, you send out confusing signals to your own children.




by - Roy Masters

10 great "what not to do" management lessons from David Moyes

At this moment David Moyes is probably the most talked about person in the world of Sports. The manager of Manchester United Club, he was sacked from his job a few hours ago.

Here are 10 great "what no to do" management lessons he taught us -

1. Taking over from a great man
David Moyes succeeded Sir Alex Ferguson. One of the most successful managers in history of Club Football.
This automatically put him in the spot-light.

Mind Mantra - Remember When expectations are very high, one has to micro-manage every step, every word and every action he takes.
When you are under the spot-light, you have to be prepared that every mistake will be high lightened 100 times.


2. His own back-hand team
After taking over, he fired the experienced team already managing the club for years and brought in his own trusted assistants.
Drawback - the entire core team was new, with no one to guide them through difficult situations.

Mind Mantra - I remember as a young psychiatry resident, the people who helped me most manage and understand patients were not my teachers and seniors, but nurses and medical representatives.

Your back-hand team is the one that gives you a realistic feed-back on how to manage your resources, as the seniors are just interested in "goal completion".
You need a back-end team who is experienced in the environment you have taken charge to handle.


3. All focus on one resource
Logic says no player is bigger than the club, but Moyes spent a lot of time focusing on Wayne Rooney.

Mind Mantra - Time is Money
Moyes spent too much time trying to keep one person happy, and eventually lost time to focus on other possible recruits.
An intelligent manager looks to create a powerful team of workers, not wander around one best performer.

4. 'Overtraining' your resources
There have been various reports that many players including Van Persie had suffered multiple injuries due to "over-training".

Mind Mantra -the more you "over-strain" and "over-load" your team with work, the worse their performance.
I have met hundreds of corporate employees who have couldn't take the pressure of workload and landed up with "nervous breakdown" or "burn out".
A manager is the one who is supposed to plan the perfect work schedule for all employees, to have maximum efficiency at all times.


5. A tough start
Moyes had a very tough draw at his hand. Anyone who knows a little about football, will sympathize with the schedule he got.
But does that doesn't discount the fact - he performed bad.

Mind Mantra - tough situations are bound to come. You cannot expect your job to be rosy and easy, because you just started at this position.
You have to be prepared. To prepare, you have to take advice of seniors and also observe the criticism to your working style with objectivity.


6. Destroying your Image.
Since I started watching football, it was always said that one of the most difficult places for any team to win is against Man. U at Old Trafford.
That fear went down the years and became a legend.
Man U constantly lost at Old trafford this season, and visiting teams became more confident of defeating them.

Mind Mantra - there are some strong points of your workplace which you have to keep in mind.
You have to defend these strong points, and always project them. As they will maintain an image of your power and strength.

I remember the movie lakshya, were Amitabh Bachchan tells his team - our battalion has never let the army down. We have to win over tiger hill, even if it costs us every single life.


7. Saying the wrong things
Moyes is known to give statements that break the pride of Man. United team and fans.

Mind mantra - If you team has been very successful in completing tasks, don't compare them with those they defeated a year before.
Stand up and motivate them to reach better standards than last year.

always the topper of the class is looked upon, for he/she did something different. The guy who came no.2 is same as everyone else.


8. Ego battles
Moyes is known to not have played many players who were signed or favored by the previous management.

Its a classical sign of ego.

Mind Mantra - Trying to prove you are right, you may go way beyond the real task and cause more harm.


9. Under powered Team
Moyes had an aging team which had to battle new, younger and faster teams.
He had spent too much time focusing on one or two players, that he had to manage the entire season with a "under-powered" team.
This can be a great hampering, but its all about team work in the end.

Mind Mantra - A managers work is to find a balance. Even if his team is under-powered he can make a difference, by finding the right balance.


10. You Stay with Ship till it sinks -
On a personal note i Feel its unfair to stick all the blame on David Moyes, but when you are the captain of a ship, its your duty to take responsibility of the entire ship and stick with it, till it sinks.

There can be hundreds of scape-goats, but the manager has to take the brunt, for thats the responsibility of his position.


written by -


Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM, MD(mindmantra))
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)

email – eksoch@gmail.com
website – www.mindmantra.in

twitter- @sai_ki_artist

(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

5 motivational tips that go wrong

1. Setting realistic expectations - This is like day-dreaming for most people.
They set expectations which are far from real.
I had a patient who would expect to earn 5% of his investing in share market every day. He wanted a 100% return in a month. He lost 150%.
If you are setting up expectations - keep them low and over-deliver. This will help motivate you.

