The "Artificial" Self

Over the years if there is one trait of human behavior I have come across every mall, street, corporate office or business setup I have visited... its "artificiality"

Walk through the malls, streets, corporate office, hospitals or weddings.. and I can instantly read how people mind are doing their best to be "artificial".

Being "artificial" is to deviate from your "natural behavior".. its acting out. Doing things you are not comfortable with, but you still do it to grab attention.

I remember at a local mall, a guy was trying to overtly impress a girl. He was speaking in a very heavily "accented" english... He was trying to give everyone the impression, he is very American.... Suddenly a small boy, tipped and dropped a milkshake all over him.
Within a fraction of a second, this guy was into hardcore, local hindi.. using words belonging to the lowest cadre.

Another incident, at the reception party of a newly weds, some girls decide to taste the free flowing alcohol. Trying to prove their supremacy and one is better than another, they landed up drinking one to many drinks. One of them was so drunk, she didn't even know her female assets were flashing in full-public view.

A slightly sober incident was at a corporate office were I had gone to give a motivational lecture. A young gun was trying his very best to show-off his stature. He spoke about being from a very rich family, spoke of big cars, millions of rupees... some of the employees thought they would teach him a lesson... So the moment the lunch bill came, they passed it onto him, quoting his "greatness and richness"... Having to live-up to the "artificial" self he had created, he had to pay up.

But the greatest "artificial" acting happens at parties and get-together. People are trying to outshine each other... For some speaking in English is a sign of culture!!
For others flashing expensive cell phones is a sign of power!!!
For others showing off new watches or jewelry is a sign of appreciation!!!
Unfortunately from most minds I have been able to read, 90% of people flashing the same have had to struggle hard to get that... And they just demean their struggle under the cover of artificial self.

ARTIFICIAL BEHAVIOR IS REQUIRED IN MANY SETTINGS, AS WE LIVE IN A WORLD THAT JUST PERCEIVES YOU FOR YOUR FACE-VALUE... NOT FOR YOUR EMOTIONAL-VALUE.

ARTIFICIAL BEHAVIOR ALWAYS LEADS TO DEVELOPMENT OF JEALOUSY, COMPARISON, ANGER, POLITICS AND LYING.

BE CAREFUL TO TRY AND CONTROL YOUR ARTIFICIAL BEHAVIOR...BECAUSE IT CAN BECOME A TRAP THAT LEADS YOU INTO SADNESS, NEGATIVITY AND STRESS.

Your suggestions and queries are most welcome at -

email - eksoch@gmail.com

regards,

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Neuro-Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counselor)
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

When specific sounds irritate you?

Ever met people who get very irritated with a specific type of sound... For example the sound of nails on a blackboard, the scretching sound of a car braking, the sound of someone eating chips in front of them...  all these cases are probably suffering from various degrees of misophonia.


What is misophonia?
The word misophonia literally translates to "hatred of sound". Misophonia sufferers are extremely sensitive to "specific sounds" which are called as "triggers".

Most common are - nails on blackboard, sliping of chalk on blackboard, people eating food, the crunching of ice or chips in someones mouth, the sound of a certain persons voice, heavy breathing etc.


Symptoms most commonly seen -

1. The age of onset is often after 10-12yrs.
2. The sudden change in behavior or emotional pattern is a reactive episode which starts with a trigger sound (or some aspect of the sound)
3. The emotional/behavioral reaction is severe when a person is in a comfortable environment.
4. The reaction is experienced can range from sudden irritability, anger to even extreme rage.
5. The trigger sound suddenly starts a fight or flight response in the sufferer, so they experience a desire to do extreme anger towards the maker of the sound or want to escape from the vicinity of the same.


Why does it happen?
There are 2 theories for the same -
a. many consider it as a physiological development defect in the brain. Which has no cure.

b. Other consider it part of OCD or obsessive compulsive disorder, with some post-traumatic subconscious association with the sound.


Treatment

1. Know Your Triggers

Keeping a track of those things that set you off, helps you prepare for a situation in advance.
Going for a meeting or on lunch with someone who chews with his mouth wide open...
one can create mental images and try to calm down, before going exposute.


2. Disengage from a place

If possible, excusing yourself and moving away from a situation helps to control the rage reaction.


3. Do Things That Make You Happy and always be positive about yourself.

Thousands and millions of people have misophonia, that doesn't mean you cannot indulge in activities and you have to stay put at home.


4. Work With Your Doctor

Misophonia normally doesn't need any cure. But one has to be given "SOS" anti-anxiety medications.
Medications to be taken only the day one has the episode or when a person is fearing he/she will experience the episode within next few hours.


5. Most people never give importance to such a problem. But the sufferer of the same, is really sad.
Many times the sadness even pushes them to think about suicide.
Provide them proper support and help treat the depression/suicide thoughts by consulting a good psychiatrist/counselor in your region


Your suggestions and queries are most welcome at -

email - eksoch@gmail.com 

regards,

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Neuro-Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counselor)
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east) 
Navi Mumbai

Find out the Purpose of Life

Success is a term which has many measures. Some measure it in money, others in fame and others in power.
Then there is another group of people, who are above money, fame and power.. and look for Love. Their purpose of life is to find emotional stability in being loved by someone... They don't give much importance to the other 3 factors.



Sheikh chilli vs Arjun ?
These can be divided into 2 groups-

1. Sheikh chillis - A great majority never cross the 1st phase of success - which is imagination or dreaming..

There are thousands and millions, who just spend their time imaging "that day" when they will have everything they want... These are the chaps who are called 'sheikh chilli". They build castles in the air, and are never able to stand upto their commitment.

2. Arjun - The Perfectionists - There is another group that is "married to their obsession".. They keep thinking and working towards their obsession.

They spend whole day trying to reach that goal. They only see that goal. Any deviance from that goal and they become nervous.

An example of these are the "blackberry" resources which corporates have created. An efficient worker, who is logged into the system 24hrs and is constantly generating productive resources.

Majority of people walk the line in-between these two... but either criticize the earlier and envy becoming the later.


Happiness?Every organism in this world is genetically programmed to do things that he/she finds pleasure giving.
Humans are no different. The great majority of us look to do actions which will produce some kind of happiness.

May our research be for money, power, fame or Love... May we be a sheikh chilli, an arjun or someone habours trait of both... we look at doing things that make us happy.

Our basic nature is too search for happiness.

You have problems finding the purpose of your life, when you don't know where you happiness is.
You have problems finding the purpose of your life, when you search to be happy by doing things others feel is happiness.
You have problems finding the purpose of your life, when you are not able to take a decision and accept its consequences.


Finding the Purpose of Life?Look into your personality.
Think what you have liked and disliked all these years.
Think what has given you happiness and what has given you sadness.

You might be running to much after one of power, fame, money or love... its time to seek happiness from all four.

You might be either a sheikh chilli or an arjun...   maybe its time to change your approach.

The purpose of your life is to get happiness.
You can either de-code the path to happiness yourself.. you can seek help to decode this path.. but you will have to walk the path.

My inbox is always open to all your suggestions and queries. You are most welcome to approach me at -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (Neuro-Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counselor)
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

Guru Nanak ji - A light-house among the darkness of the mind

Wherever he went, Guru Nanak attracted a large group of people around him. When he came, he did not ascribe to any particular religious tenet and his teaching was universal. He initiated people into certain types of meditation and devotional practices. People could not fix Guru Nanak as belonging to any particular religion. He dressed unconventionally for a spiritual person because he didn’t want to fit into any mould that was already there. So he appeared neither like a Muslim fakir nor a Hindu saint. He designed his own clothes and wore it in such a way that they could not identify him with any particular faith.


Guru Nanak was a compassionate and courageous man. Once he was traveling by foot, walking from village to village, offering his teachings to people. He was not one of those all-the-time smiling, gentle saints. He knew when to be hard and when to be soft.


One day, he happened to be a guest in a home of a very rich man in the area. After a few days, as he was leaving, he gave this man a sewing needle and said, ‘Keep this with you. Sometime in the future when you see me, you can give it back to me.’ After the Guru had left, the man told his wife about the incident. The wife immediately scolded the man, ‘You fool, why did you take a needle from a guru? He is an old man. Suppose he dies and you don’t get to give back this needle, what will you do? Offering him something is fine but you should not receive anything from a man like him. Else, you will be in debt forever. You will be unable to wash out that one karma, and this may mean another thousand lifetimes for you. This is not a good thing. Somehow try to find him and return it to him immediately.’


