The Pillars of True Friendship

True Friends are a blessing and one should be really careful in preserving them. They are an extended family that are with you in good and bad.
Hereby 12 psychological pillars that form the base of true friendship:

1. Friendship is a strong tree that grows from a seed.
Friends don't just appear out of the blue, they are found. You cannot become friends and be in the good books of every single person you meet. Friendship starts by liking certain characteristics of a person and slowly developing a bond. 
It's important to remember that you spent time grooming a friendship, so its not an intelligent or good idea to easily let it go away. 

2. Friendship strives on the freedom of expression.
Two people who become friends, subconscious set mental rules on how much of their lives they will share with each other. The greater and deeper a friendship, higher the comfort to directly express your feelings without any need to cover them or camouflage them.

3. Friendship has "thank you's and sorry's"
One of the most stupid lines that people tend to use is "there is no thank you and sorry in friendship". If you stop acknowledging the presence and efforts of a friend you will start taking him/her for granted. Nobody likes to be taken for granted, and at some point even an insignificant fight can become the cause of a major drift. 

4. The power of listening
Listening is a very basic and very important part of friendship. One of the most important steps in building a closer friendship is by pro-actively listening to what you friend is saying.

5. Friendship requires concentration.
You might have thousands of conversations with your friend, but if you don't pay attention to them, then you automatically convey the message that you don't care about them. Your body language, ears, eyes and answers tell a lot on how much you are concentrating on what they say.

6. Empathy not sympathy
In troubled times everyone shows sympathy, but a true friend empathizes. Empathy is identifying with your friend's feelings and seeing life through your friend's eyes.

7. Touch therapy
A hug, a handshake or even a simple a pat on the shoulder are very important ways to increase the bonding in friendship. Actions speak million times more than words, so don't shy from physically expressing your feelings.

8. Appreciation
Everyone needs a genuine praise. No one likes to be constantly criticized. In a world where a ton of criticism is easier to get than a gram of appreciation, friends play a crucial role in appreciating and praising an individual. 

Praise should be genuine and deserving reasons, false praise normally tends to register in the negative side of the brain.

9. Trust and loyalty
Trust and loyalty go hand-in-hand for friends. Friends can trust you with their secrets, both large and small, because good friends never break a confidence. Good friends are forever loyal. 

10. Defined Roles.
Friends are inter-dependent on each other for some or other thing. They have very well defined roles. While some might be great in giving advice, others might be the best in getting things done. Defined roles helps the relationship to grow smoothly

11. Friends share emotions
Friends feel closest to each other when their friendship is able to split the burden of emotional pain. Sufferings are a part of life and they put a lot of strain on friendships. Only through sharing and understanding of the others emotional mind set is that friendship can grow. 

12. Friendship is not Mind Reading.

How common have I met people in therapy sessions who complain "if he/she was my real mind, they would know what was going in my mind".
That is stupid and insane statement. A healthy friendship strives on two people sharing a lot of personality traits. It doesn't thrive on each learning to read the mind of the other. 
Until or unless emotions, thoughts and feelings are not openly expressed to the other person, he/she might never understand it properly.

Dr.Hemant MittaL

Motivational Speaker - Mind-Body Healer
(MBBS, PG.DPM, M.D.(Mind Mantra Wellness Concepts - Mumbai))
(Specialize in Emotional, Behavioural, Sleep, Memory, Concentration and Sexual Health)
Contact at -


  1. awesome.....thanks a lot

  2. point no 3 and 12 r realy worth reading and realizing...