2. Delegate work - Everyone wants to feel "powerful". Wants people to work for them.. But are restless and secretive about the work.
I have counselled those who couldn't delegate work because he always felt others would never meet his standards. Yet he spent the whole day thinking of the day when there will be others working for him.
Another category of people, are those who are scared that if they teach someone work, that person will perform it better and beat them at it.

3. Take criticism positively - The moment you are criticised, there is a chain reaction in your body.. it leads to extreme anger.
Forget taking criticism positively, most people cannot even take the idea of someone criticising them.


4. Be polite and good mannered - Everyone I have met till today is good mannered and polite, but there is a psychological layer of anger below their outer "sugary" coat.
Sarcasm, taunts and unwanted picking up are some examples of the anger that floats in the mind of those who "behave" as polite.
Most people understand sarcasms and taunts, and there reply in the same language.
The more the anger, the more the sarcasms and taunts.


5. Helping others makes you feel good - 99% people help someone because it fuels their ego.
You give money to a beggar, you expect him to bow to you.
You give tip to a waiter, you expect him to say thank you.
You give a raise to a junior, you expect him to show gratitude.
You give a compliment to a family member, you expect them be good to you.

Helping others only makes you feel good, when your expectations are filled. Else you feel bad, guilty and angry on yourself.

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM, MD(mindmantra))
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)

email – eksoch@gmail.com
website – www.mindmantra.in

twitter- @sai_ki_artist
(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

The myth of Night-falls/swapandosh

Night-fall, wet dream or nocturnal emission are is a type of spontaneous orgasm during sleep.
Its present both in males and females.

- in males seen as ejaculation of sperms
- in females perceived by increased lubrication of the vagina.

Important facts -
1. its most common during adolescence
2. Every male and female will experience a few episodes of the same during their life.
3. an individual can wake up in between a wet dream or simply sleep through it.

Most common reasons Reasons for Night-falls in Males -
1. Night-falls in males are due to excessive amount of sperm accumulation within the testicles. This happens in when there is a lack of masturbation or sex to release sperms
2. Use of drugs that affect the testosterone levels in the body
3. high sexually provocative thoughts occupying the mind
4. watching or reading highly sexually provocative material before sleep

Myths associated with Night-fall-
1. it causes weakness - this is absurd as masturbation or night-fall have no effect on the entire "health" and vitality of an individual.
2. it causes decrease in sexual power (potency, erection and vitality) - absurd, as night fall is a way to actually remove accumulated sperms and make space for new ones.
3. its caused by over masturbation - absurd, no clinical evidence to prove the link between over-masturbation - decreased in penile sensitivity and night fall.
4. it causes decrease in quality and quantity of sperms - again stupid thought, as its a automated clean up procedure of the body.

Real Problems associated with Night-fall -
1. Wrong and erroneous religious and moral myths, induce Fear in the mind of a man having nocturnal emissions.
2. Fear of not being in control of own ejaculation - leads to guilt.
3. Fear leads to development of inferiority complex.
4. Fear leads to developing "false belief" that something wrong with the body or that health is deteriorating.

Cure -
1. regular masturbation/sex - at least 1-2 month, helps control the reservoirs of sperms and make way for new ones.
2. consulting psychiatrist/counselor for control over sexual restlessness.
3. avoid using herbal sexual medicines which are not ISO or Govt. approved. Many of them cause hormonal imbalances.
Many have cheap chinese allopathic medicines marketed under the ayurvedic or herbal brand names.
4. don't get into the fear, guilt and self-diagnosis induced by this episode. better to consult a doctor than consulting a friend, religious leader or quack who will misguide you against the same.

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM, MD(mindmantra))
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)

email – eksoch@gmail.com
website – www.mindmantra.in

twitter- @sai_ki_artist
(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

Sorry - The one word that's fooled everyone

If asked to name one word has fooled most people around the world it has to be - SORRY.
Should you say Sorry or Shouldn't your say Sorry, is a big debate which just add to the entire power of this word.

Some simple facts -

1. Its a great excuse - The great majority of times people use "sorry" because its a great excuse to avoid a bad situation.
An alcoholic patient of mine always said "sorry" and promised he wouldn't do it again.. he did it for 10yrs before his family took him to a psychiatrist.

A woman who committed adultery and was caught by her husband, said - Sorry, i didn't mean too..but the relationship was boring!!!
(she subtly escaped from the situation, with a stupid excuse.. putting all the blame on the husband, for not spicing the relationship!!!)