So the man started trekking the path that Nanakdev had taken. After a couple of months the man caught up with him and said, ‘Guruji, I don’t want to carry this needle with me. You are an old man. In case you die, I would not be able to carry this needle to heaven and return it to you there. I will be in debt forever.’ Guru Nanak replied, ‘So you know that you cannot carry this needle to heaven, right?’ The man said, ‘Yes.’ ‘When you know you cannot carry a needle, what about all those other things you are accumulating? You will not be able to carry any of that either.’ The man fell at Nanakdev’s feet. He went back home, just kept what was needed for his family, and went about building whatever was needed for the wellbeing of people all around.


Enlightenment doesn't come from being labeled Hindu, Muslim, Sikh or Christian... It doesn't come from blindly following a religious or political leader and fighting to show his/her supremacy...
Enlightenment comes when you accept the value of human life giving to you. All religions are the same.. they speak of helping each other...
So before you fight, discriminate in name of religion.. Create a huge heart were you selflessly help everyone from any belief.


Dr.Hemant Mittal (Neuro-Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counselor)
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html

"Waqt Badalta Hai"

Sunday Evening Facebook and Twitter were full of people crying and pouring their souls to the departed Bal Thackeray. 
Many who have never ever met him, never understood what he really stood for and who probably had criticized him when he was alive, were having public outbursts of sadness as if they had lost a family member. 

Above all these crocodile tears there was one common sentiment that even the Common Mumbaikar felt.. It was the amazing behavior sh

own by Shiv Sena...
The loss of their magnetic leader didn't transform into violence.. and somehow it did show a lot of characte.

By Sunday evening the condolence messages were also filled with praise for the new Shiv Sena..

Come Monday Morning and Mumbai Mirror reported how 2 girls from Palghar area of Mumbai were arrested by the police. Shiv Sainks went on the rampage to destroy a hospital owned by the uncle of one of the girls.. Because one girl posted a question asking shouldn't such mourning be part of every martyrs funeral .. and the other girl just liked her facebook status.

Mumbai Police is supposed to be protecting us... I wonder if they have ever read about "freedom of expression".
I have never felt "insecure" in Mumbai... But surely I have started losing faith in the govt. protection agency called POLICE.. Isn't it my (a common mans) taxes that pay for their inception and constitution.. Isn't it my fearful behavior that makes them so powerful.. aren't they supposed to protect me!!!!

Shiv Sainks of that area went on a rampage against 2 teenage girls.!!!!
Wasn't Shiv Sena a party of fighters???
Wasn't the Bal Thackeray legacy all about fight for social equality??
I guess those Shiv Sainks just were waiting for a reason to show violence... Seriously action against 2 teenage girls and a doctor!!!...Its really a below the belt act!!


By Monday afternoon entire social media had turned against Mumbai police and Shiv Sena.
The very same people who on Sunday had been crying and praising had suddenly turned into the most fierce opponents. The criticism went to all extents.
All the good-will created the day before was tainted by this incident.
And people brought out old skeletons of "hooliganism" that Mumbai has been exposed to in last 46 years.

Last night I coincidentally met an old friend of mine. He comes from a family dedicated to shiv sena... himself a very staunch shiv sanik. Balasaheb Thackeray's loss was something you could feel in his entire persona.
As we sat for dinner, and this topic cropped out.. I asked his opinion...
like a grand-son who is sad for the loss of his grand-father... his sad eyes smiled at me ...in a very calm and enlightening way he said-

"Grief is no excuse for rage and anger!!!"

.. a small pause and he continued ...

"Grief should make you strong... As it teaches us to fight our ownselves.. Now we have to see what Time has ahead for us"

..."Waqt woh chabi hai, jho kisi bhi darwaje ko khol sakthi hai.. or band kar sakthi hai... waqt ka mood badalne mein dher nahi lagta"
(Time is that key which can open or close any door... it just takes an instant to change the tides of time)


I (the common man) sit an observer of these TIDES OF TIME... We cannot change Time.. But we can only change our actions... If our actions are positive and truthful maybe the tides of time won't hit us hard.


Dr.Hemant Mittal (Neuro-Psychiatrist and Counselor)
www.mindmantra.in
email - eksoch@gmail.com

The Power of Karva Chauth

Today is Karva Chauth, a symbol of bond, sacrifice and love.

The word Karva Chauth, is composed of Karva - meaning a clay pot - and Chauth (from char meaning four) corresponding to the fourth day after the Full Moon in Kartik month (of Hindu calendar) following the Autumnal Equinox.

The Origin of Karva Chauth?
The exact origin and reasons for Karva Chauth are not known. With time, and based on the male-dominated society, this festival has come to signify a prayer for the long life of husband.

As per my research on this subject there is also another reason for Karva Chauth to have started. Many websites mention it as following -

"The origin of this festival was based on a very sweet and noble idea. Though this idea has lost its true sense as today the whole outlook of this festival has changed.

In the ancient time, girls used to get married at a very early stage, and had to go and live with their in-laws in other villages. After marriage, if she faces any problem with her in-laws or her husband, she would have no one to talk to or seek support from. There used to be no telephones, buses and trains long ago. Her own parents and relatives would be quite far and unreachable. Thus the custom started that, at the time of marriage, when bride would reach her in-laws, she would befriend another woman there who would be her friend or sister for life. It would be like god-friends or god-sisters. Their friendship would be sanctified through a small Hindu ceremony right during the marriage.

Once the bride and this woman had become god-friends or god-sisters, they would remain so all their lives and recognize the relation as such. They would also treat each other like real sisters.

Later in life, if she faces any difficulty related to her husband or in-laws, she would be able to confidently talk or seek help from each other. Thus, Karwa Chauth was started to as a festival to celebrate this relationship between the once-brides and their god-friends (god-sisters). Fasting and praying for husband came later and is secondary. It was probably added, along with other mythical tales, to enhance the festival. The husband would always be associated with this festival, because the day of starting this holy friendship between two god-sisters was essentially the day of bride's marriage to him"


Additional benefit of Karva chauth?

The festival provides an opportunity for all married women to get close to their in-laws. Possessing a tremendous social and cultural significance, this festival is celebrated by keeping fast, applying henna and exchange of gifts. Mother-in-laws buy 'sargi' for their daughter-in-laws. This 'sargi' consists of various types of sweetmeats, and sometime clothes. All these items are supposed to bring good luck to the women.


Popular Stories related to Karva Chauth?

The Story of Queen Veervati

A beautiful queen called Veervati was the only sister of seven loving brothers. She spent her first Karva Chauth as a married woman at her parents' house. She began a strict fast after sunrise but, by evening, was desperately waiting for the moonrise as she suffered severe thirst and hunger. Her seven brothers couldn't bear to see their sister in such distress and created a mirror in a pipal tree that made it look as though the moon had risen. The sister mistook it for the moon and broke her fast. The moment she ate, word arrived that her husband, the king, was dead. Heartbroken, she wept through the night until her shakti compelled a Goddess to appear and ask why she cried. When the queen explained her distress, the Goddess revealed how the queen had been tricked by her brothers and instructed her to repeat the Karva Chauth fast with complete devotion. When Veervati repeated the fast, Yama was forced to restore her husband to life.

In a variant of this story, the brothers build a massive fire behind a mountain instead and trick their sister by convincing her that the glow is the moon. She breaks her fast and word arrives that her beloved husband has died. She immediately begins running to her husband's house, which is somewhat distant, and is intercepted by Shiv-Parvati. Parvati reveals the trickery to her, cuts her own little finger to give the wife a few drops of her holy blood, and instructs her to be careful in keeping the complete fast in the future. The wife sprinkles Parvati's blood on her dead husband and, coming back to life, they are reunited.


The Legend of Mahabharata

The belief in this fast and its associated rituals goes back to the pre-Mahabharata times. Draupadi, too, is said to have observed this fast. Once Arjun went to the Nilgiris for penance and the rest of the Pandavas faced many problems in his absence. Draupadi, out of desperation, remembered Lord Krishna and asked for help. Lord Krishna reminded her that on an earlier occasion, when Goddess Parvati had sought Lord Shiva's guidance under similar circumstances, she had been advised to observe the fast of Karva Chauth. In some tellings of this legend, Shiva tells Parvati the story of Veervati to describe the Karva Chauth fast. Draupadi followed the instructions and observed the fast with all its rituals. Consequently, the Pandavas were able to overcome their problems.


The Legend of Karva

There was a woman named Karva, who was deeply devoted to her husband. Her intense love and dedication towards him gave her shakti (spiritual power). While bathing at a river, her husband was caught by a crocodile. Karva bound the crocodile with a cotton yarn and asked Yama (the god of death) to send the crocodile to hell. Yama refused. Karva threatened to curse Yama and destroy him. Yama, afraid of being cursed by "Pati-vrat" (devoted) wife, sent the crocodile to hell and blessed Karva's husband with long life. Karva and her husband enjoyed many years of wedded bliss. To this day, Karva Chauth is celebrated with great faith and belief.


