Emotional Cheating

Whenever we talk about an "extra-marital affair" or "cheating in a relationship", the thought automatically moves towards "sex.".

People forget to look towards the more dangerous "emotional or psychological cheating".

Its time to accept that Cyber-cheating or online extra-marital affair is a reality thats affecting millions of homes!!

Even with no physical contact and only the emotional/psychological attachment,  is many times more intense and dangerous than "just simple sexual needs".

With an increase in internet and mobile addiction, such relationships are budding very fast.

99% of those involved, deny it at first. It’s only when their obsession about their “online partner” over-clouds their entire senses, that they start destroying their "real world" relationships.

Psychological Research has proven that indulgence in such an activity happens as its easy, secretive and an excitement filled adventure.

In most cases, individuals experience the guilt of "being in such a relationship", but try their best to rationalize it and create peace for self.
In certain extreme cases a person can go upto break-ups and divorces.

If you have an special “online” or “offline” friend, who has become the center of your thought process. Take the following quiz. Presence of 6 or more “yes” means you are involved in an "cyber/online relationship”

( for the purpose of this quiz, the following terms have to be kept in mind -
online refers to a male/female friend with whom maximum contact is thru chatting (facebook or mobile messenger services) or talking over the phone.

The term “online friend” is used to refer onto the male/female with whom a online relationship has been established.

Give yourself 1 point for every yes -

The quiz is as follows -

1. Spending more than 2-3hours a day chatting or exchanging sms/messages with your "online friend.”

2. Throughout the day, your mind is preoccupied with thoughts about your ”online friend”.

3. Extreme concern to keep it as a secret. Going to length to try and concealing it from your friends, family and spouse.
Changing all your account passwords, creating new social networks/email accounts, concealing emails, changing his/her name on the blackberry messenger, etc.

4. High fear, irritation or anger if your suddenly questioned about your online/cell phone activity.

5. Restlessness if not heard from him/her within a few hours.
This restlessness calms only after contacting him/her.

6. More and more time is taken out of work, important schedules or even by waking up at night to contact your ”online friend”.

7. Higher comfort level in sharing your thoughts related to family, marriage, emotional and physical self with your online friend than your friends/partner.

8. Constant mental comparison between personality of your “online friend” and your partner.

9. While in any form of physical intimacy with your partner, your mind flashes the desire of being with your “online friend” instead.

10. Sharing sensitive information like provocative photos, bank or other financial details, personal body details or professional secret details with your ”online friend” without having verified his/her credentials.

11. Constantly planning to arrange business meetings, conferences or visits to spend time alone with your ”online friend”.

12. Constant denying to any emotional attachment to your ”online friend”, while you still spend a lot of time in the day thinking about how/when to meet him/her.

If you have scored 7 or more, its time to take stock, you are very much into an "online relationship".

The Negatives of Online Relationships -

1. Withdrawal effects. – The moment you try to break a cyber-relationship, your mind is flooded with "withdrawal symptoms."
The mind is flooded with – restlessness, guilt, anger, decreased self-esteem, hopelessness, worthlessness, sadness and pain.

The inability to battle these emotions drives you back to it. Making it an emotional trap which you cannot leave.

2. Emotional Addiction to the "online friend" makes you emotionally numb to everyone else. Feeling irritation or anger to share emotions with others.

3.  Sexual Addiction to the "online friend" makes you fantasize of sexual encounters with him/her.
This might lead to increased indulgence in masturbation.
Decreased involvement in sex/physical intimacy with your partner.

4. Psychological frustration - The subconscious mind is powerfully neutral. It can understand your "real life" personal, social and financial losses. This creates guilt, anger, depression and anxiety against self.
The brain "addiction" to the online friend, makes it impossible to leave him, while the subconscious mind creates further internal negative feeling. Henceforth a vicious stress cycle is developed. Leading to increased psychological frustration.

Thanks for reading, your queries are welcome @-

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist,Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)

email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html

personal consultation @-
address- Mind Mantra wellness clinic
Shop 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant,
opposite seawoods station,
seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai - 400706

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