2. Its an addiction - You teach your children to not develop bad habits. But probably the one bad habit which is "socially acceptable by all" is say Sorry.
You slowly love saying "sorry". You might behave as someone who doesn't say sorry, but subconsciously you love to say it.

You are late for a meeting,
you haven't done your work,
you want to avoid meeting someone,
You want to cheat on your diet,
you want to watch the match and not go grocery shopping with the wife,
everything and anything is solvable with a - A Sorry!!!

Its such a lovable exercise, that you do it again and again.


3. Become "sorry-man" and Avoid Responsibility - You have heard of the guys who will always say "yes".. and always say "no".. But there is also the ones who will always say "sorry".
They love to avoid all responsibility by saying sorry and adding a "big story" with it.

Your mind identifies them -
The wife of a patient of mine said - I have stopped giving asking him to help me in household work, because he will have a sorry and a story. He can go to watch a match in the stadium but has a sorry for the market.

Many people use sorry to avoid responsibility. They become a "sorry-man".


4. The "sorry" You - The one person you are most accountable is Yourself.
You can fool the entire world, be angry with the entire world, but the one person you cannot fool is yourself.
You know you are doing something wrong.

A sorry gives you a cheap explanation to avoid doing the righteous.
Its said when you have to chose between that you desire and that which is right, you will always choose that you desire.

A patient of mine was having an "online affair". Her husband intervened and tried to stop her. She loved her husband and had nothing against him. But when the time came.
She said - "i'm sorry, but I cannot give upon my individuality".
They eventually divorced, because the woman found "sorry" as a great excuse to counter-act her "guilt" of choosing the desired from the right.!


5. Sorry cures it all -
One of the greatest "illusions" is to believe that a sorry, will cure any hurt caused.

A man divorced his wife after 5yrs. They had a turbulent relationship. There was a lot of physical and psychological abuse during that time.
At the time of divorce, he said - "I am sorry, hope we can now start life afresh".
The memories of the past haunted her, while he was "happy" he had asked sorry and moved ahead in life.

MIND MANTRA - A SORRY IS EFFECTIVE ONLY WHEN YOU MEAN IT AND YOU BRING A CHANGE ALONG WITH IT.
IF YOU CANNOT BRING A CHANGE, THAN ITS JUST ANOTHER GREAT EXCUSE.
ITS YOUR CHOICE TO USE IT AS AN EXCUSE OR AS A MOTIVATOR OF CHANGE.

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM, MD(mindmantra))
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)

email – eksoch@gmail.com
website – www.mindmantra.in

twitter- @sai_ki_artist

(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

Personality traits of a "Loosers"

Human psychiatry says that you are more likely to succeed or failed in a task, depending on your personality.

"Loosers" or people who have a greater chance of failure, share some common personality traits.

1. Passing the buck - The road to success is not up-hill, but has many road-blocks and down-falls. "loosers" love to complain and put the blame on others. They have an excuse why others are performing bad.

2. Taking all the credit - As I told you they love to complain. But when it comes to something good, they are prompt to show-case their "success". They don't mind stealing others achievements, and can go to any extent of fighting just to "falsely prove" they were part of success.

3. Love to say NO - Whenever asked to do a task, their first reaction is NO. They try and find excuses how to say no.
They are negative about the anything and everything they are involved in.

4. Love to deny mistake - If they commit a mistake, they will just keep denying it.. Even if there is sufficient evidence to prove their wrong doings, they will keep denying. For taking responsibility for their actions doesn't come to them naturally. For example - a patient of mine stole money to invest in shares, eventually he lost all of it.. but he denied stealing the money.

5. Excellent excuses - they don't accept their mistakes and they have excellent excuses to come out of a situation. They are very fearful to face-up truth.

6. Highlight the wrong - to prove their excuse and stories are real, they will highlight small and insignificant issues. They use two completely unrelated issues and try to prove they are inter-connected.
They try to confuse the other person and run away from the situation.
Example - a patient of mine was trying to sexually harass a woman, when confronted by the police he told how once he had helped the lady when she needed some advice, and the girl had touched him in the shoulder as a sign of invitation for sex.

7. Motivate others to speak for them - They are great in motivating others to speak for them. They will push others by use of power, cajoling or story-telling to speak up for them.

8. Invent stories - They create a story around everything. Most of them are fables which are a projection of their un-satisfied self. They might behave as kings and big people in those stories, but in reality their behavior is opposite. For example one patient of mine would invent a story regarding how rich he was, but in reality be a complete miser.

