When Possessiveness kills a Relationship

Possessiveness is an emotion... like any other emotion its has good and bad effects.
Its a long believed thought that possessiveness is essential for the success of a relationship.

But what happens when possessiveness gets out of control.
What happens when love becomes a dangerous mental game of controlling your partner.
Its then when possessiveness becomes disastrous. And such is its effects that it can destroy any relationship.

When is possessiveness dangerous?
some degree of possessiveness is always healthy. It keeps a relationship fresh.
If 5 or more of the following "dangerous" behavior patterns are present in your relationship, than its time to evaluate. -

a. Extreme Suspiciousness - your partner always feels you are cheating on him/her. Links you up with multiple people without sufficient proof of the same.

b. Your partner always keeps a track of your every single action. He/she might send you hundreds of sms or phone calls, seeking explanation for what you are doing.

c. Finding hidden meaning in the glance, look, sms's or conversations you have with any member of the opposite sex.

d. Your partner expects you to seek permission and give explanation for every single action you do. Even for small things like going to fill fuel in the car or going to the grocery store.

e. Minor issues are normally escalated to major confrontations whereby "cheating" invariably becomes the central topic of discussion.

f. Extreme outburst of anger at private and public places.

g. You experience a sense of Emotional fatigue and need to “run away” from the relationship.

h. Suspiciousness normally also involves your family and friends... Your partner doesn't think twice before pointing finger and using "florid" language about them.

i. There is a constant Failure to solve such issues by talking it out, by making promises or by seeking “counseling” from friends or elders.

Where does such dangerous possessiveness arise from?
Wondering how your loveable partner became this monster... well its not entirely his/her fault. Here are the major reasons -

a. If your partner has a Controlling type of Personality then he/she is programmed to behave in such a way.

b. Your friends/friends might be manipulating the situation.
Many times friends/family are known to "silently" introduce "suspicious" thoughts into your partner.
You might be protecting them, not to realize that some of their actions or words are the ones to cause you maximum hurt.

c. A Flirtatious partner might trigger extreme anxiety that manifests as insecurity in the relationship.

d. Extremely high Inner child need for being loved/appreciated. This leads to development of insecurity, as soon as one receives lesser attention and love.

What is the Solution?
There is no simple solution for this problem.

a. If repeated communication attempts, “counseling” by friends, family and elders fails, then professional consult is extremely important.
Many times the anxiety of a partner needs to be clinically treated, and within few weeks or months, he or she is back to normal.

b. Presence of physical violence in any form should prompt a person to immediately leave the relationship.

c. 90% of such relationships never prosper to become happy. Most partners confine to live in non-treated clinical sadness and depression because of their own choice of “living with it”

d. “ending the relationship” is an option that should be kept in mind.

your comments are most welcomed.

For personal consultation -

Dr.Hemant Mittal
(Psychiatrist and Counselor)

email – eksoch@gmail.com
website – www.mindmantra.in
address- 15, shreeji plaza, next to ice n spice restaurant, opposite seawoods station, seawoods (east)
Navi Mumbai

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