Last Monday was an incredible day. I had 5 back to back patients all having the same root cause for stress and depression, "THEIR WIFE".
On a retrospective I sat and decided to pen down any common pattern among the problems these gentlemen faced. Coupling it up with my past interaction with hundreds of Men who have had problems with their partners I found a few topics which act as rocket fuel to stress and easily drag a sensitive man into clinical levels of mental restlessness and anxiety.
- Comparing with her Father or Brother - In most "traditional" Indian households, a girl’s father or brother(s) set the psychological benchmark for “male emotional and behavioural pattern”. Her life experiences might want her to accept those patterns or hate them.
The unfortunate happens when she starts comparing her male partner emotional and behavioural self with that of her father/brother.
In most cases she forgets that her father or brother where born and brought up in a different environment as her boyfriend/husband. And in her need to change her male partner to behaviour pattern she feels comfortable with, she ends up hurting him.
This comparison directly hurts the ego of a sensitive man, as he finds it very difficult to change a way of emoting and behaving that has been widely accepted by his own family and friends.
- "My mother is always Right" - While most women have the advantage of a direct emotional, verbal and in some cases physical confrontation with their "mother-in-laws", most men are unlucky to fight an “image”.
Most men like to take decisions by themselves or in consultation with their wife. They find themselves in a catch-22 situation when the suggestions and decisions are being indirectly taken by their “mother-in-law”.
A single word against the mother-in-law would immediately trigger a war-like situation. In trying to avoid the same, they try to control their ego by taking focus away from their relationship.
In some cases both mother-in-laws find it a convenient battle-ground for their “ego-war”. “Suggesting” a decision is a subconscious camouflage for “I love them more than you do”. This can become a very dangerous mind game, leading to eventual destruction of the relationship.
- "Learn to Dress” – Let’s accept it women spend much more time thinking about fashion than what most men do. But the moment a women starts to criticise every single piece of clothing owned by her male partner she is subconsciously calling him “fashionably illiterate” and calling his decision making power as “useless”.Men don’t like to be called “useless”. The male brain is very attentive in picking up these subtle psychological signals.
I have seen men at malls and retail shops who get a panic attack while buying a simple piece of clothing. Reason they want to avoid unwanted discussion with their girlfriends/wife and at the same time feel caged that they cannot express their own desires.
Motivational Speaker - Mind-Body Healer
(MBBS, PG.DPM, M.D.(Mind Mantra Wellness Concepts - Mumbai))
(Specialize in Emotional, Behavioural, Sleep, Memory, Concentration and Sexual Health)
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