The Story of Satyavan and Savitri

When Lord Yama, came to procure Satyavan's soul, Savitri begged him to grant him life. When he refused, she stopped eating and drinking and followed Yama who carried away her dead husband. Yama said that she could ask for any other boon except for the life of her husband. Savitri asked that she be blessed with children. Yama agreed. Being a "Pati-Vrat" (devoted) wife, Savitri would never let any other man be the father of her children. Yama was left with no other choice but to restore Savitri's husband to life.


Dr.Hemant Mittal (Neuro-Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counselor)
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

Dowry - A push to suicide

Today Morning I met a 26yr old lady who attempted suicide a few days ago. Reason, her in-laws keep demanding more, and she feels so guilty for burdening her parents.
The thought process behind her actions - she is the cause of pain to both her in-laws (who are always shouting) and to her parents (who are always struggling to comply by demands)... the best solution is to destroy the cause.

Had it not been for one of her friends who brought her to my

 clinic, she might be one of the million woman out there whose painful stories are lost under the sands of time. One of the million who live with the unwanted baggage of emotional pain.

Dowry is one of the most acceptable cultural evils in India. From north to south, east to west, its amazing how people come up with thousands of explanations to justify this social evil.

A tradition which in my perspective just converts the whole sanctity of marriage into a flesh trade!!!

If unconditional love is something we all search for, dowry is the knife that pierces the heart of that unconditional love. Giving rise to only conditional love.

I have seen hundreds of such cases.. some come within months of being married, some come after years.

I have meet hundreds of those who advocate for it.
Everyone feels they are different.
They only do it as a display of affection for their child.

I wish someday we live in a world were love is no longer equated with materialistic possession. In the words of John Lennon - You may say, I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one... I hope some day you'll join us... And the world will be as one"

:)

My inbox is always open to all your suggestions and queries. You are most welcome to approach me at -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (Neuro-Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counselor)
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - www.mindmantra.in
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

who is better - he who seeks help or he who doesn't?

Above a month ago I met a very interesting person. A priest by profession, this gentleman walked into my clinic without prior appointment and was really determined for a consultancy.
Initially I was very intrigued. In my line of work, it's not every day that I meet individuals who are so determined to have a consultancy. Most cases come as last

 resort, when they have tried everything under the sky.
My initial intrigue was further magnified thousands times when I came to know this gentleman was a priest. Naturally they are the "opposite side"...The people who constantly preach that psychiatry is some modern form of "witch-craft".

Today when the same gentleman came for re-check and re-evaluation, I asked him two questions that were intriguing me since his 1st visit -
"how come he visited a psychiatrist, when its against what he preaches?
and why me and not some psychiatrist from his own religion/spiritual practice?"

A brief over-view of this gentleman's case - He is suffering from post-traumatic clinical depression. 15yrs ago, he experienced a very strong emotional hurt by someone very close to him. The memories of that hurt and betrayal have not left him. This has created extreme negativity in his mind. To the extent that he decided to give up all worldly pleasures and seek solace in god. Still his mind has always been restless, he is very irritable, gets angry on the drop of a pin, performs his duties as a priest without love, has problems sleeping and hasn't had a peaceful sleep in 15yrs.

This gentleman replied to my questions - "Doc, only me and my god knows how I have spent every single day of the last 15yrs.
Every day I would wake up feeling I haven't slept, having a headache, feeling extreme sadness.
Every day I would relive those moments and the tragedy I went through as if they are happening just right now.
I forgot how food should taste, I preached about god's love but I couldnt generate it in my own heart.
I was such an irritable person, that people would be scared of me. There has been time when I have introduced anger into others heart.
I had was just living.

I had one strong belief and hope, that all this emotional pain, sadness and helplessness was because god was testing me.

I would read all the religious materials and would see how god had tested those who had faith in him. And I felt this was my test.

For 15years I comforted myself every single day, telling myself that this was my test.
Then one night I was trying to sleep, I suddenly started to feel excess of fear. I felt cold and still was sweating. I could hear and feel my heart beat, felt a sinking feeling and a severe chest pain.
I thought this is a heart attack and I am going to die... Finally god has decided to end my ordeal... I am prepared to leave this painful body and move ahead.

The next 3hours where terrible. All these feelings just kept increasing and decreasing. And with every moment I prayed more intensively to god to just take me away. To just kill me.. To end all this.
3 hours later it all stopped. I suddenly felt motionless. And heard a voice.
At that moment I felt I was dead, and this was the voice of god.

The voice just said one thing - if one leg of the table is broken what will do? fix it or sit on the same table, cribbing and crying that my table is broken?

A few minutes later I woke up, and found myself lying in a pool of sweat.
I realized god had just told me that my brain was the broken leg. I needed to get it fixed.
The day I die and really meet him, he will surely say why didn't you preach my word with happiness and love. Those who are my own, are just immersed in gratitude, love and devotion to me.. They are always content.. why did you chose depression and anger.
If I tell him, that it was your test...
I am sure he'll fail me, because he has also provided me with mediums to solve the problem.
A real test is when you are in the middle of a desert, with only one stream of water to drink from. And even that stream of water is poisoned. And your heart is full of contentment till the moment you die of thirst.
When every mean has been provided to you, to fight the demons in the mind, you have to use them.

I realized i had been avoiding getting help just because I was scared to talk to someone.
I realized how I have counseled thousands since I have become a priest, but I am no different from them. I am also human.

A small pause... I had decided that I wanted to see a psychiatrist, but certainly hadn't researched about it...as for why I chose you, well to be frank, I was just walking towards the railway station and saw your board..."

he gave me a wink and a great smile... and walked out of the clinic.

:)

My inbox is always open to all your suggestions and queries. You are most welcome to approach me at -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (Neuro-Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counselor)
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

Modern definition of love

Lady: "How much do you love me?" 
Man: "Look at the sky and count the stars." 
Lady: "But, it's daytime..." 
Man: "exactly... ;)"

In modern India, the 3 words "I love you" are being used like loose change. Most young men and women are changing "romantic' partners as if they are changing tooth-brushes. 
Unfortunately this pattern is not uniform within the entire socie

ty. This behavior becomes really problematic when their is an emotional clash between someone for whom uttering those 3 words is a prayer and for he/she whom its just momentary happiness.

For someone who is accustomed to changing partners every few months or year, the hurt is just an excuse before he/she moves onto the next person that comes in their life.
But for someone who cares a lot about the value of the feeling and the words uttered, it can leave an emotional scar that might stay for life-time.

Love and Fall in love... but make sure its with someone of your personality type.

My inbox is always open to all your suggestions and queries. You are most welcome to approach me at -

Dr.Hemant Mittal (Neuro-Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counselor)
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - http://mindmantra.in/services.html
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

The trouble is we have to live up to compliments.

27yr old Amit (name changed) walked into my clinic a few months ago.
Amit had a great track record which everyone would be proud of.
He had been a good student in school, qualified and passed out of one of the best Management Colleges in the country and got selected by a multi-national company which had him living a very comfortable life overseas.
There wasn't a single relative or friend who didn't praise him.

Then why did he come and visit a psychiatrist?
Since last 6months, he had started developing trouble sleeping. He would spend hours to fall asleep. The lack of proper sleep would affect his concentration at work and his performance was decreased.
His mind was always restless. He kept thinking...

What had happened that caused such a problem?
Compliments and Expectations.
Amit was always the best. He was always expected to be the best. He always did things perfectly. He was a perfectionist.
What others thought about him mattered a lot.

A few years ago, Amit met Sonia (name changed). They became great friends and finally got into a relationship.
They where having a very comfortable live-in relationship, till reality stuck Amit.
When Amit talked about her to his parents, he was suddenly faced with a lot of resistance.
His parents were not ready to accept he marrying someone from another country.
His father went on to say "you were the perfect kid, just to show us this day"

His inability to convince his parents became a problem with Sonia. She started getting restless, as she wanted to start a family.
This increased the fights they had and let negativity come in-between them.

When he spoke to his friends in India, they were super amazed by him. He was like some "demi-god" who had got everything they could desire. And to top it all, he was in a live-in relationship with a "firang".
They would just say - "your life is perfect. Forget the girl, you have had your fun. Get married to a good indian woman, who would serve you as you need to".

He suddenly found himself at a cross-road of life, trying to please so many people, but the only people who weren't happy where he and sonia.

His mind just wouldn't stop thinking for the perfect solution. Unfortunately that quest didn't come cheap. The restlessness cost him a lot of concentration at work, because of which his boss downgraded his rating and personally it brought so many emotional swings that he and Sonia decided to split.