9. Everyone is the enemy - Their dark side has a bad opinion about everyone. They cannot think good about even one person. They will find a bad point even about their parents, spouse or closest friends.

10. Conspiracy theories - When they find themselves into a corner, they create theories. They bombard people with questions that are totally irrelevant. Will question your relationships, your life, your way of living.. and will say that only their point of view is right.
They will try and break your mind-set by these huge conspiracy theories.
Once successful they will fill your head with sympathy about them and try to alienate you from truth. For example - a patient of mine was caught cheating by his wife. The girl in question had a "bad name" in the office. So this man initially denied it, but eventually accepted it saying that he had done it to save the girl from developing sexual addictions.

written by -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS, DPM, MD(mindmantra))
(Psychiatrist, Motivational Writer and Counselor)

email – eksoch@gmail.com
website – www.mindmantra.in

twitter- @sai_ki_artist

(feel free to ask your questions/feedback through email)

21 habits of Happy People

1. Appreciate Life
Be thankful that you woke up alive each morning.

Develop a childlike sense of wonder towards life.

Focus on the beauty of every living thing. Make the most of each day. Don’t take anything for granted. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

2. Choose Friends Wisely
Surround yourself with happy, positive people who share your values and goals. Friends that have the same ethics as you will encourage you to achieve your dreams. They help you to feel good about yourself. They are there to lend a helping hand when needed.

3. Be Considerate
Accept others for who they are as well as where they are in life. Respect them for who they are. Touch them with a kind and generous spirit. Help when you are able, without trying to change the other person. Try to brighten the day of everyone you come into contact with.

4. Learn Continuously
Keep up to date with the latest news regarding your career and hobbies. Try new and daring things that has sparked your interest – such as dancing, skiing, surfing or sky-diving.

5. Creative Problem Solving
Don’t wallow in self-pity. As soon as you face a challenge get busy finding a solution. Don’t let the set backs affect your mood, instead see each new obstacle you face as an opportunity to make a positive change. Learn to trust your gut instincts – it’s almost always right.

6. Do What They Love
Some statistics show that 80% of people dislike their jobs! No wonder there’s so many unhappy people running around. We spend a great deal of our life working. Choose a career that you enjoy – the extra money of a job you detest isn’t worth it. Make time to enjoy your hobbies and pursue special interests.

7. Enjoy Life
Take the time to see the beauty around you. There’s more to life than work. Take time to smell the roses, watch a sunset or sunrise with a loved one, take a walk along the seashore, hike in the woods etc. Learn to live in the present moment and cherish it. Don’t live in the past or the future.

8. Laugh
Don’t take yourself – or life to seriously. You can find humor in just about any situation. Laugh at yourself – no one’s perfect. When appropriate laugh and make light of the circumstances. (Naturally there are times that you should be serious as it would be improper to laugh.)

9. Forgive
Holding a grudge will hurt no one but you. Forgive others for your own peace of mind. When you make a mistake – own up to it – learn from it – and FORGIVE yourself.

10. Gratitude
Develop an attitude of gratitude. Count your blessings; All of them – even the things that seem trivial. Be grateful for your home, your work and most importantly your family and friends. Take the time to tell them that you are happy they are in your life.

11. Invest in Relationships
Always make sure your loved ones know you love them even in times of conflict. 

Nurture and grow your relationships with your family and friends by making the time to spend with them. 

Don’t break your promises to them. Be supportive.
12. Keep Their Word
Honesty is the best policy. Every action and decision you make should be based on honesty. Be honest with yourself and with your loved ones.

13. Meditate
Meditation gives your very active brain a rest. When it’s rested you will have more energy and function at a higher level. Types of meditation include yoga, hypnosis, relaxation tapes, affirmations, visualization or just sitting in complete silence. 

Find something you enjoy and make the time to practice daily.

14. Mind Their Own Business
Concentrate on creating your life the way you want it. Take care of you and your family. Don’t get overly concerned with what other people are doing or saying. Don’t get caught up with gossip or name calling. Don’t judge. Everyone has a right to live their own life the way they want to – including you.

15. Optimism
See the glass as half full. Find the positive side of any given situation. It’s there – even though it may be hard to find. Know that everything happens for a reason, even though you may never know what the reason is. Steer clear of negative thoughts. If a negative thought creeps in – replace it with a positive thought.

