Thoughts that haunt you after a Break-up and the psychological realities associated with them.!!!

1. You think you will be weak without him/her… but instead as time passes by and you accept that he/she is not coming back.. you actually become stronger.

you learn to let go... and that makes your entire being stronger.

2. You think that you’ll be sad, but you learn to laugh harder.

When someone dear to you leaves, it drives you into extreme sadness.

For the first few days people sympathize with you and give you a crying shoulder… but if you keep crying the distance themselves from you.
so you involuntarily without wanting it, start “laughing”… like a small child who is learning to walk.. you learn to laugh…
first you copy those around you, whenever they laugh you laugh.
the sadness persists in your heart, but you laugh…
slowly you laugh more and more.
the more you try, the more you enjoy laughing.

You actually learn the importance of laughter… and you laugh harder.

Slowly the laughter is natural, it comes from inside, its a stronger and more peaceful laugh.

3. You think you’ll be helpless without him/her… but you actually become smarter.

In a relationship you depend on the other person for everything… even small things are considered token of “love”.
Dependency might lead to division of work, but it also creates helplessness.

One has to be self-sufficient to do everything on his/her own… You learn that once you are alone.
This learning is a strength of your personality.

Tony came to me because after his break-up he feared watching a movie alone in the cinema hall. A few months later, he walked alone into a cinema hall.. it was a small but very liberating experience... He understood, there was nothing he couldn’t do.

4. You think you’ll never grow without him/her, but you actually become wiser.

Your partner might have IQ levels which either lower or higher than yours…

Over a period in time, within a relationships, the partner of lower IQ feels frustration is he/she isn't allowed to express themselves... while the partner of higher IQ might feel frustrated if he/she is not understood.

I remember meeting Maria,  who was in severe depression because she had broken with his long time boyfriend… I asked her what new was she able too do… she said, now she could talk about religion and spirituality without being judged.

Actually she and her friends had a very naive idea about spirituality and their thoughts were very much painted by their own intrinsic desires.
Her ex-boyfriend was much more spiritually enlightened and would find this as a “childish” and “stupid”, he wanted her to focus on higher levels.

5. you think you’ll be broke or miss luxuries but you eventually become happier.

Being in a relationship might provide you with all the luxuries that you want.
Financial stability is one of the most important reasons to stay in a relationship.

Its true that initially its very difficult… you might have to struggle for a few months or even a few years.. but if you keep working hard you will start seeking how you become happier and richer.

6. You think you cann’t live and will die without him/her… but eventually you are living it king/queen size.

The worst part of a break up is the emotional sadness it creates.
It suddenly breaks your value system.
Specially in cases where you have been cheated or a 3rd person has been responsible for the break up.

The anger, the negativity, the resentment are expressions of your sadness, that like monsters keep eating you from inside.

Many people aren’t able to release these monsters.

Remember your anger is valid… cheating or a 3rd person intervention causing a relationship to break are not at all acceptable… so it good to be angry.
it shows that you value and love yourself.

You have to be careful, because even though this anger is good and a sign of self-love.. its anger in the end… it can become self-destructive and give rise to “crimes of passion”.

Its this anger that needs help.. there are 3 ways to tackle it
a. a friend/family member who can help vent it out
b. a counselor or psychiatrist who can help you
c. self-counseling through use of rational thinking
or use self-counseling through the process of meditation/spirituality.


Thanks for reading, your queries are welcome @-

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist,Motivational Writer/Speaker and Counselor)

email –
website -

personal consultation @-
address- Mind Mantra wellness clinic
Shop 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant,
opposite seawoods station,
seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai – 400706

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