GETTING COMPLIMENTS IS GREAT... BUT LIVING FOR COMPLIMENTS IS DANGEROUS


Dr.Hemant Mittal (Neuro-Psychiatrist, Motivational Speaker and Counselor)
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - www.mindmantra.in
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

THE DANCE OF DEVOTION - GARBA

My first interaction with Garba happened in the city of Pune, during my early days as a medical student. At first sight the colorful clothes and the synchronized dance made it look something only meant for professionals.

Over the years, I was always intrigued about the power this single dance form had. In my knowledge there is No other dance form in the entire world who for 9 days, works as a magical wand to infuse enthusiasm, unity, positive energy and happiness within the hearts of millions of people across this great nation.

Recently I came to know that a friend of mine was actually an accomplished Garba dancer. I used this opportunity to learn the deeper psychological power that this single dance form caries.

Modern Garba is looked upon an opportunity to flaunt, socialize and make new alliances... The traditional Garba dancers look upon it as a prayer. The dance is a physical representation of their devotion for the Mother Goddess. An intoxication of love for the Goddess that can be compared to that of the Mystic Sufis.

As wikipedia defines it - "The word Garba comes from the Sanskrit word for gestation or pregnancy. Traditionally, the dance is performed around a clay lantern with a light inside, called a Garbha Deep. This lantern represents life, and the fetus in the womb in particular. The dancers thus honor Durga, the feminine form of divinity.

Garba is performed in a circle as a symbol of the Hindu view of time. The rings of dancers revolve in cycles, as time in Hinduism is cyclical. As the cycle of time revolves, from birth, to life, to death and again to rebirth, the only thing that is constant is the Goddess, that one unmoving symbol in the midst of all of this unending and infinite movement. The dance symbolizes that God, represented in feminine form in this case, is the only thing that remains unchanging in a constantly changing universe (jagat).

Garba songs are mostly in praise of Mother Goddess Amba describing her form, powers, and invoking her blessings. Also there are Garbas describing seasons and social themes of domestic ends and married life."

Today, a few hours before the entire country will burst into the spell of the 1st Garba dance of the season...
I wish that it spread a lot of love and happiness... It takes away the demons of sadness and negativity affecting the society..

ENJOY THE DANCE OF DEVOTION...

WISHING YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY NAV-RATRI

Dr.Hemant Mittal (Neuro-Psychiatrist and Counselor)
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - www.mindmantra.in
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

Schizophrenia

Schizophrenia

Its one of the oldest and most dreaded disorder in the entire history of health care. Single handedly accredited for the birth of social taboo revolving around Mind-brain-body health.

95% of cases are wrongly treated as cases of black magic/bhoot bhada/possesion cases all around the world. The lack of knowledge leads to tens of years before these 95% get the right treatment.

Wrongly confused with MPD or multiple personality disorder, its been wrongly used by many to create a wrong impression in the minds of others.

what is schizophrenia?
A combination of emotional and stress overload triggers several parts of the brain to simultaneously stop functioning at peak performance. This is manifested by the decrease in production of neuro-chemicals (brain chemicals) like dopamine, GABA, glutamate, serotonin.

what are the symptoms?
the disorder starts with the symptoms:
a. slowness in doing work
b. decreased social interaction
c. decreased emotional responses

This is the only stage where the disorder is completely curable. Unfortunately its also the most difficult stage to detect, as it requires it requires very professional approach. I do a complete 40min quality psychological analysis of personality and self which helps in detecting it at such an early state.

the next level, is where the brain loses complete connection with the subconscious mind. Lack of neuro-chemicals and increasing stress amount for start up of emotional and behavioral manifestations:

a. delusions- these are strong and false beliefs that an individual develops. These are normally against social and cultural self. Even thou there is enough proof to prove them wrong a person will be fixated into his belief.

for example- the patient might feel one or more of the following:
i. someone/family members want to kill him/her
ii. someone/family member want to harm him/againt him.
iii. someone is following him/her
iv. husband/wife is cheating upon her/him
v. feels he can enter into someone’s mind and change the thought process.
vi. feels someone can read his mind, etc and many more of such.

this stage requires extensive treatment.
the third stage is the most devastating. It’s the one in which most care-givers feel that the patient is having some ghost/gin/black-magic or possession.

e. hallucinations- the brain functioning further deteriorates to decrease communication between nerves. So a person starts to hear voice, images or touches of animals which are not present.
Person also gets violent as he/she tries to ask for help from the world around, but nobody is ready to listen to him.

example-
i. hearing of voices of people or self, conversing with those voices
ii. seeing people/visions and talking to them
iii.feeling someone touching you, crawling sensations over the skin
iv. having unsual tastes of food- calling fried potato as strawberry taste.
v. having unsual smells when they are not present- like smelling of roses in a toilet.

This stage requires immediate treatment.

Like in most cases, this stage is left untreated. The treatment focuses more on swami, baba’s and tantriks. Because most people cannot believe their family member has a “mental health issue”. Since most mental health issues are invisible the pain is only experienced by the patient, which family members fail to see.
The final stage is one where complete destruction of personality and self is possible.

f. lack of self care- patient starts to loose himself in this imaginary world. Because of which he stops eating, taking care (stops bathing, stops brushing his teeth, starts doing his basic needs like urination and defecation in his clothes, and may start becoming naked in public places.)
if he/she is disturbed in this period they become extremely aggresive. and might even kill someone in their fit of anger

e. complete social withdrawn – with uncontrolled anger on meeting his/her own blood relatives.

why does schizophrenia happen?
a. genetic
b. substance induced- the most common cause is the continuous use alcohol, drugs, body building steroids for long term. They induce change in the structure of the brain, leading to onset of schizophrenia.
the most best known example for the same is actress pravin babi who died of schizophrenia.

c. psychological trauma- if someone has a sensitive personality, and is suddenly exposed to large emotional trauma (relationship failure, sexual abuse, death of near one) it might lead to the onset of schizophrenia.

d. Uncontrolled restlessness – if an individual develops imagination as a way to escape from his/her restlessness.

e. Depression- long standing depression when person becomes socially withdrawn he/she starts using imagination as a way to occupy his/her brain.

what is the cure?
after stage 2-
a. medications are the only cure. A patients family has the right to ask their consulting psychiatrist to prescribe something that is not too sedative, not addictive, a newer molecule with less or no side effects. That help a person to restart his life back.
Ayurvedic and homeopathic have long term success rate once the attack has been subsided and patient has been brought to certian normalcy.
b. counceling and all dont help once the third stage has started.

Rights of patient and his relatives?

a. A patient and his relatives have the right to question their psychiatrist on the type of schizophrenia, the medications, the side effects.
The psychiatrist should properly evaluate the patient and give his relatives ample time to express their concerns and questions.

b. Its also a patients right to demand medications that suit his requirements. The medications should be formulated to provide the patient with least problems, and maximum productivity.

c. unfortunately many times psychiatrists trying to cure the problem faster, tend to over medicate. I tend to follow the UK model of treatment where least medications is given, with least or no side effects. It takes a little longer but prevents side-effects and promises longer term cure. and give no time to examine the patient properly. because of which many patients land up with many unwanted side-effects.

Can a schizophrenic live a normal life?
YES. I have treated hundreds of individuals with such problem. And i am proud to say those who came in at an early stage are 100% back to leading a early life. Those who came at later stages have taken more time for cure.

SCHIZOPHRENIA is a disorder… ITS NOT EVIL…
DONT DISCRIMINATE…HELP THEM…

FAMOUS PEOPLE WITH SCHIZOPHRENIA-
schizophrenia is labeled as the disorder of the inteligent because of some famous examples.-
a. Bobby fischer- greatest chess player in histroy
b. Dr.John Nash- nobel prize winner. (discovered his nobel prize theories while suffering from this disorder)
c. Syd barret- famous musician from the band PINK FLOYD
d. the first son of Albert Einstein and first son of Mahatma Gandhi both had schizophrenia.

for any further query, feel free to contact me at:

Dr.Hemant Mittal (Psychiatrist and Counselor)
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - www.mindmantra.in
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

How to Talk to Girls?

Having traveled through this beautiful country, I realize one thing, that the one thing most guys are never thought is how to talk to a girl.

Everyday at my clinic I meet many adolescents and men who are introverts and find it great task to talk to a girl.

10 simple techniques -

 1 - Condition Your Mind - If you are shy or introvert, before you speak one word to any girl, make sure you repeat this 10 times in your head - "Girls/Women are human beings".
Every human being is equal, no one is better or lesser than other.