16. Love Unconditionally
Accept others for who they are. You don’t put limitations on your love. Even though you may not always like the actions of your loved ones – you continue to love them.

17. Persistence
Never give up. Face each new challenge with the attitude that it will bring you one step closer to your goal. You will never fail, as long as you never give up. Focus on what you want, learn the required skills, make a plan to succeed and take action. We are always happiest while pursuing something of value to us.

18. Be Proactive
Accept what can not be changed. Happy people don’t waste energy on circumstances beyond their control. Accept your limitations as a human being. Determine how you can take control by creating the outcome you desire – rather than waiting to respond.

19. Self Care
Take care of your mind, body and health. Get regular medical check ups. Eat healthy and work out. Get plenty of rest. Drink lots of water. Exercise your mind by continually energizing it with interesting and exciting challenges.

20. Self Confidence
Don’t try to be someone that you’re not. After all no one likes a phony. Determine who you are in the inside – your own personal likes and dislikes. Be confident in who you are. Do the best you can and don’t second guess yourself.

21. Take Responsibility
Happy people know and understand that they are 100% responsible for their life. They take responsibility for their moods, attitude, thoughts, feelings, actions and words. They are the first to admit when they’ve made a mistake.

Begin today by taking responsibility for your happiness. Work on developing these habits as you own. The more you incorporate the above habits into your daily lifestyle – the happier you will be.


(article emailed to me) -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(psychiatrist, counselor and motivational speaker)
eksoch@gmail.com 

5 reasons why friends turn into enemies?

1. Conditional Love - When a friendship is based on conditions, the friendship automatically acquires an expiry period. Such friends remain close till they share a win-win situation. There is always a social, financial or professional "benefit" from the other.

The equations change as soon as the "benefits" disappear.

2. The Chanakya Effect - Chanakya said that true friendship only blossoms when its between equals. When a friend becomes more successful than the other, or when a person hasn't been able to achieve the same success as his friends, the subconscious mind starts to compare. Comparison is an invisible enemy of friendship. It starts in the mind, and slowly changes the personal perception about a friend.

3. Three is crowd - Friendship is bond of love and respect that two people share. When this bond is one based on conditional love, a third person can very well influence it. Such influences are many times done at purpose. Fear of being alone, jealousy, insecurity are common reasons which trigger, "psychological games" to try and break the friendship of two.

4. Ego Battles - Everyone has an ego. He/she who denies it is just fooling himself/herself. Friendship is a bond that many times requires ego sacrifice. Ego is like an spring. It can only be stretched or suppressed to a certain extent, post that it recoils or breaks.

5. Communication Breakdown - when people stop talking to each other openly, misunderstanding start growing. Misunderstanding slowly become mistrust. This slowly destroys the bond of love. 

Friendship is a beautiful bond that requires a lot of work. Friendships are a gift from god. Friendships are also as fragile as a mirror, once broken they cannot be repaired.

Dr.Hemant Mittal 

eksoch@gmail.com 

How to Become Popular?

Everyday I meet men and women who are struggling to become popular.

Be it a 22yr old college guy who wants girlfriends and be the envy among his male friends.

A 45yr young lady, who wants to feel desired and loved by everyone around.

or Be it the 37yr old man who feels he is losing his young age and throw parties just for people to recognize and appreciate him.

I could actually write a book on how to become popular... but I will bring 3 points -

1. One time “Impact” – The human eye and brain are wired in such a way that you have between 20-45 seconds before someone creates a “primary impression” of you.

If you are looking for a “long lasting” relationship than this doesn’t matter.. because that “primary impression” will change a hundreds of times.
But if you are looking to be Popular… This “primary impression” if your most important psychological weapon.

a. Smile Always flash a big smile,
b. Show positive attitude
c. Don't show your fear.

2. Body language – People are always judging you and they use your body language as the signs.

A free and relaxed body posture is always appreciated. The person seems more in control.
The Mr and Ms. Popular are very free and relaxed… They are very aware of their body.. They love their body.. And let it be an instrument of their confidence.

3. Attitude - Attitude of self-belief.. That you can get work done.
That you can make people happy. That you can do anything that comes in front of you.
If you have that attitude, it will show in your entire self.. And automatically people will be attracted to you.

Remember – You cannot change within a day...But you can do it in a few days.

Practice.. Practice and Practice… Don’t give up till you conquer yourself and your negativity.

Your questions are most welcome at -

email – eksoch@gmail.com

For personal consultation, you can contact me at -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Neuro-Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counselor)
website – http://mindmantra.in/services.html