2 - Ice breaker - The first impression is very important. And 90% guys just over-do it. Some try to put on fake accents, other start with cheesy opening lines.
Keep it simple.. Tell your name, and ask her name.
Be confident - shake her hand and above all smile.

3 - Listen - Guys talk a lot. They just love to go on a talking trip. A friend of mine extremely popular among woman had one golden rule - he would listen to them.

4 - Get the clues - when you listen, you come to know what to ask and talk ahead.

5 - Don't Boost - guys have a natural tendency to start showing-off... They will go to any extent to impress. If you want a girl like that, surely do it.. but if you want a long lasting friend just be yourself

6. Don't live in illusions - guys create a lot of illusions. A small smile from a girl and they start thinking ... "She is mine, no one should talk to her"... "If not mine, not for anyone"... Seriously Stop being idiots!!!
Get into a relationship first... then make any ideas.

7. Understand Personalities - Every girl is not meant for you. Every girl has a different personality. Learn to see the personality of a girl. If it doesn't suit you, move ahead.

8. Keep sex aside for sometime - Its surprising but I have found that a great majority of Indian guys automatically start thinking about sex with a girl even from the 1st time they see her or meet her.
Physical attraction is great, but perversion is idiocy.

9 - Don't be used - so many guys let themselves be used in the name of friendship or love. So many guys spend precious time and money on a girl who is known to be flirting around with many others at the same time.
Many times it looks like an episode from Discovery Channel where males are trying to attract the female.

10 - Be a Man - Learn to move ahead in life. If a girl doesn't talk to you its not the end of the world. There is so much more to do.

Dr.Hemant Mittal (Psychiatrist and Counselor)
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - www.mindmantra.in
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

Relationship Breakers

Everyday I meet individuals and couples at my clinic who are going through a very bad time in their relationship.
As a counselor its my duty to help them find peace among themselves.
Sometimes this becomes very difficult because they are not open to learn how to change.

7 Relationship breaking emotional games that individuals love to get into -


1. Actions vs Words
Everyone has problems in life.
Every couple has troubles in a relationship.

While logic says that doing action to solve a problem is the right thing.. in human psychology that might not be it!!!

Words or talking are sometimes a way of venting out negativity. One has to understand when their partner is venting out.
This difference in approach makes relationships sour.


2. Space
Many individuals want to be with their partner all the time - they start smothering the relationship. With no room for "I miss you".
If someone doesn't miss you, how can they feel for you.

There are other individuals who just want some quality time with their partners. When the partner fails to do so. Being involved with friends, family... they create too much of space in the relationship.

Learn to balance the need for space.


3. Friends/Family - the selfish
Friends/Family are always selfish.
I know a guy who has a disastrous personal life. In his need for not being alone and insecure, he just tries to spend all the time with his friends. He has landed most of his friends in trouble with their spouses. But when confronted he says, I am just doing my work, I cann't help if you people want to come and associate with me.

I know individuals who want to know every single detail of the married life of their brother or sister.

Friends/Family are your support system.. but learn to evaluate when they are a support and when they are destructive.
Many times you need to move away from them, to save your relationship.


4. "Out of My League Syndrome"
I am not that good - Someone that handsome/beautiful could never love me.
I am having so much flaws  how can he/she love me.

People just cannot believe that they have a good partner. They constantly question themselves or they question their partner.

Learn to accept the gift of love. It doesn't matter if your partner is better or worse than you.. together you complement each other and thats why you are in a relationship.


5. Assumption - a word more powerful than a sword.
If you use logic, you will assume.
As much as you are asked not to assume, assumption is bound to happen.
Its a side-effect of logic.
Assumption has to be tackled by face to face discussion or adjustment.
If one starts to run away from fighting assumption, than it will just increase the assumption.
If you want to save a relationship - FIGHT IT!


6. Too Nice - Luck or bad luck
Some partners are just "too nice".
They seem to be perfect.
They can give love to unimaginable heights and they can care to unimaginable heights.

Nice people always suffer the most.
And when they suffer, they become very negative.
Their heart turns black and they only think of destruction.

If you have a too nice person in your life... be careful as they are like glass.
One fall and it will be impossible to glue them back together.


7. Can Best Friends be lovers?
Every men and women want to be their partners "best friend".
Friendship is different from relationship.
When you are a friend you adjust to so many things and never take notice of it.. When you are in a relationship, every adjustment is question.
Learn to erase this.
You will always be best friends with your partner... Because no matter what happens, both of you will create life together.
Don't try very hard to become friends... just let it flow and enjoy being partners.

Dr.Hemant Mittal (Neuro-Psychiatrist and Counselor)
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - www.mindmantra.in
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

Do Ghosts Exist? Has someone cast a spell on you?

One of the most common symptoms that I get to see at the clinic is individuals who feel being haunted by a ghost… or feel as if someone is observing them or someone has cast a magic spell on them.

When life is not going as per your want. When every effort  leads to sadness and negativity, the first thing 95% people do is take help of god.
Goddman or astrologers may find some "fault" in the energy patterns around you, and thats when the following explanations for all the pain arise-

1. someone has done some black magic – In majority cases the suspicion is upon a family member, friend, colleague or known person.
these commonly include:
a. their thoughts and actions are being controlled
b. bodily harm is being done as body is controlled by someone outside force.
c. the occurrence of diseases which were earlier not present shows that negativity is being send.

2. There are others who feel that a ghost is troubling them.
a. they can feel someone following them.
b. someone who can read their mind.
c. someone inside their mind, who continuously talks to them
d. are able to see people, animals who only they can interact with.
e. their thoughts are being controlled
f. unusual experiences of touch, smell that others cannot feel.

A majority of people take help of tantriks, magicians, astrologers to solve this problem.. but still dont find complete cure.

WHY DOES THE COMPLETE CURE NOT HAPPEN, EVEN AFTER VISITING A ASTROLOGER, TANTRIK OR FAITH HEALER?

First thing we have to understand is that we are all bodies of energy.
Energy can be either positive or negative.
Positive and negative energy both exist in harmony within an individual. The mind is responsible for maintaining this harmony.
When the mind starts to lose control on this harmony we experience either extreme positivity or extreme negativity.
This extreme emotional self has destructive effect on the body.

Being exposed to any form of negative energy - black magic, bad astrological chart, ghosts, etc... Makes the mind become very restless and negative.

Unfortunately once the mind has become restless and negative it takes a lot of effort to bring it back to harmonious level.

Restlessness makes one emotionally weak and your brain starts to play tricks with you.

There is no instant, astrological or magical cure for Mental Restlessness… Mental Restlessness is an emotional, biological and psychological issue.
It affects your way of thinking,
it changes the blood circulation in the brain leading to chemical and hormonal changes.
its a medical condition, that requires treatment.

A psychiatrist is not a doctor who just treats mad people.. I personally specialize in only treating decreased functioning of the brain due to sadness, stress, restlessness, anger...

Consult a good psychiatrist along with your faith-healing treatments. let both "dava and dua" help you.
Because "DUA" might take the disturbing elements away from your soul.. But "Dawa" will stop your restless mind and those negative memories from re-surfacing.

Dr.Hemant Mittal (Neuro-Psychiatrist and Counselor)
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - www.mindmantra.in
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

Breaking the Comfort zone

I met Rita(name changed) yesterday. She walked into the clinic with black dark circles under the eyes, red-eyes, sunken face, drooped body and getting angry even on the slightest sound.
She came along with her parents, who where clueless on what to do... It was less than a year of her marriage and this was the opposite of how she should actually be.
After 45min when I told her parents she has not been able to "break her comfort zone", they agreed.
We all have a very nice need for comfort and control. Our house is the one place where we have maximum control. As we grow, we become more and more dependent on this control.
Just not the physical, also emotionally we have control on what to give and what to expect.
Marriage is one event that breaks this comfort zone over-night.
Upto 30-40% ladies in India experience this emotional discomfort, whereby getting control over the new environment takes years.

Why this happens?
1. When an Indian Lady marries, she marries into a family.
In great majority of cases she is expected to immediately un-learn all her customs and adopt to new ones. This is called adjustment.
While this is expected to happen over-night, she might actually take years to do so, as its impossible to de-learn things practiced for 20-plus years.
2. While she is trying to do this, the already accustomed and emotionally seniors in this new environment. Namely her mother-in-law, sister-in-law, father-in-law have certain expectations from her.
3. This conflict of expectations leads to a feeling of sadness and anger.
Her only support is her husband... Unfortunately in many cases, the husband decides to keep quiet.
The lady starts to feel cheated by her husband and starts to develop hatred against mother-in-law, sister-in-law.
4. Slowly negativity plays in her mind continuously. This leads to guilt, feeling of worthlessness, anger and helplessness.
5. Soon medical levels of depression play with her mind, leading to even suicidal attempt.

What are the consequences of this?
1. Increased stress level - that leads to weight gain, decreased glow on the skin, menstural problems, headaches, sleep problems.
2. Mood swings - with intense episodes of crying and similar intense episodes of anger
3. Extreme anger
4. Sadness and negativity present in the mind.
5. every situation is approached with negativity.
6. decreased sexual desires and decreased sexual performance.
7. negative image of the husband, thinking he has never been by her side. And he doesnt deserve her love.
8. looking for running away from this situation - which leads to nuclear family formation or divorce.

How to help someone battling this?
1. They need a listening ear. Don't advocate or counsel them, first just listen to them.
2. Talk to the husband, try and help him to be more assertive in his duty towards his wife.
3. Mood swings, sadness and stress needs treatment - consult a good psychiatrist immediately.
4. if a lady is looking for divorce - try and help her first calm down. If its impossible to calm her down, accompany her to a psychiatrist, help her calm down and then take the decision.
Many ladies in haste make wrong decisions, which they later regret.

For further query email me -
Dr.Hemant Mittal (Neuro-Psychiatrist)
email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - www.mindmantra.in

Alprax, Restyl or Xanax (Alprazolam) - The Killer in your house

While Psychiatrists are easily blamed for prescribing "sedative medicines"... You will be shocked to know that one of the most sedative and addictive medications of modern times is rampantly prescribed million times more by local doctors then professional psychiatrists.

Sold as a "sleeping pill", it is invariably one of the most deadly medications used. And to my surprise 90% of medical and para-medical professional who prescribe it or sell it, have no idea of its consequences.

A flaw within the law of the nation, alprazolam-addiction is equal to that of alcohol within the boundaries of India.


By Definition - It belongs to a group of drugs called benzodiazepines.


By Purpose - Its an old age sedative-hypnotic drug that was manufactured to help relieve nervousness, tension, and other anxiety symptoms by slowing the nervous system.
To do this, it blocks specific chemical within the nerves of the brain, causing decreased nerve functioning, leading to sedative effect.

The Side effects - Alprazolam doesnt stop functioning after you wake up. It remains in your body.
Even the minutest of doses leads to drowsiness and reduced mental alertness.
It has extremely high habit-forming tendency. I have met patients who got addicted to it within days and now have been taking it for years.
Discontinuing Alprazolam causes withdrawal symptoms like anxiety, nervousness, headache, because of which people are hooked onto it.

A patient who has been taking alprazolam for more than 12weeks, will suddenly increase the doses of the same, and cannot go to sleep without it.

Secretly since it causes reduced brain functioning, it also leads to other side effects like - Decreased sex drive, weight gain and menstrual disorders.
Many people dont even realize the presence of these.

Alprazolam has been associated with both diarrhea and constipation, as well as tremor, muscle cramps, vision disturbances, and rash.

"AS A CHILD, WE ALL WERE TAUGHT THAT PLAYING WITH FIRE ONLY BURNS YOU"...

BE SURE YOU CONSULT A PROPER PSYCHIATRIST BEFORE YOU FALL INTO THE TRAP OF BUYING "SLEEPING PILLS" AND GET ADDICTED TO THEM FOR LIFE.

Dr.Hemant Mittal  (Neuro-Psychiatrist)
Email - eksoch@gmail.com
website - www.mindmantra.in

Shani Dev and Human Psychology

Shani Dev, son of sun, is one of the most popular, most misunderstood and most feared deities within the hindu religion.

One of the great things about being a psychiatrist in India is that I know 70% of people who visit me have earlier consulted a multitude of astrologers, babas, peers...

Over the last few years, I have asked some of them, what did these astrologers tell them, and found that the name of Shani Dev featured very prominently.

I have seen people being terrified of this deity...
I remember one lady who had spent nearly hundred thousand rupees in getting various "solutions" to neutralize the effect of Shani Dev in her life.

Intrigued by this amazing, all powerful divine self, I decided to do some research on the same.
I asked some very accomplished astrologers and spiritual leaders to guide me and enlighten me ignorance about this "the dark knight".

Slowly I discovered how Shani Dev was actually present there at a daily basis...
He is a very prominent part of Human Psychological cycle, but we just don't focus towards him.


1.The stern teacher. - A guru that lays a frame-work of rules and regulations which he expects all his disciples to follow.
Havent we all met such a person in our lives. That boss, teacher, grand-parent or parent who always wanted the best for us, but was very strict in his approach. How many liked such a person? How many desired to becomes like such a person?
When having fun or pleasing our senses is the only goal then we tend to forget the right and wrong.


2.The rules and regulations - Shani Dev is an enforcer of patience, faith, effort, endeavor, endurance, Hard work and pragmatism.
Of all these virtues, Patience is the one people least possess.
If you look into yourself and the society around you'll find that faith, effort,endurance and hard-work are virtues that are slowly
disappearing. We want everything at this very moment without much effort.

3.Punishment - Whenever we break the rules and commit a mistake, its the job of the teacher to punish us. Punishment is meant to make
us understand our mistakes and bring us back to following rules and regulations.
While breaking rules can become a habit, punishment for the same is something no one accepts.
Just like the parent who punishes a child for going the wrong way and the child objects to being punished.

4.Reward - When one follows the rules and regulations the guru rewards his hard-work. Those who aren't rewarded develop a complex. They
compare their situation and curse the guru for being baised, curse their destiny for not being rewarded.
They feel they have done enough efforts to deserve the rewards, they forget that the real judge is the guru.


5.Slow and Steady - No learning is effective if it isn't done slowly, steadily over a period of time. No punishment is effective if it
isnt give for enough time to make a disciple realize his mistake and want to improve on it.
No reward is effective if it isn't enjoyed only for a period of time.
One doesnt develop desire to work in righteous direction if he doesn't experiences periods of both happiness and sadness.

Dr.Hemant Mittal
Neuro-Psychiatrist
email - eksoch@gmail.com

When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.!!!

When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.!!!

One of the great capabilities of human brain is to judge people by the number of wrong acts rather than the number of right/good acts on performs...with every passing day the margin of error seems to be decreasing...

forgiveness has been linked to ego... if someone begs for forgiveness, and your ego is satisfied, you feel pleasure in forgiving... but if the same person extends a hand of friendship without asking for forgiveness, the ego plays a game and all his "wrong"acts are brought in front.

while many consider Ego as the definitive way of self-defense, its also the definitive way to self-destruction.

A few years ago, I was talking to a hotel management graduate friend of mine. He told me how during his internship at a 5-star hotel, the manager and clients behaved really bad with him. I asked him, how did he enjoy his job after so much humiliation. Thats when he told me, you'll learn to live by the lesson-
"When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.!!!"

I learnt that - "In end you cann't keep everyone happy... so those who don't remember or those who don't forget, really don't count till I am doing my work honestly"


Dr.Hemant Mittal
Neuro-Psychiatrist
email - eksoch@gmail.com  

Visualization - imprinting patterns of success

Visualization is a fabulously powerful technique used as a performance enhancer by some of the top athletes and professionals of the world.

A relatively simple technique, used since hundreds 

of years, it involves the process of visualizing in your mind whatever it is you want to achieve.
So for example a sprint runner would visualize himself winning his race, he would view his success in his mind, he would experience in minute detail every aspect of the race, from a perfect start, to a perfectly timed finish. By the time he gets to the real race, he has already won it several times, in his mind he has already successfully executed every aspect of his race perfectly. The pattern of success is firmly imprinted in his mind. When the start gun fires, everything will run to his internal script automatically. This gives a powerful advantage.

Visualization is all about achieving things. This technique works for anything that we want to do, visualizing yourself achieving success at whatever it is you want to achieve, dramatically improves your chances of achieving it.

Visualization techniques can be applied to almost every aspect of human endeavour, from goal setting, sports performance, self-healing and memory improvement, to problem-solving and decision-making.

How to visualize?
1. While it can be done at any place, the best is a quiet, safe place with all disturbance electronics, like mobile/t.v./laptop is switched off.

2. The first step is to simple focus on the aim and the goal.

3. From there on, you have to slowly start building a mental image of how you start the aim and attain the goal.

4. Throughout the visualization be careful of only adding positive notes and images. As a simple negative image can be destructive for ultimate goal.

5. once you have created a visualization, play the same visualization many times without changing any part of it.

6. You will never perfect it from the 1st time itself.. it requires continuous daily practice for at least 3-6weeks.

7. Remember is a technique to positively re-enforce your mind to achieve success... but without you actually working nothing can be achieved.

Even seemingly impossible goals are achievable, thousands before us have reached for the impossible and achieved it; there is no reason why you can't.


Dr.Hemant Mittal
Neuro-Psychiatrist
email - eksoch@gmail.com

Fun Read - 5 most common lies women tell men

FUN READ - 5 most common lies women tell men.

Lies women tell men 1: “I don’t know where it is! I haven’t touched it!”

Whether you’re a man or a woman reading this, you’re probably familiar with the scenario where she tidies up and suddenly his possessions go AWOL. On most of these occasions, the missing item mysteriously appears somewhere obscure, such as in her handbag (what could she possibly want with a beard trimming kit?). When questioned again as to how the missing item got there, she suddenly remembers that she put it there because it was making a mess around the house so she wanted to shove it somewhere out of sight. Men can’t seem to leave anything anywhere without it being swept up and taken elsewhere. If you’re going to move something ladies, at least remember where you moved it to and don’t tell the “I haven’t touched it!” lie to your man. Men know that they need a little help keeping the place clean every now and then, but what’s wrong with putting his things where he can see them? We rest our case. Oh wait, where did that case go? Anyone seen a case?


Lies women tell men 2: “No way! I love that too!”

Women have hobbies – granted. Why is it though, that whatever their love interest enjoys doing in his spare time, this is suddenly their favourite hobby too? A man could tell a woman something random like “I enjoy rock climbing with a purple crayon in my rucksack” and she’d say “no way! I love that too!” Ladies like their love interests to think there’s some sort of profound, deep-rooted connection that makes you love all the things they love and vice versa; this is more weird than impressive when they take it to the extreme though. Gents, next time a lady blatantly pretends to like something just so she can connect with you on guy level, take her to a boring match and snigger quietly into your chips as she struggles to hold her passionate smile in place for a moment longer.


Lies women tell men 3: “I wouldn’t change a thing about you”

When a woman says this, her pants are on fire. A woman might think that there’s nothing she would change about her man, but that’s until she realises his annoying habits and then compiles a dossier of her perfect man in her mind. If they wouldn’t change a thing about men then why do they nag their other half to clean up after themselves, have a shave, and stop leaving the toilet seat up? A woman may say that she loves these mannerisms because “that’s what makes you, you” (alongside all the other men in the world who share the same habits), but when they’re red in the face from yelling at their partner you realise they were just saying that they wouldn’t change anything about them out of politeness. Bless women for being so sensitive towards your feelings.


Lies women tell men 4: “I’ve not had many sexual partners”

When it comes to sexual partners, women are notorious for being economical with the truth. In fact, a recent survey published in the Journal of Sex Research states that a massive 68 per cent of women take a few notches off the bed post when asked about their past sexual encounters. Why? Because no matter how much we try to gloss over it, there is still a large amount of social stigma attached to women who have had their fair share of sexual partners and, with the derogatory labels used to define them, it’s no surprise that women would rather keep the truth to themselves. There’s a general rule of thumb that suggests that when a man says how many women he’s slept with, you should take three off to get an accurate number. For women, you add three on. In a society that has advanced as far as it has today, women should perhaps be treated equally to men, yet unfortunately they still feel pressured to tell porkies when this subject arises.


Lies women tell men 5: “I won’t get mad if you say I don’t look good in this dress”

Ahh this is an old classic. Women want the truth so that they know whether they can wear that dress or not, but when they’re told they look great, they never believe the poor worried man who just dished out this compliment. The reply is often something along the lines of “Great? I look great? Can you not see my muffin top?” When a man says “maybe you should change into something else”, suddenly he becomes the insulting bad guy who hates his other half’s body. This is the ultimate trap that most guys fall into at some point during their life. As soon as a man sees his partner changing into a new dress, he should run for the hills. Either that, or women should just say something along the lines of “tell me the truth or tell me a lie, either way I’ll be mad at you”, to give their partner a chance to hide.

(original article from Yahoo india)

Dr.Hemant Mittal
neuro-psychiatrist
email - eksoch@gmail.com

Internet or Online Gaming Addiction

Over the past few weeks I had many emails and personal counseling sessions with parents who are extremely worried about their child's mental health. The main reason is "internet or online gaming addiction".
The adolescent is emotionally unstable and losing on social and scholastic performance.
It's very nice to see that parents are becoming so searching and becoming very knowledgeable about a phenomenon that earlier many considered treated as "passing adolescent phase"

Hereby a small over-view of what are the prominent signs and symptoms, indicating presence of internet/online gaming addiction.


1. Preoccupation
Someone who is addicted to computer, video, or Internet gaming often exhibits an unusual preoccupation with the game or computer when he is away from it.
The teen/adult could seem distracted, irritable, or disinterested in any talk. Though he may talk about the game almost constantly.

2.Downplaying Computer Use
It's common for someone with addictive, computer-related behaviors to downplay the amount of time he/she spends in front of the TV or computer.
The person initially starts by denying that he/she is spending excessive time on the game/internet.
This is followed by decreased performance at work/studies.
Then the person starts getting irritable on being question.
Finally he/she starts to outright lie about their use pattern.

3. Lack of Control
A person who is addicted iis unable to control the amount of time he/she spends on the computer.
He may go online with the intent to spend 15 or 20 minutes, but will keep extending the time until several hours have passed.

4. Loss of Time
A person may sit down at his computer, again with the intent to spend only a few minutes, but completely lose track of time and suddenly find that several hours have passed. It is not unusual for someone with a addiction to play a game or surf the internet through the night and only realize how much time has passed when the sun begins to rise.

5.Negative Impact on Other Areas of Life
Because the person spends so much time on the computer or video game console, other areas of life are neglected. He may grow distant from friends and family who had previously been close. Homework may go unfinished, causing grades to slip.

In more extreme cases, the may even neglect personal hygiene, choosing to play video games rather than taking a shower.

6. Hiding From Negative or Uncomfortable Feelings or Situations
Some people become addicted to gaming because they use it to self-medicate. When confronted with situations or feelings that are uncomfortable (feeling sad, arguing with a friend, or getting a bad grade), the person may "hide" in the game as a method of avoidance.

7. Defensiveness
When confronted or asked about his time spent gaming, a person may become defensive. Denial is often an indication that something is wrong, especially if the person seems unconcerned that friends and family feel neglected or left out of his life.

8.Misuse of Money
Someone who is addicted to video, computer, or Internet gaming will spend a disproportionate amount of money on computer-related items.

9. Diet
A change in diet is observed. Such a person will rely more on instant food like colas, burgers, high-sugar level candy bars, sweets, coffee and nicotine

As result of this there might be a drastic change in his weight within a few months.

10. Mixed Feelings
As with any addiction initially causes euphoric feelings, but that euphoria is quickly followed by guilt. Person repeatedly promises himself/herself and promises the parents/family members he will not indulge in the same again.
This slowly becomes a ritual which he/she learns to manipulate to buy more time to be involved in the addiction.
I have seen cases were an adult would swear by parents, god, even on his kids.. or perform some great pooja denouncing the use of internet/games again.. only to fall back onto the game within 15days time.


presence of the following 5 signs for more than 1 month, indicate one needs to contact a psychiatrist/psychologist immediately:

1. You feel really happy when you're online or when you're playing games, but as soon as you have to stop, you get angry or upset.

2. You think about going online or playing when you are supposed to be focusing on other things, like work or having dinner.

3. You spend more time with your computer or mobile than physically hanging out with your friends.
You are more comfortable communicating with people through computer/mobile rather than meeting them in person.

4. Your friends or family ask what you spend all your time doing, and you lie about it or laugh it off, but inside you know they may have a point.

5. You get up in the middle of the night to check your e-mail or your facebook comments because you're having a hard time sleeping. or you constantly are thinking of what moves to play in the game.


Dr.Hemant Mittal
Neuro-Psychiatrist
email - eksoch@gmail.com

I was depressed and suicidal: Springsteen

An idol for millions around the globe and popularly known as The Boss by his followers,Bruce Springsteen has sprung a shocker on his fans by revealing he was once so depressed that he contemplated suicide.The Born To Run singer plummeted into dark emotional depths during the 80s when he was at the height of his success.Struggling to find balance with his blue collar upbringing in New Jersey,with suddenly being a millionaire rock star,Bruce wanted to take his own life in 1982 when he finished writing his acoustic masterpiece,Nebraska.My issues werent as obvious as drugs, Springsteen revealed.Mine were different,they were quieter just as problematic,but quieter.With all artists,because of the undertow of history and self-loathing,there is a tremendous push toward selfobliteration that occurs on stage.You cannot underestimate the fine power of self-loathing in all of this.You think,I dont like anything Im seeing,I dont like anything Im doing,but I need to change myself,I need to transform myself, he added.Bruce began seeing a psychotherapist in 1982 and has stuck with therapy for the past 30 years,which has helped him deal with tragedies in his life.

(TIMES OF INDIA, 26-07-2012)

Dr.Hemant Mittal
email - eksoch@gmail.com

Happy Ramzan

Wishing you All a very Happy, auspicious and God-filled month of Ramzan.

A very good Muslim friend, philosopher and guide of mine.. helped me understand the meaning of this sacred month. I share with you:

Ramadan or Ramzan is the ninth month of the lunar Islamic calendar, which lasts 29 or 30 days according to the visual sightings of the crescent moon according to numerous biographical accounts compiled in hadiths.
The word Ramadan comes from the Arabic root “ramida” or “ar-ramad,” which means scorching heat or dryness.
It is the Muslim month of fasting, in which Muslims refrain from dawn until sunset from eating, drinking, and sexual relations.

Chapter 2, Revelation 185 of the Quran states:

The month of Ramadan is that in which was revealed the Quran; a guidance for mankind, and clear proofs of the guidance, and the criterion (of right and wrong). And whosoever of you is present, let him fast the month, and whosoever of you is sick or on a journey, a number of other days.
Allah desires for you ease, He desires not hardship for you and that you should complete the period, and that you should magnify Allah for having guided you, and that perhaps you may be thankful.

The month of Ramadan is considered to be the most sacred month of the months of the lunar Islamic calendar, the recording of which began with the Hijra.

(This information has been taken from wikipedia)


My friend and guru added to this:
1. the meaning of "ramida" - dryness, symbolizes one has to learn detachment from materialistic desires and learn to attach his/her mind into god. Henceforth its derived from "dryness".

2. Fasting is nor a punishment nor obligatory.. The meaning behind fasting is to have 12-14hrs of active conscious self, where you remember Allah as a guiding force for your own soul and body.
It's supposed to be a form of self-reflection and inner connect.

3. It happens in the 9th month, because the number 9 is a very powerful number. When multiplied with any number, it leads to a sum of numbers that equal 9. Hence Allah tells his followers that in this month if you connect with me, you and me will be one.

4. The Quran is a way of life to attain supreme bliss through connect with Allah. When you connect with the world on a daily basis, you forget it or only remember those parts of it which satisfy your ego, identity, or desires. This is a month where you can understand the true meaning of it.

RAMZAN IS NOT JUST A MONTH FOR ISLAMIC FOLLOWERS... ITS A MONTH OF UNITY AND PEACE FOR EVERY INDIVIDUAL.
"RAM" IS PART OF RAMZAN... BE YOU MUSLIM, HINDU, CHRISTIAN, SIKH, BUDDHIST... TAKE THIS MONTH AS A MONTH OF PEACE... A MONTH WHERE YOU SHED THE NEGATIVITY OF RELIGION, CASTE, MONEY, GENDER... A MONTH WHERE YOU SPREAD LOVE

DR.HEMANT MITTAL

Are you worried about how you look?

Are you a Perfectionist about your Body - then you might be having Body Dysmorphic disorder.


What is body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)?
Body dysmorphic disorder is a serious mental illness in which you can't stop thinking about a flaw with your appearance — a flaw that is either minor or imagined. But to you, your appearance seems so shameful that you don't want to be seen by anyone. Body dysmorphic disorder has sometimes been called "imagined ugliness."

When you have body dysmorphic disorder, you intensely obsess over your appearance and body image, often for many hours a day.


What are the common parts which one obsesses about?
You may obsess over any part of your body, but common features people may obsess about include:

1. Nose
2. Hair
3. Skin
4. Complexion
5. Wrinkles
6. Acne and blemishes
7. Baldness
8. Breast size
9. Muscle size
10. Genitalia


What are the symptoms?
7 or more of the following when present, indicate towards the presence of BDD

1. Hours of Preoccupation with your physical appearance
2. Strong belief that you have an abnormality or defect in your appearance that makes you ugly
3. Frequent examination of yourself in the mirror or, conversely, avoidance of mirrors altogether
4. Belief that others take special notice of your appearance in a negative way
5. The need to seek reassurance about your appearance from others
6. Excessive grooming or spending excess money on grooming products every month.
7. Extreme self-consciousness
8. Refusal to appear in pictures the days you feel ugly about yourself.. and overtly enthusiased to take photos when you feel beautiful.
9. Skin picking
10. Comparison of your appearance with that of others
11. Avoidance of social situations
12. The need to wear excessive makeup or clothing to camouflage perceived flaws


What is the treatment?

1. Medications. - Non-addictive, non-sedative medicines that decrease the obsessive and compulsive behaviors, can help within 15-20 days of starting treatment.
2.Cognitive behavioral therapy. - counseling can take upto 6months to show results.

Dr.Hemant Mittal
email - eksoch@gmail.com
www.mindmantra.in

HOMOSEXUALITY - A social reality.

HOMOSEXUALITY - A social reality.

“ My parents want to get me married to a girl of their choice. The problem is that I have homosexual preferences. What should I do?” –  25yr, Businessman.

“I am ashamed doctor. My son has disgraced my family. 5 months ago we got him married.  For so long he never touched his wife. Yesterday we found out he is gay!!!  My son’s gay!!!! I am shattered!!! My name in the society is all gone now!!!” – 58yrs govt. Employee

“I got married 3yrs ago, but have never been happy with my husband. I am into a relationship with a building friend of mine. She and me are like soul-mates, now my husband wants to move away, I am so fearful of losing her” – 25yrs, Housewife

“Hello doctor, I have a dark secret which I haven’t shared with anyone. I am gay. I don’t know how I got this disease. Please help me” –  24yrs, Executive in MNC.

These are real life examples of individuals I have met in my clinic over the last few years.. Few out of the hundreds people who have consulted me secretly because they emotionally fail to battle the social stigma attached with their sexual orientation.

The Indian society is one that is evolving.
Thou over the years we have managed to battle many of our “illogical” orthodox belief systems, same-sex relationships are probably the biggest barrier that “neo” thinkers and social reformist face.

Science has already proved homosexuality to be a personal choice that doesn’t account for any mental illness.
BUT IS THIS ENTIRELY TRUE????
ARE WE READY TO ACCEPT SCIENCE... or ARE IS THE AGE OLD MYTH A REALITY??


What is homosexuality?
Medically - Homosexuality is a emotional and behavioural pattern defined by sexual, romantic or affectional  attraction between members of the same sex/gender.

Popular view - Its one of the greatest sins one can create.


Is homosexuality more common in men?
Medically - Homosexuality is equally present in men and women.

Popular view - people only concentrate on male homosexuality, forgetting about female behavior.


Is it a disease or mental disorder?
Medically - No It’s nor a disease nor a disorder in case of pure homosexuals.
But in many it can be a psychological adaptation due to the environment.
Thousands of psychological studies,  CT-scan, MRI-scans have proven that homosexuality is not a disease or disorder.

Popular view- Yes


How does one become homosexual?
Homosexuality is a personal choice, but how has the choice come into effect makes difference in entire profile of an individual.

1. Genetics – A pure homosexual individual, is one who is born with genetic code which directs the brain to follow homosexual relationships.

2. Childhood experience – sexual abuse or multiple episodes of same sex sexual interactions in childhood can condition the mind to favour same sex relationships.

3. Adolescence Curiosity – curiosity might lead an individual to read or watch materials related to homosexuality. This might leave an impact on the mind, creating a source of never ending thoughts related to the same. Constantly thinking about the same might ignite desire to experiment.

4.Living or Working Environment – an environment which is devoid of contact with the opposite sex makes expression of normal sexual desires difficult.
Single sex dominated environments like boys/girls Hostels, closed enclosures, working places (ships, oil rigs, military, construction), etc.

Even Peer group pressure  for same sex relationship is observed.

5.Failed relationships – A major failed relationship might imprint hatred against the opposite sex. Same sex relationships are seen as more comforting and understanding.
 
6. Poor Heterosexual sexual experience – Sexual intercourse is closely linked to the ego of an individual. Fear to perform, a poor or painful sexual intercourse with the opposite sex, might create extreme fear within an individual. This fear might promote an individual to go for same sex relationships.


We need the society to understand that Homosexuality is a sexual preference.
That doesn’t make a person different from any other individual.  He/She has the same emotions and physical desires as any other person.


Dr.Hemant Mittal - (MBBS,PGDPM, MBPS, MD(mindmantra))
Email Consultation- eksoch@gmail.com
(www.mindmantra.in )